She Writes Love by Sandi Lynn
He wouldn’t look at me. He only stared straight ahead.
“Would you tell me?” he asked. “I’ve dreaded this day for a long time and I’m sure you’re probably feeling the same way.”
“Maybe it helps to talk about it,” I said as I stared straight ahead at the water.
“Do you really believe that?”
“I don’t know. I don’t ever talk about it,” I said as I wiped the tear from my eye.
“Maybe we should try it,” he softly spoke.
I took in a deep long breath. “It was our one-year wedding anniversary and we were taking a road trip to Montana. We weren’t leaving until that afternoon and he decided that we needed to go for a run before we left because we were going to be in the car for a long period of time before stopping for the night. That day, we decided to run in Griffiths Park and we were about three miles in when I noticed he was sweating really bad. I asked him if he was okay and he said he was. Then, suddenly, he stopped and I heard him call my name. That was when I turned around and saw him vomiting while grabbing his chest. I ran over to him and grabbed his arm. I remember screaming at people to call 911. He fell to the ground and just laid there. I’ll never forget the look on his face. It was blank – no expression – and then he had stopped breathing. A couple of guys had stopped and one of them was an intern and he started performing CPR. I held his hand and yelled at him not to do this to me over and over again. Finally, the ambulance arrived, but by time the paramedics got to him, he was already gone.”
I was shaking and Ben could see it. He put his arm around me and I backed away when I saw a woman not too far from us smoking a cigarette. I ran to her.
“Excuse me, but do you have a cigarette?”
“Are you okay? Here,” she said as she reached in her bag and pulled one out. She handed me her lighter and I lit it.
“Thank you. You have no idea how bad I needed this.”
“I think I do.” She smiled. I handed her the lighter and walked back over to Ben.
He sat there and didn’t say a word. He only stared at me as I sat down next to him and puffed away on my cigarette.
“A fucking twenty-seven-year-old health nut who was in incredible shape dies of a massive heart attack. So when people look at me and tell me that smoking will kill me, I laugh, because he did everything right.”
Ben reached over and took the cigarette from me and put it out. “You don’t need that. You need this,” he said as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight.
I could feel the tears fill my eyes and I had to stop them. This day wasn’t about me and I’d be damned if I ruined it for him. I was there to help him get through it. I broke our embrace.
“I’ve never told anyone about that day in detail.”
“I’m happy you chose to tell me. Will you come with me to the cemetery? If you don’t feel comfortable with going, I totally understand.”
“Of course I will.”
“Really?” he asked.
“Yeah, really.” I smiled.
Ben followed me to my house to drop off my car and then we drove together in his truck to the cemetery.
Chapter 20
Ben
Her story. So heartbreaking. It’s hard when a loved one dies, but I think it’s worse when they are ripped away from you in an instant, unexpectedly, with no time to prepare. At least with Amy, we knew the day was coming, and it gave everyone time to prepare. Not that I was ever truly prepared, but more so than if she had died suddenly. I couldn’t believe that Paisley agreed to come with me to the cemetery. My little meltdown on our run was unforeseen. I thought that maybe if I was with someone, I wouldn’t have lost it.
“Thank you for coming with me,” I said as I looked over at her.
“You’re welcome.” She smiled.
When we reached the cemetery, Paisley followed me to Amy’s grave. I had stopped at the florist on the way and picked up some flowers to lay down.
“That’s a beautiful headstone,” Paisley remarked.
“Thank you.”
I laid the flowers down and sat on the grass. Paisley bent down and started to pull some weeds.
As I stared at the headstone that displayed Amy’s name, I started to talk about her.
“I’ll never forget the day we found out she had cancer. We were sitting in the doctor’s office, waiting for him to come in with the reports.”
Paisley stopped pulling the weeds and looked at me.
“He walked in and I could tell by the look on his face that he had bad news. When he told us, Amy fell apart, but I couldn’t. I had to stay strong for her. She needed me and I wasn’t about to let her down. She had to have an MRI and when the results came back, we found out that the cancer had spread to her pancreas and liver. The doctor started her on an aggressive chemo treatment immediately and, just when we thought it was helping, the cancer started to spread throughout her body. She died eleven months later. Watching her die was the worst thing I ever had to go through. I felt so helpless. I was supposed to take care of her and protect her.”
Paisley took hold of my hand and gently squeezed it. When I looked over at her, tears were streaming down her face.
“I’ve never said that to anyone. I always pretended to my friends and family that I was strong and that I was going to be okay. I still do. But I’m not that strong and I’m not that okay.”
“You don’t have to pretend with me,” she said as she laid her head on my shoulder. “You did take care of her the best you could. It was out of your hands, Ben. Just like it was out of my hands when my husband died on the cement.”
“Thank you, Paisley,” I said as I kissed the side of her head.
As I wiped my eyes and she wiped hers, she stood up. “Wanna go surfing?”
“What?”
“Keaton told me once that life is like the ocean. You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to ride them. Just like you can’t stop life, but you can learn to live it.”
“He’s a pretty deep guy,” I said.
“Yeah. He has a real gift.” She smiled.
“I think surfing would be good.”
“It’s a little chilly, so you’re going to need a wet suit. Are you up for buying one? There’s that surf shop right by the beach.”
“That sounds like a good idea.”
We climbed in my truck and I drove back to Paisley’s house so she could get the boards and her things. As she unlocked the door and we walked inside, Romeo walked up to me and meowed. I smiled as I bent down and petted his head.
“Hey, Romeo. How are you today?”
Paisley changed and grabbed her bag while I went into her garage and loaded the surfboards in my truck. I walked back into her house and smiled when she came out from the bedroom with her hair pulled up in a high ponytail. Seeing her seemed to make me smile more and more.
“Are you ready?” she asked.
“Yep. Let’s go hit those waves.”
We made a stop at the surf shop and I purchased my first wet suit. As soon as I parked at the beach, both of us put on our suits and grabbed the boards. This was exactly what I needed today. We hit the water and I couldn’t help but to stare at Paisley. I noticed there was something about her that lit up the minute she was on her surfboard.
“I remember you saying that you stopped surfing after your husband passed away. When I see you on the surfboard, I can see how much you love it. Why did you stop? I mean, I get it, but you just seem to love it so much.”
She looked down as she moved her hand back and forth across the water. “I gave up almost everything I loved after he died. I just couldn’t stand to do anything anymore. I just wanted to hide away from the world and everything I enjoyed. Nothing mattered to me anymore.”
“I understand. I’m happy that you’re enjoying surfing again.”
“I guess I’m just trying to learn to live life again. Are you ready? Here comes a wave!” She smiled.
Learning to live life again. I believe that’
****
Paisley
“You’re getting better!” I yelled across the water.
“That’s because I have an amazing teacher.”
We finished surfing and walked back to Ben’s truck. After changing out of our wet suits and drying off, we climbed in and Ben looked at me after he checked his phone.
“Would you like to go to dinner tonight with me and my family? Apparently, my parents are taking us out to celebrate Finn and Olivia’s engagement. They always seem to do things last minute, and I’m thinking they’re also doing it because of what today is. I told my mom last night I didn’t want to go out and Finn had asked me to go to dinner and I told him no. I bet my mom concocted the whole engagement celebration just to get me out of the house. She’s using it as an excuse because she knew I wouldn’t turn that down.”
I couldn’t help but laugh because it was the same thing my family would do. Was I ready to meet his family? I wasn’t sure, but he did come to my parents’ house for dinner, so I really needed to return the favor.
“Yes. I would like to go to dinner with you and your family. That is, if your family doesn’t mind.”
“Are you kidding? They’ll be thrilled I’m actually being social with someone.” He smiled. “Dinner is at seven o’clock at the Palm Restaurant.”
“I love that restaurant.”
“Me too. It’s one of my favorites.” He smiled.
I looked at the time on my phone. It was three o’clock. “Where do you live?”
“About fifteen minutes east of you.”
“I’ll meet you at your house and we can drive from there to the Palm.”
“I can pick you up, Paisley.”
“It’s out of the way. Plus, you saw my house and I want to see yours,” I replied with a small smile.
“Okay, then.”
He told me his address and I put it in my phone as we pulled up in my driveway.
“Should I be over around six fifteen?”
“Six fifteen sounds good. I’ll see you then. Thank you again for today. It really meant a lot to me. I want you to know that when it’s your day, I’ll be there for you.”
“Thank you.”
He got out of the truck and helped me carry the boards to the garage.
“I’ll see you later, Paisley.” He smiled.
“Bye, Ben,” I said as I gave a small wave and went inside.
I stood in the shower, under the hot water, a little longer than usual. All I kept thinking about was Ben. To watch the way he hurt today was all too familiar. My day was coming and I honestly didn’t know if I was going to be able to get through it, even if Ben was with me. I finished up in the shower and, when I stepped out, I heard my phone ringing.
“Hello,” I said with irritation.
“I called to apologize for what I said yesterday and I’m standing outside your door with donuts.”
I smiled as I put on my robe and opened the door.
“The donuts can stay.”
“Aw, sis. Come on. I’m sorry,” Keaton begged.
“Get in here, you dork.”
“Why are you taking a shower in the middle of the afternoon?”
“Because,” I replied as I turned away and walked to the kitchen with the bag of donuts.
“STOP!” Keaton said.
I froze in place. He walked up behind me and sniffed my hair. “You went surfing today.”
“So.”
“Did you go with Ben?”
“Maybe,” I said as I took a chocolate frosted donut from the bag.
“Paisley, enough with the games.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Make me a cup of coffee and come into the bathroom. I have to get ready. I’m going out tonight.”
“With Ben?”
“Yep,” I said as I walked away.
Chapter 21
Paisley
As I was applying my foundation, Keaton walked into the bathroom and set the coffee cup on the counter.
“Spill it, sister. I guess my little rant yesterday got to you.”
“Maybe it did, but you were out of line.”
He shrugged.
“We started off with a run and he had a semi-breakdown. Then I went with him to the cemetery.”
“You went to his dead wife’s grave? I don’t even know what to say about that.”
“Yes, and then we went surfing,” I replied as I dusted my face with some powder.
“I’m all for you being there for him, but I thought you were just going running with him.”
“I did too, but then things happened, and now I’m going out with him and his family for dinner.”
Keaton leaned up against the doorway. “Is there more to Ben that you’re not telling me?” he asked.
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Maybe some feelings are brewing up inside you.”
I looked at him through the mirror as I dusted my cheeks with blush. “No. I don’t know. Damn you, Keaton.”
He smiled. “Damn me? What did I do? I just asked a simple question.”
I walked past him and headed to my closet. “He’s a really nice guy and we’re friends. We’re friends who understand what the other is going through.”
“Perhaps friends with benefits?”
I smacked his arm as I walked out of my closet.
“Ouch.”
“No friends with benefits. Just friends, Keaton. I’m not like you. I just can’t fuck anybody.”
“Did you just insult me? And yes you can. It’s easy.” He smiled.
“Get out of here so I can change. Go play with Romeo.”
“Fine. But this conversation isn’t over.”
He shut the door behind him and I changed into my black dress. As I walked into the family room, Keaton was sitting on the couch, holding Romeo. He looked at me and whistled.
“You look smokin’ hot for a sister.” He smiled.
“Thanks.” There was a knock on the door.
“Are you expecting someone?” Keaton asked as he jumped up from the couch.
“No.”
He opened the door. “Oh look. It’s Charlotte and Piper. What are you two doing here?”
I rolled my eyes.
“We were in the neighborhood and we thought we’d stop by and say hi. We didn’t know you were here. Oh my God, Paisley, look at you. You’re dressed up. Are you going somewhere?” Piper asked.
“Cut the bullshit. I know Keaton called you,” I said as I shot him a look. “And it’s Wednesday. Don’t you two work?”
“Today happens to be my day off,” Charlotte said. “And you know Piper is in between jobs at the moment.”
“You look beautiful.” Piper smiled as she walked over to me and placed her hands on my shoulders.
“Thank you. But seriously, this is no big deal, so I don’t know why the two of you had to come running over.”
“Baby sister, listen to me,” Charlotte said as she walked over and took hold of my hands. “For the first time in almost a year, I’ve seen you smile. You were different at family dinner last week when Ben was there. You were Paisley again and to see that brought me more happiness than you could ever imagine.”
Tears started to fill my eyes as I stood there and listened to my sister speak those words to me. Piper smiled as her fingers lightly touched the end of my hair.
“We’re sorry, but we just want you to be happy again because we miss you.”
I looked up at the ceiling to prevent the tears from falling and ruining my makeup.
“Keaton, get us a tissue,” Charlotte commanded.
“Don’t get all weepy, sis,” he said as he handed me a tissue.
“I’m fine.”
“Now that we know you’re okay and you’re going to be okay, we’re going to go. Come on, Keaton,” Piper said.
“You better call me in the morning,” he said as Piper and Charlotte dragged him out the door.
As soon as they left, I went into the garage for a quick smoke before I headed to Ben’s house.
****
Ben
I picked up my bottle of Polo Blue from the dresser and, for the first time in a year, I dabbed some on. I didn’t even know why I did it. I looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was five minutes after six. Nerves started to settle inside me as I walked around the house, making sure that everything was picked up and clean. As I was straightening the pillows on the couch, the doorbell rang. I didn’t know why I was such a nervous wreck. I opened the door and gasped at the beautiful woman standing before me. She smiled and I stood there speechless.
“Come on in. You look amazing.”
“Thank you.”
She stepped inside and I could tell she was just as nervous as I was.
“You have a very nice house, Ben.” She walked over to the sofa table and ran her hand across it. “This is beautiful. I’d been looking for one almost like it. Where did you find it?”
“I made it.”
Paisley turned to me with a shocked expression on her face. “You made this?”
“Yeah. Remember I told you that making furniture was my hobby?”
“I do remember, but—”
I laughed. “You thought that I wasn’t really that good, right?”
Her expression turned to embarrassment. “Oh my God, no. That’s not what I meant at all.”
“It’s okay, Paisley.” I smiled. “I’m teasing you. Would you like to see what I just finished?”
“I would.” She nodded.
I led her to the garage and showed her the finished dining set.
“Oh, Ben. This is beautiful. Wow. You are really, really good.”
“Thanks.” I smiled shyly. “We better get going.”
I placed my hand on the small of her back as she walked past me. She looked so incredibly beautiful that I was having a hard time concentrating on anything else.
****
We walked into the restaurant and the hostess took us to the table where my family was sitting. The minute my mom and dad saw us approaching, they both stood up.
“Hi Mom, Dad. I would like you to meet Paisley Logan. Paisley, this is my mom and dad, Lucinda and John Preston.”