Sinners MC by Bella Jewel
“That’s right snake, you know you can’t escape me.”
I pour all of them onto my hand, and I throw them into my mouth and swallow. Jasper’s eyes widen, and he lunges forward. I spin around, run into the bathroom, slam the door and lock it. I rush to the sink, lean over and swallow loads of water to make the process quicker. Then, I sink to the floor, hot tears pouring from my eyes.
“Open the door!” Jasper roars, pounding heavily with his fists.
I put my head in my hands and wait for darkness to win. I just want away from this pain. I’ll never be free of it. I honestly can’t think about anything but the gripping pain wrapping itself around my heart. There’s no escape, no matter which way I run. My only chance of survival is gone, and without even a ray of sunshine in my life, I’ve got nothing to hold onto. This is the only way.
The only way to find my light at the end of this long, dark tunnel.
~*PRESENT*~
“What happened to the man?”
I’m lying in Cade’s bed, my eyes heavy and my body relaxed.
“What man?” I ask, running my fingers up and down his taut arms.
“You said the other day that you’ve only been with a few men, one of them saved you.”
I swallow and turn my face up towards the ceiling.
“He left me.”
Cade’s quiet a moment.
“Then he’s a cunt.”
I snort a laugh, and roll towards him. He rolls too, and we adjust ourselves so we’re face to face, hands tangled together.
“That’s one way of putting it.”
“He left ‘coz your life was too hard, yeah?”
I nod, avoiding his gaze. He reaches up between us and grips my chin, forcing me to look back at him. “That’s a coward’s way out, you know that?”
“Yeah,” I whisper.
“Little prick broke part of you though, didn’t he?”
“He made me stop believing.”
Cade’s eyes scan my face, and his mouth tightens. “No one ever has the right to take that away from another person.”
“He was all I had. He stopped the rape. He made me think I had a way out. He didn’t want to wait. He didn’t understand that I couldn’t just leave the situation I was in. What if it didn’t work out? My mother would have never taken me back.”
“Men with nice lives will never understand what it’s like to live with nothing.”
“No,” I say simply. “They won’t.”
“So he left, and then your ma died?”
“A few months later, yeah.”
“Then you ran?”
“I left,” I correct him, but I hear the lie in my voice.
“Lyin’, babe.”
“Stop telling me I’m lying; you don’t know my story, Cade.”
“No,” he says, rolling to his back. “I don’t know your story, but I can see the fear in your eyes.”
“You see years and years of bad things in my eyes. It’s not fear.”
“It is fear.”
“No, it’s not.”
He rolls again and grips my chin. “Sugar, it is.”
I jerk my chin from his grip and roll off the bed. I get to my feet and yank on my top.
“Don’t go runnin’ ‘coz I raised somethin’ you’re tryin’ to hide.”
I glare at him. “I’m going home because I’m tired.”
He puts his hands behind his head and stares over at me. “You always run when things go bad?”
My anger is boiling inside of me. “Whatever, Cade, I’m going. Thanks for tonight.”
“You wanna leave in a hiss, go ahead. I ain’t chasin’ ya, sugar. It ain’t how I roll. You wanna get into the bed; I’ll talk to you. I’ll fuck you again and I’ll even hold you while you sleep, but if you wanna storm out, I’m not comin’ after you. I don’t play with women. If they want the good side of me, they get in and let me give it, but if they wanna run out in a mood, that ain’t my issue.”
I pick up my purse and then turn to stare at him. “I don’t want or need you to chase me, Cade.”
Then I turn and walk out of the room. When I’m out the front door and walking down the road, my chest seizes because part of me, deep down, wanted him to chase me.
~*CHAPTER 12*~
PRESENT
I hear the rumble of a mass of Harley Davidson’s as I near Jackson’s house. I know it’s not Cade, because he’s not likely to be riding in a group only ten minutes after I left him naked in a bed. I turn and stare as the mass of headlights coming up and over the hill. I squint my eyes wondering if it’s Jackson heading home or out on a ride with the guys. When the bikes begin to slow down, I notice right away that it isn’t the Hell’s Knights. It’s another group and my body instantly seizes with panic. I take a few steps back, now understanding why walking home is not safe. I have no chance against this many bikers.
When the bikes come to a stop, the man in front on a dark black Fat Boy, gets off his bike and pulls off his helmet. I feel my eyes widen at the sight of him. He’s gorgeous, no, he’s beyond gorgeous. He’s to die for. He’s very different to Cade. While Cade is dark, dangerous and completely sexy – this man has lighter hair, darker eyes, but is just as completely terrifying to look at. His boots crunch in the dried up leaves on the road as he walks closer to me. When he stops in front of me, I see his eyes are so brown they nearly look black. He has sandy blonde hair that’s ruffled and he is covered in tattoos. I swallow, but square my shoulders. Maybe they’re friends of Jackson’s?
“Let me guess,” the biker purrs, his voice is rough, husky and very attractive. “You must be Jacks’ little girl?”
“I’m nobody’s little girl,” I say back, though my voice doesn’t come out as strong as I’d like.
Blondie chuckles and crosses his arms. He’s broad, not as tall as Cade but thicker across the shoulders.
“Heard all about you. I thought you would be a little more difficult to find though.”
I shake my head. “What are you talking about?”
He grins, showing me one perfect dimple. “Are you familiar with a man named Jasper?”
I flinch and he chuckles. “Thought so. See, I heard you left a bit of a mess behind and Jasper wasn’t very happy about it. So, he hired me. See, I’m a fantastic tracker, and he didn’t want to get his hands dirty. If he came after you, he was riskin’ too much, so here I am.”
I feel my hands shaking, but I clench them together. God, why did I leave Cade? Me and my stubborn mind.
“I did nothing to Jasper,” I say, my voice not as strong as it should be.
“Oh precious, we both know that’s a lie.”
“What do you want? To tell him where I am? Go ahead, I’ll run.”
The man laughs. “I’ll just find you. It wasn’t hard to do the first time; it won’t be again.”
“You found me because of my last name and the fact that my father is a biker. Do you think I’m stupid? You knew where to look, Jasper didn’t, so he sent a biker knowing he’d find another biker easily.”
Blondie’s face flinches, but I continue. “So go ahead, tell him. I’m only going to run.”
I take a step back, pull out my phone and press the speed dial to Cade. I put it in at the store the other day in case he decided he didn’t want to wait around for me and I needed to find him. Thank God for that.
“Who you callin’, precious? Daddy? He can’t help you.”
“I’m calling my...um...boyfriend, Cade.”
God, did I just say that? I sound so...childish. I do notice Blondie flinch at the mention of Cade’s name though, and that sparks my interest.
“Say again?” he rasps, his voice thick.
So he does know Cade? That’s interesting.
“He won’t be happy about this,” I attempt. “He’s part of my father’s club, and when the guys show up...”
“That’s where the little fuck went,” Blondie grunts, cutting me off.
“Sugar?” I hear in my ear as
“Cade, there’s this man and...”
Blondie smirks, then leans forward and snatches the phone from my hand and presses it to his ear.
“Cade, long time no see, brother.”
I hope he means that in the non-literal sense.
“Yeah, it’s Spike. Don’t sound so shocked, you didn’t think you’d never see me again, did you?”
What the hell is going down between these two?
“Oh, we’ll be waiting for you. By all means, bring your club. We’d love to tango.”
That doesn’t sound good.
Spike hangs up the phone and grins at me. “Well, well, you just made it all the more interesting. I’ve been looking to catch up with Cade for a long time.”
I cross my arms rubbing them. I have to get out of here. I have to escape while Cade distracts them. Provided Cade doesn’t show up, guns blaring. Then I won’t be able to run. It’s just not in me. I hope he shows up alone and whisks me away. I look over Spike’s shoulder at the six or so bikes still rumbling on the side of the road. At least, he doesn’t have all his guys with him, or maybe that is all of them. I can only hope so. I let my eyes fall on Spike’s again. I’m still shocked Jasper would contact a biker gang to locate me. That’s so...weak.
“Cade’s not going to let you share my location,” I say in a snarky voice.
“He can’t stop me, precious,” Spike grins. “And trust me when I say, I don’t owe him nothin’.”
“Just leave me be, Jasper asked for everything he got. I’m not doing anything wrong. I just want to start again.”
Spike shrugs. “Never said he didn’t ask for it. He pays me. I deliver. It’s that simple. No offence to you, precious.”
“No offence to me?” I growl. “You’re happy handing me back to a man who raped me my entire life?”
Spike jerks and his eyes widen. “What?”
“Some man you are.”
I hear the rumble of Harley’s and I see about ten of them come over the rise. Shit! Cade isn’t slow. I know most of the bikers would have been at the compound which is only a minute away, but still. He must have frantically made some calls. When the bikes slow down, I see that Jackson is up the front and Cade is behind him. They are the only two that get off, the others just idle away, like Spike’s guys are doing. The two men walk towards me, and I feel a mild amount of relief. I feel Cade’s fingers wrap around my wrist and hurl me backwards. I want to tuck myself into him and not move. He feels safe.
“Well, hello, old friend,” Spike murmurs, stepping closer.
“Spike,” Cade says simply.
There’s a lot of shit going down between these two; I can see it in their eyes. My guess? These two were once great friends and something bad happened. Maybe that’s what Cade didn’t want to talk about? I press myself further into Cade’s side, and I see Jackson give us a quick, curious glance before stepping closer to Spike.
“Why are you here, Spike?”
“Good to see you too, Jacks.”
Jackson crosses his large arms. “Don’t play with me, boy. I’ve been kickin’ your ass my entire life and I’ll do it again. You know my boys will have yours out of this town in a mother fuckin’ second.”
My father has known Spike that long?
Spike narrows his eyes, then turns his gaze to me. “I’ve come to do what I had to do, though I will be stayin’ a week or so. Got a trip planned, need to stock up on supplies.”
“You can do whatever you want. I don’t own the town, but if you cause shit, I’ll finish you,” Jackson warns.
“The fuck did you come here to sort?” Cade snaps, not letting Spike answer Jackson’s threat.
Spike keeps his eyes on me for a moment. I’m sure I see that he’s unsure about what he’s doing. He quickly covers it though. “Your girl here, is a wanted one...”
Cade flinches. “What?”
“I was paid to track her.”
Jackson turns and stares at me, his eyes confused.
“What for?” he asks me.
“It’s a long story.”
“You being followed, and you didn’t think to fuckin’ mention that?” Cade barks.
I flinch and attempt to step out of his grips, but he holds me close. “Don’t fuckin’ move,” he snarls to me, then he turns to Spike. “Get the fuck outta town, Spike. You ain’t reportin’ shit to anyone.”
“Been paid good dollars to report her location,” Spike says, glaring at Cade.
“I’ll double it. Just keep the fuck away from my girl.”
His girl? What the hell? Both Jackson and Spike raise their brows.
“What the fuck?” Jackson snarls.
“You wanna pay me double, not to tell that pimp cunt that she’s here?” Spike says, shaking his head a little, completely ignoring Jackson’s outburst.
Cade’s voice comes out like ice. “That’s what I fuckin’ said.”
“You in love with her, Duke?”
Cade flinches. “She’s mine. I protect what’s mine.”
Spike’s face turns bitter. “Pity you don’t protect what’s not yours.”
“Not now,” Cade warns.
“Oh, touchy subject, Cade?”
What the hell are they talking about now?
“You gonna get outta town, or do I need to end this now?” Cade grinds out.
“I’m stayin’, your boss man just told me I was. You pay me and I’ll tell the man the girl is gone.”
I slump in relief.
“Give me a number,” Cade hisses.
“Cade...” I start to say, but the look he shoots down at me is enough to make me shut my mouth.
“Fifty thousand.”
Fifty thousand dollars! My mouth drops open. That means Jasper paid Spike twenty-five-thousand dollars just to find me. My body begins feeling cold.
“Done. I’ll wire it.”
“Cade you can’t,” I protest.
“Shut the fuck up, sugar.”
“But...”
“Now,” he orders.
I close my mouth, but guilt fills me. What if Cade doesn’t have that kind of money? Spike watches us a moment, then cracks his neck from side to side.
“You got twenty-four hours, Duke. You don’t wire it, I give her location.” With that, he turns and walks back towards his bike. On his leather vest, I see the words “Heaven’s Sinners”. When he gets to his bike, he throws his leg over and yells, “Oh, and if I were you, I’d finish that pimp. He’s one determined mother fucker.”
Then he starts his bike, waves at his men, and disappears into the night. We all stand watching the empty road for a long moment, then Jackson turns to me.
“You got a lot of explainin’ to do.”
I open my mouth, but I quickly close it. I can’t hide this away any longer. Not now I know for sure Jasper is going to great lengths to find me.
“It’s a long story,” I say, my voice full of defeat.
“Then best you start fuckin’ talkin’,” Jackson growls.
I nod and watch Jackson turn and walk towards his bike. When he gets on, he glares over at Cade.
“Go get on his bike, sugar. I’ll follow.”
I turn to face him. “What? Why?”
“Respect, that’s why.”
Understanding, I walk over to Jackson’s bike. He thrusts a helmet angrily at me, and I put it on. Then I climb on the bike and wrap my arms around him. He’s angry. I can feel his deep breathing. He starts his bike, and pulls onto the road. As we ride, the sound of the Harley’s rumbling behind us, I consider how I’m going to tell them my story. They have an idea, but they don’t know all of it. They don’t even know the half of it. I have to tell them, which means I have to bare my soul to them. This is a moment I really was not looking forward to, but I can’t back away now.
They aren’t going to let me.
And part of me needs to be freed of this.
So I know it’s time.
PAST
“Mom?” I yell, watching my mother thrash on the ground.
There’s froth coming from the corners of her mouth, a bloody, disgusting froth. Her eyes are rolling, her body is convulsing. She’s having a reaction; she’s taken too much. This time it’s bad. I can tell it goes beyond all those other times. Her arms fly around as she struggles for air. My legs are glued to the floor, at least that’s what it feels like. I want to go to her, but my body won’t move. It’s like I’m in a trance. All I can hear in my head are her words over the years. All I can recall are the painful, bitter memories of her.
“You’ll be a whore too, Addison. You’re destined to be the queen of scum.”
“You’re worthless. Just a bastard child and a thorn in my side.”
“You’ll never amount to anything. You’ll never make anyone proud. You’re nothing.”
“Whore.”
“Slut.”
“Pathetic scum.”
“Jasper is good for you. He’ll teach you some manners.”
I realize the tears are flowing when I blink and a rush of them tumble down my cheeks. My earliest memories, to my most recent ones, are that of the same. She never supported me; she never believed in me; she never helped me when Jasper put his dirty hands on me. When I was thirteen and bleeding from rape, she told me to toughen up. She never did the one simple thing all mothers should do for their kids – she never loved me.
As her body convulses, and she begins turning blue, I find myself unwilling to help her. I just stand, watching the last moments of her life, watching as it’s all ripped from her.
When she takes her last gurgling breath, and her head flops to the side, my tears become heavier. That’s also when the panic sets in. I just let my mother die. I just stood there and let her die. The next few minutes of my life, happen in a blur. Before I know it, I’ve packed a bag and I’m running down the street. I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know if I’ll ever come back. I’m just running. Before I get out of the alley beside my house, Jasper is there. He’s always there. His face is frantic, and he has a phone in his hand. He’s seen her; he knows what I did. When his eyes fall on me, he rushes over. I would continue to run, but my legs have turned to jelly.