Slouch Witch by Helen Harper
‘No. We did not.’ Winter continued to watch her. ‘But it looks like whoever did already knew him. He was found in his kitchen with one of his own knives sticking out of his gullet.’
Bell End moaned. He believed us now.
‘I’ll ask again. Why did he send you here?’
As his gag was still in place, Alice answered for him. ‘You know why. We were to cast herbs so we could track Harrington and Adeptus Exemptus Winter.’
‘And Diall asked you personally to do this.’
‘Yes,’ she said tiredly. ‘We’ve been through all this.’ She seemed genuinely upset about Diall and I almost felt sorry for her. Her shoulders drooped. ‘Take us into the Order. We’ll admit to it all.’ She sighed. ‘Just don’t keep us here any longer.’
I met Winter’s eyes. He nodded. Removing Bell End’s gag, I moved closer to him. ‘Did Diall ever mention the Cypher Manuscripts?’
He screwed up his face in response. ‘What? Why would he?’
‘Did he ever ask you to go and look at them for him?’
‘No.’
‘Did he spend any time studying them?’
‘For fuck’s sake!’ Bell End blasted. ‘You stupid bitch! How many times do I have to say the same thing?’
Winter abandoned Alice and came to my side. He knelt down and regarded Bell End soberly. ‘If you ever call her that again,’ he murmured, ‘you will live to regret it.’
It wasn’t Winter’s words, it was the way he said them. A shiver ran down my spine and I wasn’t even the one he was threatening. Feeling the sudden urge to create some space between Winter and me, I took his place next to Alice.
‘How about you?’ I asked. ‘Was there ever a time you heard your boss talk about the Cyphers?’
Her eyes spat fire. She didn’t like me very much. Shocker. ‘He might have mentioned them in conversation once or twice,’ she said through gritted teeth. ‘I really don’t remember.’
‘Well,’ I told her, ‘you really should try harder.’
‘He said once that they should be more accessible. He wanted to be able to take them out of the library and study them in more detail.’
Finally we were getting somewhere. ‘And did he mention which volumes in particular he was interested in?’
‘No,’ Alice replied flatly. ‘He did not.’
‘Can’t you ever keep your mouth shut?’ Bell End grunted from the other side. ‘It was Volume 9, okay? He wanted Volume 9.’
Over their heads, Winter and I exchanged looks. Well, well, well.
***
‘It doesn’t prove anything,’ Winter argued, once we were back in the privacy of my flat.
‘Of course it does! You said how desperate Diall was to get more power. He stole the Manuscript. Someone else came along, saw he had it and took it from him, killing him in the process.’ I dusted off my palms. ‘I think our work is done here.’
Winter folded his arms across his chest. I pretended not to notice the way his muscles bulged. ‘Except we don’t know who killed him and we don’t know where the missing Manuscript is.’
I held up my index finger. ‘If I recall, our task was to find out who stole the sceptre and recover it. We’ve already achieved far more than that. I think it’s time we passed this to someone else. It’s a murder investigation now, not stolen property.’
‘We have a long way to go yet, Ivy. Don’t you want to know who tried to kill us?’
‘Diall, of course. And now he’s dead. I’d call that a win.’
‘It might not have been him. Diall is just one piece of the puzzle.’
I opened my mouth to argue but the expression on Winter’s face stopped me. I supposed it had been worth a try. ‘If we recover the Manuscript,’ I asked hopefully, ‘do you think we’ll get a holiday as a bonus?’
‘You’ve only been working for three days. Why on earth would you need a holiday?’
Given what we’d been through, that was an inane question. ‘If you have to ask then you’ll never understand.’
Winter arched an eyebrow in my direction. ‘You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?’
‘Hell, yes. Getting half-drowned and seeing dead bodies is the most fun I’ve had in years.’
Amusement flickered in his eyes. ‘I mean pretending to be lazy and needing a break.’ He leant forward. ‘Secretly, you love this. You just don’t want to admit it.’
‘I don’t love it,’ I declared, a tad too loudly. ‘I love sleeping and watching TV and reading books and occasionally getting up to make a cup of tea.’
‘Yeah, yeah.’ His eyes gleamed. ‘Methinks the lady doth protest too much.’
I tutted. He was being utterly ridiculous. I did shift my gaze away from his knowing blue eyes, however.
With a mutter, I left Winter where he was and went into the bathroom. Only then did I pull out the jar containing Diall’s ossombe root. For one brief moment, I examined it carefully. Then I gave a shrug. I didn’t have to use it now. There wasn’t a sell-by date. I opened the bathroom cabinet and carefully placed it behind an old bottle of shampoo. As far as anyone knew now, it didn’t even exist.
Chapter Seventeen
Despite Winter’s admonitions, it was obvious he was of the same mind as I was: Diall had to be involved in this somehow, even if he wasn’t the sole culprit. There was no chance that he was simply an innocent party or that his death was unrelated. Solve Diall’s murder and we’d find the missing Manuscript. It sounded easy when I thought of it that way.
‘We’ll start with the other people in Diall’s department,’ Winter declared decisively as we headed back to the car. I was starting to feel like a yo-yo with all this going in and coming out again. ‘We already know he sent two of them to commit a crime against Ms Harrington. Perhaps he has done the same to others and they will lead us to more clues.’
‘Great!’ I beamed. ‘Can we stop along the way? I want to pick up a magnifying glass.’
‘No.’
‘But all the best investigators use them. It’ll help us hunt for clues. I was thinking perhaps I should get a gun as well.’
‘This is not a television episode. And it’s obvious that you have the skills to defend yourself if you need to.’
I thought mournfully of the gun used by my would-be taxi mugger. I could have used that but the police would have impounded it by now. That’s what I got for trying to stay on the right side of the law. I could magic up something into a gun but it wouldn’t be like the real thing. Transmogrification was never perfect, especially when technology was involved.
‘A gun takes less time to use than magic.’ I formed my forefinger and thumb into an imaginary weapon. ‘Bang. You’re dead.’ I grinned. ‘I win.’
‘That is not necessarily true.’ Winter glared at me. ‘I’ll prove it. You be the bad guy with the gun.’
I clapped my hands in delight. ‘Role-play? Do I get to dress up?’
‘You’re fine as you are.’
‘But…’
‘Ivy.’
I rolled my eyes. ‘Fine,’ I muttered.
‘Walk towards me,’ Winter instructed. ‘When you decide the time is right, you can shoot me with your … gun.’
I mimed placing my weapon in my pocket. ‘This is going to be a piece of cake.’ I started strolling; to add to the atmosphere, I also started humming. Nothing to see here, just a plumpish blonde out for a walk. Less than fifteen feet away, Winter pulled back his shoulders and headed in my direction. It was like the world’s worst-ever game of chicken.
Although I stayed on the balls of my feet, I forced myself to look relaxed. Even though he knew it was coming, I still wanted Winter to think I was going to wait until he passed me before I reacted.
I didn’t look directly at him but I could see him with my peripheral vision. When we were almost shoulder to shoulder, I spun to my left and started to pull out my imaginary gun. Winter also turned, checked my hand, then drew a rune. Before I could bring my hand up to chest level, I was throw
‘Shit!’ Winter jogged over to me. ‘Are you alright?’
I lifted my head weakly. ‘It hurts,’ I admitted.
‘Where?’
I pointed to my back. ‘I’m not sure I can move.’
He bent down. ‘I’m so sorry, Ivy. I never intended to—’
I lifted up my hand again and this time managed to get my ‘shot’ off. ‘Bang.’
For a moment Winter stared at me then he growled under his breath, ‘You cheated.’
‘No, I didn’t. I took advantage of the situation.’ I grinned at him. ‘I still won.’ I stuck my hand into the air and waved it around. ‘Help me up.’
He tutted. ‘You’re incorrigible.’ He reached down, grabbing my palm with his left hand. What I hadn’t realised was that he’d pulled out a smattering of herbs from his right pocket. As he hefted me upwards, he blew them into my face.
‘What the—?’ A cloud of choking black magical smoke enveloped me. I let go of Winter’s hand and tried to waft it away. Hearing him chuckle, I spun round as if in the throes of panic. Then I launched a sharp kick, catching him on the shin.
Unable to see him, I leapt backwards, thinking I’d be out of his reach. Winter was faster than I expected, however, and he lunged towards me and barrelled me to the ground. He landed on top of me, just managing to brace himself to avoid crushing me completely. Not that I reckoned I would have minded that much. His blue eyes pierced mine and I shivered.
‘Are you cold?’
‘No.’
We stared at each other. His head dipped down further until I could feel his hot breath against my skin. ‘Ivy,’ he began, his voice strained.
‘Good afternoon! Do you need some help there?’
I turned my head to the side. It was Mrs Burridge, the woman who lived on the floor above me. ‘We’re fine,’ I called out.
Winter’s mouth twisted, then he shifted his weight, pulling himself upright.
‘Are you sure? Because I know a great spell.’
‘Don’t worry, Mrs B. It’s all good.’
She peered at us both. ‘If you’re sure.’
I coughed. ‘Yep.’
She smiled benignly and continued on her way.
‘I don’t know her,’ Winter said, no longer looking at me. ‘She’s a witch?’
I stood up and dusted myself off. ‘She thinks she is. The most magic she’s ever managed was to avoid paying the building maintenance fees for three years.’ Admittedly, I wished I’d accomplished that.
Winter let out a non-committal grunt. ‘We should go.’
I coughed. ‘Yeah.’ I hesitated and he looked at me questioningly. ‘I still won though.’
‘No, you didn’t.’
I folded my arms smugly. Yeah, I did.
***
Diall worked at the Geomancy Branch, a section of the Order that probably sounds a whole lot more glamorous than it actually is. Geomancy is the magical equivalent of the more spiritual Feng Shui. When new houses are built, the Geomancy Branch are brought in to ensure that everything is planned and structured to avoid disturbing any untoward magical forces. The stronger the Geomancy magic, the more majestic and inspirational the final buildings. As an example, St Paul’s Cathedral is surrounded by Geomantic magic. It is said that more than five hundred witches worked with Christopher Wren on that particular project. Walk through the doors and you can still feel the old magic buzzing in the air.
These days, of course, they work on suburban houses and estates. There is little Geomancy called for when it comes to fitted kitchens and underfloor heating. The more technology that is incorporated in new buildings, the more it conflicts with Geomancy. I’d heard on the grapevine that their latest big project involved cowsheds. Admirable, to be sure: cows deserve somewhere decent to sleep just as much as humans. But it wasn’t exactly romantic, interesting work. Still, it made some sense that Bell End and Alice were from Geomancy. If you want to be a thief and break into people’s houses, understanding the magic that binds them would be very handy.
Winter and I walked into their showy building in the far corner of the Order campus. As if to prove their worth, the Geomancy worker bees had gone to considerable effort to make the place look grand. Like most of the neighbouring university buildings, this one was made out of local Headington stone but it was an odd mish-mash of styles, as if each generation had sought to put their personal stamp on the structure. There were sweeping curves coupled with harsh gargoyles and perpendicular modern lines. Although it was a mess, I rather liked the way it had been put together. I particularly liked the marble floor in the entrance because it was shiny enough for me to slide across without bothering to pick up my feet.
‘How old did you say you were?’ Winter enquired.
‘Twenty-seven.’ I pushed out my arms. Perhaps if I was more streamlined, I could slide to the next pillar. I turned my head and grinned at him. ‘If you’re trying to make the point that I’m childish, thank you very much. The only reason that most adults don’t do things like this is because they’re too concerned about what others think. Or they’re so worried about their problems they can’t think about anything but themselves. Or they no longer see the wonder and joy in sliding across a floor or down a banister. I think that’s sad, not immature.’
‘Hmmm.’ Winter scratched his chin. Rather than frowning at me in disapproval, he shocked me by flinging himself forward and trying to glide along himself. He didn’t get very far. ‘This is stupid,’ he muttered.
‘Your shoes are too sensible. They probably have expensive non-slip soles. Now if you took them off and tried in your socks…’
He tilted his head. ‘Don’t push your luck, Ivy.’
I winked at him. ‘You gave me the opening, Raphael.’
For a long moment he was silent. When he spoke, I barely heard him. ‘Rafe.’
‘Pardon?’
Winter cleared his throat. ‘It’s Rafe. Nor Raphael. I’m not an angel.’
‘You just look like one,’ I said, the words out of my mouth before I could stop them. ‘I mean…’ Ah, darn it. I shrugged. ‘You’re a remarkably good-looking guy.’
He met my eyes. I thought he looked rather pleased. ‘You’re not so bad yourself.’
‘I’ll take that,’ I said cheerfully. ‘It beats being told I need to go on a diet.’
Winter had the grace to redden slightly. Before he could apologise – and end up embarrassing us both even more – I pulled back my shoulders and stopped monkeying around. ‘We should get going.’
He nodded. ‘Yes.’ Then, ‘You’re becoming a bad influence on me.’
I patted him on the shoulder. ‘Then there’s hope for you yet.’
We walked, rather than slid, towards the reception desk. A smartly dressed man without a hair out of place greeted us. ‘I’ve always wanted to do that,’ he confided in a delighted tone.
Winter, embarrassed at having been caught doing something that didn’t involve marching like a sergeant major, frowned. ‘I’m Adeptus Exemptus Winter,’ he said. ‘And this is my associate, Ivy Wilde.’
Much as I liked being described as Winter’s associate, I needed to come up with a title for myself so that I sounded as grand as Winter. Supinus Wondrous, perhaps. Both Winter and the receptionist looked at me strangely and I realised I must have said it out loud. Oops. I grinned and stuck out my hand. ‘Nice to meet you.’
The perfectly coiffed man smiled back, although a touch more nervously now that he knew who he was dealing with. Winter seemed to have that effect on a lot of people. ‘We’ve been expecting you,’ he said. ‘I’m to take you to one of our meeting rooms.’
He stepped out from behind the desk and led the way. I was tempted to start sliding again but the moment had passed. Instead I decided to fill the silence with something more helpful. ‘What’s your name?’
He didn’t turn around. ‘Michael Weathers.’
&n
‘He didn’t speak to me very often,’ Weathers answered. ‘But I’m only a Neophyte and I don’t have much aptitude for magic. I mean,’ he said hastily, with a backward glance at Winter, ‘I can do the basics but I’m not that talented.’
‘Maybe you just need to find your niche,’ I suggested.
‘I thought I was doing well,’ he said in a low voice. ‘But Adeptus Diall set me straight. I have a lot to learn. I’m not sure I’ll ever progress.’
I nudged Winter meaningfully. Maybe Diall hadn’t just worked on elevating those whose talent was inferior; he might also have tried to keep down those with genuine abilities. So much for Order honour.
Winter nodded, acknowledging my meaning. ‘What have your duties been?’ he asked Weathers.
‘Manning the desk. That’s what I do.’
‘You’ve not been sent out on any recent errands?’
Weathers let out a humourless laugh. ‘No. I don’t go anywhere.’
No doubt Winter would insist on double-checking this but I was certain that the receptionist was telling the truth; we weren’t going to find anything more useful from him.
‘You know,’ I said, feeling sorry for the young man, ‘we would make a great team. The three of us, I mean. We’d be Wilde Wintry Weather. We should start our own agency immediately.’
Winter raised his eyes to the heavens. I shrugged. I thought it was a great idea. Judging by the way Weathers’ shoulders were shaking, he did too.
Weathers deposited the pair of us in a pentagonal meeting room; another acknowledgment of the abilities of Geomancy no doubt. Seemingly from out of nowhere, Winter pulled out a sheet of paper with a list of names on it. I peered over his shoulder. There had to be at least twenty people. I heaved a silent sigh of despair. We were going to be here forever.
‘You should take the lead in the interviews,’ Winter said, surprising me.
I blinked. ‘Why?’
‘Because people seem to like you. You have a way of getting them to open up. Look at that man there. Weathers. I thought he was going to tell you his whole life story.’