Story Thieves by James Riley
Since when did this kind of thing happen in the Kiel Gnomenfoot books? They were kids’ books! Surgery? “Charm, let me go! I don’t want this! We’ll figure out another way to get into the Original Computer. Like, say, use a keyboard and a monitor, like a normal person.”
“You sound like you’re two thousand years old when you talk like that,” she said, then touched the air again, and his chair went shooting backward toward the wall. It slammed to a stop right before it hit, and robotic arms popped out from the wall to hold his head in place.
“I’ll magic you if you don’t stop!” Owen said. “Charm! I can turn you to gold! I’m warning you!”
“Kiel, you have my word that if this hurts, I’ll try to keep a straight face,” she told him, then nodded at the robotic arms. “Do it.”
The next thirty seconds were the weirdest of Owen’s life. First, a fictional spaceship held him in place to give him brain surgery. Second, somehow, he didn’t actually feel a thing, not after an initial pinch in his neck, which was probably some kind of shot to numb it. Despite all his screaming, the arms quickly released him, and he jumped up from the chair, frantically touching at his neck. “AAH!” he shouted. “There’s a thingy there now!”
And there was! The ship had implanted some kind of thingy right into his neck!
“I’d hope so. That was the whole point,” Charm said. “Now we can get going.”
“That was the worst thing anyone’s ever done to me,” Owen said, pointing a finger at her accusingly.
She smacked his finger aside. “If it is, be thankful.”
He made a face, gently touching the uploader thing on the back of his neck. “At least that’s the worst part done. I guess it wasn’t so bad. . . .”
“That?” Charm snorted. “That was the easy part! The worst part’s coming next.” And with that, she turned him around again. She touched the tiny circuit to his neck and pushed. Something clicked. . . .
And just like that, the world turned to digital billboards, millions of glowing people, and TRON.
CHAPTER 21
I’m surprised that worked,” Kiel said as Bethany took his cloak and folded it up. “If the Magister hadn’t been so angry, he would have felt me use magic to teleport us away. We’ll have to be more careful next time.”
Bethany gritted her teeth. This jerk was a popular character? There was no way she was going to read those books now. “There’s not going to be a next time,” she told him, and held out a hand for his now-empty wand-holster belt.
It’d been a huge risk, telling Kiel to use his magic to teleport them away at the last second, making it look like they’d jumped into the book. Especially since the book was a blank journal she’d found in the library. There wasn’t far they could have run in all that nothing if the Magister had used the bit of Bethany’s power he’d stolen to follow them. But at least the trick seemed to have bought a little time to figure out how to deal with all this.
If there was a way to deal with all this. UGH.
“So here’s my plan,” Kiel said, now looking a bit more like a normal boy dressed in a black shirt and pants. Or at least like a normal boy dressed up like Kiel Gnomenfoot without the cloak and magic wands. “He’s right. There’s no way I can beat him at magic. He taught me everything I know. And he already took away the one bit of science tech-o-gee that—”
“Technology.”
“That Charm gave me,” Kiel continued. “So the new plan is, we find some stockpile of ray guns or laser rifles or whatever it is you people have here. Something big and explosive and entirely made of science. Something that’s been set up to specifically fight magic.”
“That doesn’t exist. Not in any way.”
“You distract him with those science weapons, and I hit him with a forget spell.” He sighed. “I think that’s the best option. He’s not a bad person, honestly. He’s just . . . angry.”
“Oh yeah? ’Cause I’ve got it on good authority that your teacher—”
“Magister.”
“—was planning on blowing up the science guys. Once you found the source of whatever it was.”
“The Source of Magic?” Kiel said, giving her a disbelieving stare. “He’d never do that. Who told you this?”
Bethany started to say, then shook her head. Kiel already knew way too much. “No one. I made it up. Sorry. But we’re not doing any part of your plan, especially the parts that aren’t possible.” She glanced around the corner, holding up a hand to stop Kiel from following just yet. No one seemed to be looking their way, so she pulled him out onto the sidewalk from the alley they’d landed in. “The real new plan is: We take you home immediately, I find Owen in whatever prison you two left him in, then he and I come back and figure out a way to get your teacher—”
“Magister.”
“—back home right after you,” Bethany finished. “Then you can do whatever Forget Me Not spell you want on him. But that’s it. There’s no way I’m letting two fictional characters—”
Kiel winced. “Isn’t there another way to say that? Fictional sounds insulting.”
“. . . . Fine. Letting two individuals such as yourselves run around and get noticed. Do you have any idea what would happen if someone recognized you?”
“Nice Kiel Gnomenfoot costume!” said a teenage girl walking by. “Where are your wands? You look like you could be in a movie!”
Kiel grinned and saluted her as she passed. “What’s a movie?” he asked Bethany.
She sighed. “Nothing. Hopefully, they’ll just think you’re a fan or something. A lot of them probably come to this town, since the author guy lives here.”
“More up there a ways,” Kiel told her, pointing up toward the hills in the distance. “I did teleport us a safe distance away. Any closer and the Magister would still feel our presence.”
“So which house was Mr. Porterhouse’s?” Bethany asked him. The last thing she needed was to ring doorbells and ask if there were any crazy old men throwing spells around at home.
“Jonathan Porterhouse?” said someone else walking by, a man dressed in vintage clothes with black glasses. “It’s that big mansion up on the hill.” He pointed toward what looked like the biggest roof Bethany had ever seen, surrounded by trees. “It’s cool, go check it out. He’s got a fence up that was built to look like it was made from Science Soldier robots.”
Kiel’s face lit up. “That’s genius,” he said to Bethany. “Why did I never think of doing that?”
She glared at him, then turned to the stranger. “Thanks, that’s a good idea,” she said to the man in the dark glasses. “Is there anywhere around we can find his books? Like a library or a bookstore?”
“There’s Untitled Books just up the street,” the man said, and pointed behind him.
“You’ve been a ton of help. Thank you,” Bethany said, and dragged Kiel past the man.
“Cool costume,” the man told Kiel as they passed, and Bethany gritted her teeth.
“If everyone’s just going to recognize me, why can’t I wear my cloak and belt?” Kiel asked as they passed a bunch of storefronts. “I feel weird not having them, even without the wands. And the belt has a few emergency spells in it, in case I use them up from memory.”
“Because this is not happening, and I’m not going to let it not happen any more than it’s already not happening.”
“Your science logic is odd, but I’ll take your word for it,” he said, then stopped dead in his tracks. “WHAT. IS. THAT?”
Bethany followed his gaze, and almost dry heaved.
The entire window at Untitled Books was filled with a poster for Kiel Gnomenfoot and the Source of Magic. An almost life-size painted version of Kiel aimed his magic wands at what looked like zombified versions of robots, while at his back some half-robot girl shot ray guns at the monsters.
“This is my book?” Kiel said almost reverently, gently placing his fingers on the window. “I’m so . . . handsome ! Look at me! Do you see this? LOOK!”
“Oh, really?” Kiel said, posing beside the poster. “I mean, I’m probably a bit better-looking, don’t you think? The painting loses something a little. But I can see the resemblance, I suppose.”
The girl laughed, so Bethany quickly stepped between them. “The sad thing is,” she whispered to the girl, “he thinks he really is Kiel. It’s something wrong in his head. We just came to the author’s town to see if it might help snap him out of it.”
The girl blinked, then flashed Kiel a worried smile and quickly continued on her way. Kiel watched her go, his face covered in disappointment. “That was evil.”
“Good. Now come on, let’s find the right book. You can think I’m evil all the way home if you want.”
The bookstore had Kiel Gnomenfoot posters up everywhere, to Bethany’s annoyance. As they walked in, the clerk looked up and grinned. “Cool cost—”
“No, it’s not!” Bethany shouted. “It’s just black clothing. He’s not even wearing a costume!”
The clerk raised both eyebrows. “Oh, sorry about that. We do get a lot of Kiel costumes in here. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
Perfect. Now she was yelling at completely innocent strangers. “Sorry, I’m just in a bad mood,” Bethany said, forcing a smile. “Where are your Kiel Gnomenfoot books, actually? My friend’s never read them.”
“Back on that wall,” the clerk said, and Bethany grabbed Kiel’s hand and strode off. “But we’re sold out of most of them!”
“Sold out?” Kiel asked, pulling his hand away. “Do you get a lot of people interested in reading about this dashingly handsome Kiel person?”
“Oh, tons of kids,” the clerk said. “Adults, too. It’s a huge thing. I hear they want to make a movie, but the author says no.”
“A movie?” Kiel asked.
“I know,” the clerk said. “Why ruin a perfectly good book by turning it into a movie that can’t possibly be as good.”
“So true,” Bethany said, dragging Kiel away. She whispered to him, “Could you please concentrate? Maybe they still have the sixth book. That’s the only one I care about.”
“We can’t begrudge my fans their stories,” Kiel told her. “I’d feel horrible depriving even one reader of hearing my adventures.”
She struggled hard to not just drop him into the nearest cookbook.
The children’s section covered the walls in one corner of the store, and Bethany quickly scanned the shelves for Porterhouse. Kiel Gnomenfoot: Magic Thief was there, as was Kiel Gnomenfoot and the Tense Future and Kiel Gnomenfoot and the Infinite Reality.
But that was it.
“NOOOOOO,” Bethany moaned, searching the shelves just in case a book had been misplaced. No sixth book? Maybe she could just jump him into one of the others, and let him find his own way back to his present? He could just hide out for three or four books, couldn’t he?” She sighed deeply.
Kiel carefully pulled the first book off the shelf and opened the cover. “ ‘The war had made food scarce on Magisteria, especially for orphans living on the streets,’ ” he read, then showed her the page. “I lived on the streets, and food was scarce! This is so accurate. It’s just like being there.”
Bethany slammed the book shut on his fingers, then pulled it away from him and shoved it back onto the shelf. “What are we going to do?” she hissed.
“Not close any more books on my hand, for a start,” Kiel said indignantly, holding his hands protectively.
Bethany fell backward against a nearby column and slid to the floor. “I . . . I just don’t know how to fix this. I can’t even put you back, let alone your teacher.”
“Magister.”
She glared at him. “Really? Could you maybe help instead of being . . . you?”
Kiel slid down the column beside her and patted her leg. “You’re taking this all too hard. From the way you talk about it, we can jump back into the books at any point, right? And depending on the page, no time will have passed since I left. So what’s the hurry? What’s the big deal if I stick around for a little bit? Why do you care so much?”
She sighed, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. “Because none of this was supposed to happen! I’m just so tired of making mistakes. It seems like that’s all I do. I shouldn’t have trusted Owen. I shouldn’t have brought him into the book. And I definitely shouldn’t have gone back to his house.” She rubbed her eyes. “And my mom? She won’t notice I’m gone until tonight, since she goes to work before I get up, but when I don’t come home? She’s going to go crazy. She’ll call the police, the FBI will come, I’ll be on the news, and if I do come home? I’ll never see the sun again. So dead.” She growled loudly and knocked her head against the column over and over. “That stupid Willy Wonka book! WHY?”
Kiel nodded, his face exuding deep wisdom. “I have no idea what any of that meant,” he said. “But if this Willy person really did cause all of this, then I’m glad he did. Do you have any idea how much you’ve shown me in the little time I’ve known you? I’m practically a god here!”
“Nope,” Bethany said absently. “Not even a little bit. You’re a fictional character.”
“That everyone loves! And please don’t call me that.” He grinned. “Besides, what’s so wrong with you enjoying yourself? I saw the look on your face when you grabbed the Porterhouse guy and jumped into that sheet of paper. You were having fun.”
She looked at him with wide eyes. “Are you insane?”
He shook his head. “I know what I saw. A crazy look in your eyes, a smile on your face. You were getting a thrill, admit it.”
“Do you not realize what’s happening here?”
“Eh,” he told her, tossing a small ball of fire from hand to hand. “This is nothing. I’ve lived my entire life in a war zone. Seen some truly horrible things, too, even before Dr. Verity started his crusade against Magisteria. But guess what? I still smile. I still laugh. I still even have fun sometimes.” He considered that. “Well, most of the time, honestly. If you’re not enjoying yourself, what’s the point?”
“The point is that you’re trying to save the world from an evil scientist tyrant! How can you enjoy yourself when everything’s going so terribly?”
He winked. “I’m multitalented.”
She wanted to say something horrible and mocking—just as soon as it came to her—but her thoughts were interrupted by a noise like thunder. The entire building rocked, and the clerk at the front of the store shouted, “WHOA! Look at that!”
“Oh, come on, what now?” Bethany said, quickly jumping to her feet as books began to shake right off the shelves. She and Kiel made their way back to the front of the store and peeked out the window from behind the giant Kiel Gnomenfoot poster.
An enormous black-and-silver tower rose up from the hills outside the town, where Jonathan Porterhouse’s house was supposed to be, shaking the earth as it grew into the sky.
Bethany stepped back, completely speechless. Kiel just nodded. “Okay, yes. That’s the Magister’s tower, all right.” He threw a glance at Bethany and winced. “That’s probably the kind of thing you didn’t want to happen, isn’t it?”
CHAPTER 22
The noise was incredible, with videos playing loudly everywhere. Lights of an impossible amount of colors popped in front of Owen’s eyes, almost blinding him. But the craziest thing was easily the people. They were everywhere, and all of them were chatting with someone else, or commenting on something, or shouting a question. And other than glowing like they were made of light (which they probably were), no two people looked anything alike.
An entire world full of people of all shapes, sizes, ages, and genders had come to the Internet—or, well, Nalwork, apparently—and it was easily the craziest, loudest, most glowing thing Owen had ever seen.
Something touched Owen’s hand, and he looked down to find Charm tapping a tiny glowing piece of paper into
i hate this place, it said.
He laughed. “Why? I love it!” he tried to say, but his voice got lost in the din.
She shook her head, then showed him a glowing notepad in her hand. She concentrated on it for a moment, then ripped off a sheet and handed it to him.
you have to use the nalwork tools to talk privately. don’t say anything out loud.
He nodded and looked around for his own notepad, then realized he probably just needed to think about one. He concentrated, and a notepad like hers appeared. He thought about what he wanted to say, then ripped off a sheet and handed it to her. so what now?
now we be careful. we’re both wanted criminals. don’t get caught.
He nodded as they moved around, trying to stay out of other people’s way. Unfortunately, that wasn’t easy as there were other digital avatars everywhere.
this is all anyone does anymore, Charm said in a note as they pushed their way through the crowds. it’s so pathetic. people just sit on the nalwork all day, and robots do everything for them in the real world.
Owen nodded, his mind drifting off to the real real world. What was taking Bethany so long to bring Kiel and the Magister back? All she had to do was touch them and jump back into the book, right? Could she really be in trouble? Owen rolled his eyes. Her, get into trouble? She’d never do anything that fun.
He glanced back over at Charm, her hair pulled back into a ponytail, her red robot eye watching everything at once. Sure, she was a fictional character, but there was something just so . . . blunt about her. Honest. It was kind of nice, having someone just say whatever they were thinking.
Also, she was adorable, especially with her ray guns.
stop looking at me, her note said. you’re making me nervous.
His eyes turned frontward, and he blushed. Fair enough.
She pointed at an advertisement for a new communications device that was no bigger than the chip she’d put into his head. they invented that centuries ago. now it just gets smaller and smaller. nothing new. at least magicians use their imaginations and come up with new stuff.