Suit by Jettie Woodruff
“Did you cheat on me, Gabriella?”
I didn’t have to look up to know Paxton was above me. The quiet words lingered above my head, and I looked up. I could barely see him. A silhouette in front of a moon. I leaned against a stone post and looked up.
“I don’t know, Paxton.”
“Something happened.”
“I’m afraid so, but I swear I don’t know what. Tell me what you know.”
“I don’t know anything. I only speculate.”
“Can I come up?”
“Suit yourself.”
I didn’t wait for a formal invitation. If Paxton was even close to opening up, I would take it. Once I peeked in on both my sleeping angels I started up the stairs, stopping at the bottom. I needed a drink for this one.
A shot of rum, a half a shot of apricot brandy, a splash of lemon, pineapple juice, and Galliano thrown quickly into two glasses and I had a drink. A damn good drink. How did I know how to do that? I was rather good if I said so myself.
“Thought you changed your mind,” he said from the top step.
I replied back with a smile and one word. “Drinks.”
“You don’t drink.”
“Stop saying that. I don’t know how I lived with you for six years without drinking. I’m lucky I didn’t do more than that. Here, try it.”
I heard a heavy sigh when he took it and walked back to his room. I followed behind feeling like I always did when he did that. Beneath him. To my surprise he stopped and let me walk in front of him. Our eyes met when I stepped around him, smelling the scent of his cologne.
“Outside?” I questioned over my shoulder.
“Yes, I always sit out there before I go to bed.”
“Me too.”
Paxton snickered behind me. “Yes, I know. I watch you.”
I walked straight to the stone wall. I loved the view from Paxton’s room. Morning or night, it was beautiful. Paxton walked with me, but he faced the house.
His ankles crossed and he sipped his drink. “This is very good. What is it?”
“I have no idea, but I feel like it’s something. Like I craved it. The mixture of ingredients are too complex for something just thrown together.” I went out on a ledge and did something daring. Like I had on the beach. I took a long drink and moved between his legs. He uncrossed his ankles and let me move in close. I did. I leaned right into his crotch, keeping our torsos at distance and stared into his eyes.
“Tell me. What is it you think I did?”
“You already know.”
“Lane?”
“Yup.”
“But what happened? Why do you think that?”
Paxton took another drink and spit it out. “Did you know Candace hired a private detective a couple weeks before your accident?”
“No, Paxton. I don’t know any of this.” If he only knew how this felt. How having no recollection of a past with him messed with my mind. Maybe he would understand more.
“Yeah, she sent me a text message a couple days ago. She had something she wanted to show me.”
“What?”
“I don’t know. I told her I didn’t want to see it right now. That I had enough going on without adding to it.”
“And that’s it? She let it go?”
“Sort of. Other than she was rude to you. I knew what happened. She confronted you, didn’t she?”
“No, not at all. I overheard them talking. Was that the sudden change? She liked me before Saturday.”
That drink almost finished it off. Paxton wiped his mouth and set his glass on the banister behind him. His hands pulled my waist toward him more, and he stood. Warm lips met my shoulder when his hands slid down my robe.
“She put a hold on everything after your accident. The investigator wanted to be paid whether she wanted what he had or not. She just received the package a few days ago.”
My eyebrows went up with the heavy sigh. “Well, that explains why she canceled our lunch, and why she’s been avoiding me. I don’t know what to say, Paxton. Do you think she has proof?”
“I’m guessing so, but you know what?”
“What?”
“I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to know, and I don’t want you remember. It’s going to change things. I won’t want you, Gabriella.”
“This might stun you a little, but I’m okay with that. I’m sure these last few weeks have only been the tip of what I have endured from you. If you want to know, go look. But if I did do that, you think about one thing. Why did I do it?”
“I’ve thought about it every day since I saw you with him.”
The shock on my face matched the surprising words from my mouth. “You saw us together? Where?”
I tried to stand up straight but Paxton wouldn’t let me. He wrapped his arms tighter around me and kissed my shoulder again.
“Down by the rocks.”
“What did you see?”
“He had his arms around you and you had your face buried in his chest. I think you were crying.”
Well, that’s not what I thought would come out of his mouth. “Maybe it was something else then. Maybe we weren’t having an affair.”
“Women don’t let men hold them like that without feeling involved. You’ve never let me hold you like that. You’ve never cried on my shoulder the way you did Lane’s.”
I did pull away that time. “Are you for real. You hate me. You won’t let me get close to you.”
“I’ve never hated you. Dam it, Gabriella. We had an agreement. This was never supposed to be this. Whatever this is between us. I never wanted to hold you, and wipe away your tears. That’s not how it was supposed to be.”
I didn’t speak a word. All I did was stand there. Bewildered. Paxton sidestepped me and ran his fingers through his hair.
“It’s this fucking accident. You were with him for three fucking hours before you wrecked. Weren’t you Gabriella? Did you fuck him that day? Was that what had your attention in the middle of a goddamn hurricane?”
This was the part I hated most. No matter what I said, Paxton wouldn’t understand. Nobody could understand. I was being accused of things, horrible things that I didn’t remember. But, I didn’t know where the blame should be pointed. I felt bad, but I didn’t know what for. For coming between Candace and Lane? For cheating on Paxton? For losing my memory. I didn’t know what I was supposed to fill bad for, and there was no way to explain that to Paxton. He couldn’t understand it. I didn’t understand it. Not even a little.
Paxton ran both hands through his hair again, pulled with two fists, and groaned. His hands dropped to his waist and his words softened.
“I thought we were invincible. I thought we had a good thing going. Something nobody could touch. Something most men only dream about. I fucking had it, Gabriella, and you fucked it up.”
“You’re not talking about Lane anymore, are you?” I asked while taking one cautious step toward him.
“Not even a little.” His voice changed to a defeated tone and a heavy sigh. I took another step. “It’s this, Gabriella. You don’t come to me. I come to you.”
Another step and quiet words.
“I want to come to you, Pax. I don’t know what I did with Lane, but I know I don’t want to be in his arms. I want you.”
“But you didn’t before. Why now?”
“I don’t know. I know you’re tired of hearing that, but I don’t. I can’t answer that, and I’m not sure I ever will.”
Paxton’s lips crushed hard into mine. A fervent kiss full of emotion. My robe went to the concrete and my ass went to the cold wall. He slid into me with ease and I felt every inch. We kissed with deep emotion, passion rising like the tide. I barely noticed when he leaned me backward, pressing his lips to my chest. I trusted him. I may not have at one time, but right there in that moment, I did. I trusted him with my life. He wouldn’t let me fall.
I swore the night before after the fourth or fifth orgasm that I never wanted another
There was something there. Something neither of us could deny. If Paxton didn’t feel what I felt when we touched, when we kissed, and when we made love, there was something seriously wrong with him. It was there. He had to feel it, too.
Angry words were spoken while he pumped, in and out of me. “Fuck, Gabriella. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I didn’t want this. This is so fucked up. I didn’t want this.”
“Hmm, okay,” I moaned while moving his thumb to my aching nub. I moved it into me, directing him to keep up the momentum in small circles. He growled like a bear, but did it. “Ahh, yes, baby. Right there. Hmm,” I whimpered with an arched back.
Paxton pulled me to his body and slid out of me. Damn. “Get up here before I drop you.” For a second I thought we were going to bed. We weren’t. Paxton spun me toward the ocean and resumed his positon. That was magical. Paxton took me from behind while I stared out to the endless ocean. The euphoric conditions were as enchanted as the moon, and I may have been in love. Jesus. I was in love with Paxton.
I never left Paxton’s arms that night. I slept close to his chest the entire night. We made love again before we got up, and then I saw him off to work at the door. Another page turned. Another breaking point. Maybe. Hopefully. We’d see. After the last couple months I’d had, I needed a break.
“What are you doing?” Paxton asked with an aggressive tone and a smile.
I tugged on the hem of his T-shirt and stood on the tips of my toes. “I’m seeing you off to work. Let me be nice.”
Paxton wrapped an arm around my back and pulled me to him with a handful of bare ass. He didn’t speak again, but he did kiss me goodbye. That was something. That was a lot for Paxton.
The neighborhood looked gloomy with a gray haze, hovering above. I watched the black truck until I couldn’t see it anymore and closed the door.
Life suddenly became about us after that day. Paxton, me, Rowan, and Phi. I still let Paxton have the control. Mostly, but on my terms. I never saw my neighbor friends, and they never reached out to me. Not that I expected them to or anything. I’m sure had the tables been turned, I would have felt the same way. There was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Something happened between Lane and me. Candace had the proof, and the other girls hated me. I couldn’t help that, and I couldn’t fix it. I didn’t even remember it.
I wished it didn’t happen, but it did. The more things about me opened up, the more I didn’t like me. Not the me from before. If I cheated on Paxton it was for good reason, and I’m not sure I felt guilty for that. I did however feel bad for Candace. I really liked her, and I really did feel like we were friends. Nonetheless, things seemed to be okay between Paxton and me. For the first time since I’d forgotten my name, I felt happy. Like things were going to be okay.
I was happy without friends. I had all the friends I needed in my family. My two little Clydes would be loyal to the end, Paxton was debatable, but I was okay with that. Things changed after my accident, and there was nothing I could do about that, and I was tired of looking back. I just wanted to leave it all behind and move forward, and that’s exactly what I did. I stopped worrying about my past and who I was before. All I could do was be a better person now. From this point forward.
The next few days were trying. Paxton and I butted heads numerous times. I backed down when I knew I needed to, and held my own when I could. When I could get away with it. Paxton had a look about him when I knew it was enough. Sometimes he would give in when he didn’t want to. Those times were the ones that made me scratch my head. Wonder how in the hell I ended up with a guy like Paxton. A man with a short fuse and a control streak a mile long.
Like our Disney trip. He told me to make the plans. I made them with two very excited little girls. It wasn’t like I could read his mind. How was I supposed to know that he didn’t want to stay inside of Disney? That I was on a budget? He never said that. He told me to plan it and he’d take care of the payment. I did what he told me to do.
We’d just got done eating fresh salads with garden fresh squash. Paxton and Rowan had grilled chicken. Mine and Phi’s sprinkled with shredded Munster cheese. Phi was the new vegetarian, unwilling to eat the meat. She was a vegetarian like her mom. Until her dad wanted bacon or cheeseburgers. Then she’d would wait until next time to be a vegetarian. She was so funny.
“Why can’t I just have real chicken? Barbequed on the grill?” Paxton asked while taking around his salad.
I scooted Rowan’s glass of lemonade back when she almost spilled it and raised my eyebrows toward the sky. “You can. You can even add a half cup of Pepto if you want.”
“Funny.”
“True story,” I said with a little sass. It was true. Every time Paxton insisted on something greasy and fried, he was on the hunt for Rolaids or Pepto.
“I did fine with that stuff before.”
“Did you? Watch what you’re doing Row-row. You’re going to spill that.”
“Well, Daddy gave me the heavy glass.”
“You wanted that one,” Paxton said in an argumentative tone.
Her elbow straightened out on the table, her hand fell beside her plate, and she gave him her very serious look. “Well, I’m six.”
I laughed. I had to. It was too darn cute, and point blank. Like he should have known better than listen to a six year old. Epic.
Paxton changed the subject. Only because Paxton hated to be put in his place. “Ha, ha. Did you make plans for Ophelia’s birthday vacation?”
Ophelia was the one to answer. “Yes, and we’re going to stay in a pool. Right, Mommy?”
“Something like that. It’s a water resort. Two miles from the park. It’s so cool, Pax. Wait until you see it. We can spend a few days just relaxing there.”
“And there’s four water slides,” Rowan said while helping me out with the excitement card. I couldn’t wait.
Paxton pissed on my Cheerios as soon as he looked at my plans. He didn’t say it words, he didn’t put out the excitement fire the girls had burning, but he didn’t have to. The look he gave me and the two little lines on his forehead told me he was pissed.
It wasn’t until I started carrying things in from outside that he told me what his problem was. He helped. That right there was a dead giveaway. Paxton never helped me with chores. It wasn’t his job.
“California? You know the geographical distance between California and Florida, right? What the fuck was wrong with Orlando? Now we have to fly, too. Four-hundred-twenty bucks a night? We’re you born this stupid?”
“Were you? Even the girls know the difference between Disneyland and Disney World. You said Disneyland. Disneyland is in California, not Florida. You didn’t say anything about any of that, Paxton. How was I supposed to know?” He did say Disneyland. I heard him with my own ears.
“How many nights?”
I sort of ducked behind myself, hunkering my shoulders to hide. “Five.”
“Great. I’ll be in my office for the next two weeks, trying to get enough work to pay for it. Come in there as soon as you get the girls to bed. I’m going to take about five grand out of your ass for the next two weeks.”
“Paxton, how can you be mad at me for something you told me to do?”
“You shouldn’t have told the girls without talking to me first. Now what? Are you going to go out there and pull the five star resort out from under them now? Tell them we’re staying at Super 8 instead?”
“I would, Paxton. They wouldn’t care. They’re happy just to go to Disney. Do we need money?”
I grunted a little when my back hit the door jam. Paxton’s hand habitually went around my throat, and his lips moved close to mine. “Money in this house is never your business. Your business is this house, those girls, and taking care of me. You got it, Slut?”
I shoved him as hard as I could. “Fuck you! I’m not a slut. Don’t call me that again. Don’t ever call me that again.”
<
“Mom! Mom! Rowan spilled her drink.”
Paxton gathered his bearings with the distraction. “Walk away, baby girl.”
I did. I walked away with a roll of paper towels, and a pounding heart. Holy shit. I just shoved Paxton Pierce. I had a death wish.
Paxton didn’t lie about spending his time in his office. As much as I wanted to go to him, try to talk to him, and get him to see how much he was overreacting, I didn’t. I even let both girls fall asleep beside me on the couch so he would come out and carry them to bed. He did that, but he also ignored me.
I could see him busy at his desk. Engrossed in the papers in front of him and his computer screen. It took me at least ten minutes to get up the nerve to interrupt, but I finally did it. Fast with words running together. “They’re both out, Paxton. Can you carry them to bed?”
He looked up from his work still wearing reading glasses with dark frames. Damn. Paxton was one of those guys. Glasses looked sexy as hell on him. He slid them from his face and dropped them to his desk without a word or another glance.
Our eyes locked again when he lifted Rowan from my right arm. My eyes soft and pleading, hoping to lighten the mood. His was tainted and angry. Talk about pouting over spilled milk. Jesus Christ. I took a deep breath when he walked away, kissing Rowan’s blood head, and rubbed the whiplash out of my neck. The exact same thing was repeated with Ophelia. I didn’t get the time of day. Restricted eyes and a glare. That’s it. And there went the two steps back again.
Paxton walked right past me without another glance, back to his office. This time, closing the door. He never requested my presence to bend over his lap or his desk like he’d promised. As messed up as it sounds. I felt rejected and that made me sad.
I tucked both my Clydes in with kisses and left him alone in his office. What else was I supposed to do? I tried. I tried every day to please this man, and I couldn’t do it. Maybe a lavender bubble bath and a nice stiff drink would make it all go away.