TROUBLE, A New Adult Romance Novel (The Rebel Series) by Elle Casey
“No, I mean, generally speaking, why would anyone do that?”
I stare at him, trying to gauge where he’s going with his questions. He just looks curious, nothing else.
“Colin, be honest, would you? You have no interest in me as anything but an employee, a friend, and someone to goof around with. Why keep trying to pretend it’s something else? To be honest, it’s kind of cruel.” I shake my head. “I get that you’re the kind of guy who always gets the girl. You always have people fawning all over you. I’m sure your whoooole life, that’s what it’s been like. So I’m the one girl not doing that. Obviously it’s some sort of challenge or contest with you. I get that. But I just have to ask you right now, from the bottom of my heart, if you could quit playing this game with me, because I’m not in a good place to deal with it.”
“You really think that.”
“I really think that, yes.”
“Talk about irrational.”
I throw a hush puppy at him and it bounces off his chest. We both follow its path back towards my plate.
“You just assaulted me.”
“Shut up. It was just a hush puppy.”
“What are people going to say when I tell them I was just sitting there minding my own business and you threw a puppy at me?”
I laugh. “You’d better specify what breed of puppy that was. A hush puppy, not a … not a … wiener dog puppy or anything like that.”
“You like wiener dogs?”
My heart goes soft. “I love wiener dogs. I’ve wanted one my whole life, but my dad always said no.”
“No offense, but your dad sounds like a real … uh … not nice guy.”
“I hate even thinking about him right now. He’s not bad all the time, but he’s very strict.”
“Have you talked to him recently?”
“No. Not since I left. I can’t. It’s too painful right now. He said some very unkind things the last time we spoke. And my mother too. They are a very strong team, let’s put it that way.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
“Don’t be. It’s my life. No use wishing it was different.”
“So we got off track,” Colin says. “You were abusing me with puppies.”
“No, I wasn’t. I was saying that you’re a player and I’m not. So if you want to talk to me and be my friend, that’s cool, but don’t play with me.”
He lies back in the grass and folds his hands behind his head. Staring up into the sky he talks. “I’m not playing you.”
It’s easier to talk to him when he’s not looking at me and I’m not looking at him either. I stare at the box of chicken. “Okay, good.” I’m a little sad. Why a part of me wanted him to be playing me is a mystery. Must be my lack of self-confidence or something. Before Charlie, I used to think I had a lot of that. I used to think I knew myself really well. Boy, was I ever wrong.
“I really like you.” He swivels his head to look at me.
I try to keep my eyes from bulging out of my head, but I’m pretty sure I fail at it. “Yeah, right.”
“I’m serious.”
“Like a sister, maybe.”
“Nah. Guys don’t try to picture their sisters naked.”
I laugh and then snort. It’s not pretty. “Ha. You’re so full of it.” I stare off into the distance, trying to keep calm.
“I’m serious as a heart attack. I tried to paint you naked the other day, but I couldn’t. I can’t see it. You need to come upstairs and take your clothes off for me.”
I pick up a hush puppy and aim it at him threateningly. “Colin. I am dead serious. Stop playing games with me.”
He holds up his hands in surrender. “I give up. I’m not going to say another word.”
I’m more than a little disappointed as I lower my weapon. For a split second there, I was loving the idea of him wanting all that.
He rolls over and gets up onto his hands and knees.
“What are you doing?” I ask, watching him warily.
He starts coming my direction, still on hands and knees. He has a devious expression that has me gripping another hush puppy.
“Seriously, Colin. What are you doing?” I hold up my ammo. “Don’t come any closer!” I’m frozen in place. I stay seated and don’t move, even when his face is right next to mine.
“I’m coming over here to test a theory. Don’t hurt me.”
“Hurt you?” I try to laugh, but it comes out more like a high pitched giggle. “That’s not even possible.”
“Oh, don’t bet on it,” he says, putting his mouth near my neck.
“What are you doing?” I say, my voice moving to a whisper.
“I told you. I’m testing a theory.” He kisses my neck with no warning. His lips are warm and his breath hot. The two opposing sensations make me shiver.
He kisses me again, closer to my jaw.
“You’re kissing me.” Queen of the obvious. Yeah, that’s me.
His softened voice washes over me. Darkness mixed with heat. “Yes, I am. And if you’ll turn your head over here, I’ll do a much better job of it.”
A raging battle takes place between my brain and my heart. My brain jumps in first. Don’t you dare turn your face! Think about your survival! He will destroy whatever it is inside you that you have left! My heart makes her argument next. He just wants to kiss you! What’s it going to hurt? What’s he ever done but be good to you? Maybe he really does like you. How will you know if you never take a chance?
“Colin, this is not a game,” I say. It’s my last ditch attempt at remaining outside this whole thing, whatever it is.
“I know it’s not. Come on. Just one kiss.”
I huff out a breath of pent-up anxiety. This is no big deal. It’s just a kiss. Get it over with. Show him it’s nothing to be all excited about so he can move on.
I turn my face, and his lips are less than an inch from mine.
CHAPTER FORTY
HE LEANS TOWARDS ME SO our lips can touch. At first, it’s just a feathery lightness, barely there. It should mean absolutely nothing. He’s a boy, I’m a girl, it’s just a kiss.
Oh, God, who am I trying to fool? It’s anything but just a kiss. And as it deepens and our lips press more tightly together, I realize it’s a mistake. A very big, very important mistake.
But I’m not strong enough to un-make it or stop it from getting any worse. True to my self-destructive path, I lean into the place where we’re connected and let myself fall deeper into the feelings that are rising up to drown me.
His tongue comes out and tickles my bottom lip as his hot breath washes down past my chin. My mouth opens slowly, automatically, eager yet afraid to feel more of him. My breasts tingle almost sharply and my nipples harden in seconds. I wait until his tongue is passing my lips before I dare to let mine out too.
At the first touch of our tongues together, my breath hitches in my throat. I’ve kissed Charlie hundreds of times, but not once did it ever feel like this.
Colin’s hand is on my shoulder and then my back. I feel myself drifting sideways and it’s only when grass is tickling my ear that I realize I’m lying down. Colin is in front of me, lying down too.
He’s kissing me first tenderly and then with more insistence and passion as his hand roams down from my shoulder to my hip. He tries to pull me closer but my belly bumps into his.
The sensation of the baby flipping around stills our kissing. Against my mouth, he whispers, “I felt her moving.”
I break away, leaning back and looking down at my stomach. “Sorry.”
He lifts my face back up and stares into my eyes. “Don’t ever apologize to me for that. I love it. You are so beautiful.”
Tears fill my eyes. “I’m a penguin with a beak.”
He pinches my chin, not painfully. “No. You are a woman. A real, beautiful, intelligent, loving woman. You are not a penguin.”
“You said …”
“Huh-uh. I said you walk like a penguin. And it’s true, you do waddle a
I can’t help but smile through my tears. “You are such a liar.”
“No, I told you. I don’t lie. Except for that one time you made me lie but it was for a good cause. Now stop talking and kiss me again.” He starts leaning in, but I stop him.
“Hey. You were supposed to be testing a theory. One kiss you said.” My heart is going wild. It’s possible I’m about to have a heart attack, but I hope it doesn’t happen before I hear what he has to say.
“My theory was proven. You can kiss me anytime you want now.”
“What was the theory?”
“Well … I was wondering whether I was after your body because you’re pregnant and I find the pregnant form so alluring - as an artist, I mean. Or whether I was after your body because I just like you so much.”
“And the kiss was some sort of test?”
“Yeah.”
“Doesn’t sound very scientific to me.”
“Well, if we had kissed and it sucked but I still wanted to see your body, then it would just be an art thing.”
He pauses, but I have nothing to say to that. I’m too panicked that the kiss sucked.
“But if the kiss was amazing, like I thought it would be, then it’s not just an artist thing.”
I’m about to pee I’m so freaked out. But I ask anyway. “So …?”
“So … what?” He smiles all evil-like at me.
“Don’t make me bean you with a hush puppy again.”
He scootches in closer and puts his hand around on my butt, pulling my belly up to his. “I’m not sure. I think I need another kiss to make up my mind.”
“Colin, I’m not sure this is such a good idea.” This is his out. This is his chance to walk away, no harm no foul. I hold my breath as I wait for his answer.
“Anything that feels this good can’t be wrong.” He leans in and kisses me once gently and then pulls back again. “Every day when I wake up, I try to come up with ways to see you. I think about you and the baby every second of the day. I dream about you guys at night.” His tone turns frustrated. “I know it’s nuts and I’m not the right kind of guy for you. I know you probably don’t want anything to do with me. But I can’t stop myself. That’s why I painted that picture. I was trying to exorcise you out of my head.”
“Like a demon?”
“Like a muse. Like a habit. Like … someone I want around in my life but can’t hope to have.”
“I’m a burden.”
“You are not a burden. You are a gift.” He drops over onto his back, his mood darkening. “But listen … I’m not the right guy for you, I know that. I have a record. I drink too much sometimes. I fuck up a lot. I have a temper. I spend way too much time dreaming up revenge against that dick Charlie.” He looks over at me. “You’re way better off without me. Just tell me to fuck off, and I will. I swear to God, I’ll leave you alone. I just can’t do it all on my own. I need you to tell me to go and mean it.”
My face is trembling all over. My chin, my lips, my cheeks even. Tears are streaming down my face and I quickly move to wipe them away. He thinks worse things about himself than I do of myself. We are quite a pair. “Do you really mean all that?”
“Yes. I really mean all that.” He stares at the sky again. “Just don’t ask me to explain it, because I can’t. You’re in my veins right now. I’m addicted. I want to be with you and only you. I haven’t had sex in a month.”
I laugh through my sadness. “I take it that’s a bad thing?”
He shifts onto his side again and stares at me. “I would wait for you forever if you wanted me to. I don’t give a shit about that. I told you before … I don’t force myself on women. I would wait for you until you were ready. That is … if you wanted me at all.” He grins with a sad tinge to it. “I’m not feeling all that confident right now to tell you the truth.”
I shake my head. “You’re crazy. You are the most adorable guy I’ve ever known.”
“Yeah, but do you want to get naked with me or just pat me on the head like that wiener dog you’ve been dreaming of all your life? That’s the question.”
I can’t stop giggling. “You know I’m waiting until I’m married for sex.”
“It’s just an expression.” He rolls his eyes a second and mumbles to himself. “Low maintenance, my ass.” Then he’s looking at me again and getting on his knees. “You want to do this your way, fine. We’ll do it your way.”
“What’s my way?” Panic sets up camp in my heart.
Colin settles back onto his heels and puts his hand on his chest like he’s about to pledge allegiance to the flag. “Alissa, I like you. I want to be your boyfriend. I won’t pressure you to have sex with me, but I wouldn’t mind some fooling around if you can handle it. If not, I’ll just wait.” He huffs out a breath and drops his pledging hand to his side. “Okay? There. I said it. Please don’t ever tell anyone I did this.” He looks around to check and see if anyone’s nearby.
My huge grin is giving me face cramps. “I can’t believe you want to be my boyfriend.”
“I know. So gay, right?”
Gay? No. How about romantic … adorable … risky … perfect. I hold out my arms, throwing all caution to the wind and ignoring my inner demons decrying this as a mistake of the worst kind. “Okay, you’ve convinced me. Come here and be my boyfriend.”
He sticks the tip of his tongue out and bites it as he’s coming closer, his eyebrows wiggling up and down. “That’s what I’m talkin’ about.”
And then we’re kissing again. I lose track of time and just let myself drown in the sensations. Later we can face reality and all the barriers that are in the way of our relationship actually working out; for now, I’m just going to keep on dreaming of happiness and being buried in the bosom of my new family.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
I’M ON CLOUD NINE AS we go through the motions of confirming everything at the gallery with Geraldine. Colin held my hand for almost the entire trip over here, there are no more surprise paintings of me in the mix, and Geraldine has agreed not to display the one that ended up on the postcard. Life is about as good as it can get for me right now.
Geraldine shakes her head, not happy that the painting of me isn’t for sale. “We’ll just tell anyone who asks about it that it’s already been sold. But they’ll want to see it anyway. I really think you should let me hang it. It shows a depth to your work that really speaks to people, even those uninitiated in the arts.”
“Nope.” Colin shakes his head. “Not negotiable.”
I put my hand on his arm, loving the fact that I’m allowed to be possessive of him since I’m now his girlfriend. I suppress the urge to giggle over it. “We’ll see, okay? Maybe we can talk about it some more.” I’m feeling very magnanimous for some reason.
He looks at me, confused. “You said …” He shakes his head and shifts his gaze to the gallery owner. “Never mind. We’ll let you know, Geraldine.”
“Good. You two talk about it and let me know.”
Colin’s phone rings and he takes the call, leaving me to chat with Geraldine on my own.
“So, what’s the story with you two, hmmm?” She looks down at my belly and over at Colin.
My happy fog lifts and the fear comes back. I don’t want my situation affecting his work reputation. I suddenly feel dirty. “No story. I work for him. That’s it.”
“Mmmm-hmmmm…”
She obviously doesn’t believe me, but I’m not about to tell her that Colin just recently asked me to be his girlfriend. It’s none of her business. I try not to feel guilty over it.
“Well, good for you, sweetie. He needs some help. He’s going to have a great career if he can stay out of trouble long enough to do the work.”
“He’s not always in trouble.” In fact, since I’ve kn
“Don’t get me wrong, him getting into trouble is a good thing for his reputation. Bad boys sell more paintings, believe me. But if he’s in jail, he can’t do the work, you know what I mean? So he just needs to keep it to just a few events a year, nothing too serious, and that would be perfect.”
“Events?” I’m almost afraid of what her explanation will be.
“Fights. Losses of temper in public places. He could trash a hotel room and that would be good, too. People love hearing about that kind of thing. Makes him seem very mysterious, don’t you think?” She looks over at him and her eyes go all cougary. She’s thinking about getting him naked, I’m sure of it.
I follow her gaze and all I can see is the man who put his hand on his heart and pledged himself on his knees to me less than an hour ago. He’s not trouble. He’s my guardian angel. When I turn back to Geraldine, I’m pissed.
“Colin is not a trained monkey, okay? He doesn’t do anything just for publicity.”
“Sure, darling. Whatever you say.” She moves away, and I’m torn between following her to give her a piece of my mind and just leaving in a huff.
Colin makes the decision for me when he walks up, sliding his phone into his front pocket. “Feel like taking a drive?”
I lose sight of Geraldine. “A drive? Where?”
“Tegan asked that we come to her lawyer’s appointment. I guess there’s been some developments and she wants her family with her.”
I try to not be too happy about being included in that description. It’s not like she requested that I be there personally. “Okay. Let’s go.” Going to an appointment where I just sit and listen is probably way better than getting into a war of words with Cougar McShruger anyway.