Tainted Heartbreak by Terri Anne Browning
“Amara?” she asked in a voice hoarse from crying. She sniffled and wiped at her damp eyes. “Honey, thank goodness you’re here.”
“Jane,” Amara murmured, hugging the woman. “How are Josh and Brian?”
“The boys fell asleep about an hour ago. It’s been a really long day.” Jane’s gaze landed on me in the rapidly fading light. “Oh. Hello.”
Amara reached for my hand, clinging to it as she introduced me to her stepmother. “Jane, this is my boyfriend, Cash.”
Something softened in her eyes, and she hugged me next. “Thank you for being here for our girl,” she whispered at my ear in a voice that cracked with emotion.
I didn’t know what to say to that. There was no need to thank me because there was no other place I wanted to be than right there with Amara. The woman I loved just lost her father. I wasn’t going to let her go through this alone.
Chapter 11
Amara
The feel of the bed shifting had my eyes snapping open. It took a few seconds for my brain to catch up with what I was seeing. The streetlamp outside lit the room dimly enough that I could make out where I was—not home, but in my room at my dad’s house. I could feel Cash’s steady breathing on the back of my neck, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. My back was molded against his front, and we could have been mistaken for one person.
In front of me, Riley adjusted the extra pillow and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “How are you?” she whispered.
“Numb,” I told her honestly. “When did you get here?”
“Not long ago. Jane let me in. She made up the couch for me, but I couldn’t sleep knowing you were hurting.” She stroked her fingers over my brow. “I’m so, so sorry, Mar.”
Fresh tears stung my eyes. One spilled down my cheek, but I was too exhausted to wipe it away. “You didn’t have to come. I know how important tomorrow was to you. Your mom could have expanded to New York. She was going to give you LA.”
“I told you, you’re more important to me than anything. Mom knows that and understood when I told her I had to be here for you.” She grimaced. “She sends her love, by the way.”
“Lin didn’t come, did she?” But I knew the answer before she even opened her mouth.
“I’m sorry, babe. Her dad wouldn’t let her come. You know how he is, and with your falling out with Malcolm…” She trailed off, but I knew what she would have said.
Lindsey’s dad was friendly with Malcolm. He wasn’t going to pay for his daughter to run after me and hold my hand for any reason, including the death of my father. Hell, it was a wonder he hadn’t made her move out yet. It wasn’t like I was important now. With me tossing everything aside for my own happiness, I was no longer close to Malcolm, so I was no longer useful.
I shrugged. “It’s fine. I understand and knew she wouldn’t. Lin loves me, but she would never go against her parents.”
“But you’re her best friend,” Riley argued, upset for me. “She should be here for you, damn it!”
I hugged her close. “But you are my best friend, and that’s all that matters. Right?”
“Yeah,” she sniffled, her arms going around my middle, separating me from Cash slightly. “That’s all that will ever matter.”
With the two people I loved the most right there holding me, I found myself falling back to sleep easily despite the ache that felt like it was pressing painfully against my ribs. Thankfully, dreams eluded me, and I slept peacefully.
The sound of Cash’s deep voice rumbling under my ear woke me. Opening my eyes, I realized I’d turned in my sleep until I was lying mostly on top of him. Riley was still where she’d been when we fell asleep. She was the type that, once she was asleep, didn’t move again until she was ready to get up, whereas I tossed and turned all night long.
Cash’s hands were rubbing up and down my spine through my sleep shirt while he and Riley talked quietly.
“The news said they found the bodies,” Riley whispered.
Nausea lifted into my throat, and I whimpered as I jumped out of bed and ran for the bathroom across the hall. I heard running feet pounding the floor behind me, but my focus was in keeping my head in the toilet as I puked up what little food I’d eaten the day before.
My hair was pulled back from my face, and a cool, damp cloth was touched to the back of my neck as my stomach heaved over and over again. Sweat beaded on my brow and between my shoulders as my body fought against the convulsions.
“I’m so sorry, Mar,” Riley groaned as she crouched down beside me while Cash continued to hold my hair for me. “I thought you were still asleep.”
I could only make a small little whimpering sound as I threw up again. It seemed to take forever before my stomach calmed down enough that I could breathe again. I felt like pure shit, not just emotionally, but physically as well. My body was weak, my heart aching, and my stomach rolled like I was on a boat in the middle of a freaking typhoon.
Cash helped me stand. Holding most of my weight, he pressed a cup of water to my lips so I could rinse out my mouth. Riley went to my room and returned with my toothbrush and toothpaste. I did a quick brush, but I felt dizzy by the time I was done.
Wordlessly, Cash carried me back to my bed and tucked me in. “Riley’s going to take care of you while I take a quick shower. Then I’m going to go to the store and get you some ginger ale and whatever else Jane might need.”
Tears poured from the corners of my eyes as I grasped his hand and held on tight. “Cash?” I whispered, my heart aching with loss and love all at the same time.
He sat down beside me, his eyes glazed with emotions I didn’t have the energy to decipher right then. “What is it, Dreamer?”
“I…” My throat closed up, making it impossible for me to voice the words that were echoing through my head.
He kissed the corner of my mouth, then my jaw before touching his lips to the shell of my ear. “I know, baby. It’s the same for me,” he told me in a choked voice. “Hold tight. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
I watched through my tears as he grabbed a change of clothes out of the bag Riley had brought for us and left the bedroom. My best friend crawled into bed beside me as the door closed behind him. “Mar, that guy loves you so much,” she whispered. “I know I’ve rolled my eyes at you and him, and how fast everything has happened. But I can see it radiating off him like a freaking aura.”
“I love him too,” I whispered back through a tight throat. “He’s been my strength since the moment I called him yesterday. I-I don’t know what I would have done without him.”
“I think he’s a keeper, babe.”
--
By the time I felt like I could get out of bed under my own steam—without painting the house a lovely shade of vomit—it was late afternoon, but my nausea lingered for days. I knew I had to be strong for Jane and my brothers, however, so I pushed through it.
Jane was still in bed, as were the boys. I knocked on my stepmom’s door and heard a choked sob. Instantly, tears filled my already swollen eyes. I didn’t wait for her to invite me in. Opening the door, I found the room in complete darkness. Without turning on a light, I stumbled to the bed and then crawled in beside her.
Ice-cold hands latched on to me and pulled me close. I pulled her head to my chest and stroked my fingers over her shoulders much like Riley and Cash had been doing to me all day. I didn’t bother to try to give her words of comfort. If none could help me, I knew sure as fuck there were none to help her. She’d lost her partner in life, the father of her children. My dad had been her entire world, and in the blink of an eye, that had all been taken away.
I lost track of time as I lay there, letting Jane cry out all the pain that was tearing her soul apart, letting my own tears fall silently. Cash checked on me, making sure I was feeling okay, but other than that, he left us alone. A while later, Riley came in to tell me my brothers were up. No sooner had she said their names than they ran in, turning on the lights and jumping into the bed between
Jane and I pulled them down with us. Brian, the youngest at six, wrapped me in a hug that made everything inside me breathe a sigh of relief. I loved this kid and his brother more than anything in the world. They were the last of the blood family I had in the world that actually cared about me.
Josh, who had only recently turned eight, seemed to be taking on the man of the house role. He hugged his mother, calming telling her in his little-boy voice that everything was okay because he was going to take care of her. I hurriedly blinked away the tears that tried to flood out of my eyes. Damn it, I should have been all cried out by now.
With all the puking and crying I had done, I was dehydrated and feeling weaker than a newborn kitten.
Brian stood up on the bed. “I’m hungry, Mommy.”
“Oh, honey. I’m sorry. Let me get you something to eat.” Jane started to move, but Riley was already coming into the room.
“That’s okay, Mrs. Marks. I’ll feed this little monster,” she assured her. “Cash is ordering pizza, squirt. That sound like something you might like?”
“Yeah,” he told her in a tired voice, making him sound considerably older than he really was.
“Can…I have some too?” Josh asked hesitantly, as if now that he was the man of the house, he wasn’t allowed to get excited over his favorite food anymore.
“I don’t know. I think Brian’s tummy is growling so loud, he might turn into a pizza monster and eat it all,” Riley teased. “Come on, buddy. Let’s go make sure Cash orders enough.”
Josh jumped out of bed and took her hand, following his brother out of the room. I sat up slowly in bed. My head felt like it weighed a hundred pounds and was throbbing from lack of food and all the crying I’d done in the last twenty-four hours.
“I like your friends, Amara,” Jane murmured in a hoarse voice. “I’m glad you have them in your life. Your dad and I have been so worried about you lately. He… He was going to call you this weekend to ask you to come home for a few days. H-He missed you so much, honey.”
“I missed him too,” I whispered. “But you shouldn’t have been worried. I-I recently had a job offer.”
“Oh no! Is your being here going to get you fired?”
I shrugged. “I hadn’t started yet, but no, it won’t mess anything up. Actually, my boss, she’s pretty cool. She understands and texted me this morning to ask if there was anything I needed.”
“Then you are lucky, honey. This boss sounds like a genuinely good person.”
A knock on the door had us turning to find Cash standing in the doorway. “Baby, is there anything else you want to try to eat? Salad, fries, breadsticks?”
My stomach growled in approval of all those suggestions. “One of everything?”
He crossed to the bed and leaned over to kiss me. “Whatever you want, Dreamer. I’m here to serve you.” He glanced at Jane. “Is there anything you would like? Anything I can get you?”
“Honey, you don’t have to do all of this,” Jane started, but Cash waved her off.
“Mrs. Marks, as long as I’m here, you just focus on yourself and the boys. I’ve got this. Whatever you need, just say the word.”
Over the next two weeks, Cash took care of all of us. Not just ordering food, but fielding phone calls or friends stopping by to offer their condolences. He was a pro at charming people into doing exactly what he wanted, because no one came in to disturb our solitude—and that included the oil rig representatives who seemed hell-bent on speaking to Jane.
The news that it would take a few more days to actually identify the bodies broke my heart all over again. There was no way to determine who was who without doing DNA testing; not even dental records could tell which body belonged to which man. Their bodies were just too damaged.
Time seemed to slow down until the ticking of the clocks paused altogether. I was losing my mind along with whatever food I tried to swallow. I wanted all of this to be over. Fuck, I wanted it to have never happened in the first damn place. But that was one miracle that would never happen.
By Friday, we were finally able to make funeral arrangements, but Dad’s body was too disfigured for any of us to see. Cash, still taking charge of everything, asked Jane and me what we wanted to do. Although it was difficult for us, we decided it would be better for everyone if we just had him cremated. That was all Cash seemed to need to know, because within hours, the memorial was all planned. Jane and I hadn’t even had to leave the house.
It seemed the explosion was turning into a media event, but when we went to the memorial at Jane and Dad’s church, the photographers were unable to get to us other than to snap a few pictures from a distance. Riley told me that Cash had called Emmie, and she sent out her security people to ensure the press kept their distance.
That night, I fell into bed beside Cash and held on to him tighter than I ever had before. He was leaving with Riley in the morning to take care of something that his grandmother needed, but I wanted to stay a few extra days with Jane and the boys. I knew I would see him that weekend, but we hadn’t spent more than a night apart since we’d met and just the thought of being away from him for so long was killing me.
“I can stay if you need me to,” he murmured as he stroked his fingertips up and down my bare back. “You’re more important to me than Gigi.”
I pressed a kiss into the center of his chest and lifted my head to look down at him. “You’ve stopped your life for me for almost two weeks. I can’t let you continue to ignore your grandmother like this. She’s been calling every day, and you just brush her off. I know how much she means to you, and if I’m going to get this woman to like me as much as Jane likes you, I need to let you go.”
The room was too dark for me to see the look in his eyes, but I could tell they were glazed with something intense. “I’m going to miss you so damn much, Dreamer.”
“D-Don’t,” I choked out. “Don’t make me cry. I’m going to miss you too.”
“When you get home, I want you to move in with me.”
The first time he’d asked that question over a month ago, I had turned him down instantly. Now, however, I wasn’t thinking about how I wanted to be independent and stand on my own feet. Make my own way in the world. Right then, all I cared about was being with him every possible minute of the day. Of waking up to his arms around me, his lips in my hair, and his heartbeat under my ear. Fuck, of our toothbrushes touching in the bathroom, as if not even they could bear to be apart.
“Okay,” I told him simply and cuddled back down beside him.
He let out a deep, relieved laugh. “Okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” I laughed, and it sounded so alien I realized it was the first time I’d had cause to laugh since getting the call from Jane nearly two weeks ago. “We can sort it out when I get back.”
“Fuck, I’m just happy you said yes.” He kissed the top of my head, inhaling deeply. “I’ll make room for your clothes in the closet when I get home. It will give me something to do while I’m missing you.”
“Do you think you’ll be done with this thing for your grandmother by Saturday?” I asked drowsily.
I thought I felt him tense, but I was already drifting off to sleep. “Yeah, Dreamer,” he promised in a tired voice. “I’ll make sure it’s finished by the time I get you back.”
--
The next morning, I used Jane’s minivan and took Riley and Cash to the airport. I put on a smile and hugged my best friend tightly in front of the departure lane. “Tell Lin I’m not mad,” I instructed Riley. “She hasn’t texted me much, and I know she’s feeling guilty for not coming.”
Riley grimaced. “Listen, I like Lin. Really, I do. But she has no loyalty. The least she could have done was to be here for the memorial. She’s too caught up in her daddy’s money to care about her best friend.”
I only shook my head. “I understand where she’s coming from. Remember, I grew up with Malcolm, and her dad is just as intense.”
“Fuckers,” she growled
“I’ll be home Saturday.”
“But get used to missing her,” Cash said, wrapping his arms around me from behind now that his and Riley’s cases were out of the trunk.
My friend narrowed her eyes on him. “What does that mean?”
I looked at Cash over my shoulder, shaking my head at him. Now that he had gotten the answer he wanted, he was making sure I didn’t back out. “I haven’t told her yet.”
“Tell me what?” she demanded, then gasped like she was in pain. “Mar, are you moving out?”
“Yes,” Cash answered for me before I could open my mouth. “But you’re always welcome at our place, Riley.”
“You’re going to leave me alone with Lin?” she cried.
“You two are friends too, Riles,” I reminded her.
“Okay, listen, because I think you have your wires crossed. Lin and me? We tolerate each other for your sake. We’re not besties, and we sure as fuck have nothing in common. She looks down her nose at me, Mar.”
I knew she was right and would admit I had turned a blind eye to the fact that my two best friends often did nothing but bitch at each other. But my moving in with Cash shouldn’t cause problems with them continuing to be roommates. “I’m sorry, Riles. Really, I am…”
“But?” she asked, her voice thick with annoyance.
“But you’ll find a new roommate, and…”
“And you and the douchebag rocker are in love and can’t bear to be apart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. Whatever. I’ll get over it. Eventually.” She glared at Cash over my shoulder. “But don’t be surprised when I start sleeping on your couch.”
“You are welcome anytime,” he repeated with a laugh. Turning me in his arms, he effortlessly shut down any further arguments.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or scream at him, but tears instantly blurred my vision as I realized this was it. I wasn’t going to see him again for five days. “Dreamer,” he groaned and lifted me into his arms. My arms went around his neck, my legs around his waist, and I held on as the tears began to fall. “Baby, please don’t cry.”