The Accidental Hero by Matt Myklusch
Jack ran an exhausting gauntlet of security checks on his way up to the office. The Peacemakers took Jack’s fingerprints, scanned his retinas, and recorded his voiceprint. The entire building was riddled with cameras, microphones, and special sensor walls. Once the tower system had Jack’s bio-data, the Peacemakers told him, it would be impossible for him to hide inside the building or disguise himself in any way while there. The sound of his voice would be picked up by hidden audio sensors that would recognize his specific vocal patterns. Anything Jack touched would register his fingerprints. SmartCams and other security cameras were constantly “ret-scanning” the building and would easily identify Jack’s unique eyeballs.
Having taken the necessary precautions, it was finally time to bring Jack before Jonas Smart. The Peacemakers took Jack up to the top floor in an elevator that made the one in the Ivory Tower feel slow. Smart’s lesson was being taught in his laboratory. Battlecry checked in at a ret-scanner to open the lab door, and Stormfront halted Jazen at the entrance.
“School of Thought only,” Stormfront told Jazen smugly, holding up his hand.
Jazen didn’t argue. He simply pointed out that if he couldn’t go with Jack into Smart’s lab, then the Peacemakers couldn’t follow him in there either. Stormfront immediately lost his haughty grin, realizing that separating Jack from the Peacemakers was probably all Jazen hoped to accomplish in the first place. Jack thanked Jazen for coming this far with him and entered the lab. The Peacemakers stayed outside and Jazen waited with them.
Smart’s lab was built like an airplane hangar. It was an immense room, a vast, wide-open space. The smooth contours of the arched ceiling were bright white and backlit by intense lights, the kind you needed sunglasses to guard against. After Jack’s eyes adjusted, he saw an incredibly clean and orderly laboratory with minirobots hard at work in every corner. The lab was a precision machine, illuminated with brilliant light and cast in an unblemished, perfect white hue. Jonas Smart had an experiment in progress for anything and everything you could think of. There were sparks flying and the smell of welding metal in the air. Mechanical assembly lines whirred and chemicals bubbled. Engines ran and turbines turned. The breadth and variety of machines in the room overwhelmed Jack, reminding him just how much he needed to learn if he was going to master his superpowers. Words scrolled through the air like the holo-signs Jack had seen back in the Hall of Records. Their message was less than inspiring:
THIS WAY, JACK BLANK… YOU ARE LATE… PENALTY POINTS WILL BE ASSESSED.
Jack soldiered on and found Smart in the back of the lab, standing in front of what looked like a tangital chalkboard he could write on with a laser pen. There were three desks before him. Skerren and Allegra were already seated.
“You are four minutes and twenty-seven seconds late,” Smart said, pointing to a timer that was counting away on the holo-board. “In case you are wondering, this is not the way to earn my vote.”
“I’ve been here for twenty minutes,” Jack said. “The Peacemakers had me going through your security checks forever.”
“I’m not interested in excuses,” Smart replied. “Lateness is lateness, regardless of reason.”
“It wasn’t my fault, though. The SmartCams—”
“I’m not complaining, Jack, it was an enjoyable four minutes and twenty-seven seconds,” Smart said. “Truth be told, you’re only here because I am bound to abide by the ruling of my fellow Circlemen. Even so, a student must show respect for his teacher, and as such your conduct is unacceptable. Completely unacceptable.” Jack put up his hands as if to say “I surrender” and sat down. He was off to a great start. Smart scowled at Jack as he took his seat, then resumed teaching.
Smart was supposed to be teaching, anyway, but he was apparently incapable of doing anything beyond bragging about his own intelligence. Five minutes into the lecture, it was plain to see that Smart’s “class” would be little more than a pompous diatribe describing his many great accomplishments: SmartPaper, SmartWater-CleanWindow, SmartTrash-Disintegrators, and more.
“The greatest of all my inventions was the Time-Scope,” Smart said, proudly pointing to an image that flashed on the holo-board. It looked like a giant telescope, except the end with the lens disappeared into some kind of hole torn in the sky. Smart explained that the TimeScope used a supersharp ion-blade attachment to cut a hole in the very fabric of reality and look deep into the time-space continuum. From there, an imagerelayer inside the TimeScope beamed pictures back to the TimeScreen, where Smart could tune in static-filled snippets of the future like a TV with fuzzy reception. “The further into the future I look, the more static-filled the image becomes. I’ve tried to fix that, but so far, to no avail.” Smart paused, smiling wistfully. “I know what you must be thinking. I create an amazing wonder like this, and still I’m not satisfied. Well, that is what it means to be Jonas Smart. In fact, I believe this device can do more than simply see into the future. My theory is that if someone were to dive through that hole in the fabric of reality, they could physically travel through time.” Smart looked at his students. “Any volunteers?”
Skerren raised his hand. “I volunteer Jack,” he said.
“You can’t volunteer someone else,” Allegra said. “That’s not how it works.”
“Yeah,” Jack said to Skerren. “If you’re so tough, why don’t you volunteer your—”
“Enough,” Smart said. “Your mindless prattle is both tiresome and misplaced. This class is not about you, it is about me. Now, let’s all take a moment to reflect upon my brilliance, shall we?”
While the students observed the moment of silence, Smart rode around the lab on a floating platform, checking on his many ongoing experiments. He continued his lecture while going from project to project, preoccupied with his own interests as he spoke. He droned on about himself, showing little to no interest in his students.
“By the time I was your age, I had already written volumes and volumes of scientific texts,” Smart boasted. “I redefined scientific theory and was responsible for several magnificent breakthroughs, including MagLev roads! I later tried to change the name to SmartRoads, but the term ‘MagLev’ had already caught on with the public. Something I find to be rather annoying,” he grumbled.
Jack rolled his eyes. Smart had his name on half the buildings in Empire City, and here he was complaining about a lack of recognition. When Smart’s back was turned, Jack looked at Allegra and silently mouthed “Blah, blah, blah…” as Smart blathered on.
Allegra giggled. Jack snickered too.
Smart spun around in a flash.
“Something amusing?” Smart asked pointedly. “Let’s see what’s so funny… Holo-board! Playback!”
Jack was mortified to learn the holo-board recorded everything that happened in the classroom. Moments later, the board replayed a high-definition video of Jack’s antics, and Smart’s temper hit volcanic levels.
“This is the second time you have disrespected me today… there will not be a third!” Smart bellowed. “In fact, I might just cast my vote on you right now.”
Technically, it was only the first time Jack had disrespected Smart. His lateness wasn’t his fault, but there was no point in trying to convince Jonas Smart of that. Jack said, “Sorry, sir. Really. It won’t happen again.”
Smart glared at Jack. “I should hope not.”
There was a tap on Jack’s shoulder as Smart returned to the holo-board. It was Skerren. “Just give up now, Rusty,” he hissed. “You can’t get on Smart’s good side. There is no good side! He’s heartless!”
Jack ignored Skerren’s whispering. He figured his insufferable classmate was just trying to get him into more trouble by goading him to talk out of turn again. When Smart was done showing off all his inventions, he asked if there were any questions. Jack tried to take the opportunity to show some interest and make back some points with the teacher.
“Could I read some of your science books?” Jack asked with his hand in the air.
“Well, we found out that I can only control machines if I know how they work,” Jack explained. “I’m really impressed with all your inventions. If I could get a look at some of your books and the cool things you’ve done, maybe I could start to see what makes everything tick.”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, boy,” Smart said dismissively. “My work is all very complex. You wouldn’t understand any of it.”
Jack leaned forward, squinting at Smart. Wouldn’t understand it? Of course he wouldn’t understand it. That was the whole point of trying to learn it! Jack slumped in his chair.
“Something you should know,” Smart told Jack. “I am not describing my inventions so that you can learn how to manipulate them. I’m not at all comfortable with training a future Rüstov soldier to better control powers that he will one day use against me. I am just gracing your brain with a brief history of the greatest and most innovative mind the world has ever known. My own. This lecture has little to do with your testing or my vote. In fact, all the information I need from you will come in the form of little light-dots made by your laser pens.” He held up three sheets of SmartPaper. “Namely, your answers to this test.”
With that, Smart handed out his very comprehensive Total Personality Test. It was a test designed to create a snapshot estimate of an individual’s knowledge on every possible subject. As an added bonus, the TPT (as Smart was fond of calling it) could psychoanalyze a student’s personality into one of several predetermined profiles. The Total Personality Test distilled every unique characteristic of an individual person into a single test score. Smart was immensely proud of it.
Each copy of the test was entirely contained on a single sheet of SmartPaper. Jack scrolled through his test. There were more than a thousand questions in all. The tangital sheet went on and on, covering every subject and question type he could imagine. There were math, linguistics, science, history, and grammar questions. There were logic puzzles, analogies, essays, and more. Jack scrolled down for what seemed like forever. It was a dizzying experience to feel so unprepared for a test of this magnitude. Jack hadn’t studied a thing. Then again, what do you study when you’re going to be tested on everything?
Smart announced that the four-hour examination period would begin immediately. A four-hour test! Jack held back a groan. Smart said there would be no break, since it would waste test time. The whole thing reminded Jack of Calhoun’s P-MAP Test, except way longer.
As Smart left the room, Jack concentrated on trying his best on the exam. After the first two hours of questions about algebra, classic books, and thermodynamics, the questions all gelled together into a blur of multiple choices. The only standouts were the additional questions, specific to each test taker. They were automatically generated by the test and Jack found them especially annoying. Some of the questions the Total Personality Test posed to Jack were:
WHY DID THE RÜSTOV SEND YOU HERE?
A. To attack humans
B. To spy on humans
C. To spy on humans now and attack them later
HOW OFTEN DO YOU DREAM ABOUT CONQUERING EARTH?
A. Always
B. More often than not
C. Now and then
IF AND WHEN THE RÜSTOV INVADE AGAIN, WHAT WILL YOU DO?
A. Join in the fight against humanity
B. Help find another planet to attack and systematically destroy
C. Both A and B
Whenever Jack didn’t like answer choices A, B, or C, he decided to write his own responses in the margins. He wrote in that the Rüstov didn’t send him here to do anything, that he never dreamed about world domination, and that if the Rüstov were to come back, he’d fight against them. Jack wondered what kind of questions Skerren and Allegra were getting. They didn’t seem to be enjoying the test any more than he was.
When Jack was finally done, Smart collected the tests and took them to be scanned and graded. He was going to base 100 percent of his vote on these tests. The very idea made Jack’s stomach turn. He had answered so many questions that he had no idea how he had done, or what any of it had to do with becoming a superhero. He just hoped that he would somehow pass.
Jack turned around in his chair after Smart left the room. “After this is over, do you want to go to SeasonStill Park or something?” he asked.
“I don’t have time to play in the park,” Skerren scoffed. “I have to train. Unlike you, I’m going to get into this school. When you fail, it’s going to be because you didn’t work like I did. Either that, or because you’ll turn into a Rüstov Para-Soldier before we even get that far.”
“Thanks for sharing, Skerren,” Jack said. “I was talking to Allegra.”
Allegra shied away as Jack and Skerren turned toward her. She didn’t do well as the center of attention. “Urn…” was all she could say.
She was still struggling to reply when Smart returned with the test scores. That was fast, thought Jack.
“Here comes your first F,” Skerren said, tapping Jack’s shoulder. “Time to hit the MagLev road, Jack.” Jack felt queasy. Skerren was a jerk, but he was probably right. Jack braced himself for the inevitable as Smart approached.
Smart handed Skerren’s test back first. Skerren passed easily with a 98, earning both Smart’s vote and his praise. The test categorized Skerren’s personality as an “Ultracompulsive Overachiever.” Apparently, that was Smart’s personality type as well, and he was proud to say so. Next was Allegra. She scored an 85, which was also a passing grade. Smart told her it was tolerable, and that he would not vote against her. Her personality profile was a mixture of “Jittery Jitterbug” and “Late Bloomer.” Jack had to admit Allegra was pretty jittery, but he didn’t agree with the second part at all. He actually thought Allegra was kind of cute. Finally, it was his turn. He fully expected to be classified as “Evil Rüstov Spawn” and sent packing, but Smart just paused a moment and looked at Jack with an odd sort of look. Jack waited anxiously as the dreaded test sheet was laid before him on the desk.
There was no score.
The grading area read NEED MORE INPUT.
“What the—,” Jack began.
“Yes,” Smart said, unnerved and upset. “Your test was inconclusive. I assume you expect me to believe you had nothing to do with this?”
Jack stared at the test paper in front of him in disbelief. “I took the test, that’s all I did,” he said. “I don’t understand.”
Smart looked at Jack like he was trying to will his head to explode. “Don’t you? I designed the Total Personality Test to be perfect. The TPT has never failed to categorize an individual, and yet it cannot evaluate you, the boy who knows how to control machines.”
Jack looked up at Smart. “What are you saying?”
“SmartPaper is a machine. Obviously, you’re using your powers to cheat on my test.”
“My powers don’t work like that,” Jack said. “I don’t have a clue how SmartPaper works—I couldn’t mess with it if I tried.”
Of course, Jack hadn’t known how the power generator back at St. Barnaby’s had worked either, and he had blown that up without any trouble, but he didn’t feel the need to bring that up. He wondered if Smart was right. Was he so scared of failing that his powers had actually affected the test?
Smart didn’t pick up on Jack doubting his own story. Smart was in his own world, pondering away and talking to himself. “This is intolerable,” he muttered under his breath. “How can I be expected to make up my mind—to vote!— without the test telling me what to…” Smart grunted and went on pacing the room. After a few intense moments of rubbing his chin and pacing with a distressed look, Smart composed himself. He straightened his back and addressed the children with confidence.
“I have it,” Smart announced. “I’ve decided to wait.”
“What?” Jack and Skerren exclaimed at the same time, for very different reasons.
“I will wait to judge you, Jack Bla
“Whoa,” Jack said. “What kind of tests and experiments?” He had every right to be suspicious of a man who had very recently lobbied to execute and dissect him.
“Whatever kind I deem necessary,” Smart replied. “Not to worry, you’ll be quite safe. I can’t dissect you without the Inner Circle’s permission. My experiments will simply explore the nature of your infection and alleged ability to resist it. We will explore the full extent of your powers and find out just how you’ve confounded this test!”
“And if I pass your tests, you’ll vote me into the School of Thought?” Jack proposed.
Smart paused before answering. “If you pass all my tests and I deem you safe?” he asked. His compulsive need for more data was in conflict with the absolute disgust he felt at the thought of voting for Jack. “Yes,” he said finally. “If that extremely unlikely scenario comes to pass, I will give you my vote.”
“Give him your vote?” Skerren protested. “But, but— he’s a Rüstov!”
“And I expect I’ll prove that. But I need to hear my tests say so.”
“Why?” Skerren asked.
“I JUST DO!” Smart shouted back. “Now be silent! It’s not your place to question me!” This was a very different Jonas Smart than the one Jack had seen up until now. He was harried. Agitated. Quite unlike himself. “Jack, you have heard my terms,” he said. “The choice is yours. Take all the time you need to decide.” He glanced at the clock on the wall. “You have four seconds.”
“Uh…okay, deal,” Jack said.
“Excellent,” Smart said, taking a deep breath. “Excellent.” He shut down the holo-board and leaned over a lab desk, facing away from the students. He exhaled deeply. “Tests will begin today,” he said. “Now. Perhaps sooner. The rest of you can leave,” he added with a wave of his hand. “Go. Play. Do whatever it is that children do, but be gone.” Skerren and Allegra couldn’t have left any quicker if Stendeval had teleported them away.