The Captain of Her Heart by Anita Stansfield
Chapter Fourteen
LIAISONS
“You know,” Daisy said one afternoon while they shared tea on the little back porch of Kyrah’s house, “you should be thinking about what to do if you don’t get passage before that baby comes. I don’t think you should take any chances on being here when that husband of yours returns.”
“I’ve been thinking about that,” Kyrah admitted. “I suppose I just don’t want to face the possibility.”
“Well, not facing it isn’t going to solve the problem, honey. If you ask me, and you probably wouldn’t, but I have to say that you’d have done well to be facing up to what life’s given you a long time ago.”
“What do you mean?” Kyrah asked, feeling defensive without fully understanding why.
“I mean that a person might not have any control over what life dishes out, but they can certainly decide what to do with it. You can’t change the past, but you can figure out what got you here and make certain you don’t ever end up in such a mess again. Sitting here not thinking about what to do to get out of this mess isn’t going to fix it. Your time’s running out, honey. If there’s any hope for you and that baby to have any freedom and peace, you’re going to have to make some decisions—and soon.”
Kyrah sighed and looked away. She broke the silence with the words that had tumbled around in her mind for months. “If only Ritcherd had come. If he—”
“Now, wait a minute,” Daisy interrupted, leaning over the table toward Kyrah, “there’s something I have to say about that. I’ve been biting my tongue since the first time we talked about your dear Captain Buchanan. But I would hope you can see by now that I am your friend, and I would never say anything to you if I didn’t have your best interests at heart. Is that true?”
“Of course,” Kyrah said, even though she suspected that Daisy’s advice would not be pleasant.
“Well, as I see it, you’ve spent so many years depending on Ritcherd Buchanan to make things right for you that you don’t know how to make things right for yourself—or at least you think you don’t. You managed to take care of yourself and your mother all that time on your own. You managed well enough after you arrived here. And I think you could have kept managing just fine. You’re smart. You’re capable. And you’re brave. You’ve faced things that would have made a lot of women crumble. But you’ve survived. And you’re stronger for it. You don’t need Ritcherd Buchanan.”
Kyrah was so stunned that it took her a moment to gather her words. “But I love him,” she protested.
“Love and need are two different things. It’s good to have someone to love, to have companionship, to share your life. But any human being is capable of surviving on their own. What would I have done if I’d believed that I couldn’t make it without my husband? Where would I be?” Daisy’s eyes penetrated Kyrah as she added with careful enunciation, “When a woman relies too heavily on a man to solve all of her problems, eventually she will lose herself completely. A woman needs to stand strong as an individual before she is capable of giving a man the kind of love that keeps a relationship alive and strong. Otherwise, he will lose his intrigue with her. What kind of interest does a man find in a woman when she is little more than an extension of himself? A man wants a woman who has backbone, who keeps him guessing, keeps him challenged.”
Daisy leaned back and sighed. “Now, it might take a while for you to digest all that. So, I’m just going to say one more thing and give you some time to think about it. Ritcherd Buchanan is not here. And if there’s any hope of the two of you finding real happiness together, you’re going to have to figure out what you have to do to be happy first. Whatever decisions you make from this day forward, make them from the heart, make them according to what you know is right, so that you can become the best person you can become. You got yourself into this mess. You’ve got to decide what you’re going to do about it—with or without Ritcherd Buchanan. And then . . . if the two of you ever do cross paths again, you can determine if you still have what it takes to make it together.”
Kyrah inhaled deeply, as if she could more fully absorb everything Daisy had said. “Do you think such a thing is possible?” she asked.
“You tell me,” Daisy said. “In my view, anything is possible, but not if somebody else has to figure it out for you.” She stood up to leave and added, “Think about it. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
Daisy’s words stayed with Kyrah through the remainder of the day and a restless night. She prayed to be able to sufficiently comprehend what Daisy was trying to teach her, and to be able to apply it to her life in a way that would make a difference. Watching the sun come up through her bedroom window, it all began to make sense. She could look back over the difficulties of her past and see that she had no control over certain things that had happened. She could also see that she had made choices that had affected where she was now. And now she was at a crossroad. She had decisions to make—not only about what to do with her life, but perhaps more important, the attitude with which she did it. As it became clear what those decisions needed to be, she marveled at Daisy’s wisdom and insight, and she thanked God for sending her such a friend.
Kyrah knocked at Daisy’s front door, knowing it would be a long while before she’d have to leave for work. She answered the door with her hair hanging free, wearing a cotton robe over her nightgown.
“Hello,” Kyrah said. “Do you think we could talk a few minutes?”
Daisy smiled and motioned her inside. “I’m just glad you still want to talk to me. It’s like I told you from the start, I tend to intrude where I’m not wanted, but—”
“I’m grateful for your intrusion, Daisy. That’s one thing I came to tell you. In many ways you have been the answer to my prayers. But I didn’t realize until now how much I needed your wisdom.”
Daisy hugged Kyrah tightly before they sat together in the kitchen. “Where did you gain such wisdom, anyway?” Kyrah asked.
“I never considered myself wise,” she said with a shrug of her shoulders. “I just watch people and the way they behave. My aunt was one of those women who couldn’t say boo without her husband to hold her up. I saw the problems and unhappiness firsthand. But we don’t need to talk about them. Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“I’ve been thinking a great deal about what you said, Daisy, and . . . you’re absolutely right. I got myself into this mess. I didn’t want to marry Peter. I knew it wasn’t right. I was afraid—plain and simple. And I let the fear overrule what I knew in my heart. Looking back, I believe that many of the poor choices I’ve made in my life have come from fear. And I don’t want to be that way anymore.”
“That’s the spirit,” Daisy said exuberantly.
Kyrah smiled and went on. “I have to decide what I want and do my best to make it happen. I’ve been blessed with the means to have my needs met, and I need to make the most of what I’ve got to work with.”
“So, tell me what you want.”
“Well . . . I want to be with Ritcherd. I love him, and I know he loves me. But he’s not here, and I can’t concern myself with that until I have the chance to see him again. And who knows when that will be? In the meantime, I have to find a way to get back to England. It’s my home. It’s where I belong. And you were right, I should be with my mother. One of my biggest fears has been what other people might think, the scandal I might cause—for myself as well as for Ritcherd. I know now that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. I have to do what’s right for me. And no one else knows my heart, or the struggles I’ve been through. So, let people think what they will. I’m going back to England to raise this child where I can be with my mother. And if God is willing, Ritcherd and I will be able to get back together. But I’m not going to count on that. I can hope for it, but I will do what I have to do to make a good life for me and my baby—with or without him.”
Daisy smiled and squeezed Kyrah’s hand across the table. “You’re a fast learner, honey.”
&nbs
“We’ll keep doing what we can to find you passage to England,” Daisy said. “But what will you do if that doesn’t happen soon?”
“Well, first of all, I’m going to put a lot more effort into trusting God and asking for His help. I’m learning more and more that we just can’t make it in this world without Him. I think I’ve known that for a long time, but perhaps a part of me believed I wasn’t worthy of His help because of the mistakes I’d made. But I believe that His love for me is unconditional, and He will help me in spite of my weaknesses, as long as I put my trust and faith in Him.”
Tears burned into Kyrah’s eyes, as if to verify the truth of what she’d just said. “Anyway,” she continued, dabbing at her cheeks with a handkerchief, “I’m going to pray that the opportunity to return comes along soon. And in the meantime, I’ll be preparing to leave regardless. If I’m not on my way to England by the end of the month, I will sell the necklace, set aside sufficient for my passage, and find a place to live. Which brings me to another important point. I will not stay married to that animal. No matter how difficult, or how long it takes, I will divorce him, because I deserve better than that. I will not be used and manipulated for his purposes. And I certainly will not tolerate his abuse.”
“Good girl!” Daisy cheered. Then she came off her seat and hugged Kyrah tightly. “You’re going to be just fine, Kyrah. And I’ll do whatever I can to help you. You can even move in with me for a while if you need to. It might be cozy, but we’d manage. And I’m not so bad at protecting myself from obnoxious men. A woman has to be to work in a town like this. I can give you some pointers.”
Kyrah let out a long, slow breath. Having repeated her thoughts to Daisy made them seem more real, more plausible. She felt stronger and more determined already. She would get beyond this and find happiness—and God willing, she would find it with Ritcherd Buchanan.
Through the following days, Kyrah began to notice the changes within herself taking hold. As the final traces of Peter’s abuse healed and disappeared from her face, a new light seemed to shine through her eyes. She felt as if a new and better woman had emerged from the depths of hell she’d been subjected to, and she would continue to rise and to grow. And she would be a good mother to this child, whatever the cost.