The Cloister and the Hearth: A Tale of the Middle Ages by Charles Reade
CHAPTER L
THE good-hearted Catherine was not happy. Not that she reproachedherself very deeply for not having gone quickly enough to Sevenbergen,whither she was not bound to go at all--except on the score of havingexcited false hopes in Margaret. But she was in dismay when shereflected that Gerard must reach home in another month at farthest, morelikely in a week. And how should she tell him she had not even kept aneye upon his betrothed? Then there was the uncertainty as to the girl'sfate: and this uncertainty sometimes took a sickening form.
"Oh, Kate," she groaned, "if she should have gone and made herselfaway."
"Mother, she would never be so wicked."
"Ah, my lass, you know not what hasty fools young lasses be, that haveno mothers to keep 'em straight. They will fling themselves into thewater for a man that the next man they meet would ha' cured 'em of in aweek. I have known 'em to jump in like brass one moment and scream forhelp in the next. Couldn't know their own minds ye see even such atrifle as yon. And then there's times when their bodies ail like noother living creatures ever I could hear of, and that strings up theirfeelings so, the patience, that belongs to them at other times beyondall living souls barring an ass, seems all to jump out of 'em at oneturn, and into the water they go. Therefore, I say that men aremonsters."
"Mother!"
"Monsters, and no less, to go making such heaps o' canals just to temptthe poor women in. They know we shall not cut our throats, hating thesight of blood, and rating our skins a hantle higher nor our lives; andas for hanging, while she is fixing of the nail and a making of thenoose she has time t'alter her mind. But a jump into a canal is no morethan into bed; and the water it does all the lave, will ye, nill ye.Why, look at me, the mother o' nine, wasn't I agog to make a hole in ourcanal for the nonce?"
"Nay, mother, I'll never believe it of you."
"Ye may, though. 'Twas in the first year of our keeping house together.Eli hadn't found out my weak stitches then, nor I his; so we made arent, pulling contrariwise; had a quarrel. So then I ran crying, to tellsome gabbling fool like myself what I had no business to tell out o'doors except to the saints, and there was one of our precious canals inthe way; do they take us for teal? Oh, how tempting it did look! Says Ito myself, 'Sith he has let me go out of his door quarrelled, he shallsee me drowned next, and then he will change his key. He will blubber agood one, and I shall look down from heaven' (I forgot I should be int'other part), 'and see him take on, and, oh, but that will be sweet!'and I was all a tiptoe and going in, only just then I thought Iwouldn't. I had got a new gown a-making, for one thing, and hard uponfinished. So I went home instead, and what was Eli's first word? 'Letyon flea stick i' the wall, my lass,' says he. 'Not a word of all I saidt' anger thee was sooth, but this: 'I love thee.' These were his verywords, I minded 'em, being the first quarrel. So I flung my arms abouthis neck and sobbed a bit, and thought o' the canal; and he was nocolder to me than I to him, being a man and a young one: and so thenthat was better than lying in the water; and spoiling my wedding kirtleand my fine new shoon, old John Bush made 'em, that was uncle to himkeeps the shop now. And what was my grief to hers?"
Little Kate hoped that Margaret loved her father too much to think ofleaving him so at his age. "He is father and mother and all to her, youknow."
"Nay, Kate, they do forget all these things in a moment o' despair, whenthe very sky seems black above them. I place more faith in him that isunborn, than on him that is ripe for the grave, to keep her out o'mischief. For certes it do go sore against us to die when there's alittle innocent a-pulling at our hearts to let un live, and feeding atour very veins."
"Well, then, keep up a good heart, mother." She added, that very likelyall these fears were exaggerated. She ended by solemnly entreating hermother at all events not to persist in naming the sex of Margaret'sinfant. It was so unlucky, all the gossips told her; "dear heart, as ifthere were not as many girls born as boys."
This reflection, though not unreasonable, was met with clamour.
"Have you the cruelty to threaten me with a girl!!? I want no moregirls, while I have you. What use would a lass be to me? Can I set heron my knee and see my Gerard again as I can a boy? I tell thee 'tis allsettled."
"How may that be?"
"In my mind. And if I am to be disappointed i' the end, t'isn't for youto disappoint me beforehand, telling me it is not to be a child, butonly a girl."
* * * * *
All these anxieties, and, if I may be permitted, without disrespect tothe dead, to add, all this twaddle, that accompanied them, were shortlysuspended by an incident that struck nearer home; made Tergou furiouslyjealous of Catherine, and Catherine weep. And, if my reader is fond ofwasting his time, as some novel readers are, he cannot do it moreeffectually than by guessing what could produce results so incongruous.
Marched up to Eli's door a pageant brave to the eye of sense, and to thevulgar judgment noble, but, to the philosophic, pitiable more or less.
It looked one animal, a centaur: but on severe analysis proved two. Thehuman half was sadly bedizened with those two metals, to clothe hiscarcass with which and line his pouch, man has now and then disposed ofhis soul: still the horse was the vainer brute of the two; he was farworse beflounced, bebonneted, and bemantled, than any fair lady regnantecrinolina. For the man, under the colour of a warming-pan, retainedNature's outline. But it was "subaudi equum!" Scarce a pennyweight ofhonest horseflesh to be seen. Our crinoline spares the noble parts ofwoman, and makes but the baser parts gigantic (why this preference?):but this poor animal from stem to stern was swamped in finery. His earswere hid in great sheaths of white linen tipped with silver and blue.His body swaddled in stiff gorgeous cloths descending to the ground,except just in front, where they left him room to mince. His tail,though dear to memory, no doubt, was lost to sight, being tucked inheaven knows how. Only his eyes shone out like goggles, through twoholes pierced in the wall of haberdashery, and his little front hoofspeeped in and out like rats.
Yet did this compound, gorgeous and irrational, represent power;absolute power: it came straight from a tournament at the duke's court,which being on a progress, lay last night at a neighboring town--toexecute the behests of royalty.
"What ho!" cried the upper half, and on Eli emerging, with his wifebehind him, saluted them. "Peace be with you, good people. Rejoice! I amcome for your dwarf."
Eli looked amazed, and said nothing. But Catherine screamed over hisshoulder, "You have mistook your road, good man; here abides no dwarf."
"Nay, wife, he means our Giles, who is somewhat small of stature: whygainsay what gainsayed may not be?"
"Ay!" cried the pageant, "that is he, and discourseth like the bigtabor."
"His breast is sound for that matter," said Catherine, sharply.
"And prompt with his fists though at long odds."
"Else how would the poor thing keep his head in such a world as this?"
"'Tis well said, dame. Art as ready with thy weapon as he; art hismother, likely. So bring him forth and that presently. See, they lead astunted mule for him. The duke hath need of him; sore need; we are cleanout o' dwarven; and tigercats; which may not be, whiles earth themyieldeth. Our last hop o' my thumb tumbled down the well t'other day."
"And think you I'll let my darling go to such an ill-guided house asyon, where the reckless trollops of servants close not the well mouth,but leave it open to trap innocents like wolven?"
The representative of autocracy lost patience at this unwontedopposition, and with stern look and voice bade her bethink her whetherit was the better of the two; "to have your abortion at court fed like abishop and put on like a prince, or to have all your heads stricken offand borne on poles, with the bell-man crying, 'Behold the heads of hardyrebels, which having by good luck a misbegotten son, did traitorouslygrudge him to the duke, who is the true father of all his folk, littleor mickle?'"
"Nay," said Eli, sadly, "miscall us not. We be true folk, and neitherrebels nor tra
"Avails not threatening our lives," whimpered Catherine, "we grudge himnot to the duke: but in sooth he cannot go: his linen is all in holes.So there is an end."
But the male mind resisted this crusher.
"Think you the duke will not find linen, and cloth of gold to boot? Noneso brave, none so affected, at court, as our monsters, big or wee."
How long the dispute might have lasted, before the iron arguments ofdespotism achieved the inevitable victory, I know not; but it was cutshort by a party whom neither disputant had deigned to consult.
The bone of contention walked out of the house, and sided with monarchy.
"If my folk are mad, I am not," he roared. "I'll go with you, and on theinstant."
At this Catherine set up a piteous cry. She saw another of her broodescaping from under her wing into some unknown element. Giles was notquite insensible to her distress so simple yet so eloquent. He said,"Nay take not on, mother! Why 'tis a godsend. And I am sick of this eversince Gerard left it."
"Ah, cruel Giles! Should ye not rather say she is bereaved of Gerard:the more need of you to stay aside her and comfort her!"
"Oh! I am not going to Rome. Not such a fool I shall never be fartherthan Rotterdam: and I'll often come and see you; and, if I like not theplace, who shall keep me there? Not all the dukes in Christendom."
"Good sense lies in little bulk," said the emissary approvingly."Therefore, master Giles, buss the old folk, and thank them formisbegetting of thee, and--ho! you--bring hither his mule!"
One of his retinue brought up the dwarf mule. Giles refused it withscorn. And, on being asked the reason, said it was not just. "What wouldye throw all into one scale? Put muckle to muckle, and little to wee?Besides I hate and scorn small things. I'll go on the highest horsehere, or not at all."
The pursuivant eyed him attentively a moment. He then adopted acourteous manner. "I shall study your will in all things reasonable.(Dismount, Eric, yours is the highest horse.) And if you would halt inthe town an hour or so, while you bid them farewell, say but the word,and your pleasure shall be my delight."
Giles reflected.
"Master," said he, "if we wait a month 'twill be still the same: mymother is a good soul, but her body is bigger than her spirit. We shallnot part without a tear or two, and the quicker 'tis done the fewer; so,bring yon horse to me."
Catherine threw her apron over her face and sobbed. The high horse wasbrought, and Giles was for swarming up his tail, like a rope; but one ofthe servants cried out hastily "forbear, for he kicketh." "I'll kickhim," said Giles. "Bring him close beneath this window, and I'll learnyou all how to mount a horse which kicketh, and will not be clomb by thetail, the staircase of an horse." And he dashed into the house andalmost immediately reappeared at an upper window with a rope in hishand. He fastened an end somehow and holding the other descended asswift and smooth as an oiled thunderbolt in a groove; and lightedastride his high horse as unperceived by that animal as a fly settlingon him.
The official lifted his hands to heaven in mawkish admiration. "I havegotten a pearl," thought he; "and wow but this will be a good day's workfor me."
"Come, father, come, mother, buss me, and bless me, and off I go."
Eli gave him his blessing, and bade him be honest and true, and a creditto his folk. Catherine could not speak, but clung to him with many sobsand embraces; and even through the mist of tears her eye detected in amoment a little rent in his sleeve he had made getting out of window,and she whipped out her needle and mended it then and there, and hertears fell on his arm the while, unheeded--except by those unfleshlyeyes, with which they say the very air is thronged.
And so the dwarf mounted the high horse, and rode away complacent, withthe old hand laying the court butter on his back with a trowel. Littlerecked Perpusillus of two poor silly females that sat by the bereavedhearth, rocking themselves, and weeping, and discussing all his virtues,and how his mind had opened lately, and blind as two beetles to hisfaults, who rode away from them jocund and bold,
Ingentes animos angusto pectore versans.
* * * * *
Arrived at court he speedily became a great favourite.
One strange propensity of his electrified the palace: but, on account ofhis small size, and for variety's sake, and as a monster, he wasindulged on it. In a word he was let speak the truth.
It is an unpopular thing.
He made it an intolerable one.
Bawled it.