The Confident Woman: Start Today Living Boldly and Without Fear by Joyce Meyer
Chapter Fourteen
CHOOSING BOLDNESS
Maybe you’ve stayed with me this far and you’re still thinking to yourself, “Joyce, I’m a timid and shy person, that’s just my nature. I just don’t think I can change.” You may feel timid and shy but you can choose to walk boldly through life. The main thing I want you to remember is that you can feel afraid, you can feel timid, you can feel downright cowardly and yet you can make the choice to walk boldly and as if fear did not exist! Your free will is stronger than your feelings if you will exercise it. You may be like thousands of others who have catered to your feelings for so long that they now control you. Your will, like a muscle, becomes weak if not exercised. As you begin to ask God to help you and exercise your willpower against your feelings, it will get easier and easier to be the person you truly want to be, the person God has designed you to be.
When I think of what boldness looks like on someone, I think of someone who is daring, courageous, brave, and fearless. Some people think they are bold but they are merely rude, forward and impudent. They would be much better off to be honest and admit being afraid but keep going, rather than try and pretend to be brave while living a lie.
I must admit, that’s how I was for many years of my life. I thought I was a bold woman, but the truth is I was very fearful. I was not facing my fears, and I was pretending to myself and the rest of the world that I was not afraid of anything. There is a difference between truly facing fear and just ignoring it and pretending you are not afraid and covering your fear with a phony boldness that is merely rude and impudent.
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When I think of what boldness looks like on someone, I think of someone who is daring, courageous, brave, and fearless.
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I was quick to speak my mind but what I said was often foolish and inappropriate. I took control of situations thinking I would step out in boldness and do something since nobody else seemed to be doing anything, only to later realize that I had taken authority that was not mine to take.
I frequently moved impatiently and too quickly, once again thinking I was bold, but I made many mistakes and hurt a lot of people because I did not take time to seek wisdom. I was really very immature and didn’t know anything about true boldness.
If anyone offended or insulted me I was quick to defend myself and “put them in their place.” I made it clear that I would not be mistreated. However, as I became a student of God’s Word in an effort to straighten out a very messed up life, I was corrected by Scriptures like:
A fool’s wrath is quickly and openly known, but a prudent man ignores an insult. (Proverbs 12:16)
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave the way open for [God’s] wrath; for it is written, Vengeance is Mine, I will repay [requite] says the Lord. (Romans 12:19)
It takes true courage and boldness to walk in faith and wait for God to vindicate you when you are ill treated. What I thought was boldness had no ability to do that. A true person would be much better off to tell the truth and say, “I’m afraid but I’m going to do it afraid,” than to pretend they were not afraid and live in phoniness and self-deception. Genuinely brave people not only have the courage to take action, they also have the courage to wait when they need to.
A Man’s Mind Plans His Way
I always had a plan and was always quick to execute it, but many of my plans still failed. Proverbs 16: 9 tells us that a man’s mind plans his way, but his steps are made sure and accurate only by the Lord. Proverbs says many wise things that we would do well to listen to. It also tells us that pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall (Proverbs 16:18). Many people think they are bold, but they are merely proud and arrogant. They think too highly of themselves and always end up looking down on other people and hurting them.
My plans always worked everything out in my favor without seriously considering other people’s needs, but God’s plans give forethought to everyone’s needs. We must learn to wait for God’s plans to develop. He perfects everything that concerns us. True boldness moves in God’s timing, it moves at the right time.
During the three years of Jesus’ earthly ministry people thought He was crazy. His own brothers were embarrassed by Him and in an effort to save their reputation they told Him He needed to go somewhere else and do His works. If He was unwilling to do that, they had another option for Him. They told Him to take action and stop doing His works in secret. They tried to convince Him it was time to show Himself and His works to the world. In other words, they wanted Jesus to impress the people with what He could do.
He responded to them by saying, “My time (opportunity) has not come yet . . .” (John 7:6).
How many of us could show that type of self-control? If you could do the miracles that He could do and were being made fun of and challenged to show your stuff, what would you do? Would you wait until you absolutely knew that it was the right time or would you take action that was not sanctioned by God?
It is good to have plans and I believe we should plan boldly and aggressively, but we must be wise enough to know that our plans will ultimately fail without God.
Except the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain that build it. (Psalm 127:1)
We can build without God as our foundation but like any building without a strong foundation, we will eventually fall.
The Foolishness of Self-Confidence
Since I am writing a book on how you can become a confident woman I want to state again as I did earlier in the book that I am not talking about self-confidence. I don’t want you to have confidence in yourself unless that confidence is first rooted in God. If our confidence is a fruit of us being first rooted in God then we have the right kind of confidence which produces true boldness.
As Paul said, “we are self-confident in His confidence.”
Those of us who think we are bold should ask ourselves if we have confidence or conceit. Bill Crawford said, “The difference between self-confidence and conceit is as simple as love and fear. Jesus was self-confident . . . Hitler was afraid.”
When I am teaching on confidence, people often express concerns about the difference between self-confidence and conceit. They say that they have been taught not to say (or even think) positive things about themselves. If they did, it would sound self-centered and selfish. Good parents teach their children not to brag, and it is right to do so. No one enjoys a braggart who is in love with herself and believes she is the answer to all of humanities problems. Some people think they know so much that it is obvious they know nothing at all. We have not even begun to have knowledge until we know that we don’t know anything compared to what we need to know.
In teaching our children not to brag we should not teach them that it is wrong to acknowledge the positive aspects of who they are. If you go and apply for a job but due to fear of sounding self-conceited you understate your skills, you probably won’t get the job. Be confident, but let your confidence be rooted in God. We are what we are due to His grace and mercy.
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Take each compliment that you receive as a rose and at the end of the day take the entire bouquet and offer it back to God, knowing that it came from Him.
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Confidence breeds confidence. When someone presents themselves in a confident manner it causes me to have confidence that they can do what needs to be done. They don’t necessarily have to keep repeating to me that they know they are nothing without God, but they should tell Him regularly.
I remember complimenting a friend on doing a fine job of grilling for a dinner party. He was a very godly man and immediately responded that it was not him but the Lord. In my opinion, it would have been much better if he had said, “thank you for the compliment,” and in his own prayer time thanked God for helping him. When someone compliments us we should graciously receive it. Take each compliment that you receive as a rose and at the end of the day take the entire bouquet and offer it back to God, knowing that it came from Him.
The book of Proverbs has much to say about self-confidence and spares no words in stating that only a fool is self-confident.
Like snow in summer and like rain in harvest, so honor is not fitting for a [self-confident] fool. (Proverbs 26:1)
A fool is always taking some kind of beating from the devil because he opens the door through self-confidence. God is our defense and protection but our confidence must be in Him and not in us. When we are wholly trusting in God for all of our strength in all the affairs of life, we experience a divine protection that is amazing.
The self-confident man or woman may experience a financial beating. They make bad deals, get cheated, invest in stocks that become worthless and all because they moved in their own knowledge rather than seeking the wisdom of God.
The fool may experience a mental beating. The self-confident person must worry, reason, be anxious and have fear. They depend on themselves to solve their problems so they have to figure things out.
Fools also experience emotional beating. Nothing really works out right when people lean on themselves. They always end up being upset because their plans do not work. They spend most of their time frustrated. Nothing is more frustrating than doing your very best to solve problems and yet always failing. We begin to think something is wrong with us and God is merely hindering our success in the hopes that we will eventually wear ourselves out and come to Him for help.
If I were to paraphrase 1 Peter 5:5 in the Bible, it would say, “All of you should put on humility. Wear it as a garment and never let it be stripped from you. Live with freedom from pride and arrogance toward one another because God sets Himself against the proud and haughty (the presumptuous and boastful) and He opposes and even frustrates and defeats them but He helps the humble.”
Overestimating yourself and not seeing yourself as you really are without God causes a chain reaction of problems. It causes high-mindedness, exclusivity, an inability to adjust and adapt to others; inability to get along with people . . . basically because in their high-mindedness they fail to see their own flaws which prevents them from bearing with other people’s flaws.
Is It Possible to Be Humble and Bold?
Not only is it possible to be humble and bold, it is impossible to be truly bold without humility. Joshua was a man who was both. God told him to finish the job Moses started and take the Israelites into the Promised Land. Immediately after giving Joshua the command, God announced that He would be with him the same as He was with Moses (Joshua 1:5).
Joshua’s confidence rested in the fact that God was with Him and because of that he was able to go forward to do something that he probably felt unqualified to do. Joshua must have felt fear because the Lord repeatedly told him to “fear not,” which means “don’t run!”
God told Joshua that if he would be strong, confident and full of courage that he would cause the people to inherit the land which God had promised them.
No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you.
Be strong [confident] and of a good courage, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land which I swore to their fathers to give them.
Only you be strong and very courageous, that you may do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you. Turn not from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may prosper wherever you go. (Joshua 1:5–7)
Notice the emphasis that God places on Himself. Joshua was to keep his eyes on God and His command. He was not to get entangled in other things that might frighten him, he was to stay focused on his goal. If he obeyed God he would not only help himself, he would also have the privilege of leading multitudes of people into a better life.
And just in case he needed one last encouragement God basically repeats Himself in Joshua 1:9 saying,
Have not I commanded you? Be strong, vigorous, and very courageous. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
I believe God’s discourse to Joshua is evidence that there would be reasons in the natural for him to fear and become dismayed and want to turn back. When we take steps of faith to make progress in life there is no guarantee that we will not experience opposition. But we do have God’s guarantee that He will always be with us and that is truly all we need. We don’t need to know what God is going to do, how He is going to do it, or when He is going to do it. We only need to know that He is with us.
Be Not Afraid
Jeremiah was a very young man who was given a very big job. God told him that he had been called as a prophet to the nations. He was to be a mouthpiece for God. The thoughts of it frightened Jeremiah and he began to make all kinds of excuses about why he could not do what God was asking. He was looking at himself and he needed to look at God. He was also looking at people and wondering what they would think and do if he took the bold step God was encouraging him to take.
In answer to Jeremiah’s fearful comments God told him to stop talking and just go do what He was telling him to do. God said, “be not afraid of them (their faces) for I am with you to deliver you” (Jeremiah 1:8). Jeremiah gets the same speech that Joshua got. Don’t look at the circumstances: just remember that I am with you and that is all you need.
Jeremiah was feeling the same fear that one little five-year-old boy experienced the day his mother asked him to go into the kitchen pantry and get her a can of tomato soup. He didn’t want to go in alone. “It’s dark in there and I’m scared.” She asked again, and he persisted. Finally she said, “It’s okay—Jesus will be in there with you.” Johnny walked hesitantly to the door and slowly opened it. He peeked inside, saw it was dark, and started to leave when all at once an idea came, and he said: “Jesus, if you’re in there, would you hand me that can of tomato soup?”1
Toward the end of Jeremiah 1, God tells the prophet that if he continues to be afraid (running instead of confronting) that He would permit him to be overcome. Remember that God wants us to face things, and not run from them. Whatever you run from will always be waiting for you somewhere else. Our strength to conquer is found in pressing forward with God. The Lord told Jeremiah in the final verse of chapter one that the people would fight against him but they would not prevail for one simple reason . . .
“I am with you.”
It is interesting to note that Jeremiah was warned that there would be a fight, but even in that, he was not to be afraid because in the end he would have the victory.
Phony Boldness Exchanged for the Real Thing
The Apostle Peter was a man who began with phony boldness. He thought he was bold but in reality, he was forward, presumptuous, rude and foolish on many occasions. Peter was usually the first one to speak but what he said was often prideful and completely out of place. Peter thought more highly of himself than he should have. He needed to trade his self-confidence for confidence in God.
Jesus tried to warn Peter that he would deny Him three times in a very short period of time but Peter thought that was absolutely impossible. After Jesus allowed Himself to be captured, Peter was recognized as one of His disciples. He immediately denied that he even knew Him. Peter continued on in the same fearful response until he quickly denied Christ three times. Peter, who appeared to be so bold, literally fell apart in fear during a real crisis (Luke 22).
Jesus promised His disciples that after His death and resurrection He would send His Holy Spirit to fill them with real power. They would experience true boldness that would be rooted and grounded in their faith in Him. Peter, along with others, received this power from on high on the day of Pentecost and Acts 1 finds Peter preaching boldly in the streets of Jerusalem, no longer caring one bit about what anyone thought. Peter saw himself for the pretender and sinner that he was. He repented, was forgiven and was filled with holy boldness that can come only from God.
What Are You Facing?
We have looked at the challenging circumstances of Joshua, Jeremiah
Chapter Fifteen
WINNERS NEVER QUIT
Quitting is not an option for the confident woman. She must decide what she wants or needs to do and make her mind up that she will finish her course. You will experience some opposition no matter what you attempt to do in life. The Apostle Paul said that when doors of opportunity opened to him, opposition often came with it (1 Corinthians 16:9). Confidence believes that it can handle whatever comes its way; it doesn’t fear what has not happened yet.
I still remember the first Sunday morning I ministered at a church we started in the inner city of St. Louis. Our goal was to help the hurting people in that area and give them hope. I stood in the pulpit that day and announced loudly, “I am here to stay.” I knew others who had tried to do similar works and, after a period of time, gave up. I made up my mind when I started that I would finish.