The Hand That Holds Mine by Jennifer Loren
“This isn’t a good time, come back tomorrow.” I say hurrying to shut the door but it is shoved right back in my face. Forcing his way in, the man knocks me to the floor and calls for his buddies to come in behind him. I scream and try to fight my way to the phone but can get no closer than a few feet.
Wrapping his hands around my throat, Rick, as I know him, forces me to sit and places some paperwork in front of me. “Sign!” He tenses. I shake my head and he jerks me backwards. “If you want to live you will sign these now!”
“I’m dying anyway,” I force out of my burning throat.
Angry, Rick jerks me up and throws me against a wall, “I don’t have time for this, I need you to sign those papers and then I promise, you won’t be in pain anymore. If you don’t … then I will make sure you feel pain like you have never felt.” He squeezes my throat tight and throws me to the ground. I try to crawl away from him as he watches me, all the while laughing with his friends. “Give me that cane Paul, obviously she needs to be convinced.”
I have no strength to run, and I know he is going to kill me know matter what I do. I crawl as fast as I can hoping to reach my room and lock myself within in it. Rick grabs a fist full of my hair and swings me sideways into a wall. “I am not going to do what you want so you might as well kill me!” I cry out.
“Oh you are going to sign those papers there is no question about that. The only question is how many of your bones can I break and you still be able to work your hands?” He pushes me back to the floor with menacing intentions, I scream for help but my weak body doesn’t give me much voice to do so successfully. Cringing I turn and look across my floor and see the shadow of my cane lifted high into the air. I dig deep and try to pull myself up and away but end up grabbing someone’s foot. I look up and see feet lining up one by one in front of me. A crew of men begins swarming in around me as my attackers begin to back off. “Who are you? What do you want here?” He asks but no one else speaks. “I demand to know what you are doing here! Who do you work for?” Rick yells.
“They work for me,” a smooth voice says, seizing the whole room with the sound of his voice. A thumping of footsteps begins to come towards us all as I feel the presence of a devilish soul entering the room. A hand reaches out for me and helps me up, his alluring eyes meet me with care and concern. Nick? He nods with the smile that I wrote - breaks more than a thousand hearts. The killer with a heart deep inside of him, Nick, is the bad boy you can’t deny. He steps in front of me and towards my attackers, “I think we have a problem here.” He says with a simmering hum.
“I don’t know who you are but this is none of your concern.” Rick demands with a shaky voice.
“Who are you … to tell me, what is my concern?” Nick glares, setting my attackers back on their heels.
“If you want it to be your concern then I’m sure we can make it your concern!” Rick demands taking out a gun.
Nick laughs, leisurely walking towards the trembling man and his gun, “If you want to live, then you’ll leave here and never return.” Nick snatches the gun from his hand. “Otherwise, I assure you, that you will not see daylight again.” He says with a low growl. Rick runs but has to fight his own men to get out the door first. Multiple hands hold me up as my legs begin to give out from under me. I see faces I have never looked upon before but that I have seen a million times in my mind. Nick picks me up and I wrap my arms around his neck, and take in his scent and just as I wrote - it is intoxicating. Placing me in bed, he removes the hair from my face with a gentle touch, “You’re okay now, Adeline.”
“Mitch will not give up …”
“He will give up, and he will sign your divorce papers before morning. I promise you that.” Nick says kissing my hand and smiling that devilish smile, causing my knees to shake. “Sleep well, Adeline.”
Before he can leave me, I call out to him, “Will you be back?”
“Only if you need me to be.”
“Nick … is it you that holds my hand at night?”
“No Adeline,” he says cocking his head to one side, “you know who he is. Besides, you wrote my story already, remember?” He says leaving me with an innocent kiss that takes my breath away.
~
I am awakened harshly by the debilitating pain and struggle to get to the bathroom. Vomiting blood and collapsing on the floor, I have nothing left to make it back to bed. But it isn’t long before I feel his warm touch and am quickly lifted up and carried back to bed and gently tucked back into my soft bedding with a tender kiss. I hold my hand out, searching through the darkness. “I’m here,” He says taking my hand and lying next to me as I sleep.
Chapter 6
~ Adeline ~
The next day is filled with much the same as the day before, only Aaron has left me a note, atop my sign and sealed divorce papers: He is never going to bother you again, Adeline.
“Thank you,” I whisper into the room believing he can hear me … believing they all can hear me.
I think back to all the stories I have written and all the places I talked about and dreamed about and wonder - what if I had lived it, rather than wrote about it? There never seemed to be enough time. I was always struggling, praying just to make it to the next day. Money never seemed to come easy to me, I worked every job I could and writing in between. Writing - my escape from the troubles, the worries and my fears of what may happen. My stories were always a gleeful break from it all, a glimmer of hope that nothing else could give me. When I finally was able to get one book to sell, the others followed and my life of struggle seemed to be over. Little did I know, my struggles were long from over. Happiness, love, always seemed to be for other people. I could never find it, no matter how hard I tried or maybe I didn’t, maybe I didn’t believe I deserved it - until now.
Maybe this is all a dream, a picture I created in my own mind, a final good-bye to my imagination. It all seems to be so unbelievable. But if I gave up believing, then I would have stopped writing long ago. I need to find him, I can’t lie here anymore waiting for him to come to me, waiting for him to hold my dying body. I force myself out of bed and to my feet, “Hello? Are you there?” It is the time that he usually comes, he has to be here. I search my whole house, peek out my windows and even check the closets until my body begins to tire and ache. “You can’t let me die here without knowing who you are.” Can he?
“Why do you always ask that question when you know who I am?” He walks in like a perfect dream, the perfect hero. If I had thought for a million years, I would have never come up with someone so perfect, so unbelievably perfect … for me. Taking my hands I feel his strength run through my hands and into my body like waves of energy that hold me up and give me what I need.
“I don’t know who you are.” I say gasping through my smiling face.
“You have been writing about me for days but you don’t know who I am? You don’t know the man you dream about every night? You should, Adeline, we have shared your bed.” He smiles in jest.
“Joshua?” I whisper and he smiles. “Joshua Riley, the character I have been trying to …”
“Not trying, doing. You are succeeding.”
“But I don’t know anything about you or what your story is or … who your heroine is supposed to be.”
“I as well, have been eagerly waiting to know what you will come up with for me. You are so amazing, I am sure you will decide on the perfect story for me.”
“I want to but I’m having trouble understanding who you are and, therefore, having trouble deciding on the story.”
“Well maybe we should spend some time figuring it out together. Where would you like to start?” Taking my hand he helps me to my feet and leads me to another place whispering, “Maybe we should get some Italian food, I heard you like pizza?” I look up and see the Trevi Fountain. Rome? We’re in Rome? Even though my eyes see it, I still can’t believe it. “Go ahead, throw a coin, and make a wish. It would be a wonderful way to start our journey.” Joshua says,
We find ourselves eating true Italian pizza, sharing gelato along the ancient streets and talking endlessly about the beauty we encounter, all the while he continues to hold my hand and smile into my eyes. With the moon overhead we look out from a bridge to the sparkling water, it is so beautiful. I look back at him catching his eyes staring right back at me. “Do you like dogs Joshua?”
“I do, can I have one?” He says nudging my side when I laugh.
“What about kids?”
“I would like three, if you are taking orders. What about you?”
“I would be happy with one.”
“I’m sure it will happen for you.” He says obviously not understanding my situation. I smile with a weak nod.
“Why are you so sad?” I shake my head and stare back out over the water. Josh takes my hand and pulls me in close. With his arms wrapped around me he breathes in and relieves all my fears.
At the end of the night, he looks me over with a sadden expression and suddenly I feel as though I am Cinderella. “I have to go back, don’t I?”
“Only for awhile. Tomorrow we will go somewhere else - if you would like?”
“Where are we going to go?” I ask with anticipation.
He kisses me on the cheek and whispers against my ear, “You decide where this time, Bella Donna.” His humming, Italian compliment sets me adrift and I wake in my bed with the sun shining bright on my cheek.
Chapter 7
~ Adeline ~
Jeneba rubs my back as I cough and struggle to regain my breath. “You need to have someone stay with you full time. It is time to set aside your stubbornness and allow someone to help you.” She says helping my shivering body back into the comfort of my bed.
“I’m fine, I don’t need anyone here watching me sleep.”
“You are not simply sleeping anymore. Besides how much sleep can you possibly be getting …” Her frustration with me is obvious and I feel bad for forcing her and Deb to worry so much.
“Fine, I will allow someone to come in, but I want to be the one to decide on whom.” I say shaking my head as she smiles triumphantly.
“I had a feeling you would say that, so I called the agency and had them send someone over.”
“You what?” I sigh cursing her under my breath.
“She should be here soon.” Great. By the time Jeneba sets a lunch down in front of me the doorbell rings and I groan at the thought of this person disrupting my life. She walks into the room with a strong attitude and already I am wanting to deny her. “Adeline, this is Pamela Cousins.”
“Excuse me?” I ask looking her over.
“She said Pamela! Are you hard-of-hearing too? I thought you were just sick?” Pamela huffs.
“I can hear fine, I … oh never mind.”
“Okay then, let’s get one thing straight, I have certain rules to any place I work and I will not put up with any of them being broken. If you follow my rules and don’t give me any trouble, then we will get along just fine. I require a clean room and my own bathroom. I will take care of the chores, the grocery shopping and any errands that are necessary to your care and I mean to your care only. I will not be a part of supplying you with any pornographic videos or magazines nor will I put up with loud, disrespectful music.” She says with authority, taking her coat off and making herself at home before I have a chance to say anything. Did I invite her to stay and don’t remember?”
“Well I guess you have a new nurse. Congratulations.” Jeneba says leaning down to whisper in my ear. “I think I will go, she snarled at my People magazine so before I get into trouble - by sweetheart.” Jeneba exits quickly leaving me with the stern Pamela.
“I thought she would never leave.” Pamela says taking my lunch tray from me.
“I am not finished with that.”
“Doesn’t look like you have even started it, and for good reason - it’s crap.” She says leaving the room and coming back with a tray full of junk food.
“I don’t think I am supposed to have this.”
“Why? Are you afraid it will kill you?” She says smartly. “Here, if you eat this then I have some brownies for later. You don’t mind if I watch my programs do you.” Pamela turns on the TV and promptly turns it on to some movie.”
“I have never seen this movie before?”
“It’s a Sean Grant movie, I just love him. So handsome and oh … so wonderful.” She says joyfully.
“You really are Pamela.” I say staring at her, “The nurse from …”
“This is much better than the hospital. By the way, I don’t know why you couldn’t write me with a day off once in awhile! I miss my programs.”
I smile watching my nurse enjoy her show, and dig into my curly fries sitting in front of me. “Pamela? You … umm … know Josh?” She looks back at me and nods. Smiling, “I was wondering about him.”
“Wondering what, aren’t you the one spending time with him?”
“Yes, but I am not sure what I am suppose … have to figure out about him. I’m afraid I’m enjoying our time so much I haven’t thought about much else.”
“You have to choose someone for him, Adeline. He is the hero and he needs his heroine or the story cannot be completed. No happily ever after with … only one. Give him a dog or something.” She returns to her program and I return to my food thinking of him and how am I going to possibly choose another woman for him. Hmmm a dog? I could do that … maybe even a female dog.
I get halfway through my food before Pamela jumps up and takes it away. She races back, bringing me the boring stuff from before. “What are you doing?”
“Adeline! It’s just me.” Deb says as she walks into my house. Entering my room she greets my sour faced nurse head on. “Oh hello, how are you?” Pamela huffs and walks around her. “Well, she’s friendly. Are you still not eating? You are so stubborn but at least you did decide to take in a professional.”
I motion for Deb to come closer, “Doesn’t she seem familiar to you?”
“Who, your nurse?” I nod and she glances Pamela’s way. “She looks a little like my old Sunday Schoolteacher when I was twelve.”
“No … Pamela, Pamela Cousins a nurse … you don’t think that is a little coincidental?” Deb shakes her head. “She’s the nurse in my book, Deb.”
“Oh Adeline, this again. Really? I think you can make anyone seem like somebody, if you want to believe it enough.”
“It is her, and last night my new character, Joshua came to see me and he took me to Italy and we had …” Her expression proves she will never believe me.
“And I suppose you had someone hold your hand when you got sick again?” She asks with a crooked smile, until she notices my still full prescriptions next to me. “Adeline! Why are these still full?” Tell me you’re still taking your medications.”
“I haven’t needed to, I feel fine without them.”
“Your imagination is sure running wild these days. It is entertaining and I’m happy to see you so happy but please don’t confuse it with reality. You need to concentrate on your health, take your medicine and rest.” She eases me back down in bed, and sets out a single dosage of medication. “Take these after you eat a little something, please.”
“I wish you would listen to me, Joshua is real and when he holds my hand all the pain goes away.” I say feeling good about my stance on the matter.
“Okay if you say so, or maybe it’s just you holding your own hand.”
“How can I hold my own hand? That’s ridiculous.” Deb motions grabbing both of her own hands to prove her point. “Still, that would be a little awkward to s
“Well I was meaning more figuratively, not literally. I think you’re using your mental strength to help you get through. I think that’s wonderful that you can do that to get you through your pain. But it’s not going to help you stay healthy, you have to take these to do that.” She insists, tearing up with frustration. I nod hoping to not upset her anymore than she already is.
~
His hand takes hold of mine and lifts me out of my broken dreams. “And where shall we go to today?”
“Paris.” I say wrapping my arms around his neck, closing my eyes and not opening them until I feel the Paris lights shining upon me. We barely eat as we roam the vintage streets holding hands. I catch myself looking at him more than the beauty that surrounds me. His confident walk, the way he leads me respectfully through a crowd, or the way he laughs and nudges me shyly when I catch him break into a full smile. He makes it difficult to take my eyes off him, that is, until he catches me and looks me over with a wink, and then I have to hide my own full smile. “So Joshua, what do you like? Is there anything special you like to do?”
He stops me in the middle of the street, “I love to dance. How about you?” He asks, smiling when I nod. Joshua spins me into his arms and whisks me into a place, where my clothes change to a sleek red dress with a slit that causes me to blush. Joshua looks down on me wearing a fedora, tipped just above his eyes. “Ready?” He asks, spinning me out and back, leading me into our seductive tango. Joshua, looks deep into my eyes with every motion, touching my bare back and guiding my body into moves I never thought I could possibly do. His handsome face beams every time I smile and even more so when I laugh. At the end of the night, I rest my head on his shoulder as he holds me tight.