The Mantooth by Christopher Leadem

  So he rose and walked out onto the parapet. Sylviana was there ahead ofhim, her eyes tearing from the cold and lack of sleep, wrapped in thesame fur that now seemed more a refuge than a friend. And though he wassorry he couldn't, he did not touch her. She turned to him a facethat understood, but hurt the more because of it. He pretended not tonotice.

  'Has the mantis come out yet?'

  'No. Akar tried to go to him. I think he hurt his shoulder again.You can see him---' She pointed just inside the larger entrance, tothe place where the wolf waited on its haunches.

  'Yes, but it was not done foolishly. We must move there anyway, andsecure it for ourselves as soon as possible. We will have to work veryhard, and you will have to help me.' Again his emotions had become anunreadable maze. Sylviana lowered her head and sighed, and the breaththe wind blew back through her disheveled hair was clearly visible.

  >From this, as well as other tokens, Kalus knew that the first real storms of winter were not far off, and tried to gird himself for the arduous labor to come. He was ready to break his back and his heart to construct the shelter Sylviana had described, but all pleasure had gone out of the thought. It was still morning when the young mantis emerged, looking littlebetter than it had the day before. From the long ripple in the undersideof its abdomen, both Kalus (who had descended) and the wolf could see ithad not eaten. But when Akar, as best he could, asked if he would notstay a day longer and partake of the food that Skither had left him, hewas curt to the point of menace.

  'I will not dishonor his memory in that way.'

  'But surely---'

  'I will not dishonor his memory!'

  And so, without formality or warning cry, without perhaps the properpreparation, the creature opened its wings, raised itself into the air,and left them forever. Its form grew small and disappeared into thewest like a drowning branch carried past by a river. And the riverflowed on, unchanging.

  Then Sylviana climbed down and stood beside them, trying to be a partof, or at least to understand, what had happened.

  'What did he say to you?'

  'That he would not eat, or remain another hour. He seems determinedto prove that he needs nothing and no one.'

  Trying to think in the vernacular of that world, she put in timidly.'He will be very strong someday.'

  'If he lives.' She said nothing more.

  *

  As if in imitation, Kalus determined to begin the work at once. Usingone of the poles from the neglected frame, he carved a handle for therusty ax-head the girl had found. He sharpened its cutting edge as besthe could, and with the sun at its height, set out to begin fellingtrees.

  Sylviana went with him, along with Kamela, for warning and addedprotection. He cut and pieced an entire tree before he would lethimself rest. Then together he and the girl carried a twelve-footsection back to the cave, he bearing most of the weight on his shoulder,asking only that the girl come behind and steady him.

  And so the long toil began.

  Sylviana's plan, which he modified only slightly, was to build athree-sided barrier of interlocking logs, like an open letter C. Itsends would rest just inside the arch, gradually narrowing as they rose,nearly flush, against the inner walls of the entrance. It was to bereinforced from within by stout beams, and by the strength of these, aswell as by its own girth and weight, to form an impenetrable barrieragainst both the elements, and the fiercest predators. A single,windowless door would pierce the forward wall, and the entire structurebe sealed inside and out with mortar, and at the edges, with bricks ofstone. Sylviana had read a book as a child in which a family ofpioneers had built a log cabin, using only the materials provided byNature. And now the memory of it served her well.

  So Kalus cut, and they both carried, till she thought her back wouldbreak and Kalus die, where he stood, of exertion. She could not knowthat what pained him far more than the ceaseless labor (he had worked ashard before) was the fact that he was using all his spiritual, as wellas physical reserves.

  Because a man can work as hard and diligently as he must, to the extremelimits that mind and body will endure, so long as he has a reason, and aneed to do so. And when it is done to provide food and shelter for thelives entrusted to his care, he can work harder and more selflesslystill. But take away his reason, his hope for some kind of betterment,however distant, and the strongest, most determined man becomes rootlessand lethargic. Tasks and dangers he thought little of before, become astedious and harrowing as a literal fight for life. Kalus continuedbecause he knew, as every animal does, that he must continue. But asthe work sapped his strength and the emotional wound caused by the deathof Skither bled unchecked, he became first weary, then angry, thenthrough the ceaseless, hopeless repetition, empty and indifferent.

  Sometimes when he felt weakest he would look at the girl, and rememberthe beautiful thing they had shared. And for a time these memories ofwarmth and desire would sustain him. But soon all fantasies of apeaceful and prosperous future became nothing more to him than a carrotdangling at the end of a stick, though he possessed no such metaphor tohelp him understand. And he had no psychologist to tell him that bysubmerging his grief and distancing himself from the girl he was hurtinghimself, and stifling the healing forces of time and closecompanionship. He cut, and carried, and shaped and fitted, sometimes inblinding snow, stopping during daylight hours only to hunt, or to lookover what had been done. Because he had no choice.

  And slowly the shelter went up. Pine and birch and gnarled oak, he laidthem down and made a refuge of their bones, as dark thoughts tormentedhim.

  But the shelter went up. And the night the frame was completed, and allwork done save the filling in of cracks, the heaviest storm of theseason moved in and piled three feet of snow outside it, blocking themin with drifts up to twice that high. Without warning or ceremony,their new home had been christened.

  The next morning Kalus had not the strength to force open the frozendoor, and sat alone by the fire for hours, speaking to no one, feelingnothing but weak and shivery exhaustion. The Cold World, which he hadsaid he loved, was upon them.

  Chapter 17

  That night the two slept together for the first time since word ofSkither's fall. Kalus had no strength even to touch, and was movednot at all by his lover's gentle caresses and quiet words, nor evenby the tears he wiped apologetically from her eyes as she said, 'Iunderstand.' From this more than any other token, he knew that theblows absorbed of a lifetime had finally taken their toll. He was likea hurt fighter, hanging on, half waiting for the knockout blow.

  He woke feeling little bitter, his emotions still dazed and floundering,to find the girl reading quietly on the stairs that led to the silentaltar. The sight reminded him of their first meeting, when he hadnearly died a physical death. Perhaps this dull anguish was not asbad.....

  Then he saw Kamela, and his hopelessness returned. It was almost as ifshe longed for death, in any form. There was no other way to read theblank despair of her eyes. Akar rested stoically beside the girl, hisown thoughts hidden from view. Only the pup was stirring, pokingimpatiently at her mother's underside and whining plaintively forfood. None had eaten meat for several days, and the she-wolf'sundamaged breasts were dry.

  Sylviana rose and came closer, gently brushing his hair with herfingers. 'I have to hunt,' he said flatly. Then suddenly as sheturned away he pulled her close and buried his head against her.

  'Forgive me,' he said. And with those words a flicker of feelingcame back to him.

  'It's all right,' she said. 'Let it out.' But he couldnot let it out. His body would not allow the expenditure. '... Whendo you have to hunt?'

  'In the afternoon, when the sun is warmer and I am stronger. I feelso weak.' He shook his head to fight off a tear of exhaustion.'Is there any water left?' She brought it, along with ahalf-filled bowl of sebreum. He ate readily, though his body cried outfor meat.

  She sat beside him on the bed, speaking softly and brushing out hishair.
It did not matter what she said. Her voice was like music, andher nearness and touch a therapy no money could buy. And like a sleeperwoken by a lover's kiss, he began to respond. His body was stillvery weak, but Kalus was a creature whose heart held the key to allsurvival.

  And he began to remember that he was, in fact, a survivor. The fieryvigor of his soul spoke words of endurance and starting again. In themiddle of a sentence he reached over and kissed her with his lips, teethand tongue, and half playfully, half longingly, bit her cheek.

  As he drew back, knowing he had not the strength, he was struck by thelook she gave him, her face so close. And he was jarred to his verybones by the realization. . .that she wanted him. WANTED him.

  All his life, the best he had hoped for was a companion who wouldtolerate him, and be grateful for his strength and affection. But inSylviana's eyes there was a longing as deep and real as his. Perhapsshe even loved. . .HIM. In his current state it was almost too much,and he became afraid. Again, through the wild hopes she inspired inhim, he felt the fear of losing her, or of being killed himself. Hisface could not hide the intensity of what he was feeling.

  'What is it?' she asked. 'What's wrong?'

  'I don't know. I..... You know that I am weak now. Is that allright?'

  She took his head to her chest in an outpouring of emotion as primal asany she had ever known. 'Yes. It's all right.' And in thatmoment of honesty and total surrender, she did love him. But she toobacked away, because they were not yet in a place to feel love all theway. She cleared her eyes, breathed in and stood up straight.

  'Right now you're going to eat again, and I don't want to hearabout rationing. You've been putting out for weeks, and it's timeyou took something back in. Then you're going to lie down and rest.Understood?' He nodded, and touched her hair. Then she took his bowland went into the back.

  He too felt the need to surrender, and to trust, as Skither had toldhim. He remembered his words. 'Do not carry the weight alone. Itwill crush you.' Yes, he felt nearly crushed. Whatever end wouldcome of it, this day at least he must let go.

  So when he had eaten he lay down on the bed, and asked Sylviana to sitbeside him. She did, and to pass the time he asked her a questionsuggested to him by the altar, the dulled mirror, and the memory of hisfirst days in that place.

  'How did you come to befriend Akar? I've often wondered.'

  'You're not asking just to make me feel better?'

  'No, truly.'

  She was more than willing to recount the one glad memory of her longvigil, alone in a strange land with danger and confusion all around.'Well. To say that I was distraught those first few weeks..... Tryto understand. The first thing I saw when I finally mustered thecourage to go out onto the ledge, was some kind of big cat dragging downa horse at the very edge of the ravine. I got so scared I didn'tknow what to do. The cave seemed little enough protection, but at leastthere I could hide. I know you must have thought me a coward.'

  'No, you were wise. And the big cat did you a favor.' There wasno sarcasm in his voice.

  'Anyway. Once I figured out that sebreum was something I could eat,as much as I cursed myself for it, I just couldn't make myself go outinto that world. Then there was the Voice, telling me to stay there,and wait for some kind of sign.

  'I was alone and scared and miserable. That anything at all couldwalk through the open entrance and tear me apart was obvious, and itreally started getting to me. The few animals I saw when I stood justinside it seemed reluctant to venture too close, but that wasn't muchcomfort. And of course I had no idea why.

  'But one night, just as the sun was setting, I caught a glimpse ofsomething slip down into the ravine from the far side, which had alwaysbefore been the line they wouldn't cross. I hoped my eyes wereplaying tricks on me, and I didn't see or hear anything else for awhile. But some kind of other sense told me I was in danger, and thatwhatever it was I had seen was coming closer. I got so scared I ran tothe bed and hid beneath the furs, as if that was any protection, andfound myself shaking like a leaf.

  'I couldn't just lie there, and when I realized how stupid andhelpless I was being, I got angry. So I decided to go into the back anddig out some kind of weapon. It may have been my one real moment ofcourage.'

  'There have been others,' he said quietly. She turned towardshim, and wondered why these simple words meant so much. 'Go on.'

  'All right. I went into the back and found the hunting knife. I wasso determined and angry that for about thirty seconds I forgot to beafraid. It was a wonderful, defiant feeling.'

  'Yes.'

  'Unfortunately it didn't last. I walked back into the front tofind a big, gaunt wolf staring me down, bristling and snarling. It wasAkar, but he didn't look at all the way he does now. His ribspractically stuck through his skin with hunger. His side was gashed andcaked with mud and dried blood..... It was horrible.

  'I screamed and practically threw the knife across the floor. I justcouldn't take it. I dropped to my knees, shaking and crying like amad thing. I fell forward on my arms and just lay there, covering myhead..... I thought my life was over. But Akar never moved.' Shegazed across at her first companion, eyes glistening.

  'Do you know what it's like to expect death and find friendship?He was hurt, Kalus, badly. And half starved, I'm sure. He couldhave killed me so easily, to save himself..... I looked up after maybefive minutes, to find him just watching me, with all the hatred gone outof his eyes. He came closer and I thought I would scream again, but hestopped.

  'The rest doesn't need to be said, I guess. But you have to know,I've never been so moved in all my life as when he finally came up tome, and I realized he meant no harm. Just to have a friend, to hold andtouch, after all that fear. To not be alone anymore. You can't knowhow much that meant to me.' She lowered her head and cried silently,and Kalus found to his dismay that a tear had escaped his eyes as well.

  'I know,' he said. 'That is how I felt when Barabbas savedme.' He wanted to say that she would never be alone again, but hecouldn't.

  Chapter 18

  The escape and release were not lasting. Almost the moment Sylvianastopped speaking, he felt the cold dread of what he must do return fromits small distance. He must leave this safe place and hunt. And thoughunder present circumstances the odds against him were appalling, he knewhe had to try. If the reserves of salted meat were tapped too soon, thesebreum not rationed, they would all starve in the cold heart of Winter.Trust, and wishing it otherwise, could not alter the fact.

  'I must go,' he told her. 'Keep the door shut and bolted untilI return. This is a dangerous time.'

  'Why? I thought most of the predators were gone.'

  'There are always stragglers, and outcasts. They do well for a time,but with the coming of deep snow find they cannot hunt, or even retreat.Near starvation makes them desperate, and they will attack almostanything.' These words, along with the anxious body language she hadlearned to read in him---taut expression and deep, determinedbreathing---frightened her.

  'Be careful.'

  'Of course. I will take Kamela, if she will come.' He put on hisheavy winter robe of buffalo skin, buckled the sword around it, and wentto the door.

  Kamela rose to follow, but Akar limped down from his place beside thealtar and tried to interpose his body between her and the way she wishedto go. Words passed between them which could not be understood by theothers. Kalus saw only that Akar sensed some danger, to Kamela inparticular, and did not wish them to go. But the she-wolf growledsullenly and pushed past him. Akar, who knew her thoughts, relented.

  'You leave love behind you,' he said solemnly, and returned to hisplace. Her eyes followed him, and she looked to the sleeping form ofthe pup. Then turned away almost sorrowfully. She had felt love eventhen, and it was more than she could bear.

  Kalus could not at first open the door. After several frustratedattempts he set down his sword, threw off the fur and angrily set towork. He pushed,
pulled back, cursed and set his full weight againstit.

  At last the snow and icy jambs relented, and they went out into thewindy sea of powder. They passed through the gorge, and out onto thetable-like plain.

  *

  Kamela could not block the images from her mind; they rose in their fullintensity before her. The death of Shaezar, whom she had learned tolove. The brutal rape by Shar-hai and his guard. Then the murder ofher two sons, too small even to understand what was happening. A lineof horror had been crossed inside her, from which there was noreturning.

  They struggled together through the snow, these two whom life hadwounded, the wolf mortally, the man to within the balance of a hair,though he still had hope. Kalus, knowing her pain, cut the best swathhe could, and Kamela followed behind him. The wind had distributed thesnow unevenly, so that in some places movement was relatively easy, inothers, nearly impossible. The thick overcast of the sky threatenedfurther storm, and the white of the accumulated snow could not fullyilluminate the darkened landscape.

  They traveled north where Kalus hoped, though his heart was sickened byit, to find a frozen deer among the outlying forests. They really hadno other chance. The plains animals were gone, live deer were tooswift, and no rabbit or fox would be stirring in the extreme cold ofthis day.

  So he trudged northward, chilled and sweating, using strength his bodydid not have to give. His stomach felt hollow and sickly; his musclestrembled with fatigue. But he knew (or thought) the alternative wasdespair, and his mind was not clear enough to perceive the danger. Sohe continued.