The Mind's Storm by jason barzilay
elping Hand
5/25/12
Jason Barzilay
I was content to die alone-
In the musty apartment air-
Rocking my life away in my rocking chair
You just had to extend a helping hand-
Be some kinda good friggining Samaritan
You didn’t save me, just made me remember-
Forced upon me this intrusion of feelings and remembrance –
Showering me, drowning me in your presence
I hate these in the middle, meddling people-
“Oh I see your misery, here I’ll help you so I feel better about me”-
Dragging me out of my safe zone like this-
Is destroying all I’ve tried to re -accomplice
It’s like showing me a picture of my dead son and handing me a knife –
Constantly, repetitively, reminding me why I left my wife
I don’t want the pain remembering brings-
I can’t take the pain remembering such things
Just leave me here, to breath in the stale air-
Rocking away my days in my rocking chair
If I’m given enough time to be living-
Maybe I’ll forget again-
What the friggin you’ve got me remembering
Forever Endless
4-9-12
Jason Barzilay
On a windy moon lit night I hear your voice still-
I wonder if I’ll behold your visage and allow my heart again to feel
I long constantly to reach out and brush your hair from your face-
But like a dream, less real then it seems, inches away you fade
My torment is to remember and there for to long-
My soul suffering rendered, I’m reminded that your gone
Where does you head lie now, is the burden heavy when you awake-
From all your forsaken vows, to the one that you forsake
How can one be so callous and cruel -
To someone that so completely loved you
I must know somehow show me a sign-
I need to know what happened, I know your heart was mine
I’ve fallen to recklessness and I’m trying to find my way-
And it falls on the edge of a razor on what it is you say
For the slightest bit of attention I so yearn-
Even though our love turned cold, my heart still burns
It’s a physical ache I hold always inside-
Before your lack of mercy I slowly die
Please before the light fails, before too long-
While I grow weary where it was so strong
There’s still a small chance if you’d only try-
Before we finally, (must truly ) or (truly must) say goodbye
I Stand Alone While Other Shadows Make Love in the Moonlight
J.A.B
3/18/06
I stand alone while other shadows make love in the moonlight-
I ask the wind if that will be me one day.
It laughs at the derision that fills my heart.
No silly human fool your lot in life is to be alone and only see love in others eyes reflecting there.
But maybe the stars will relent and sparkle down on the wind and blow some love my way on a windy night as the trees blow softly in the moonlight.
In the Darkness of the Night I’m Scared
4/5/12
J.A.B
In the dark of the night I wake from a nightmare –
I’m lonely, scared knowing your no longer here.
I don’t mean scarred of the dark or of even being alone-
I’ve survived many a night as the long shadow reached out to claim me as its own.
I’m scared because I remember what I was on the road to become, before I met you-
Without your calming presence to guide, direct me, I’m scared of what I may do.
Now without you the wrath that used to rule me, rears its ugly head-
I’m worried at the slightest confrontation, someone will end up dead.
More and more every day-
I’m feeling my patience thinning, slipping away.
My nerves are fraying, I can feel them within-
The madman inside is becoming clearer in the mirror and grins.
He knows all he has to do is wait-
Before too long it will be too late.
Every day I fight to be the man that I was when you were here with me-
But it’s getting harder and harder to remember that me in my memory.
The old me is slowly dissolving the new-
It doesn’t seem to be a dam thing I can do.
The more I fight the quicker the change takes place-
It’s getting so I don’t remember my own old face.
One day if you run across me, please don’t greet me as you pass by-
I’m afraid, I don’t want you to see that the me that I was while with you, has died…
Lady by the Shore
3/5/09
Would you take my hand and lead me away-
From the skeletons of yesterday
You are the one chance at redemption to a weary soul-
The only way for me to be whole
My wounds and scars fade at your touch-
If I begged you to stay would I be tempting too much?
A soul destined for hell that’s me-
I’d renounce my evil ways if you’d just stay with me
My by the shore lady –
Walk a while on the shore with me baby
Walk a while with me as the moonlight slowly fades-
Into the night as it slips into the suns coming day
Hold onto me tight lady by the shore-
I’m cold and I’m seeping down by it’s pulling lore
Soon I won’t feel anything anymore-
I want you to be the last one I ever saw
She gave him what he needed most ,just despite-
Kissing him while they lay there, she held him close, as he peacefully died
Leaving
5/26/03
Jason Barzilay
How many times have I stood here at the door -
Yet even though I’ve taken so much I still come back for more
Love please take your thorny spike from my bleeding heart –
Yourself destructive dance is tearing me apart
Oh lonely love what is worse than your cold embrace?-
Only the knowledge of the unbearable truth that I must soon face
Knowing that I must be burdened with this terrible weight-
To be eternally alone is my ultimate fate
So for just a moment give me this brief respite-
Let me dream just (this) one dream tonight
To dance with you heart to heart close-
Maybe death will relent and let you go
Lonely
3/23/12
J.A.B
On a cool summers evening as I held my lover in my arms under the moon as the wind blew softly sitting by the lake shore.
I was torn from my loved one’s arms and I was placed where I could not ever reach her again.
I cried out to sister wind have mercy let her hear my plea –
The wind screamed blowing me to and from “silly stupid human your lot in life is to be alone, the closest you will get is seeing loves reflection in another’s eye’s for others.
I asked for mercy from mother moon, so in love with the earth surly she would relent and help me knowing what I had lost. Send her my image in the lakes and seas you reflect on-
She hides herself away behind the clouds of the sky and replied ”foolish arrogant mortal your days are numbered and are as nothing to one such as I. l
I looked to the seas and despaired for she is a very distempered mistress, but my need was so great that it overcame my better instincts and I cried with a soulful mourn “great and life giving sea mother of all life in all forms I ask you to carry me to my loved one’s arms. A mourning whale came from the sea as I’ve never heard before, “pity the loveless I do fore I’ve sent many to their deaths with their loved one’s name on their lips as they succumb to the lore of the seas, but I can’t cross this great a divide even though my mood suites your grief “
So then there is no hope for me I thought as the night closed in and a great slumber over came me.
But maybe the stars will relent and sparkle down on the wind and soften its resolve to blow some love my way on a windy night as the tree’s blow softly in the moonlight.
Open Your Eyes
8/5/09
Open your eyes-
I’m asleep
I can’t wake up
My eyes won’t open
The life force that drove me has faded
Life’s warm glow has been long since past dated
At least while I rest my eyes-
My subconscious remembers a time
When I was somewhat lucid and very content
But that was before my mind was rent asunder and torn for plunder
My head’s every thought filled with razor blades
Every breath a conscious effort to take
Every move a monumental effort to make
My passing of time is counted by the screams of anguish I cry-
Of how many days that slowly screech by as I lie here waiting to die
All as I lie in the wake of the most beautiful memory-
The most destructive person to me and my personality
The first woman I ever truly loved-
The one whom all my thoughts were of
Rachee roxann banks
She entered my life looking like an angel
Little could I conceive she was closer to Shiva beautiful goddess of destruction
To look at her would be to be driven insane-
How could something so beautiful be the cause of such soul crushing pain?
To leave me so devastated and dashed against the pitted rocks of loneliness-
How could you so kill one who loved you so completely like this
Remember, Regret
5/30/12
Jason Barzilay To Wendy Iannuzzy
You had a choice to make –
Someone’s heart would break
Just remember in the years to come-
I would have been the one
When you reach out for love and there’s only sex-
Where you have no one to share your dreams with
I would have
When you travel alone-
When no one wants to share the beauty you’ve been shown
I would have
When your looking to be touched –
But no one cares that much
I would have
When he’s only a lover,
and not a partner, to hope and talk to
I would have
Where your children want a parent to love an play-
to learn from and for them to stay
I would have
As you grow older in this cold world and many turn away-
You turn lonely wishing someone would stay
( I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THIS MOMENT)
I WOULD HAVE
The Sun and the Moon had a Romance
4/27/06
Jason Barzilay
The sun and the moon had a romance
For eons it lasted
The sun proud powerful light of the solar system
The moon cooled the suns temper and gave a grace period
Of the suns scorching temper
Then the other stars were jealous of the power and love of the couple
So they separated the two and put the earth next to the moon and
The moon grew to love the earth for the life it had
And the beauty it had within, and the earth circled the sun and
the moon circled the earth but the sun so loved the moon
it keeps the earth and moon near to watch over the moon
Even though it can never again be as it was –
And so it has been ever since, the suns eternal love for what
It had and will never again keeps pulling eternally on the planets
To get the moon back
J.A.B
4/15/12
Why the Wind HOWLS
It starts with the gusting wind the scream of the air movement –
Like millions of souls at the moment of death learning their lives were uselessly spent
Longing for their moment of nothingness to return to Oblivion to dark-
A bitter world of grey clouds and dust, constant torment of unsatisfied wonder lust
Crying out for help to ones that deem them below their contempt-
This is the way their eternity is spent-and why the wind HOWLS