The Perfect Match by E. D. Baker
Noodles started sniffing the package before she could pick it up. Thinking that Blue might have dropped it off, Cory nudged the woodchuck out of the way. While the woodchuck shuffled down the steps to the lawn, she inspected the package, shaking it next to her ear. She was about to open it when it occurred to her that something wasn’t right. Blue would never have written her full name on a gift and it didn’t look like his handwriting.
Cory glanced at the yard, looking for Noodles. She spotted him munching grass in the bright sunlight. Narrowing her eyes, she looked again. It was raining on the house, yet the yard by the street was dry, as were the street and the neighbors’ yards on either side.
Cory frowned and called to the woodchuck. He groaned and gave her a baleful look, but he got to his feet and lumbered across the grass, through the rain and up the steps. Shaking himself as he stepped onto the porch, he splattered her robe with rainwater. When Cory opened the door, he walked inside while she called, “Uncle Micah? Can you come here for a moment?”
Her uncle stuck his head out of the kitchen. “What is it?” he asked. “Your voice sounds odd. Is something wrong?”
“I’m not sure,” said Cory. “Someone left a package on the doormat. I don’t want to bring it inside until we know that it’s safe.”
“Let me see it,” he said, joining her on the porch.
Cory set the package on a chair and stepped back to watch while her uncle opened it. “Oh!” he said when he caught a glimpse of what was inside. Peeling the wrapping back, he revealed a big box labeled Sweet Tooth Candy. “It’s just candy.”
Cory gasped. “It’s a lot more than that! It’s a warning from the Tooth Fairy Guild. The very first thing they teach interns is that candy is bad for your teeth and Sweet Tooth Candy is the worst. This can mean only one thing—something bad is going to happen if I testify against them.”
“So we shouldn’t eat this?” Micah asked.
“I wouldn’t,” said Cory. “They might have drugged it or poisoned it or added extra sugar to rot your teeth faster. I wouldn’t put anything past them now.”
“Then I’ll throw this out,” he said, picking up the package. “Say, did you notice that it’s raining here, but not across the street?”
“I noticed,” Cory told him. “That was the first clue that the guilds are after me again.”
“This isn’t good,” said Micah. “I had hoped that the guild harassment was behind us, but I guess it’s starting up again.” He glanced at the rain and shook his head before turning back to Cory. “Why don’t you go inside and eat your breakfast? I cooked eggs for us both this morning and they’re getting cold. I’ll be there as soon as I’ve put this candy in the trash.”
Cory wasn’t very hungry, but she went inside and sat at the kitchen table, using her fork to push her food around on her plate. When her uncle came back in, he made her eat and hurried to finish his own breakfast. “I’ll be late if I don’t get going,” he said as he took a last sip of cider. “What are your plans for tonight?”
“Blue and I are going out to dinner. We’ll have to eat early, though. Zephyr is rehearsing tonight. Oh, I meant to tell you last night, but you were already asleep when I came home. Zephyr has been asked to play at Prince Rupert’s wedding! We leave in a few days and we’re going to rehearse every day until we go.”
“That’s very exciting!” said her uncle. “I want to hear all about it, but I really have to leave now. I’ll see you this evening before you go to dinner.”
Cory took another bite of toast as her uncle hurried from the kitchen. She heard him leave a minute later, but he’d been gone only a short time when she heard the front door open again. Setting her fork down, she hurried to the main room to see who was there, and found her uncle holding a cloth bag and looking puzzled.
“I was going down the walkway when a girl showed up on a solar cycle. She handed me this and said it was for you. She told me to tell you that she expects to hear about the date today. Any idea what she’s talking about? I peeked inside, just to make sure it wasn’t something dangerous. It’s a bag of gold coins, and from the weight I’d say they’re real and not fairy money that will turn into leaves in a few minutes.”
Cory took the bag from her uncle and peeked inside. “Did the girl have blond hair?” she asked.
Micah nodded as he started for the door. “Yes. Now I really am going to be late. You can explain it all later,” he said, and was gone.
Cory glanced at the bag. It was a lot of money, but she wasn’t happy that she was being forced to take a client she didn’t like. She was thinking about Goldilocks when one of her visions came unbidden. Goldilocks was there, along with a handsome young man with dark hair, vivid blue eyes, and a cleft chin. His ears weren’t pointed like a fairy’s or elf’s, and he didn’t have fangs like a vampire or ogre, so she was pretty sure he was human. He was also someone she had never seen before.
She sighed as she carried the bag to her room. Goldilocks had demanded a date with Jack Horner. Even though Cory knew that he wasn’t the right man for her, she was going to have to set up a date for them anyway. There was no way she could tell Goldilocks that she knew who the right man was without revealing that she was a Cupid.
Cory was trying to decide what to wear that day when she heard the ping! of an arriving message. Hurrying into the main room, she took the note from the basket and read:
Cory,
I saw your ad in the paper. You helped my mother once and she spoke highly of you. I could really use your help, too. Please come to the Dell today.
Jonas McDonald
One of Cory’s earliest jobs was to help Mrs. McDonald catch three blind mice. She hoped this job didn’t involve rodents again, but she was curious enough to want to go.
I’m on my way! Cory wrote back, happy that she had something to do other than stay at home and worry.
While she was standing there, she decided to send a message to Jack Horner about the date with Goldilocks. She was surprised that he accepted right away and she was able to tell Goldilocks that the date was set for that night. After sending the message to Goldilocks, Cory remembered Mary Lambkin’s request. Closing her eyes, Cory tried to call up a vision of Mary, but Goldilocks’ was the only face that appeared. Remembering what her grandfather had said about not giving up, Cory resolved to try to see Mary’s match again in a few days.
After returning to her room to get dressed, Cory was brushing her hair when she heard a knock on the front door. Normally she would have rushed to see who it was, but after her past experiences with Lewis, the big, bad wolf, and Mary Mary, the head of the TFG, she was much more cautious.
“Who is it?” she called through the still-closed door.
“It’s your mother!” Delphinium called back. “Open this door at once. I need to talk to you!”
Cory wasn’t in the mood to see her mother, but she supposed she’d have to talk to her sometime. Unlocking the door, Cory had opened it only a few inches when her mother shoved it open the rest of the way and stepped inside.
“You never come see me, and you probably don’t even read my letters,” Delphinium began. “You don’t give me any choice but to come here.”
“What is so important that you have to talk to me, Mother?” Cory asked, closing the door.
“I’ve come to stop you from making a big mistake,” her mother told her. “I’ve heard that you’re going to testify against the Tooth Fairy Guild. You can’t do it! The guilds don’t take this kind of thing lightly. The TFG was mad when you quit, but this is so much worse! No one has ever taken any of the guilds to court and won.”
“As I understand it, no one has taken any of the guilds to court, period,” said Cory. “It’s about time someone does, so I guess it’s going to be me.”
“I’m your mother and I love you. I’m telling you to stop this nonsense now. You thought your life was ruined when the TFG took your wings away, but there are other things they could do that would be even worse!”
“Then there’s nothing else I can say?” said Delphinium.
“No, there isn’t,” Cory said, ushering her mother to the door.
“Fine!” her mother said, fuming. “Then don’t come running to me when they do drop a house on you or take away your voice. I warned you and you scorned my advice, so anything that happens is on your head!”
“So to speak,” Cory muttered as she shut the door behind her mother. She was tired of people warning her about the guilds and what they could do. She had a good imagination and could think of plenty of awful things on her own. The sooner she testified, the better, but she wasn’t going to hide in the house until then, afraid to go out or do anything.
Cory was ready to go out the door within minutes. After taking Noodles outside to the new enclosure her uncle had just finished, she summoned the pedal-bus to take her to the Dell. Located a few miles outside of town, the Dell was one of the larger farms around. The last time she had been there, she had helped old Mrs. McDonald, but hadn’t seen anyone else in the family.
She expected the old woman’s son to be small like his mother, and was surprised when a big, burly young man opened the door. He wasn’t just tall, but was broad across his shoulders and had bulging muscles in his arms. Fairies were generally slender, as were most of the humans she knew, but Jonas McDonald was built like an ogre. His face was pleasant looking, though, so she knew he didn’t have a drop of ogre blood. When he smiled and his eyes crinkled at the corners, she thought he looked like a nice person.
“Are you Jonas McDonald?” she asked.
“That’s me,” the young man told her. “You must be Cory. That was quick. I’d invite you in to tell you about my problem, but I think it would be easier to show you what’s happening.” Stepping outside, he closed the door behind him and led the way to a dirt road that ran between the fields. “My parents retired to Greener Pastures recently and gave the farm to me. Everything was fine until, well, you’ll see. Here we are,” he said, stopping beside row after row of corn. “Look at this.” Pulling an ear of corn off a stalk, he ripped off the husk and the silk, revealing rows of tiny swellings much bigger than the normal kernels.
“What is it?” Cory asked, and gasped when the bumps turned in her direction.
“The ears have ears,” Jonas said with disgust.
He was right. Each bump was a tiny, rounded ear, all of them uniform and laid out in straight rows.
“Here!” he said, trying to hand the corn to her.
“I’d rather not,” Cory told him, sticking her hands behind her back.
When she didn’t take the ear, he stuffed it in an oversize pocket and started walking again. “And here we have the potatoes,” he said. Taking a trowel out of the same pocket, he dug a potato out of the ground. After brushing off the dirt, he showed it to Cory. A dozen eyes looked at her and blinked.
“Oh my!” Cory exclaimed. “Your potatoes have real eyes!”
“And they actually can see,” said Jonas. “When I dig them up, they watch everything I do.”
Tucking the potato in his pocket, he started walking again. This time they stopped in front of his grape arbor. Even before he touched a grape, Cory could hear a low murmur coming from the arbor. “Are those bees I hear?” she asked.
Jonas shook his head. “It’s the grapes. See!” He plucked one from the vine and held it up for Cory to inspect. The grapes had tiny mouths and were talking nonstop. “I’m flying!” the grape said in a wispy voice. “Look at me! It was so crowded back there and no one would stop talking to listen to me but now I’m all alone and . . . I’m all alone! What am I going to do?”
“Gossiping grapes!” said Jonas. “I don’t know how they do it, but when I put the grapes with the potatoes and corn, they talk about what the corn has heard and the potatoes have seen. Here, see for yourself.”
Still holding the grape in one hand, he used the other to take the corn and potato out of his pocket. When he put them together, the grape said, “Did you see the size of that man’s feet!? They’re huge! And you can hear him coming from way off. He makes the earth shake when he tromps around.”
“They can talk for hours,” Jonas interrupted. “I think they’re talking about me, but I never know for sure. Anyway,” he said as he put the corn and the potato away, “they still taste fine.” He popped the grape in his mouth. Cory heard a shrill scream that ended abruptly when Jonas bit down. Jonas saw the horrified look on her face and nodded. “That’s the real problem. People don’t want to eat the grapes once they’ve heard them talk. It’s only the ripe ones that do it, but those are the ones people should be eating. They don’t like to cook corn that listens to them or potatoes that watch them, either.”
“And you say this is a new development?” asked Cory, trying not to look at the dribble of grape juice on his lip.
“It is,” said Jonas, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “And I know what’s causing it, but I don’t know what to do about it. Last week the flower fairies that tend the sunflowers in the next farm over changed their flight pattern so that they pass over my farm now. I don’t know if they think it’s funny to sprinkle fairy dust on my crops, or if they do it by accident, but I can’t get them to stop. That’s why I contacted you. My mother said you used your noggin when you helped her. She knew you snuck the mice out in the box, but she didn’t care, as long as they weren’t in her kitchen anymore.”
“Oh,” said Cory, who had been sure the old woman hadn’t seen her do it. “I’m glad she was pleased either way. So, you have a problem with fairy dust pollution. Have you tried talking to the fairies?”
“Four times now, but it hasn’t made a bit of difference.” He scratched his head as he glanced at the grape arbors.
“I don’t think it would help if I talked to them, either,” said Cory. “Some of the guilds are mad at me, including the Flower Fairy Guild, because I’m going to testify against them in front of a big jury. I might make your situation worse if they know I’m helping you, which doesn’t mean I won’t do what I can. Have you reported it to the FLEA?”
“What good would that do?” asked Jonas. “They wouldn’t be any more effective than I’ve been. The FLEA doesn’t do anything unless a crime has been committed and the fairies would claim it was an accident.”
“You’re probably right,” said Cory. “I guess all you can do now is warn the fairies that you’ll do something if they don’t stop, but you’ll have to be prepared to actually do it.”
“But what could I do?” asked Jonas. “I don’t want to hurt them.”
“I’m not sure, but I’ll think about it. In the meantime, you could write on the ground in big letters something like Do Not Dust! Keep Away! Trespassers Will Be Fined and Grounded! That will at least give them something to think about while they wonder how you’re going to ground them.”
“I suppose I could do that,” said Jonas. “At least until we can come up with something that will really make them listen.”
“I’ll be out of town for a few days, so don’t worry if you don’t hear from me,” Cory told him. “I’m not going to give up until I think of something!”
CHAPTER
6
Cory thought about Jonas’s problem as she rode the pedal-bus home. Although she actually came up with a number of solutions, she didn’t like any of them. When she got off the bus in front of her uncle’s house, she decided to send a message to Blue about eating dinner early. She could mention Jonas’s problem while they ate and see if Blue had any suggestions.
When she sent the message, Blue wrote back right away. He was getting off work early anyw
“I thought we could eat in the park across the street,” he told her, lifting the lid to show her what was inside. “I picked up soup at Everything Leeks while I was making my rounds today, and stopped by Perfect Pastry for dessert. We can even take Noodles with us if you’d like. I got him a head of lettuce!”
“He’d love that,” Cory said.
She hooked her arm through Blue’s and they crossed the street, leading Noodles on his leash. After following the path into the park for only a minute or two, Cory took the lead, and they left the path to find her favorite spot—a meadow filled with bluebells surrounding a large, flat rock. They let Noodles off his leash and gave him his lettuce before climbing onto the rock. While Cory kept an eye on the woodchuck, Blue laid out the food he had brought. There was warm mushroom soup, with whole-grain crackers, a big bunch of grapes, and a bottle of frosty-cold apple juice. For dessert he’d brought two mini éclairs from Perfect Pastry.
“This is so thoughtful of you,” Cory said as she accepted a cup of soup from Blue.
He shrugged and looked embarrassed. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot, and when I saw the soup I thought you might like some.”
“You were right,” she told him after taking a sip. “Thank you! So tell me, what did you do today?”
Blue reached for some crackers. “Nothing much. I made the rounds with Officer Deeds, and we caught a dog that was picking people’s pockets. He was actually a shape-shifter who could turn into a dog, which confused everyone at the station when he turned back into one after we locked him in a cell. The chief thought someone had brought a dog in, and almost let him go!”
Cory laughed, but her smile faded when Blue asked about her day. “It started off badly with a gift of threatening candy. It was the super-bad-for-you kind, and I’m sure the Tooth Fairy Guild sent it. Then my mother showed up. She was trying to talk me out of testifying against the Tooth Fairy Guild. After she left I went to the Dell to help Jonas McDonald. He’s Old McDonald’s son and owns the farm now. He’s been having a terrible time with flower fairies dropping fairy dust on his crops. Now his corn has tiny ears and listens to you, his potatoes have big eyes to watch you, and his grapes gossip all the time.”