The Rocker That Savors Me (The Rocker...) by Terri Anne Browning
But the silly woman was far too stubborn for her own good.
Tears were pouring down Emmie’s pretty face. “I need help, Layla,” she sobbed. “I can’t do this. I fucking suck as a mother.”
“You fucking rock as a mother!” I pulled her close again. “Everyone needs help in the beginning, honey.”
It took me a good half hour to calm her down enough that I was able to talk her into eating something. After she had eaten, I helped her shower then tucked her into bed. The guys were back in the studio finishing up, so they hadn’t been home much during the day this week.
I took care of Mia for the rest of the day. I made sure that she was in a well lit room, and I woke her often. Thankfully, Emmie had started pumping her breast milk, because I didn’t want to disturb her. The one time I had checked on her, she was in a deep sleep. It was probably the first restful sleep she had had since coming home from the hospital two weeks ago.
By the time Lucy was home, Emmie was still sleeping, so I put Lucy in front of the television and started on dinner for everyone. Lana came home, but didn’t stay. She had finals coming up the few weeks after Thanksgiving so she was studying more often than not. As long as she passed all of her exams, she was going to graduate with honors. It was her last semester of high school, and she didn’t have to go back for anything except graduation.
Last week, she had told me she had applied for early entrance to a few colleges. I knew she was going to get in, but I had no idea how I was going to afford the schools that she deserved to go to. I refused to ask Jesse for help. He was my boyfriend, not my money train.
--
Things got better over the next week. Emmie’s dark circles faded and she wasn’t as emotional as she had been. We transitioned Mia over to a night time sleep schedule and she was starting to sleep longer at night. It was getting easier for Emmie, and I was beyond relieved that the old Emmie was starting to shine through again.
The guys had finally finished all the recording they needed to do. I was happy to have them all around the house again, and I loved getting to spend more time with Jesse. But I felt like something was up with him. He was acting strange, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was getting bored with me. But I was too scared to ask him what was going on.
The week after Thanksgiving, I overheard Jesse and Emmie talking in her office. I was on my way to the laundry room and the door was closed, so I only heard part of their conversation. What I did hear made my heart crack.
“…Perfectly Clean said that they can have a new housekeeper here after Christmas,” Emmie was saying.
“Will you be okay until then?” Jesse asked, sounding concerned.
“None of this is okay with me, Jesse. I don’t want you to go…”
“Emmie, I’m not going far. You know I can’t stay here. Not now.”
I heard them moving around inside and rushed down the hall to the laundry room before they found me eavesdropping. I tossed the basket of clothes on top of the dryer and leaned back against the closed door. My heart was racing, my throat tight and burning with tears.
It was true. He was going to break up with me. Emmie was already looking for a new housekeeper, and Jesse was leaving. My heart clenched in a painful way, and my knees gave out. Slowly, I slid down the door hugging my knees to my chest as I silently cried. I was about to lose everything: my job, my home, my friends.
The guy that I loved…
Jesse
Things were put on hold for a few weeks after Mia came along.
I had hated to ask Emmie to help me when she had been so sick. Postpartum had been a real bitch, but I was relieved to find my old Emmie coming back to me now. For a while, the world had seemed dark because she was lost in a maze of hormonally induced black emotions. We had Layla to thank for helping Emmie find her way back, and I think I was deeper in love with her because of it.
Once Emmie was back to her old self, she started where she had left off. I didn’t even have to ask her about it. She just did what she did best and made things happen. Things were moving faster than I had expected, and I was worried that I was going to be leaving Emmie out in the cold when I left.
Even though she was helping me, she didn’t want me to go, even if I was just going to be a few houses away. It hurt me just as much as it hurt her, but we both knew that it was time for me to move on. A house was not meant for two families. Now that she had hers, I needed to start my own.
“You can visit me every day,” I promised her with a grin. “And you know I can’t go a day without seeing you, Em.”
Her chin trembled but she was smiling. “I’m glad you have Layla. I like seeing you so happy, Jess.”
I cocked a brow at her. “And how are you and Nik? Still arguing?”
She grimaced. “A little.”
“Because you won’t marry him?” Nik was chomping at the bit. He had asked her to marry him months ago, but she had said that they had to wait for the baby to arrive first. Now that Mia was here, Emmie still didn’t seem ready. I wasn’t sure what was holding her back. I knew that she loved Nik. I think I had known it before she had.
“I don’t want to talk about it, Jesse.” She stood and handed over the keys that she had gotten that morning. “It’s all ready for you.”
I took the keys and felt like the world was tilting on its axis. Tonight was the night. I was scared, anxious, and excited. I couldn’t wait to talk to Layla. Dropping a kiss on top of Emmie’s head, I left. I passed Lana and Drake in the kitchen, and without a word to either of them, I grabbed Lana and dragged her out of the house with me.
“Jesse!”
“It’s set. Do you want to see it or not?” I called over my shoulder as I headed for the beach.
Lana stopped struggling and hurried to keep up with me. I had told her Thanksgiving night what I was doing and swore her to secrecy. I guess in a way I had been asking Lana for permission. Maybe I should have asked Lucy too, because I was about to turn all our lives around. But I had been afraid the six year old would let the cat out of the bag and ruin my surprise.
Two houses later, I was jogging up the steps to my new home. Emmie had moved heaven and earth to find me a place as close to her as possible. I had only seen it once and had liked it well enough, but she was the one who had taken care of all the fine details: making the offer, getting everything sorted out, closing on the house. I wasn’t sure how I managed without Emmie and I hoped I never had to find out.
The house wasn’t as big as Emmie’s. Mine was only a four bedroom. The family room was huge though, and had a beautiful view of the ocean. The kitchen had all new appliances, again thanks to Emmie. Other than the bare essentials, the house was empty because I wanted Layla to decorate our home.
“This is really happening,” Lana murmured a while later after she had seen the whole house. “I mean, I knew that you were serious, but it didn’t feel real until right now.” She sighed. “I’m really glad that she fell for you, Jesse. As far as rockers go, you Demon’s Wings guys aren’t so bad.”
I laughed. “I’m glad you think so, sweetheart.”
She frowned. “Are you sure though? I mean…” She broke off, but I knew what was bothering her.
“I’m hoping to be your brother-in-law before long, Lana. That means that you are mine just as much as Layla’s. I want you to be happy. Just pick which college you want and give all the details to Emmie. She knows what to do.” When I had talked to Lana about my plans for the future, I had told her that she didn’t have to worry about college. I wanted to make it happen for her.
She had gotten her acceptance letters to several colleges for early entrance. Stanford, UCLA, NYU, the list seemed endless. Lana deserved the best education I could provide for her. I just hoped she didn’t destroy us all by picking NYU. I would miss her if she was all the way across the country, and I doubted that Drake would survive long with her that far away. Those two were closer than close. She was his best friend and vice versa. I could see for myself tha
“Have you decided?” She only had about a week before she had to get the ball rolling. Classes started in the middle of January and it was already December.
“I’ve narrowed it down.” She gave me a sly grin. “Don’t worry, rock star. I’ve got it under control. You have other things to think about. Like getting my sister to say ‘yes’.”
Chapter 21
Layla
My heart was like a lead weight in my chest.
Leaving the laundry in the basket, I left the main house. I was glad that Lucy was riding the bus home with a friend and spending the night. I didn’t have to worry about her right now. I didn’t want to think about Lucy or anything else. In fact, I was sure that my brain had shut down as some kind of defense mechanism so that I didn’t instantly shatter into a billion pieces.
As soon as I walked in the guesthouse I started tossing things around. If Jesse was breaking up with me, if Emmie was going to fire me, then I needed to pack. Moving on autopilot, I pulled my suitcase from the closet in the bedroom and started packing all of our clothes. I had saved a good amount of money since September. It would hold us over until I found another job…
Tears spilled from my eyes without me realizing it. I didn’t want to find another job. I wanted the one where I got to be with the people I had grown to love…people who obviously didn’t love me back!
Before I knew it, the big suit case was full and the closet was bare. I zipped up the case and dragged it into the living room. After placing it by the door, I headed back into the bedroom. The front door opened and Drake walked in, surprising the hell out of me.
He took one look at my damp face, saw the suitcase by the door, and went ballistic. “What the fuck are you doing?” he exploded.
I shrugged. “Packing.”
“No. No way.” He shook his head, making his over long hair fall in his face. His blue gray eyes looked wild. “Where is Angel?” He never called her Lana anymore. Everyone knew who he was talking about when he said ‘angel’. I guess to him she was his angel.
“I thought she was with you.” They were like each other’s shadow. Where one was the other was sure to follow.
“Jesse grabbed her and left. I figured she would be here.” Drake glared at me. “Why are you packing, Layla? Why are you crying?”
“Because we are leaving.” I told him and saw all the color fade from his face. It hurt me to hurt him like that, but I couldn’t stay. Not when I knew Jesse was about to crush me. Oh, fuck. I was already crushed. “Look, you will still see Lana anytime you want. Just because we leave doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends.”
“No. You aren’t leaving!” He practically shouted. “I can’t…You can’t…” He broke off, unable to speak he was so upset.
“Drake.” I took a step toward him, wanting to comfort him. Hurting him was the last thing I wanted. He had been through so much already. Finally, he had found something that made the world seem like a better place and I was going to take her away from him…
The door opened and Lana walked in. Drake saw her and nearly crumbled. “You can’t go, Angel!” He grabbed her hands tight. “Tell her!”
Lana looked from Drake to me then back to Drake. Seeing his pain she pulled him into her arms. “Of course I’m not going anywhere.”
He seemed to sag with relief. Somehow he made it to the couch, taking Lana with him. She landed on his lap, and he buried his face in her thick black hair. She stroked her fingers over his face, but her gaze when straight to me. “What are you doing, Layla?” she demanded quietly.
“Packing. We are leaving, Lana. Tonight.”
“Why?” she asked, looking worried. “Why do we have to go?”
“Because Jesse doesn’t want me anymore. I heard them talking today. Emmie and him. She’s already finding my replacement, and I bet he is too.” Scalding tears burned my face as they poured from my eyes. I scrubbed them away. “So we’re leaving.”
“You think that Jesse doesn’t want you anymore?” Lana jumped to her feet. “Have you lost your mind? Do you not see how much he loves you?”
“I know what I heard, Lana.” I turned toward the bedroom once more.
“You only think you do!” she yelled. “Go talk to him. Let him explain.”
“No thank you.” It was bad enough that I knew he didn’t want me anymore. I wasn’t going to embarrass myself by having him make excuses. “I’ve heard all I need to know.”
“Drake, go get Jesse. Get Emmie too,” I heard Lana tell him. “Tell them to hurry.”
“Don’t bother.” I called from the bedroom doorway, but he ignored me as he practically ran from the guesthouse. I glared at my sister. “This won’t change anything, Lana. We are still leaving. Make this easier on you and Drake both, and just help me so that we can go.”
She just stood there, crossing her arms over her chest. “I can’t believe you would doubt how much Jesse loves you. Even for a second. God, Layla! I get sick of hearing him say it, but I never doubt him when he does.”
“He hasn’t been the same lately,” I told her. “I can feel the emotions churning in him.”
“That isn’t because he has stopped loving you, idiot!”
“How the hell do you know?” I exploded. She opened her mouth to say something but I didn’t want to hear it. “I’m through talking about this. I have things to do.”
Behind her the door swung open. Emmie came into the living room like a little tornado. “Lana, seriously! What the hell have you done to Drake now?” she stormed. “I couldn’t make sense of anything he was saying except that it was about you.”
“I haven’t done anything!” Lana pointed at me. “Layla’s packing and apparently it’s your fault. She heard you and Jesse talking earlier today.”
Emmie’s eyes widened. “Then why are you leaving?” she demanded. “You don’t like the house? I can sell it and buy another one.” She frowned. “It isn’t as close, but if it’s what you really want…”
“This isn’t about the house,” Lana informed her. “She doesn’t know about the house.”
Emmie threw her hands in the air. “Then please tell me what it is about! Because I’m at a loss here ladies.”
They weren’t making much sense to me. I didn’t know what either one of them were talking about. “This is about you hiring another housekeeper. This is about Jesse leaving because he can’t stand to be around me.”
“Do you think I want you to leave?” Emmie put her hands on her hips, glaring at me. I couldn’t help but notice that she was looking more fit and beautiful every day. “Have you lost your mind? I would give my right arm to have you stay with me forever, Layla. There has never been someone like you in my life, someone who takes care of me and put ups with me, and still loves me like you do. You are my best friend, Layla!”
“Then why are you hiring another housekeeper?” I wailed.
“Because you are going to have your own house to worry about!” she shouted at me. “You can’t take care of your house and mine too.”
“What house?” They kept talking about a house, and I was so confused I didn’t know what to think. This whole thing was giving me a huge headache.
Jesse
I was still in the shower when I heard my door open. The glass door opened and Drake stood there, breathing hard. “Dude!”
“Layla’s packing! She’s going to leave,” he burst out.
“What?!” I still had soap all over me but to hell with that. I pushed past my friend and grabbed a towel. I moved so fast that I nearly fell on my ass. Wet feet were slick on tile! Righting myself, I wrapped the towel around my waist and ran through the house still dripping wet.
My heart was full of dread. Why would Layla be leaving? What the hell had I missed?
The contrast of the cool evening air on my wet body was a shock to the system, but I didn’t slow down as I raced over the patio
“What house?” I heard Layla ask.
“The house that I asked Emmie to buy for us,” I told her. I crossed the room and grabbed hold of her hands. They were trembling, or maybe it was mine that were trembling. “Layla, what are you doing? Why are you packing?”
Tears made her chocolate eyes glittery. “Because you don’t want me anymore.” She whispered, but there was doubt in her voice. “At least I thought you didn’t. I-I-I heard you and Emmie talking earlier. You said you had to go.”
“Of course I have to go. We all do. I want to sleep with you in my arms ever night. We can’t do that here, not without confusing Lucy.” I cupped her face in both my hands, wiping a few errant tears away as they slipped from her eyes. “I wanted to surprise you. Give you the house and the ring at the same time.”
“Ring?” She breathed. Her eyes were huge in her beautiful face.
“This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen.” I muttered, reaching for the towel around my waist as it started to slip. Lana was standing by the door and I didn’t want the girl that was going to hopefully be my sister-in-law to know what I looked like naked. I glanced at her and then Emmie. “Mind giving us a minute here?”
“You and I are going to have a serious talk later, Layla!” Emmie muttered as she left. “My best friend and she thinks that I want to get rid of her…”
I sighed and waited for the door to close behind them both before I gave Layla my full attention. “Now tell me what I missed. Why would you jump to such a conclusion?”
“You’ve been acting so off lately. Your mind is always wandering. I thought you were getting bored with me. And today when I heard you and Emmie talking I just lost it. It broke something inside of me.” More tears poured from her eyes. “I love you, Jesse. If I lost you it would kill me.”
“Oh baby!” I rocked her against me. “It’s the same for me. It’s been like that from almost the second I heard your laugh that first day we met. I love you. I need you.” Her arms wrapped around my waist, and I couldn’t help the way my body responded. I was addicted to her touch, but I had things to tell her before I let my other head take over.