The Unfairest of Them All by Shannon Hale
“Any idea?” Briar asked.
“None,” said Apple.
“Oh toadstools,” said Blondie. “I was hoping to get an inside scoop.”
“I mean,” said Apple, “this meeting probably has something to do with how a bunch of students broke into the Treasury last night, turned into a mob, and broke something called a Uni Cairn, which released a terrifying Wonderlandian monster from its tiny, magical prison, but besides that, I have no intel on the specifics.”
Though shouldn’t she, as a prominent student leader at Ever After High? Apple made eye contact with Maddie, who was sitting next to Raven, Cerise, and Cedar on the wooden benches on the main floor. Apple tilted her head, asking her co-president a question—did she know what was happening? Maddie shook her head no.
Headmaster Grimm took the stage, looking, Apple thought, particularly grim. Baba Yaga, Gepetto, the White Queen, Mother Goose, Rumpelstiltskin, and other members of the senior faculty stood behind him. The White Queen looked extremely pale today, Baba Yaga looked as if she hadn’t slept in a decade, and Gepetto was trembling.
“You all know why we’re here,” Headmaster Grimm said.
Apple could see the heads of students around her go lower as those who’d been in the Treasury the day before cowered in their seats.
“I am not happy, students, not happy with any of you. But one of you especially crossed a line—yes, crossed so far that there’s no going back.”
Apple assumed the headmaster meant Sparrow Hood. But fear bathed her with an icy chill as she thought—what if he blamed Raven? Her rebellion had incited the students, after all, and she had torn the Storybook of Legends. No, he couldn’t expel her. If Raven didn’t go to Ever After High anymore, Apple could never change her mind and get her back on the right path again!
But instead of Sparrow or even Raven, the headmaster called out, “Come up here now, Madeline Hatter.”
There was a general gasp of surprise and alarm.
Maddie stood and made her way down the row. Raven started to go with her, but the headmaster said, “Madeline alone, if you please.”
Maddie stood on the far end of the stage, twisting the finger of one of her gloves. Her knees knocked, her feet pointed toward each other. Apple had never noticed before how small Maddie was until she saw her there beside the faculty. Apple could see in Maddie’s pocket her pet dormouse shivering, his tiny hands gripping the brim of his top hat.
“Yesterday I saw Madeline Hatter in the Treasury, her pockets full of stolen heirlooms. At her feet, clearly just fallen from her hands, the Uni Cairn—one of the Great Glass Prisons. Her carelessness has unleashed the most terrifying horror Wonderland ever knew, now loose in our own Ever After! And I’m not convinced she didn’t throw down that glass prison on purpose. It’s well known that Madeline Hatter misses her home world. Perhaps she went into the Treasury with the express purpose of setting free one of her countrybeasts, the… the jabberwocky.” The headmaster shuddered.
“But—” Maddie started.
“Silence! Your testimony is not needed. It doesn’t matter what you meant to do, only what you did. And what you did was free a vastly dangerous, frightening, and deadly beast!”
A general shiver passed around the audience. Someone began to weep.
The headmaster raised his hand. “Now, don’t be afraid, children. We know from legend that the jabberwocky will hide itself for years, slowly regaining its terrifying powers, before attacking. But when that distant day comes, Madeline Hatter, it will be your fault. You committed a crime of Big Bad Proportions—something great, terrible, dangerous, and completely off-script. Your punishment, therefore, can be nothing less than banishment from the land of Ever After. You will leave here and never return.”
The students in the audience gasped again, this time with even more alarm. Someone banished! And not just anyone, but Maddie! Apple couldn’t think of anyone else whom all the students—both Royals and Rebels—liked as much as the tea-loving, party-throwing, riddle-spouting girl.
“Thank you, that’s very kind,” said Maddie, voice quavering. “I appreciate it.”
“What are you saying, girl?” said Baba Yaga. “You appreciate getting banished?”
“Oh, no, I find the idea of banishment horrifying, frightening, and generally extremely icky. I was responding to what the Narrator said—that you all like me. It’s nice, at least, to know that.”
Maddie sniffed, and a fat tear rolled down her cheek.
Apple quaked in her seat but could resist no longer. She stood up. And at the exact same moment, so did Raven.
“Headmaster!” they both said at once.
“Sir, if you’d be so kind as to hear a question?” Apple shouted to be heard across the Charmitorium. “I saw, as you did, Maddie standing near the broken Uni Cairn in the Treasury. We witnessed the moment after its break, not its breaking, therefore, any witness testimony is circumstantial at best—”
“Your Royal Highness,” said the headmaster. “This is not the time to debate—”
“Anyway, what is one of these so-called Great Glass Prisons doing in the school Treasury?” Raven asked. “Shouldn’t you keep it somewhere safer?”
“Such as behind heavily locked doors?” Baba Yaga muttered.
“You of all people, Raven Queen,” said the headmaster, “have no place to speak up in this matter. You’re lucky you’re not getting banished, too!”
Raven glanced back at Apple, as if asking for help.
“But Maddie has an explanation, I bet,” said Apple, “and if we just listened to her—”
“Madeline Hatter not only meddled with one of the Great Glass Prisons, she broke it!” said Headmaster Grimm. “As such, I am authorized to judge and convict her myself. The only defense for a crime of Big Bad Proportions would be Irrefutable Evidence, something Madeline cannot offer. Therefore, she is banished. I will personally inform her father that she has twenty-four hours to pack and make her good-byes. We will meet by the school wishing well at this time tomorrow morning. There, Baba Yaga will perform the banishment spell, and you will all witness Madeline Hatter depart Ever After forever after.”
Neither Apple nor Raven, who were both still standing, seemed to find anything else to say. Their mouths hung open in stunned silence.
Maddie broke the silence. “Um… where am I being banished to?” she asked, her voice a little shaky.
“Wonderland’s portal is sealed shut, Maddie,” Gepetto said with some warmth in his voice, “or we would send you home. So we decided on the next best thing: Neverland.”
The faculty members all nodded. Apple didn’t think they noticed how Maddie recoiled at the name.
“Yes, Neverland,” said the White Queen, smoothing her shockingly white hair over her white shoulder. “Surely it is the most like Wonderland. After all, they both share the same last name: Land.”
The headmaster dismissed the school, and immediately the Charmitorium erupted into conversations and shouts of concern. Apple left Blondie and Briar and ran back to the stage door. Raven did the same, so they met Maddie as she came out.
Something was very wrong with Maddie’s face. Apple shivered, unsure what had happened. A spell? A mask? No, she realized. For the first time since she’d met her, Maddie was frowning. It was a sight sorrowful enough to provoke a tear from even a jaded Narrator.
“Maddie,” said Raven, reaching out for her hand. “This is unbelievable. I can’t… I don’t even have words…”
“I’ve got to go with Mr. Grimm to tell my dad,” said Maddie with a sniff. “He’d wonder, you know, if I just disappeared and never came back. Telling your dad that you’re getting banished makes sense, doesn’t it?”
“None of this makes sense, Maddie,” said Apple, squeezing her other hand. “None of it!”
“Oh good,” said Maddie. “I didn’t think it made sense, either, so I was worried that it probably did to everyone else and I’d just gone mad. Or, madder than normal. I mean… I don’t eve
“Maddie,” Raven said, giving her a hug.
Maddie pulled away and smiled, though it seemed to strain her trembling lips, and her eyes still glistened.
“Don’t get gloomy gummy about me. I’ll be… I’ll be okay. Bubble pop shop,” Maddie said, stood on one leg, and jumped forward. “And hop.”
She hopped away, shoulders slumped, looking like a disappointed rabbit. Raven started to go after her, but then Baba Yaga emerged from the Charmitorium stage door.
“Madam Baba Yaga,” said Raven. “Please, you have to help Maddie. She didn’t do it, but if she did do it, she didn’t mean to—”
“Miss Queen, a crime of Big Bad Proportions cannot be waved away by whining that the criminal probably didn’t mean to do it.” Baba Yaga turned to Apple, the tiny bones tied up in her long gray hair clinking together. She stared. Apple felt her scalp crawl, as if it were trying to run away.
“As the headmaster declared,” Baba Yaga said, still staring at Apple, “only Irrefutable Evidence could have saved her.”
Baba Yaga walked away, though Apple held still as if at attention, just in case the old sorceress had eyes in the back of her head.
Headmaster Grimm entered the corridor. He saw Raven and lowered his eyebrows.
“You see what happens when you don’t follow your destiny, Miss Queen? Your friends get hurt. Banished, even. It’s enough to make one reconsider one’s previous rash decisions.” He stalked closer. “If you don’t change your mind and make the right choice, I wonder which of your dearest friends will suffer next!”
Raven took a step back, her eyes wide in shock.
“Shameful day, Your Majesty,” he said to Apple. “Most unpleasant.”
Apple could feel Raven practically vibrating beside her as she watched the headmaster walk away.
“I just made my own choice,” Raven said through clenched teeth. “I didn’t make anyone do anything. It’s not my fault!”
Apple knew Raven hadn’t meant harm, but going off script endangered everyone. Now was not the time to say so.… Raven looked as if she was about to explode.
“I feel like I’m about to explode,” Raven said, fists clenched and flickering purple.
Apple began to pace. “This is just wrong. I mean, Maddie is everyone’s friend. She’s always happy and always helps everyone else to be happy. Without her, everyone will be more miserable. And I don’t believe she’s ever purposefully done something bad. That’s why this is so… so unfair. I really, really don’t like unfairness, Raven. Just thinking about Maddie getting unfairly banished makes me want to… to throw something!”
“Really?” said Raven.
“Or something even worse than throwing,” said Apple. “Hitting something? Like, punching a pillow, maybe? I’ve never done that before, but I feel quite prepared to punch all sorts of pillows. Maddie didn’t get a fair trial, not to mention that banishment solves nothing! For one thing, banishing Maddie means she can’t grow up to run the Mad Hatter’s Haberdashery and Tea Shoppe, and that’s another destiny lost, another story that won’t get told.”
Apple stopped pacing. Raven dropped her fists. They both just looked at each other.
“We need to do something,” Apple and Raven said at the same time.
Apple grabbed Raven’s hand and pulled. They ran down several flights of stairs and into the library. Apple pulled the “I” volume of Auntie Aesop’s Complete Compendium of Ever After from the shelf, and together Apple and Raven carried the twenty-pound tome to the far back corner. Apple flipped it open.
“Irrefutable Evidence is a spell!” Apple whispered, reading. “Headmaster Grimm said the only defense for a crime of Big Bad Proportions is Irrefutable Evidence. Auntie Aesop starts to describe how to do the spell but suddenly changes languages.”
Raven took the book from Apple, reading hungrily, then sighed and slammed it shut.
“The spell is written in Cursed Gibberish. It’s a magical language.”
“And you can read it?” Apple asked, nodding and smiling, her eyes wide and glistening hopefully.
Raven shook her head. “I’m a level-five sorceress. To understand Cursed Gibberish, you have to be level thirty-eight. The only sorceresses I’ve ever met who are fluent in Cursed Gibberish are Baba Yaga and—”
Raven stopped.
“Well, Baba Yaga will never help us,” said Apple. “When she glares at me, it’s like every hair on my head stands up and tries to run away.”
“There’s a rule in dark sorcery anyway,” Raven muttered. “Upper-level knowledge can’t be downshared, and Baba Yaga is a faculty member, so she’ll definitely follow the rules. The headmaster would never let her anyway. He’s furious. I kind of wonder if he’s punishing Maddie in part to get back at me for Legacy Day.”
“Wait, you said sorceresses—like, plural. Who else can read Cursed Gibberish?”
“Um…” Raven said.
“Oh!” Apple said.
For a moment, they were both silent.
“But she does,” Raven whispered. “My mother does speak Cursed Gibberish.”
Apple tried to laugh. It sounded too much like one of Bo Peep’s sheep’s bleats. “That’s one of your jokes, right? One of your I’m-just-kidding-about-calling-up-my-evil-imprisoned-mother jokes? Ha! Raven, you are so funny.”
Raven didn’t laugh.
Apple swallowed. “There must be someone else.”
Raven hexted the Candy Witch. Her answer was slightly alarming.
CANDY: No, I don’t speak Cursed Gibberish, but I ate someone once who did. I’m kidding! Or am I? COL!
Apple leaned over to look at Raven’s phone. “COL?” she asked.
Raven groaned. “Cackle out loud,” she said. “It’s a witch thing.”
Raven found The Official Registry of Witches, Sorceresses, Conjuring Goblins, and Hags on a back shelf. Nobody else in all of Ever After had reached higher than level thirty-one.
She looked up at Apple, the purples of her eyes bright and serious but nervous, too. Apple shivered.
“She’s level thirty-eight?” asked Apple.
“She’s level forty-two, actually,” said Raven. “And she doesn’t care about rules.”
Apple shivered again and looked around the library, half expecting to see the specter of the Evil Queen there, leaning over them, her shadow like a creeping plague.
“We need her help, Apple,” Raven said. “We need to talk to her.”
Apple groaned and covered her head with her arms.
“But I need your help, too, Apple. You’re smart. Honestly, you’re the smartest person I know.”
Apple slumped down in the chair in a very un-Apple-like posture. She felt as useless as a chewed-up core. “I don’t know so much. I mean, I knew that you should sign on Legacy Day, but you didn’t, and nothing I did or said made anything better.”
“I like having friends who only tell me the truth,” said Raven. “Cedar. Maddie. You. I’m glad you’ll tell me you think I royally messed up.”
Apple laughed.
“The best part is, even though that’s what you think, you still like me,” said Raven. “I think that’s, as you would say, fairy enchanting. I know we don’t agree on some really important stuff, but we both agree that what’s happening to Maddie is unfair.”
“The unfairest,” Apple agreed.
“This is something we can do. Something we can make better. But to reach my mother and get her help with the spell, we would have to, I don’t know, hack the Mirror Network or something, and I haven’t got the faintest idea how to do that. I need your help, Apple. You’re smart, you care about Maddie, and I trust you.”
“I…” Hack into mirror prison? Talk to the Greatest Evil Ever After Has Ever After Known? The library suddenly felt freezing.
Ever since Legacy Day, Apple hadn’t been able to trust her gut. Right now, her gut was telling her to save Maddie. She hoped it was right.
“Okay,” Apple said, trying to sound braver than she felt. “Let’s do this.”
Raven stared at her. “Well, I did not know you were going to say that. A complete surprise. Like, shock of the century, no kidding.”
And though she was so scared, her knees trembly and her jaw chittery, overall Apple felt hopeful, full of good, hot energy, as if she’d made the right decision. At last, something she could do. A task fit for a queen.
She grabbed Raven’s hand. “Come on. I know just who we need to talk to.”
“You realize, Apple, that my mother is locked up in one of those Great Glass Prisons Headmaster Grimm mentioned, and the punishment for meddling—”
“Is banishment, yes,” Apple said as they ran out of the library. “But a leader’s most important job is to protect her subjects from harm. We need to stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. And in this case, I’m standing up for destiny, too. Why, besides me, no one’s more passionate about following her destiny than the Mad Hatter’s daughter! Besides, Headmaster Grimm said it himself—sometimes it’s okay to bend the rules. Hurry, we have Madeline Hatter’s destiny to save.”
APPLE LED RAVEN TO A DORM ROOM WITH a hand-lettered sign on the door identifying it as the home of DUMP-T STUDIOS. Raven knew Humphrey Dumpty was just the egghead for the hacking job, but she still hesitated outside the door.
“I’ll need you to translate the stuff he says,” Raven said.
“What, why?” said Apple. “Humphrey doesn’t speak a foreign language.”
“Not technically, but if you see me looking confused…”
The door was ajar, and they pushed it open wider to find Humphrey Dumpty in front of two table mirrors and a microphone wearing a gigantic pair of headphones over his round head. He turned, and immediately his eggshell-white face cracked a smile. He jumped to his tiny feet, teetering as if he was about to tip over. Raven and Apple put out their hands to steady him before he had a chance to fall and break into pieces. His legs were so thin Raven wondered how they ever held up his body.