The Wall of Winnipeg and Me by Mariana Zapata
Zac’s sock-covered toes tapped against the floor and the sound of his steady puffing told me he was there. His hand came to rest over mine and I elongated my fingers upward to link through his.
“Maybe things won’t work out, but maybe they will. You’ll never know unless you try, and if you don’t try, you’ll probably end up an old geezer wondering what would have happened if you hadn’t given up,” I warned him before letting go of his hand and reaching around to give him a one-armed hug.
That had him snickering.
“You’re okay on money?” I wasn’t rich by some standards, but I had my savings still, and I was proud of how much I’d set aside all on my own.
“I’m okay,” he assured me.
I figured he was. He wasn’t extravagant. “If you decide to stay, I’ll even let you run this marathon in February with me if you’re a good boy,” I added, pulling him into my side for another side hug.
His back stiffened. “You’re going to run a marathon?”
“Why do you think I’ve been running?”
“Because you’re bored?”
I’d done more research on the training process that was suggested for people running their first marathon, and I couldn’t see anyone doing it because they were bored. “No. I just want to do it. I haven’t had time to train for one before, and I like the idea of it being a challenge.” Plus, I wanted to prove something to myself. Do something for my poor knee. I wanted to remind it that it could do whatever it wanted to. That it wasn’t anyone’s bitch.
I wanted to know that nothing was impossible and give my sister a big fuck you for what she had done to me.
I leaned into his side and let out a shaky breath, suddenly feeling overwhelmed over the entire weekend. “Are you in or what?”
The long Texan let out a deep sigh.
“What? You’re going to be a loser and back out?”
His face angled slightly toward me. The corner of his mouth hooking up. “What do I get out of it?”
“The same thing I do—personal satisfaction that you did something you couldn’t do before.”
The smile that came across Zac’s face wiped out any lingering resentment I had right then over Aiden’s behavior, at least. Those blue eyes twinkled and he radiated something awesome. “You are just a ray of sunshine, aren’t you, darlin’? Do something you couldn’t do before. Well, fuck it. Count me in to this trial of terror.”
Yeah, I might have squealed, surprised he’d actually taken up my offer. “Really?”
“Yes, really.” Just like that, his smile drooped a little. “How many miles is a marathon again?”
I winced, not wanting to kill our agreement before it even got started. “You don’t want to know, Zac.” Sliding my arm off, I gave the middle of his back a solid pat. “You don’t want to know.”
“Fuck me, huh?”
“Basically.”
He grinned and I grinned right back at him.
“Are you going to be okay?”
I nodded. “I’m always going to be okay.”
* * *
An hour or two later, I was lying in bed with one of my favorite movies on, the volume on ultra-low—I had the captions on—when three soft knocks tapped on my door.
Three. It was Aiden.
After a moment, three more low, low, low knocks hit the door.
I kept my mouth shut and went right on watching Independence Day.
He could take his real wife and shove her up his ass.
Chapter Sixteen
“You’re up early,” I noted dryly as Zac dragged his feet behind him into the kitchen.
The big Texan raised two sleepy eyebrows in my direction. If I didn’t know any better, the expression on his face would lead me to think he was drunk, but he was just really tired. “Mm-hmm.”
Okay. Someone wasn’t in the mood to talk, and that was fine by me. It wasn’t like I’d woken up in a fantastic state of mind. It didn’t help that the first thing I did after I was awake was call Diana’s brother so I could tell him about what I’d seen the day before, only for him to let me know that one of his sons had already told him about them a couple days ago.
“I tried talking to her, but she said she hit her hip,” he’d explained.
So she was keeping her story straight; I still didn’t believe it. “I don’t believe her.”
Her brother had made a hesitant sound that left a bad taste in my mouth. “I don’t know, Van. I don’t like that douche as much as you do, but I don’t think D would lie about it.”
That was the problem with growing up in a family that was usually honest and open with each other—you didn’t know the lengths someone would go to hide something shameful. And I knew right then that unless Diana blatantly told her brother that Jeremy was getting physical, or unless she ended up with a black eye, he wouldn’t assume the worst.
The conversation had been pointless, only adding to the aggravation simmering under my veins for days. I was perfectly fine admitting to myself that when I hadn’t been tossing and turning last night, I’d been wide awake, thinking about all the things I shouldn’t. All the things I knew better than to let bother me, but it was impossible to ignore them when they’d all hit me so hard. One after another, nip, nip, nipping away at my resolve.
Aiden. My mom. Susie. Diana.
My technically husband. My mom. My sister—though I still wanted DNA reports to confirm that connection. My best friend of my entire life.
Was there anyone in this world I could trust? I could rely on? Only myself it felt like sometimes. You would figure I’d know better by now.
The sound of weights clinking together in the gym down the hall had me scowling. Someone had already been busy working out by the time I’d come down the stairs. While most athletes took their bye week off to vacation or spend time with their families, the big guy didn’t. Hadn’t.
I should have known better.
By the time I was done talking myself into pushing thoughts of them away, Zac had nuked some oatmeal in the microwave and dumped a cup full of toppings on it, taking the seat opposite mine at the breakfast nook. A part of a puzzle Aiden was working on decorated the middle of the table. Zac and I happened to glance at each other at the same time, and we smiled at one another, his a tired one and mine an aggravated-but-I’m-trying-not-to-be one.
My tablet sat next to my bowl of cereal; I had been absently flipping through page after page of a website that sold T-shirt designs from freelance artists. I’d sold some of my work on there in the past, and I was looking to see if any designs gave me ideas to work on today, unless I got an unexpected last minute request.
The doorbell ringing once—not long enough to be annoying but not too short to be ignored—had me getting to my feet. “I got it.”
The face on the other side of the peephole had me smiling a little. Leslie didn’t deserve my bitch face when I only saw him a couple times a year. “Good morning,” I greeted as I opened the door.
“Wonderful morning to you, Vanessa.” Leslie smiled back. “After you.”
A gentleman. That had me genuinely smiling as I stepped back and let him in, watching as he closed the door.
“How are you?”
My chest gave a dull throb in response. “I’m okay,” I answered about as honestly as I could. “And you?”
The expression on his face caught me off guard completely. It was like he was surprised I told him the truth, or maybe he wasn’t at all surprised I wasn’t fine, and was just acknowledging that I’d been honest with him. “I’m alive. I can’t ask for more.”
That had me sniffing in near indignation. I could be mopey every once in a while if I wanted. That sounded pathetic even in my own head. Letting out a slow, controlled breath, I nodded at the older man. “Good point.” I gestured with my head toward the gym. “Aiden’s working out. Would you like something to drink?”
“Do you have any coffee?”
I was the only coffee drinker in the house. “I’ll mak
With his hands behind his back, he dipped his chin in thanks. “I appreciate it. I’m going to check up on Aiden.”
Leslie peeked into the kitchen and raised his hand, giving Zac a no-tooth smile. “Morning, Zac.”
I headed into the kitchen as Leslie went to the gym, and scooped out the pre-ground coffee beans into the coffeemaker, hitting the button to start the brew. By the time I made it back to my seat, Zac was scraping the sides of his bowl, looking way more awake than he had half an hour ago. “You feelin’ better?” he asked.
“Not really.” Was I that obvious? I lifted a shoulder. “What are you doing today?”
“Gonna work out.”
I held out my fist for him to bump, and he only slightly shook his head as his fist connected with mine.
“You want to go for a run today?”
To give him credit, he tried to control his facial features so that they didn’t resemble a grimace. “Sure.”
“Don’t sound so excited.” I laughed.
Zac grinned immediately. “I’m foolin’ ya, Vanny. What time do you wanna go?”
“Is four okay?”
He nodded. “I’ll be back by then.”
I held up my hand again and he fist bumped it.
“I’m gonna get dressed so I can get outta here,” Zac said, already pushing his chair back.
We agreed to see each other later, and after rinsing off his plate and sticking it in the dishwasher, he disappeared up the stairs. With the intention of finishing looking through the rest of the current posts on the website I still had up on my tablet, I made it through one more page before Leslie appeared.
“Thank you for making this,” he said once he was at the coffeemaker, pulling out a cup from the correct cabinet without needing direction.
“Oh, you’re welcome.” I put my tablet to sleep, figuring I didn’t have much time before Aiden appeared. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with his crap right then. Just thinking his name had my blood boiling.
A real wife.
Fucking asshole.
“I’m sorry for dropping by unexpectedly,” Leslie chimed in from his spot at the counter, pouring coffee.
That had me snapping out of cursing Aiden in my head. “Don’t worry about it. It’s okay.”
“It isn’t okay. I felt terrible after Aiden told me you were going home.”
Home. What a word to use for El Paso.
“I didn’t mean to take up your time alone. I remember what it was like to be a newlywed,” the man who had put into motion Aiden’s future said.
Newlyweds. I wanted to puke. “It really is okay. I know how much you mean to him.” Or at least, I had a good idea of how much the older man meant to him.
Aiden had two friends he kept in touch with semi-regularly. He saw them in person maybe once a year. Other than them, there was only Leslie. Leslie who had been his coach in high school. Leslie who Aiden had said repeatedly had groomed him and pushed him to succeed. In the twelve years since he’d graduated high school, they still saw each other often enough. Leslie continued to train Aiden in Colorado when the season was over. Then there were the other times that the former coach came by to visit.
If that wasn’t its own form of love and respect—at least in Aiden’s case— I had no idea what was.
My comment though had him chuckling. “Only because he knows how much he means to me.”
As bitter as I felt, I couldn’t help but soften a little as Leslie walked around the island with his cup in hand. His eyes strayed to the table, a smile coming over his face. “He’s still doing those?” He gestured toward the puzzle.
“All the time. Especially when he’s stressed.”
Leslie’s smile grew even wider, turning wistful. “He used to do them with his grandparents. I can’t remember there ever not being a puzzle at their home.” He snickered softly. “You know, after his grandmother died, he didn’t speak to me for almost a year.”
Uh. What? His grandmother?
“I can’t tell you how many times I tried calling him, left him voicemails. I even went to several of his games at Wisconsin to see him, but he went out of his way to avoid me. It damn near broke my heart.” He took the seat that Zac had just left. His white eyebrows rose as he looked at me from over the top of his cup. “That’s between you and me, eh? He’s still sensitive about that time period.”
Aiden? Sensitive?
“When his grandfather died, he was devastated, but when Constance, his grandmother, passed away… I’ve never seen anyone so distraught. He loved that woman like you couldn’t imagine. He doted on her. She’d told me he called her every day after he went away to school,” he continued on like this wasn’t the greatest secret I’d ever heard.
There was no way I could pull off being casual about what he was saying. Plus, I had a feeling that the second he really looked at my facial expressions, he’d know damn well I had no clue about anything relating to his grandmother and grandfather.
And because I was tired of being lied to so much over the course of the last few days, I went with being honest with this man who had never been anything but kind to me. “I didn’t—he’s never even mentioned his grandparents to me before. He doesn’t like to talk about things,” I admitted, messing with the leg of my glasses.
Leslie set his cup on the table and gave me a little shake of his head. “That shouldn’t surprise me.” Of course it shouldn’t. “Between us” —he tipped his forehead forward— “he’s the most remarkable man I’ve ever met, Vanessa. I’ve told him that before a hundred times, but he doesn’t listen. He doesn’t believe, and I’m not sure he cares. When I first met him, I couldn’t get a single sentence out of him. One sentence, can you imagine that?”
I nodded, because yes, yes I could imagine that.
“If I would have asked him to try out for the football team on any other day than the one I did, he never would have agreed. His grandfather was alive back then, you know. He was already living with them. Aiden had gotten in trouble with the lacrosse coach again the day before for fighting with his teammates and his grandfather had told him something—he’s never told me what—that got him to agree to try out. It took me four months to get him to really talk to me, and I was persistent. Even then, the only reason why he did was because his grandfather had a heart attack and I had this feeling he needed someone to talk to.” Leslie let out a sigh at whatever memory was bouncing around in his head. “You can’t live your life bottling everything up. You need people, even if it’s only one or two, to believe in you, and as smart as that boy is, he doesn’t understand that.”
At some point, I’d planted my elbows on the table and set my chin in my hands, caught up in every detail he was telling me. “Did you know his grandparents well?”
“His grandfather was my best friend. I’ve known Aiden since he was in diapers.” Leslie’s mouth twitch. “He was the fattest baby I have ever seen. I remember looking at his eyes and knowing he was sharp. Always so serious, so quiet. But who could blame him with his parents.”
I had about a million more questions I wanted to ask but didn’t know how to.
“He’s a good man, Vanessa. A great one. He’ll open up to you in time. I’m sure of it,” Leslie added. “He used to say he would never marry, but I knew all it was going to take was him finding the right girl to convince him otherwise. Even mountains change over time.”
And that had me feeling like a schmuck. Like a giant, fake schmuck.
It messed with my head.
I wasn’t his real wife. He didn’t love me. This was all a charade.
The knot from the night before swelled in my throat again, leaving me unable to speak for a moment while I tried to collect my thoughts. “I know he’s a good man,” I finally managed to get out with a tremulous smile that felt way too transparent. “And, hopefully, we have a long time ahead of us,” I added even more weakly.
The way Leslie’s featured lit up made my stomach roll.
&nb
I was what I made myself to be.
“Is he almost done?” I forced myself to ask as I snuck my hands under the table and clenched them.
“Almost. He should be—oh, here he is. Were you eavesdropping on us?” Leslie joked.
I pushed my chair back, trying to school my emotions, my face, and my body all to behave and get through these next couple of minutes until I could disappear in my room. Before I could even make it to the island, the big guy was in the kitchen, heading to the sink.
“No.” Those brown and caramel irises were on me.
Rinsing off my bowl, I set it in the sink as I faintly listened to Leslie and Aiden discuss his workout. I ignored the way his shirt clung to his sweaty chest, ignored the way he kept glancing at me. Regardless of what Leslie had said, I wasn’t in the mood to deal with him even if he’d loved the hell out of his grandparents.
Somehow, I managed to paste something similar to a grin on my face as I walked right by Aiden, purposely letting my shoulder brush his arm because I was positive Leslie was watching. “I have a lot of work to do. I’ll be upstairs if you need me,” I said more to the older man than to the one I was married to.
Only Leslie responded.
Which was fine. It was totally fine, I assured myself as I climbed the stairs. Aiden could be pissed at me all he wanted. I was mad at him.
I had just gotten to the top when my phone started ringing. Closing the door behind me—because anyone who would be calling me right then was not going to be on my list of people I’d want to talk to—I picked up my cell from where I’d left it on the nightstand. MOM flashed across the smooth screen.
To give myself credit, I didn’t flip the phone off, curse, or even think about not taking the call. I was going to take the damn call because I wasn’t petty. Because I had nothing to feel bad about.