The Way We Roll by Stephanie Perry Moore
“You do believe me? You do think she did it?” I smiled when he nodded. “My dad is working on getting the place fixed. Thanks, though. I just want Sharon to pay.”
“Yeah, the girl used to leave me so many desperate messages, I know she’s crazy. When I told her it was over, she wasn’t getting it. I can’t believe she’s tripping like this.”
“Oh, Kade. What am I gonna do?”
“You’re not gonna worry. I know that.”
In my trashed place, I rested my head on his shoulder. For the first time in twenty–four hours, I was calm. I was no longer a basket case.
14
GIVE
“Where are you going to stay?” Kade said, kissing my brow.
“I don’t know. I just can’t believe this is happening.”
“I’d give you the shirt off my back, even though you can make your own,” he said, trying to make me smile, “but you know we can’t have females in our dorms.”
We walked through and completely assessed the damagesto my place. Kade still couldn’t believe that all this had happened, but before we could discuss Sharon further, someone knocked on the door. I was so startled by the door he had to grab me. “It’s okay, it’s okay. Your sororitysisters are here.”
I turned around, not even knowing how to respond, seeing Torian and Loni at the door. I was upset with them. They hadn’t taken my side. What in the world were they doing back at my place?
“We’re so glad to find you,” Torian said as she came over and gave me a big hug. “We were only saying that we didn’t want to accuse Sharon so soon. We didn’t want to put the verdict out and convict the girl. But we love you and care about you. Malloy, you have got to stay at our place.”
“No, it’s all right,” I said, not wanting to be a burden on anybody.
“For real, where are you going to stay? The girl next door is weird,” Kade reminded everyone.
“And you’re our girl,” Loni said. “Plus, I agree that girl next door is crazy.”
Kade took my hand. “Mmmm, no way, you ain’t stayingwith her. Let’s get your stuff so you can stay with your sorority sisters. I’d feel more comfortable knowing they got your back.”
“We’ll take care of her,” Torian said.
“I’m all right. I don’t need anyone taking care of me,” I responded, still shaking.
“Sometimes you just got to let go and let people in,” Loni said.
“Yeah, you’re always there for us. Whatever we need, we can count on you. Let us return the favor,” Tori said as she stroked my head.
I agreed, and everyone helped me move what we could out of there. We saw Sirena look through her window, like a kid who had no one to play with, but I could only pray she’d understand.
A week later, my apartment manager had gotten my place straightened out. But I was still too shaken to go back home. Torian and Loni had only a two-bedroom apartment, so I was sleeping on their pull-out couch. After laying two egg crates on top of each other, the pull-out couch was quite comfortable. Also, I felt very secure around my girls. The police still had no clue as to who had broken in. I didn’t know it would affect me so much. However, just the thought of someone touching my stuff, being so angry that they’d break in and destroy everything, creeped me out.
“You sure you going to be able to go to this public-serviceproject?” Torian asked as the three of us got ready to go to the local rape-crisis center to throw a Valentine’s party for the women, before the actual holiday.
“I’ll be fine,” I said as we headed out the door.
As soon as we got there, we saw fourteen women of various races, sizes, and ages. I became overcome with emotion as I imagined the abuse they must have suffered.
After the program loosened them up a little, the women were really able to enjoy the party. The chapter had taken money from one of our own parties to cater a very specialmeal. While the ladies were eating, the director gave a speech with important information so no one else would end up in the same facility.
The director, Mrs. White, said, “One in every six women will be assaulted in their lifetime. A college student is four times more likely to be assaulted. Only one in seven rapes are reported, but it’s better nowadays because it used to be only one in ten rapes were reported. Seventy-three percentof rapes were committed by a person the victim knew. Rape is a crime of anger and rage.”
It was just one disheartening fact after another that made me sick to my stomach. What if it was some guy that had wrecked my apartment? What if my apartment was only the beginning? What if this person was planning to come back? This was just all crazy.
Then I saw Hayden in the corner rocking back and forth. I had never seen my chapter president so vulnerable. She was always so poised and tough.
I held my chest and walked over to her. “You ... all right?”
“No, Malloy, I’m not all right, but clearly you aren’t either.” She touched my hand, and I sat next to her.
“What’s wrong?”
“Last year my ex-boyfriend assaulted me right before I got into my apartment.” Her eyes welled up with tears as she reflected on the incident.
Clutching my heart, I said, “Oh, my gosh, that was you? I remember an incident like that, and I was so happy to hear the guy was in jail.”
“He’s in jail, but still the thought of it ... I mean, he didn’t rape me, but I still feel so violated. I feel for these ladies.” Hayden hung her head low.
I leaned over and gave Hayden a hug. People being cruel enough to terrorize another person was a lot. She went on to say she felt for me with my situation as well. I really appreciated her caring so deeply for others. She was a great leader.
A lady with a broken arm came over. “Being raped is a horrible thing, but there is one thing about this crisis centerthat makes me feel so much better, and that is people like you who take the time to come by and visit us. You are all pouring hope back into us. So we can gain back all that some horrible person took away. We’re getting stronger and stronger because people like you care. No matter what you guys are going through, continue to bond with each other. You can’t get through these tough times alone.”
Before we could thank the lady, she just walked out. Hayden and I shared a smile after hearing her meaningful comments.
It was Founder’s Day for the region, and all our big sistersagreed it was going to be a special day. Everyone in attendance at the church in Conway, Arkansas, was so excited because the National President was going to give the address. And I guess inside I was fired up, too. We had on white robes that symbolized Heavenly angels. As we sat back and thought about our founders, I was pumped to hear my mom speak.
“We have five founders,” she began, holding the podium firmly, giving a strong stance. “In 1919, it was decided that an organization needed to be made up of and stand for five key principals. Each was to be remembered individuallyevery five years. I am excited that we look back on the strengths of our beloved soror, Viola Roundtree, who represents the principle of sisterhood.”
I opened up the program, which had the picture of a frail yet precious light-skinned woman. The caption read A SLAVE BABY, YET THROUGH THE MIDST OF ADVERSITY SHE CAME FORTH AND ALWAYS WANTED THE BOND WITH HER SISTERSTO BE STRONGER DAILY.
“Soror Viola,” my mother continued, “came from a family that was shattered from inception. Her mother was raped by a slave owner, and no one thought she should live, but her mom prayed over it and gave birth to a beautifulchild. And not just beautiful on the outside, but a woman with a huge heart. She had three birth sisters who had skin as dark as chocolate. For a long time they resented her for her fair complexion. But sisterhood meant so much to her back then, she never stopped trying to win her sistersover. She never stopped caring about the bond they shared. When she was needed, she was there, and eventuallythey repented from years of treating her badly. It’s funny, it seems as soon as she got that fixed, she came into our sorority, and she was the one who held the sorors together.The adversity you ha
ve when you gather a group of leaders—a group of strong black women wanting to make a difference—is hard to overcome. However, Viola wouldn’t let them quit. She wouldn’t let them pull apart. She wouldn’t let all the negative attention and jealousy get between them. She kept their eye on the prize. In her mind, the prize was their hearts, their love for each other, and their passion for wanting to do good.”
I looked around the room and noticed that a lot of women’s heads were low. That meant they needed to repentand knew they hadn’t given as much as Soror Viola had. I couldn’t just cast stones, so I dropped my head as well. Maybe that was me. Sharon wasn’t even at the ceremonybecause she knew my mom was speaking. Though I truly believed she had ransacked my place and earlier broken my car window, I really didn’t have any proof. Was the hurt, bitterness, and anger I was feeling justified?
My mother held high her white candle and said, “As I light the second candle in our second year of our five-year cycle of rememberance, I say, ‘Thank you, Soror Viola Roundtree.’ May you all internally reflect on the passion of sisterhood that she cared so deeply about. Dig deeply within yourselves in wanting to be a better sister. Give more than you can; feel deep within your soul. Love like it’s real.”
Everyone gave my mom a standing ovation. I was so proud of her. With teary eyes I went up to her, feeling so bad for all the years I had felt left out. I could only hug her. She hugged me back. I now further understood why she had to pour herself into these ladies. In order to be good at anything, you needed somebody to lift you up, and my mom was ready to do just that.
It was Valentine’s weekend, and I still wasn’t back in my place. I had become quite comfortable staying with Torian and Loni. They were even trading off with me and letting me stay in their bedrooms. But I think they wanted the couch, too—something about that bedding was comfortableand special. We were taking in late movies and just having girl talk. Torian had caught the eye of a basketballplayer from our school, and Loni and I loved teasing her.
When I told them we should go out for dinner, they started being sneaky. I couldn’t figure out why they were all giddy. Then Loni came out with my suitcase packed while Torian dragged me to the car.
As we drove, I noticed they didn’t have any clothes. “So where are we going? Y’all finally kicking me out?”
“No, silly. We’re going to the airport.” Torian said, laughing at me.
“What is going on?” I said when Loni hushed her.
When we pulled up to the curb check-in, Kade stepped up to Torian’s car with two tickets in his hand. I was so shocked.
“Now, what is this? I am not going on an overnight weekend with you—forget it. No!”
He kissed me on the cheek and said, “We’ve got separaterooms. For me this is business. I need your support at the NFL Combine. I need you there. I know you haven’t felt right about going back to your place, so I thought you getting out and staying at a hotel for a weekend would make you feel good.”
The NFL Combine was a yearly event in which the top senior college football players showed their skills before NFL scouts. It was a huge event. It was known that this event could raise the stock of players, if they did a great job, or lower their possible draft selection, if they didn’t show well in each area.
“Indianapolis? You’re taking me to your event?” I had forgotten it was this weekend. With studying and trying to get my nerves back, my days were all scrambled together.
He waved off my friends as Torian and Loni got in their car and left. I couldn’t believe he had done all this—buyingme a ticket and getting me my own room in the same hotel. I had to be there for him and show him my support.
On the plane, I said, “I don’t know if I’m going to be able to stay in the hotel room by myself. I jus—”
His warm lips met mine. “You’ll be fine. You’re comingto help me, right? You’re my big girl, right?”
“Yeah.”
When we got there, I had to admit, it did feel relaxing. He had a spa retreat set up for me. I knew his agent had sent him some money, but my boy had gone all out. Ten dozen roses were in my room. They were purple and white and absolutely stunning. Kade said they were for my numberwhen I was on line. There was a bag with all kind of Beta paraphernalia. My guy was so thoughtful.
The first night was a little rough. I kept tossing and turningand then turned on the radio and found a gospel channelwith an old song by an artist named John P. Kee, one of my mom’s favorites. I remembered the song, Jesus is Real, and if He was real, I didn’t need to fear. He was the truth and the light. Nothing in darkness could keep me down.
I slept so good I didn’t wake up until the ringing of phone the next day. It was Kade in a panic.
“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” I asked.
“My time is off, my jump is off, my vertical wasn’t good. My stock is going down, Malloy. I can’t see the first round anymore from where I’m standing. You ain’t watching it on ESPN?”
I flipped through the channel to ESPN, and sure enough they had the NFL Combine there. He was supposed to have been the best linebacker present, but his scores had him eighth out of twenty. The commentators were dissing his performance.
Waking up and needing to encourage him, I said, “Look, you’ve got to get a grip. You’ve got to believe in you. You went out of your way to get me out of my fear. You brought me up here to give me the chance to know that I can do it—I can be on my own again. Thanks to you, I got through last night. You’re going to get a chance to do this all over again. They take the best marks. So collect your thoughts. Get yourself together, and don’t just give a little. After you give one hundred percent, know that you are not through. Turn it up another notch ’cause you have more to give.”
15
POWERFUL
Kade had managed to turn around his first performance and ended up impressing all the scouts. However, the second day he worked out for them, he went back into a little freeze. I didn’t know if it was nerves or what, but as I sat in the hotel room and watched his performance, I could have jumped through the tube and choked him. He had it in him—I couldn’t understand why he froze. And when he came to me, he was so distraught. I’ll never forgethim saying how bad he’d messed up our future.
I told him to calm down. We were just college students. Sure, he was about to graduate, be in the world, start his life, but I was still had a couple more years of college left. I wanted to go to New York and intern, work with some top fashion designers. Really spread my wings before I even thought about settling down. I didn’t want him to put everything in me, and when I told him that, our communication just sort of shut down. We barely spoke our entiretrip back.
“Okay, we’re at your girls’ house,” he said in a bitter tone when we arrived to Torian and Loni’s place.
“I know, but I was hoping maybe we could talk a little longer.” I didn’t want to leave him all upset over this weekend.
Reaching over and opening my car door, he said, “We’ve been together for five hours since I picked you up from your hotel. While we were waiting in the airport, you didn’t talke to me. On the plane and in the car, you ain’t said two words to me. What you need to talk about now?”
“Well, it seems you haven’t said that much to me either,Kade.”
“Exactly. I’m not mad at you, Malloy, but I’m needing some alone time. Let’s just talk tomorrow.”
Closing the door, I said, “I can’t leave you like this. Everything is going to be fine with the scouts, baby.”
“You read the sports section of the paper on the plane,” Kade said as he grabbed the crumbled-up section from the backseat and shoved it in my face. “You think I’m supposedto be excited that my stock is slipping from being a top-five pick in this draft?”
“That could change tomorrow.” I snatched the paper from him and tossed it back to the backseat.
“Money talks. The higher you are on the board, the more money goes in your pocket.”
“I just he
ar you talking about money.”
Shaking his head, he said, “That’s what it takes to make it in this life.”
“No, what you have to hear,” I said as I pointed at his chest through the open window, “is what it takes to be awesome in this world. You are a man with a heart of gold. Football does not make you. You are a player who plays with passion because it’s inside your soul. You want to do amazing things for your mom, for us, and I was just trying to take off the pressure. At least to let you know you may not need to support me.”
“Yeah, but it feels like you’re saying you don’t want to commit to me like that.”
“No, I’m not saying that. I’m just saying you don’t need to rush into anything so serious. Now, you don’t need to be thinking about what I need or don’t need from your finances.” He had to know I was self-supportive and not with him for his potential earnings. “I want you to get all you’re supposed to get. I want you to be the number-one pick because I believe you’re the best player coming out of the draft, not because I want you to give me some of what you make.”
“You’re just so different, Malloy. I know you’re a daddy’s girl. I know he takes care of you. But I want to be able to do that, too.”
I just reached over and kissed him. I couldn’t promise him a future I wasn’t sure we would have, but I certainly knew right then with all my heart and soul that I was his in every way that counted. Even as I kissed him, I could tell he didn’t want to quit sulking. However, I would not let up. I caressed his face and got a small smile out of him. Then I knew he was starting to feel me. I took my hand and slid it up his chest.
“Torian and Loni aren’t home. We’ve got this big party tonight, and I know they’re already there setting up. Why don’t you come in?”
I got my bag out of the backseat. It didn’t take Kade but a second to pull into an actual parking space, get out, and follow me closely behind. The brother was checking me out; I could feel his eyes on me. I used the key Torian and Loni had given me and let myself in. As soon as we got in the door, we were taking off each other’s clothes. This was me giving in because it just felt right.
“Yeah, the girl used to leave me so many desperate messages, I know she’s crazy. When I told her it was over, she wasn’t getting it. I can’t believe she’s tripping like this.”
“Oh, Kade. What am I gonna do?”
“You’re not gonna worry. I know that.”
In my trashed place, I rested my head on his shoulder. For the first time in twenty–four hours, I was calm. I was no longer a basket case.
14
GIVE
“Where are you going to stay?” Kade said, kissing my brow.
“I don’t know. I just can’t believe this is happening.”
“I’d give you the shirt off my back, even though you can make your own,” he said, trying to make me smile, “but you know we can’t have females in our dorms.”
We walked through and completely assessed the damagesto my place. Kade still couldn’t believe that all this had happened, but before we could discuss Sharon further, someone knocked on the door. I was so startled by the door he had to grab me. “It’s okay, it’s okay. Your sororitysisters are here.”
I turned around, not even knowing how to respond, seeing Torian and Loni at the door. I was upset with them. They hadn’t taken my side. What in the world were they doing back at my place?
“We’re so glad to find you,” Torian said as she came over and gave me a big hug. “We were only saying that we didn’t want to accuse Sharon so soon. We didn’t want to put the verdict out and convict the girl. But we love you and care about you. Malloy, you have got to stay at our place.”
“No, it’s all right,” I said, not wanting to be a burden on anybody.
“For real, where are you going to stay? The girl next door is weird,” Kade reminded everyone.
“And you’re our girl,” Loni said. “Plus, I agree that girl next door is crazy.”
Kade took my hand. “Mmmm, no way, you ain’t stayingwith her. Let’s get your stuff so you can stay with your sorority sisters. I’d feel more comfortable knowing they got your back.”
“We’ll take care of her,” Torian said.
“I’m all right. I don’t need anyone taking care of me,” I responded, still shaking.
“Sometimes you just got to let go and let people in,” Loni said.
“Yeah, you’re always there for us. Whatever we need, we can count on you. Let us return the favor,” Tori said as she stroked my head.
I agreed, and everyone helped me move what we could out of there. We saw Sirena look through her window, like a kid who had no one to play with, but I could only pray she’d understand.
A week later, my apartment manager had gotten my place straightened out. But I was still too shaken to go back home. Torian and Loni had only a two-bedroom apartment, so I was sleeping on their pull-out couch. After laying two egg crates on top of each other, the pull-out couch was quite comfortable. Also, I felt very secure around my girls. The police still had no clue as to who had broken in. I didn’t know it would affect me so much. However, just the thought of someone touching my stuff, being so angry that they’d break in and destroy everything, creeped me out.
“You sure you going to be able to go to this public-serviceproject?” Torian asked as the three of us got ready to go to the local rape-crisis center to throw a Valentine’s party for the women, before the actual holiday.
“I’ll be fine,” I said as we headed out the door.
As soon as we got there, we saw fourteen women of various races, sizes, and ages. I became overcome with emotion as I imagined the abuse they must have suffered.
After the program loosened them up a little, the women were really able to enjoy the party. The chapter had taken money from one of our own parties to cater a very specialmeal. While the ladies were eating, the director gave a speech with important information so no one else would end up in the same facility.
The director, Mrs. White, said, “One in every six women will be assaulted in their lifetime. A college student is four times more likely to be assaulted. Only one in seven rapes are reported, but it’s better nowadays because it used to be only one in ten rapes were reported. Seventy-three percentof rapes were committed by a person the victim knew. Rape is a crime of anger and rage.”
It was just one disheartening fact after another that made me sick to my stomach. What if it was some guy that had wrecked my apartment? What if my apartment was only the beginning? What if this person was planning to come back? This was just all crazy.
Then I saw Hayden in the corner rocking back and forth. I had never seen my chapter president so vulnerable. She was always so poised and tough.
I held my chest and walked over to her. “You ... all right?”
“No, Malloy, I’m not all right, but clearly you aren’t either.” She touched my hand, and I sat next to her.
“What’s wrong?”
“Last year my ex-boyfriend assaulted me right before I got into my apartment.” Her eyes welled up with tears as she reflected on the incident.
Clutching my heart, I said, “Oh, my gosh, that was you? I remember an incident like that, and I was so happy to hear the guy was in jail.”
“He’s in jail, but still the thought of it ... I mean, he didn’t rape me, but I still feel so violated. I feel for these ladies.” Hayden hung her head low.
I leaned over and gave Hayden a hug. People being cruel enough to terrorize another person was a lot. She went on to say she felt for me with my situation as well. I really appreciated her caring so deeply for others. She was a great leader.
A lady with a broken arm came over. “Being raped is a horrible thing, but there is one thing about this crisis centerthat makes me feel so much better, and that is people like you who take the time to come by and visit us. You are all pouring hope back into us. So we can gain back all that some horrible person took away. We’re getting stronger and stronger because people like you care. No matter what you guys are going through, continue to bond with each other. You can’t get through these tough times alone.”
Before we could thank the lady, she just walked out. Hayden and I shared a smile after hearing her meaningful comments.
It was Founder’s Day for the region, and all our big sistersagreed it was going to be a special day. Everyone in attendance at the church in Conway, Arkansas, was so excited because the National President was going to give the address. And I guess inside I was fired up, too. We had on white robes that symbolized Heavenly angels. As we sat back and thought about our founders, I was pumped to hear my mom speak.
“We have five founders,” she began, holding the podium firmly, giving a strong stance. “In 1919, it was decided that an organization needed to be made up of and stand for five key principals. Each was to be remembered individuallyevery five years. I am excited that we look back on the strengths of our beloved soror, Viola Roundtree, who represents the principle of sisterhood.”
I opened up the program, which had the picture of a frail yet precious light-skinned woman. The caption read A SLAVE BABY, YET THROUGH THE MIDST OF ADVERSITY SHE CAME FORTH AND ALWAYS WANTED THE BOND WITH HER SISTERSTO BE STRONGER DAILY.
“Soror Viola,” my mother continued, “came from a family that was shattered from inception. Her mother was raped by a slave owner, and no one thought she should live, but her mom prayed over it and gave birth to a beautifulchild. And not just beautiful on the outside, but a woman with a huge heart. She had three birth sisters who had skin as dark as chocolate. For a long time they resented her for her fair complexion. But sisterhood meant so much to her back then, she never stopped trying to win her sistersover. She never stopped caring about the bond they shared. When she was needed, she was there, and eventuallythey repented from years of treating her badly. It’s funny, it seems as soon as she got that fixed, she came into our sorority, and she was the one who held the sorors together.The adversity you ha
I looked around the room and noticed that a lot of women’s heads were low. That meant they needed to repentand knew they hadn’t given as much as Soror Viola had. I couldn’t just cast stones, so I dropped my head as well. Maybe that was me. Sharon wasn’t even at the ceremonybecause she knew my mom was speaking. Though I truly believed she had ransacked my place and earlier broken my car window, I really didn’t have any proof. Was the hurt, bitterness, and anger I was feeling justified?
My mother held high her white candle and said, “As I light the second candle in our second year of our five-year cycle of rememberance, I say, ‘Thank you, Soror Viola Roundtree.’ May you all internally reflect on the passion of sisterhood that she cared so deeply about. Dig deeply within yourselves in wanting to be a better sister. Give more than you can; feel deep within your soul. Love like it’s real.”
Everyone gave my mom a standing ovation. I was so proud of her. With teary eyes I went up to her, feeling so bad for all the years I had felt left out. I could only hug her. She hugged me back. I now further understood why she had to pour herself into these ladies. In order to be good at anything, you needed somebody to lift you up, and my mom was ready to do just that.
It was Valentine’s weekend, and I still wasn’t back in my place. I had become quite comfortable staying with Torian and Loni. They were even trading off with me and letting me stay in their bedrooms. But I think they wanted the couch, too—something about that bedding was comfortableand special. We were taking in late movies and just having girl talk. Torian had caught the eye of a basketballplayer from our school, and Loni and I loved teasing her.
When I told them we should go out for dinner, they started being sneaky. I couldn’t figure out why they were all giddy. Then Loni came out with my suitcase packed while Torian dragged me to the car.
As we drove, I noticed they didn’t have any clothes. “So where are we going? Y’all finally kicking me out?”
“No, silly. We’re going to the airport.” Torian said, laughing at me.
“What is going on?” I said when Loni hushed her.
When we pulled up to the curb check-in, Kade stepped up to Torian’s car with two tickets in his hand. I was so shocked.
“Now, what is this? I am not going on an overnight weekend with you—forget it. No!”
He kissed me on the cheek and said, “We’ve got separaterooms. For me this is business. I need your support at the NFL Combine. I need you there. I know you haven’t felt right about going back to your place, so I thought you getting out and staying at a hotel for a weekend would make you feel good.”
The NFL Combine was a yearly event in which the top senior college football players showed their skills before NFL scouts. It was a huge event. It was known that this event could raise the stock of players, if they did a great job, or lower their possible draft selection, if they didn’t show well in each area.
“Indianapolis? You’re taking me to your event?” I had forgotten it was this weekend. With studying and trying to get my nerves back, my days were all scrambled together.
He waved off my friends as Torian and Loni got in their car and left. I couldn’t believe he had done all this—buyingme a ticket and getting me my own room in the same hotel. I had to be there for him and show him my support.
On the plane, I said, “I don’t know if I’m going to be able to stay in the hotel room by myself. I jus—”
His warm lips met mine. “You’ll be fine. You’re comingto help me, right? You’re my big girl, right?”
“Yeah.”
When we got there, I had to admit, it did feel relaxing. He had a spa retreat set up for me. I knew his agent had sent him some money, but my boy had gone all out. Ten dozen roses were in my room. They were purple and white and absolutely stunning. Kade said they were for my numberwhen I was on line. There was a bag with all kind of Beta paraphernalia. My guy was so thoughtful.
The first night was a little rough. I kept tossing and turningand then turned on the radio and found a gospel channelwith an old song by an artist named John P. Kee, one of my mom’s favorites. I remembered the song, Jesus is Real, and if He was real, I didn’t need to fear. He was the truth and the light. Nothing in darkness could keep me down.
I slept so good I didn’t wake up until the ringing of phone the next day. It was Kade in a panic.
“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” I asked.
“My time is off, my jump is off, my vertical wasn’t good. My stock is going down, Malloy. I can’t see the first round anymore from where I’m standing. You ain’t watching it on ESPN?”
I flipped through the channel to ESPN, and sure enough they had the NFL Combine there. He was supposed to have been the best linebacker present, but his scores had him eighth out of twenty. The commentators were dissing his performance.
Waking up and needing to encourage him, I said, “Look, you’ve got to get a grip. You’ve got to believe in you. You went out of your way to get me out of my fear. You brought me up here to give me the chance to know that I can do it—I can be on my own again. Thanks to you, I got through last night. You’re going to get a chance to do this all over again. They take the best marks. So collect your thoughts. Get yourself together, and don’t just give a little. After you give one hundred percent, know that you are not through. Turn it up another notch ’cause you have more to give.”
15
POWERFUL
Kade had managed to turn around his first performance and ended up impressing all the scouts. However, the second day he worked out for them, he went back into a little freeze. I didn’t know if it was nerves or what, but as I sat in the hotel room and watched his performance, I could have jumped through the tube and choked him. He had it in him—I couldn’t understand why he froze. And when he came to me, he was so distraught. I’ll never forgethim saying how bad he’d messed up our future.
I told him to calm down. We were just college students. Sure, he was about to graduate, be in the world, start his life, but I was still had a couple more years of college left. I wanted to go to New York and intern, work with some top fashion designers. Really spread my wings before I even thought about settling down. I didn’t want him to put everything in me, and when I told him that, our communication just sort of shut down. We barely spoke our entiretrip back.
“Okay, we’re at your girls’ house,” he said in a bitter tone when we arrived to Torian and Loni’s place.
“I know, but I was hoping maybe we could talk a little longer.” I didn’t want to leave him all upset over this weekend.
Reaching over and opening my car door, he said, “We’ve been together for five hours since I picked you up from your hotel. While we were waiting in the airport, you didn’t talke to me. On the plane and in the car, you ain’t said two words to me. What you need to talk about now?”
“Well, it seems you haven’t said that much to me either,Kade.”
“Exactly. I’m not mad at you, Malloy, but I’m needing some alone time. Let’s just talk tomorrow.”
Closing the door, I said, “I can’t leave you like this. Everything is going to be fine with the scouts, baby.”
“You read the sports section of the paper on the plane,” Kade said as he grabbed the crumbled-up section from the backseat and shoved it in my face. “You think I’m supposedto be excited that my stock is slipping from being a top-five pick in this draft?”
“That could change tomorrow.” I snatched the paper from him and tossed it back to the backseat.
“Money talks. The higher you are on the board, the more money goes in your pocket.”
“I just he
Shaking his head, he said, “That’s what it takes to make it in this life.”
“No, what you have to hear,” I said as I pointed at his chest through the open window, “is what it takes to be awesome in this world. You are a man with a heart of gold. Football does not make you. You are a player who plays with passion because it’s inside your soul. You want to do amazing things for your mom, for us, and I was just trying to take off the pressure. At least to let you know you may not need to support me.”
“Yeah, but it feels like you’re saying you don’t want to commit to me like that.”
“No, I’m not saying that. I’m just saying you don’t need to rush into anything so serious. Now, you don’t need to be thinking about what I need or don’t need from your finances.” He had to know I was self-supportive and not with him for his potential earnings. “I want you to get all you’re supposed to get. I want you to be the number-one pick because I believe you’re the best player coming out of the draft, not because I want you to give me some of what you make.”
“You’re just so different, Malloy. I know you’re a daddy’s girl. I know he takes care of you. But I want to be able to do that, too.”
I just reached over and kissed him. I couldn’t promise him a future I wasn’t sure we would have, but I certainly knew right then with all my heart and soul that I was his in every way that counted. Even as I kissed him, I could tell he didn’t want to quit sulking. However, I would not let up. I caressed his face and got a small smile out of him. Then I knew he was starting to feel me. I took my hand and slid it up his chest.
“Torian and Loni aren’t home. We’ve got this big party tonight, and I know they’re already there setting up. Why don’t you come in?”
I got my bag out of the backseat. It didn’t take Kade but a second to pull into an actual parking space, get out, and follow me closely behind. The brother was checking me out; I could feel his eyes on me. I used the key Torian and Loni had given me and let myself in. As soon as we got in the door, we were taking off each other’s clothes. This was me giving in because it just felt right.