Through to You by Lauren Barnholdt
The texts pop up right away.
At an appointment with another doctor. I miss you. A lot.
And then, a second later, the one he just sent.
I’m in the lobby. I’ll wait for you.
He looks up at that moment, almost like he knows I’m watching him. And then he gets up and walks over to me. I stand up.
“Hey,” he says softly. He shoves his hands into his pockets and gives me a half smile.
“What are you doing here?” I blurt.
“I came to see you.”
“How did you know I was here?”
“Your mom told me.”
“You talked to my mom?”
“Yeah. I thought you might have been at the studio, so I went there, and she told me.”
I don’t know if I want to kiss her or kill her. Why would she tell him where I am? Am I happy he’s here? I don’t know.
“You’re eating chocolate cake?” he asks.
“Yes.” Chocolate cake is Penn’s favorite. I know I should offer him some, but I don’t.
“How did the audition go?” he asks.
“Fine.” I don’t want to tell him how it went. I don’t want to tell him how well it went, how amazing I felt afterward, and how not being able to share it with him was the only thing that kept the moment from being perfect.
“Good.” He looks at me, and then takes a step toward me, wrapping his arms around my waist. “God, Harper,” he says into my ear. “I missed you so much.”
His breath tickles my skin, and I break into goose bumps. “Penn,” I say quietly, and use every ounce of my self-control to force myself to take a step back. “Why are you here?”
“I went to another doctor,” he says. “Dr. Marzetti.”
I don’t say anything.
“Harper, she thinks she can fix my shoulder.”
I inhale sharply. “She can?”
He nods. “It’s not a definite, but she’s the first one who even thinks there’s a chance.”
He reaches for me again, and this time, when his arms encircle me and pull me into his chest, I don’t resist. I lean into him. He feels so good and . . . I love him. It’s the first time the word has entered my mind, and it’s shocking and weird to feel like I love him. But I do. I really do love him.
“Can we get out of here?” he murmurs into my hair. “Can we leave? Because I really want to talk to you.”
I open my mouth to say yes. But then I stop myself. I remember how it felt these past three weeks, how my heart broke every time I passed by him in the hall, how every time I looked at my phone and saw he hadn’t texted me, I died a little inside.
I pull back. “Penn,” I say. “You can’t . . . I mean, we can’t just pretend like nothing happened.”
“No, I know,” he says. “I don’t want to pretend anymore, Harper. I want to talk about things.”
I look into his eyes, trying to figure out if he means it. He’s not lying to me—at least, not intentionally. I know he thinks he means what he’s saying. But Penn can’t just switch things on and off, depending on his mood of the moment. What’s going to happen when he gets bad news from this doctor? Or when he comes out of surgery and finds out he can’t play the way he used to? What happens when I ask him about his family again, and he completely shuts down? Then what?
I shake my head.
“Penn,” I say. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”
And then I turn around and run.
And that’s how I end up crying in the bathroom of the Crowne Plaza in Natick, my broken heart in pieces all around me.
Penn
This is how it ends:
With me standing here alone in the restaurant of the hotel while Harper runs away from me.
I don’t understand.
She wanted me to let her in.
And now that I’m finally ready, she’s running.
* * *
After that things go back to normal.
I go to school.
I come home.
My dad disappears and reappears. I see Harper every day at school, and every day it starts to hurt a little bit less.
I schedule my surgery with Dr. Marzetti. By the end of the summer, I’ll know if the surgery has worked. I get in touch with some of the recruiters from schools that lost interest after I got hurt. Surprisingly, they’re happy to hear from me, and excited to know that I might soon be back to full strength.
I start to get back to the gym, and even do a couple of workouts with the baseball team. It’s after one of these workouts that I run into Jackson. He’s at his car, loading his stuff into his trunk.
I don’t realize I was following him until I’m standing right behind him.
He slams the trunk shut and turns around. When he sees me, he holds his hands up. “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he says, like he’s surrendering. “If you want to start something, don’t do it on school property. If I get written up one more time, Coach is going to have a hissy fit.”
“I don’t want to fight you.” I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I wanted to thank you.”
He stops and looks at me skeptically. “Thank me? For what?”
“For getting me that doctor’s appointment.”
He shakes his head. “You’re kidding me, right?”
“No.”
“Dude, you came to my house a few weeks ago looking like you wanted to beat my ass because I made you that appointment.”
“I know.” I look up at him. “I was wrong for the way I treated you.” As I’m saying it, I realize I’m talking about more than just what happened that day at his house. I’m talking about what happened after the accident, about how I just completely shut him out after I got hurt. Of course it wasn’t Jackson’s fault. And I knew that.
Jackson stands there for a long moment, and then nods. “What made you change your mind?”
I shrug. “After I went to that appointment, it made me realize that bad news isn’t the end of the world. There’s always a chance for something better.”
He nods. “And Harper?”
I’m surprised he noticed she was a part of it. But when I think about it, I’m really not that surprised. I mean, he’s my best friend. “Harper changed my mind too,” I say. “She was a big part of it.”
“But you’re not together?”
I shake my head. “She doesn’t . . . It was too late.”
Jackson shakes his head and twirls his key ring around his finger the way I’ve seen him do a million times before. “It’s never too late, Mattingly.” He grins and gets into the car. “If you want her, get her.”
And then he slams the door and drives away.
Harper
Here’s what happens:
Anna gets over Nico and develops this major crush on a guy named Howard Pierce. He’s a junior, and she spends tons of time talking about how great a singer he is, and how he’s this untapped talent who’s going to do big things.
The weather gets hotter, and everyone starts amping up for graduation. No one can sit still in class, and school becomes an excruciating exercise in waiting and anticipation.
It’s humid and muggy the day I get my acceptance letter for the choreography program at Ballard. I run into the house, screaming and yelling as I wave the letter in the air like a crazy person. My mom hugs me close and tells me how proud she is of me.
She never asked me about that day at my audition, at least not the part about Penn. And I never asked her why she told him where I was, or what he said to her to get her to tell him. The irony isn’t lost on me. This whole time I was pushing Penn to talk about how he felt, telling him it was important not to keep things buried inside, and yet I refuse to talk about my breakup with anyone.
It’s the last week of school and I’m standing at my locker before class.
Suddenly there’s a tap on my shoulder.
I turn around.
My heart drops into my stomach.
It’s the school nurse.
“Well
I swallow, not sure what to say. “I’m sorry,” I say finally, pasting an innocent expression on my face. “Do I know you?”
“Oh, don’t pretend like you don’t know who I am,” she says. “I’m the school nurse. And you, my dear, are overdue for your physical. I really have no idea how you managed to escape my clutches for so long.”
She holds up her clipboard, where she’s printed out my yearbook picture from last year. Wow. Talk about psycho.
I sigh. “Listen,” I say. “I don’t—”
“Well, you have to.” She cuts me off.
And then, suddenly, out of nowhere, a voice comes through the crowd. “Harper! There you are!”
I turn around. Penn.
My heart clenches when I see him, and the fact that he’s saying my name makes my pulse race.
“Harper,” he says urgently. “Where the hell have you been? We have to get out of here!”
“What?” I’m confused.
He winks at me, and then I realize what he’s doing. He’s trying to get me out of this. “We’re late for our interviews.”
“Oh, right!” I say. “Our interviews!”
“What interviews?” the nurse demands.
Penn gives her a reassuring smile. “We have interviews with a Yale recruiter,” he says. “We’re going to be the first students in the history of this school to even get into Yale. Isn’t that exciting? We’re going to be in the newspaper.”
She narrows her eyes. “But Harper needs to come with me to the—”
“We have to go! The principal knows all about it. He’ll tell you.”
Penn starts hustling me down the hall, leaving the nurse standing there, staring after us in bewilderment. I can tell she doesn’t really believe us, but she doesn’t know for sure.
“Thanks,” I say shyly once we’re safely out of sight and standing by the cafeteria doors.
“You’re welcome.”
This is the part where he should turn and walk away, but he doesn’t. Instead he just stands there, looking at me.
“You do know that she’s probably going to just try to find me tomorrow, right?” I ask.
He shrugs. “You’ve avoided her this long. You’ll figure something out.” He grins, that same little grin that made me fall in love with him. It makes me sad that it isn’t mine to love anymore.
“Yeah.” I know I should turn to go, but I can’t. It’s like my feet are rooted in one spot.
“You look good, Harper.”
“I got into the choreography program,” I blurt, because I don’t know what else to say, and I have to say something, because if I don’t, I’m afraid he’s going to turn around and walk away.
“You did? That’s amazing. Congratulations.”
“Thanks.”
“I might be going to Duke, or UNC.”
I swallow, then ask the question anyway. “Baseball?”
“We’ll see. I have my surgery right after graduation.”
“That’s awesome, Penn. I’m really happy for you.”
“Thanks.”
The bell rings then, and everyone starts to move toward their classrooms. The hall is quiet and silent now, and yet we still stand there, acting like we’re not supposed to be in class, acting like it’s not strange that we’re talking.
“Harper,” he says. “I still miss you. I think about you every day.”
I want to say it back. But I can’t do it. I can’t let him back in again. “Take care of yourself, Penn.” I turn around before he can see the tears starting to run down my cheeks.
But he calls my name. “Harper?”
I turn around.
“My dad’s an alcoholic. That’s why you’ve never been to my house. My mom and my brother act like it’s not happening, that when he disappears, he’s just on some business trip or something and not out on a bender.”
I suck in a breath. “I’m sorry,” I say. “I had no idea—”
But he cuts me off. He crosses the space between us in two long strides, until he’s so close to me, it hurts. “You once told me,” he says, “that I needed to take a chance. That I needed to let you in. And I did, Harper. It took me longer than I wanted it to take, and I’m still working on it. But I went to the doctor, and I just told you about my family. I’m a work in progress.” His eyes are burning that intense, sexy look that he always gets when he’s being sincere about something. “And now I’m asking you to take a chance on me.”
He runs his hands up my arms, and a little shiver slides up and down my spine.
“Penn,” I say. “You hurt me so bad. You have no idea how much I cried and how much I missed you.”
He pulls me close, and this time I let him.
I close my eyes and inhale his scent—Axe body wash, peppermint, and laundry soap. I missed him so much.
“Take a chance on me, Harper,” he says. “And I’ll never hurt you again.”
I know it’s a promise he can’t really keep. No one can promise they’re never going to hurt you. But I know he’s being sincere. I know he’s trying. He’s asking me to take a chance on him, the way I asked him to take a chance on me, and on us.
And the truth is, I want to. I want to be with him.
He stands there in the empty hall with me, just holding me, rubbing my back and letting the emotions wash over us.
Finally I pull back. “Okay,” I say. “Okay, I’ll take a chance.”
He smiles and takes my hand. Then he leans in close and whispers into my ear, “You want to get out of here?”
I smile. “Always.”
And then he’s leading me through the halls, and past the boys’ locker room, and out the side entrance. The air is warm, and the sun feels good on my face.
“Where should we go?” he asks once we have our seat belts on.
I smile at him. “Surprise me.”
He puts the car into reverse and pulls out of the parking lot and onto the main road. I think about the first day we met, how we drove out of this same parking lot and I had no idea where we were going. But that’s how it is with the best journeys, I decide. You never know where you’re going to end up until you’re there.
I roll down the window and let the warm summer breeze blow through my hair. Our journey might be just beginning, but I’m already right where I’m supposed to be.
Lauren Barnholdt is also the author of Two-way Street, Watch Me, One Night That Changes Everything, Sometimes It Happens, The Thing About the Truth, and Right of Way for teens, as well as many middle-grade and tween novels. She lives in Stow, Massachusetts. Visit her at laurenbarnholdt.com, follow her at twitter.com/laurenbarnholdt, and friend her at facebook.com/laurenbarnholdt.
Simon Pulse
Simon & Schuster, New York
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Also by Lauren Barnholdt
Watch Me
One Night That Changes Everything
Sometimes It Happens
The Thing About the Truth
Two-way Street
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This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
SIMON PULSE
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First Simon Pulse hardcover edition July 2014
Text copyright © 2014 by Lauren Barnholdt
Jacket photograph copyright © 2014 by Jutta Klee/Corbis
Jacket floral design copyright © 2014 by Thinkstock
All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.
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Jacket designed by Karina Granda
Jacket photograph copyright © 2014 by Jutta Klee/Corbis
Floral design copyright © 2014 by Thinkstock
Interior designed by Hilary Zarycky
The text of this book was set in Cochin.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Barnholdt, Lauren.
Through to you / by Lauren Barnholdt. — 1st Simon Pulse hardcover ed.
p. cm.
Summary: When bad-boy Penn reaches out to cautious Harper, a tumultuous relationship blossoms, and the two learn that their bond may not be strong enough to overcome their obvious differences.
ISBN 978-1-4424-3463-9
[1. Dating (Social customs)—Fiction. 2. Love—Fiction.] I. Title.
PZ7.B2667 Tj 2014
[Fic]—dc23
2013048226
ISBN 978-1-4424-3465-3 (eBook)
Lauren Barnholdt, Through to You