Tin Universe Monthly #14b 2014 April Fool's Special by Brian C. Williams
Tin Universe Monthly #14
Copyright 2016 Brian Williams
The sale of this book without its cover….well, is, sort of, impossible since it really doesn’t have a cover but let us go through the legal spray out anyways. If you purchased this book without a cover, you should be aware that it was reported to the publisher as “unsold and destroyed.” Hands up to you who have books like this in your collection? Now that I put my hand down we can continue with the credits and copyright and legal and stuff that people just don’t ever pay attention to unless it is pumping their own horn.
An Original Publication of System* Publishing, a Tin Universe book published by System*Publishing, a division of System*Productions, Melbourne, Florida. This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead or living dead, is entirely and very much so in the coincidental.
Written and Edited by Brian C. Williams
Cover Digital Work by 74 Images
Photography by Stainless Photography
Soundtrack To Stabbing
A reality is an existence behavior and process of how creation ideas are birthed, ripped, and fucked over by organisms through physical and mental states. And that is how any reality ends up in its final state.
Realities shouldn’t have goals but this one does but it still can’t fit description or understanding even if it was created for a purpose. It’s still beyond prediction and total control by any one power.
This reality became known as The Tin Universe or The Tin for short by means of a traveler who called himself Record. A shortish ugly individual who dressed like a Victorian Era street thug seen through the eyes of someone who only knew of a Victorian Era street thug by watching BBC dramas and he talked with the accent of 1970’s Appalachian small town coal miner who had only been educated by military and crawl tunnel service.
He was very much lost at the time when he stumbled upon the Tin Universe and then he got extremely drunk with a group of Caspery scouts during a scientific expedition to a moon, not our moon, but a moon.
He was drinking with members of the Caspery because he didn’t like being lost and also didn’t have the energy to find better drinking company.
The Caspery was and is sort of like space police but with less kink nightstick stuff.
Record was depressed at being lost, thus all the drinking, as I already stated, keep up, and when asked by one of the Caspery about all the places he had travelled to he went on a rant. It was an epically long rant and at the end of that rant, when he got to the point of talking about where he was currently he said, “…and then you have this tin bit place.’
And it stuck.
Like a bad nickname usually does.
The universe and reality in which these brief haphazard flash fiction glimpses at life take place is much like our own but there are differences in a few noticeable ways.
Different in the sort of ways brothers are different from one another and sisters are not, the way cats are different from one another but dogs are not.
Then there are some things that are tragically very much the same as in the world we live in but maybe with a little vision cockeyededness.
I totally cocked up the spelling of that, didn’t I?
Buuut with differences in realities maybe we should describe and tell, and not explain. The cause of history footprints by one individual doesn’t matter. Natural ticks, environmental farts, screwed over settings mean something against correlational studies, experimental effects, independent and dependent Godly masturbations.
These stories are about changes of variables caused by independent variations because without all that everything would be the same and that’s boring to me.
BREAKING NEWS: Russian spokesman says they will do everything they need to do to strengthen their nation in a world with America possessing Beyond Humans such as Pulpy, including invading other countries…
Portia are a very old guardian order with a very particular way of testing to see if someone is even worthy of undergoing the training to become a guard for church elders. When you are selected to undergo The Polla, or Ordeal Of Webs, you are taken blindfolded to a prepared place in the nearest sand desert.
Snow deserts just aren’t their thing.
The prospective Portia are then given a drug that takes them to a state very close to death. They come out of this state, or at least they think they’ve come out of the state in a cave. Soon after they realize where they are they are attacked by manifestations of everyone they love. To complete the ordeal they would have to kill each of these manifestations to show they are committed to reaching their goal and also to cleanse themselves of their old life.
If they complete The Polla they are sent to many locations across the globe for training to become very deadly guardians of those connected to The Original Creators.
Four Portia on a certain day, on a certain place on the calendar, escorted two church elders through The Carboniferous Ceremonial Grounds.
It’s a field somewhere outside the city limits of Cincinnati.
A secret mystical field for human sacrifices.
Surprisingly Cincinnati has two of them.
Four of the elite Portia guards escorted the church elders in constant ready in case anything were to happen. They are ready to go. Ready for action. Silent to even listen to anything being said outside of commands or orders but prepared for everything.
Portia guards are usually in the shadows protecting church elders or others the church wants to protect. Most of the time they positioned where no one could see them so the elders weren’t exposed for who they are.
They only come out to be clearly protecting members of the church when something is taking place that is very important.
Or at least seen as being very important.
‘This country is ready for us to make our move into destiny,’ said The Orb Weaver; which is sort of like a priest or imam, as they walked through the high grass of the field.
‘We have hardly had to manipulate anything,’ responded Theridiidae. That’s just her name, not a title.
‘All the little ape kin think they are twisting the world but they know nothing of what a true web really is,’ Orb Weaver
BREAKING NEWS: Kentucky Governor plans to hire outside counsel to appeal higher court ruling on ban to keep children of convicted Beyond Human adults out of public schools…
The Carboniferous Ceremonial Grounds have always been mystical grounds for human sacrifice. This is probably why nothing has ever been built on this field. Actually it for sure is why nothing has ever been built on this field. Any normal person just sees past it, more less getting near it creates a feeling not unlike looking at the most disgusting thing any person could possibly see.
So it sort of drives people away is what I’m saying.
The church has possessed these grounds going back to even before the Vikings visited these lands.
The church uses it for opening sightlines for them to be able to spot those who might be a threat. Enemies who may not have the tool set to cover their tracks and intentions.
Every church elder wish on The Creation Point to have a chance, a few moments to walk these grounds, but only a select few gets that opportunity.
‘There will come a day soon when our name will send fear through their minds just by it being spoken. And that day will be the day before all they have built will come crumbling down for the new age of the creators,’ Orb Weaver
One of The Portia presented himself on his knees at th
‘It’s always so messy,’ said Theridiidae while gently placing her hand on his head to bless his offering.
The Orb Weaver handed Theridiidae a very old and star sharp knife but nothing ceremonial or anything.
One sharp knife does the sacrificing as good as any other.
This one was purchased from an asshole dealer in Alaska and the only thing special about it was the blade didn’t dull in the slightest so it couldn’t be traced.
Throat slit.
Body crumbles.
Light show.
Colors tumbling out of eyes.
Visions.
Steam rose from the ground.
Back to normal.
‘So now that’s over have you heard from Brachypelma?’ Orb Weaver asked her friend as they started the trek back out of the field.
‘All I know is at least I don’t have to be in Utah. That place is just strange,’ Theridiidae
BREAKING NEWS: Arizona pushes for law that states the Christian religion as the basis of all state laws. Christian extremists immediately begin masturbating to news …
Doctor Foyle deals with a lot of strange types living the life he lives.
Most of the time that strange stuff has just been in the clinic.
But then again low income clinics are always a little strange with patients. It’s the type of place that tends to distort people a bit when society says to them pay your taxes, follow the laws of the land, but suffer if you’re sick because your wallet isn’t thick enough and asking for help is being lazy.
Since opening his clinic in Melbourne Florida Doctor Foyle has seen come into its doors 80 year old prostitutes who aren’t looking for lube- they don’t need it, former cops who are now addicted to baby Aspirin and trade trunk bears on playgrounds for fixes, and that one time with the guy with two eyes in one socket was… different.
Three eyes in total.
He was hot.
Very attractive.
With his side night job, you know like a “day job”….. anyways, Doctor Foyle deals with morally twisted strange types.
Extraordinarily strange morally twisted types.
Some of these strange types are scented with a bit of humanity like The Black Friar, who you may have heard of; while there are others that stink of darkness like Abyzou.
Though she would say she’s just misunderstood.
But the ones that make him really uneasy are the ones who seem to be quite normal such as Alleyn Wayne.
And also like the two ladies sitting in his office right now.
Doctor Foyle is trying to keep things organized and running smooth but throughout his operation things have gone a bit tits up of late.
The first of the ladies in his office goes by the name Brachypelma. In her mid20’s and dressed like 80’s punk, and sitting in her chair like a pissed off teenager. In fact she was the leader of the two and used her youthful looks and people’s quick views on her appearance as a way of sneaking into their heads.
‘I have to tell you ladies I was beginning to think The Spider Cult had went the way of all the other religions, all renamed, rebranded, all ceremony and nothing of the old ways remaining,’ Doctor Foyle
‘We have integrated into modern society to gain more power, not to hide or betray our beliefs,’ Brachypelma
‘No offense meant,’ Doctor Foyle
The other woman, who goes by the name Ocelli, pulled a small box from her large handbag. It was a small ring box to be percise. She placed placed it on the doctor’s desk with a smile on her face.
Ocelli looked like the stereotype of a business women in a gray pants suit, boring hair, and uncomfortable shoes.
‘May I ask how you come across The Ring Of Loki?’ Doctor Foyle
‘It somehow ended up in the hands of a high school coach in Utah,’ Ocelli
‘Utah has become a pretty interesting place,’ Doctor Foyle
‘I would say stimulating,’ Brachypelma
‘And the item we wanted?’ Ocelli shifted the conversation as she was told to do at points like this while Brachypelma plays.
Doctor Foyle got up from his desk and revealed a wall safe behind a picture of leeches being applied to a pregnant woman. He opened the safe and pulled out a rolled up scroll.
‘This will tell you how to use the book but you still have to find it,’ Doctor Foyle
‘It’s within The Hub Of The Universe. When we are the lords of the lands we will not forget this doctor,’ Ocelli
As soon as they were out his office door, ‘If I had a nickel every time someone promised me whores and riches when their team wins.’
BREAKING NEWS: Police ID sex offender who they say was using Beyond Human abilities to abduct teenagers in malls. Government officials have released statement saying the nature of his abilities will remain a secret for the good of the population…
They call themselves The Pearl. What started as a book club that specialized in deconstructing every word and image of the ebook and graphic novel series Generation Of A God ended up being a drug dipped testing of the waters of subconscious warfare.
If you think The Pearl is a stupid name for a book club, a couple of them originally wanted to call themselves The Smell. Both names are connected to what was served for snacks at the clubs first meeting.
You might ask how did a book club go from fan wank and Tumblr posts over cake pops to snapping thoughts and sending schisms that shatter real bones?
Well, thank you for thinking that because that question is a good way for me to get the ball rolling in this section.
What? I was a Philosophy major, every answer starts with a repeat of the question.
Good way to fill a page.
So how did a book club go from fan wank and Tumblr posts over cake pops to snapping thoughts and sending schisms that shatter real bones?
There are about sixty billion book clubs in the world today.
And about half of those are mummy bloggers.
But putting aside that plague of the internet that is replacing talk radio for pure stupidity The Pearl started as an internet book club and inspired by too many viewings of The Guild they decided to start getting together to meet and talk books in person.
Bad idea.
The best thing about the internet is not really having to meet people in person.
Going against the nature of something is always a boulevard to bad things.
The topic of their first in person book club meeting was to be- Generation Of A God: Long Narrative Or Too Long Narrative? The type of things that fans love, outsiders think is beyond strange, and creators secretly love because fans obsessed to the point of crackhead measures means more money in the bank.
These fans had no idea the true power of words and obsessions with ideas until someone brought up the little notion of randomly taking quotes from the first volume of Generation Of A God which was titled Generation Of A God: Introductions And Fights, and inserting thoughts from each other’s wet dreams and using all of that to make a new story out of it.
Sort of like fan fiction but?…..Like fan fiction.
But what they ended up doing was create an opening into The God Mark reality that very nearly ripped their bodies apart.
It did rip the coffee house apartment they were meeting at.
Don’t worry, there’s a coffee house closing for one reason or another on every corner these days.
The interaction eruption of reality cuffing also tied their bodies into each other in a connection that hurt and orgasmimed{sp}them every time they gathered.
Pain and pleasure.