To Have and to Hold by Jane Green
The thought that wins out is this: So what if he goes out to parties when I’m in the country? I can’t expect him to go to bed every night at nine o’clock. And just because he’s going to parties without me doesn’t mean he’s having an affair, for God’s sake. As Kerry just said, he talks about his wife, so clearly he’s not pretending to be single.
I am being oversensitive, Alice decides as she slips her arm through Joe’s and smiles up at him, vowing not to let her imagination run away with her again.
“Good morning. You’re up early.” Alice leans against the doorjamb to tie the laces of her tennis shoes as Snoop leaps up and down at her heels.
Harry peers over the top of the New York Times. “I’ve been up since five. Bloody jet lag. But more to the point, you’re up early too. What time did you get in last night?”
“Not too late. Just after midnight.”
“And how was the party?”
Alice shrugs. The party had ended up being like a million other parties she’d been to since she got here, all of which she hated.
Packed with skinny people in designer clothes, all repeating the same conversations: gossiping about people they had in common (none of whom Alice knew), or the women trying to befriend her by asking where she got her hair done or whose lipstick she is wearing. The men stand together, rather like the teenage discos Alice remembers from her teenage years, and talk markets, property, and sports.
“The party was fine. Fun. If you like that sort of thing.”
“And do you like that sort of thing?”
“To be honest I would have been much happier in bed.”
“We were definitely much happier in bed.”
“Ooh. Too much information, thank you.”
Harry grins. “That’s not what I meant, thank you. So where are you off to at the crack of dawn in your exercise gear? Working off last night’s supper at the gym, I take it?”
“You have to be joking. Didn’t Emily tell you I’m allergic to gyms? Snoop and I are actually off for our morning walk in Central Park. Want to come too?”
“I’d love to. Hang on, I’ll get my shoes.”
“Bring a jacket too. It’s supposed to be cold today.”
Harry glances out the window. “But look at that sky. It’s a perfect blue and the sun’s shining.”
“Doesn’t mean a thing. The sun’s always shining here, but it’s deceptive. I’m telling you, bring a jacket.”
“Okay, okay. The lady knows best.”
“Good. Now that’s what I like to hear. Take this too.” Alice grabs two woolen hats from the bench just inside the door, flings one to Harry, and pulls the other down tight over her ears.
“I don’t think it will suit me.” Harry raises an eyebrow as Alice makes a face at him.
“I think you’ll find you’ll be thanking me later. Come on. Snoop needs to pee.”
“Jesus,” Harry hisses as they step out the door. “It’s freezing.”
Alice laughs. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Are you always this smug?” Harry frowns.
“Are you always this much of a wimp?”
“Point taken. So how far’s the park? Are we nearly there?”
“God, you are a wimp. Come on, let’s jog. It’ll warm you up.”
“I’m impressed.” They reach the park and Alice slows down to unwind her scarf. “You’re fitter than you look.”
“And you’re just as fit as you look. Anyway, what do you mean I’m fitter than I look? There isn’t an ounce of fat on me.”
“I know. All that gardening and carpentry must keep you fit.”
Harry raises an eyebrow. “You remember?”
“Of course. You think I invited you down to the country just because I like you?” Alice laughs.
“Damn. I knew there was a catch. So will I be building bookshelves? Or planting bulbs?”
Alice turns to him. “Aha! I knew you weren’t as good as I thought, or you’d know that it’s far too late to plant bulbs.”
“Actually I knew that. I was just testing you.” Harry grins and holds out a hand for Snoop’s leash. “So let’s see how your training’s been coming along. Got any treats?”
“Of course!” Alice reaches a gloved hand into her pocket and passes a bag of treats to Harry. “You trained me well.”
“And hopefully you’ve passed it on to the lovely Snoop. Snoop? Sit!” Snoop obediently sits down and looks at Harry expectantly.
“Good boy!” Harry slips a treat into his mouth and pats him on the head.
“Down!” Snoop slides down to the ground, still looking at Harry, as Harry looks impressed and gives him another treat.
“Stay!” Harry turns and walks away for a few yards, turns around, and sees Snoop in exactly the same spot, lying there immobile. “Alice Chambers, I am very, very impressed.”
“Watch this,” Alice grins. “Shake hands, Snoop.” She laughs as Snoop obediently raises his right paw and places it in her hand. “And the other hand.” Snoop puts his paw down and raises the other one, and Alice swears he’s smiling as he does it.
Harry walks back and makes a big fuss of Snoop. “Good boy!” he says, ruffling his fur. “What a good boy! And what a good girl!” He turns to Alice and uses exactly the same tone of voice, proffering a treat to her lips as she grimaces in disgust, then starts laughing, pushing his hand away.
“Good girl, Alice!” Harry continues, laughing as he tries to push the treat in her mouth. “Who’s a good girl!” Snoop starts barking, wanting to join in the game as Alice shrieks, laughing as she tries to get away from the revolting-smelling treat in Harry’s hand.
“Get off!” she shouts, still laughing. “Leave me alone. Yeuch. That’s disgusting!” Harry finally gives the treat to Snoop.
“But you’ve trained him well. Seriously. I am impressed.”
“Of course. What do you think I do in the country all day? Watch television?”
Harry shrugs. “Only, I assumed, the made-for-TV dramas.”
“Ha-ha.”
They carry on walking in silence for a while, down to the water, where they sit on a bench to watch the ducks.
“Aren’t they supposed to fly south for winter?” Harry says after a few minutes.
“I thought so too. I think these are the ones who couldn’t afford the holiday.”
“Hmm.” Harry nods. “Couldn’t they have gone EasyJet?”
“I’m not sure they cover America.”
Harry smiles and turns to Alice. “You know, you’ve changed so much.”
“I have? But you hardly know me. How can you tell?”
“You’re just glowing, Alice. I mean, you’re right, I don’t know you well at all even though I feel like I do because Emily has always talked about you so much. I felt like I knew you before I even met you, but I remember being surprised when we met because even though I liked you, you seemed so, God, I probably shouldn’t say this, but you just didn’t seem happy.”
“Really? How odd. Even at Brianden? We all had such a nice time. Didn’t I seem happy then?”
“It’s not that you were sitting around crying or anything, you just seemed to have this air of sadness, and it’s gone now, Alice. You just look completely different.”
“That’s because it’s first thing in the morning and I’m not wearing any makeup.”
“No, although I’ll admit you do look a bit rough . . . ow!” Alice elbows him sharply as she makes a warning face. “Okay, okay, I was joking. But seriously, it’s got nothing to do with makeup or what time of day it is, your whole, aargh . . .” He grimaces and hides his head in his hands.
“What? Are you going to say something horrible? Is that why you’re making a face? Go on. Tell me.”
“This is going to sound so cheesy, but . . . your whole aura has changed.”
“You’re right. It does sound cheesy.”
“I’ll just shut up then.”
“No. Don’t. It’s nice talking about me.”
<
“But it’s true!” Alice lies. “It’s my favorite subject.”
“Anything else you’d like to add about yourself then?”
“Oh no. It’s much more fun to listen to what other people think about me. Come on. Let’s keep walking.” Alice stands up because, despite the jokes, she’s suddenly not comfortable with this conversation, with the intimacy that has sprung up, and although she has tried to hide her discomfort with humor, it is far easier to stand up and keep walking, to change the subject altogether.
“So,” Alice says briskly. “Let’s go and get some coffee and bagels to take back to the apartment. We’ve got a million things to do today, and then you two have to decide whether you want to go down to the country tonight or tomorrow.”
“Oh, right.” Harry stands up. “I’m pretty easy really. Which would suit you better?”
“Well”—Alice looks up at the sky—“as long as it doesn’t snow we’re fine either way.”
“And what can you tell from looking at the sky? Snow today or no snow?”
“I think no snow today.”
“How can you tell?”
“I can’t. I just like to look as if I know what I’m talking about.”
“Ah.” Harry nods sagely. “In that case I’d have to agree with you. Definitely no snow today.”
Back at the apartment they are met with silence. The New York Times is exactly where they left it, the bedroom doors still firmly shut.
“My God, they’re lazy,” Alice laughs, putting the coffee and bagels down on the table. “Let me just put these out then we’ll wake them up.”
“What can I do?”
“How about plates and knives?”
“Okay.”
“Oh, and cream cheese in the fridge.”
“Got it.”
“Right.” Alice spreads everything out. “Let’s go and drag them out of bed.”
“Darling,” Alice whispers to a naked, sleeping Joe. “Breakfast is on the table.”
Joe turns and smiles sleepily. He’s been awake for a while, so warm and comfortable in bed he let himself doze on and off. Oddly, he found himself thinking about Josie. He hasn’t thought about her in a while, hasn’t spoken to her or had any contact, other than seeing her name at the top of a group e-mail from time to time, but this morning he started to remember the feel of her skin, the smell of her hair.
He was just getting excited when he heard Alice come into the bedroom. Ah, lovely Alice. Just what the doctor ordered. He rolls over to her and slides his hand under her sweatshirt, stroking the underside of her breast and smiling.
“Come on.” She pulls away from him and throws back the covers. “Breakfast is on the table.”
Damn. Alice gets up and disappears out the bedroom. Clearly she is not in the mood, and clearly he doesn’t have time to take care of what is now a major erection. Damn, damn, and damn. Slowly Joe heaves himself out of bed and into the bathroom for a quick, cold shower.
“What a lovely time we’ve had!” Emily sighs as she turns around to see the New York skyline recede behind her. “Isn’t New York wonderful? I could stay here forever.”
Yesterday morning had been spent shopping, then lunch at a diner in the village, theater in the afternoon, and dinner in Tribeca. Emily is exhausted and exhilarated, and sorry that they’re leaving already.
“Well, they certainly loved you,” Harry smiles. “My darling Emily who single-handedly helped the economy back on its feet.”
Alice smiles but Emily is stony-faced. “How can you say that, Harry? Everything I bought was either from the market in Canal Street or cheap little shops in SoHo.”
“It’s not quality, Em, it’s quantity,” Harry says. “I don’t know how we’re going to get everything home.”
“We’ll buy another bag,” Emily grumbles.
“I thought you didn’t have any money?” Harry says.
“Oh, for God’s sake, Harry. Why don’t you just lighten up?” she snaps. “We’re on holiday. You’re supposed to have fun on holiday.”
Alice and Joe sit there uncomfortably. Alice wants to tell Emily to relax, that she is being oversensitive, but she has learned not to get involved in other people’s affairs, and so she stays silent.
Eventually Joe breaks the awkwardness. “I hope you brought your tool kit, Harry. I think Alice has got some jobs for you.”
“Damn, I knew I left something behind.” Harry smacks his forehead.
“Oh, well,” Joe smiles. “You can borrow mine.”
Alice splutters with laughter. “You don’t have a tool kit.”
“I do have some screwdrivers though,” Joe blusters.
“I’m the one with the tool kit, thank you,” Alice says, turning to Harry, “and I’d be happy to lend it to you.”
“And who said there was such a thing as a free holiday?” Harry tuts, looking out of the window.
“I can’t believe we’re here,” Emily squeals as the car turns into the driveway in Highfield. “I mean, I thought Brianden was in the country, but it’s nothing like this. This is like something out of a film. Look at these woods, all these trees.”
“Isn’t it beautiful?” Alice smiles, already more relaxed now she’s home. They roll down the driveway and pull up in front of the house.
“This is it?”
“Er . . . yes.”
“It’s lovely,” Emily says, and it is, but somehow she’d expected something much grander. She knows Joe is planning on building a far bigger house somewhere else on the land, but she also knows that Alice is quite happy with this, and even though it’s pretty, if you like that old Americana type of style, it’s not at all what she expected.
“The boys will take the bags. Come on, Em, I’ll give you the tour.”
They walk around the ground floor, Alice pointing out what’s been painted, what restored, what work she’s planning to do, and then upstairs to see the three small bedrooms, the guest room chic and welcoming with its blue toile bedspread and matching curtains, small check pillows thrown casually on the bed.
And then downstairs again, out of the French doors and into the garden, strolling down to the pond, where they huddle on a wooden bench that sits under a huge old maple tree.
“Just listen,” Alice smiles.
“What? I can’t hear anything.”
“Exactly! Isn’t it the most peaceful place you’ve ever been?”
Emily smiles. “It is. I’d probably go out of my mind living here, but I can see how you would love it.”
“But you have Brianden. That’s the country.”
“Yes, but it’s the Cotswolds. It’s different. And I’m only there on weekends, and I spend most of my time elbowing past American tourists looking for a bargain in the antique shops. It’s always pretty busy there, but this is so quiet.”
“I know. My favorite place in the world.”
“I can’t believe you’ve done it, you know.” Emily turns, her face now serious.
“Done what?”
“You’ve made your dream come true. You always wanted this. Always wanted to live in the country and have a simple life, and look at you now.”
“You know, I wake up in the mornings and sometimes I feel as if I have to pinch myself,” Alice laughs. “It just feels ridiculous that I’m this happy.”
“Oh, Ali, it’s lovely.” Emily reaches out and puts her arms around Alice, squeezing hard. “I’m so happy for you.”
They hug tightly for a few seconds, then pull apart and stand up. “Come on,” Alice says. “Let’s go and see what those boys are up to.”
Back at the house Harry is building a fire and Joe is sitting at the computer in his study.
“Joe,” Alice hisses under her breath in the doorway. “We have guests. Can you not disappear and be so rude?”
“Relax, Alice. I’m just checking my e-mail. I’ll be out in a second.”
Alice sighs and close
21
“Happy Christmas!” Harry runs a hand through his tousled hair as he walks into the kitchen to see Alice slathering butter on a giant turkey.
“Aren’t you the early bird?” Alice grins. “I take it everyone else is fast asleep.”
“Emily’s out for the count, and I didn’t hear a peep from your room”—Harry peers over Alice’s shoulder at the bird—“although I admit I didn’t listen for very long. What time is it anyway?”
Alice gestures up to the old clock on the kitchen wall. “Seventen. Almost, but not quite, the crack of dawn. This feels like it’s becoming a habit, you and me in the kitchen first thing.”
Harry smiles to himself, remembering Brianden. He yawns and stretches his tracksuit-clad legs out in front of him. “Do you want me to take Snoop out for a walk?”
Alice smiles and shakes her head, sprinkling a liberal amount of salt and pepper on the turkey then walking over to the fridge for rashers of bacon to lay in strips on the turkey’s breast.
“Snoop’s already been out. But thanks.”
“And you’re calling me the early bird?” Harry laughs. “What time did you get up?”
“Around six.”
“Six o’clock? That’s the middle of the night!”
“That’s what I used to think when we were in London, but here there’s so much more to do. I just seem to be so much busier that there are never enough hours in the day. If I didn’t get up early I wouldn’t get anything done.”
“Speaking of which, what can I do to help?”
Alice pauses, about to say what she always says, which is nothing, I’m fine, but she could do with the help, and there’s no harm in admitting she’s not Superwoman after all.
“Tell you what,” she says. “There’s fresh coffee in the pot so help yourself, then you can peel potatoes.”
“Sounds great. There’s nothing like man’s work to really make me feel useful.”
Alice shrugs. “Well, you did ask. You could peel the parsnips if you prefer. Or help make the stuffing.”