Wallbanger by Alice Clayton
I sat on my hands to stop myself from launching over the console. He continued to hum and drum.
“What’s going on over there, Nightie Girl? You look a little flushed. Need some more air?” He started for the air conditioner.
“Nope, I’m good,” I answered, my voice sounding ridiculous.
He looked at me strangely, but resumed his hum drum. “I think it’s time we broke out that cranberry-orange bread. Hit me,” he said a moment later as I was indulging in a fantasy about how exactly I could maneuver myself into his lap while still maintaining a good highway speed.
“I’m on it!” I hollered, diving into the backseat and surprising us both. I had my legs in the air and my bottom on display as I clasped my upside-down face in my hands behind the seat. I could feel how red my cheeks were, and I gave myself a little slap to snap me back into this world.
“That is one sweet ass, my friend.” He sighed, leaning his head on it as though it were a pillow.
“Hey. Ass Man. Pay attention to the road and not my heiney, or no bread for you.” I gave his head a bump with my bum and sent myself flailing as he took a turn.
“Caroline, you need to control yourself back there, or I’m pulling over.”
“Oh, zip it. Here’s your damn bread,” I snapped, crawling back into my chair in a graceless way and throwing the bread at him.
“What the hell? Don’t throw this. What if you’d bruised it?” he cried, gently stroking the foil-wrapped loaf.
“I worry about you, Simon. I really do.” I laughed, watching him struggle to open the end of the wrapper. “You want me to cut you a piece—okay, or you could just do that.” I frowned as he took a giant bite out of the end.
“Thif if mine, righ?” he asked, spraying crumbs.
“How do you function in normal society?” I asked, shaking my head as he took another monster bite. He just smiled and continued, eating the entire loaf in less than five minutes.
“You’re gonna be so sick tonight. That’s meant to be eaten piece by piece, not ingested whole,” I said. His only response was to burp loudly and pat his tummy.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re one twisted man, Simon.” I chuckled.
“You’re still intrigued though, aren’t you?” He grinned, turning the blue eyes loose on me.
My panties actually disintegrated. “Oddly, yes,” I admitted, feeling my face flame again.
“I know.” He smirked, and we drove on.
“Okay, the turn should be coming up just around this corner—I remember that house!” I cried, bouncing in my seat. It had been a while since I was up here, and I’d forgotten how beautiful it was. I loved Tahoe in the summertime—all the water sports and everything—but in autumn? Autumn was beautiful.
“Thank God. I need to pee,” Simon groaned, as he’d been doing for the past twenty or so miles.
“That’s your own fault for drinking that Big Gulp,” I admonished, still bouncing away.
“Wow, is that it?” he asked as we turned into the drive. Lanterns lit the way to a sprawling, two-story cedar house with a giant stone fireplace up the left side. Cars were already in the driveway, and I could hear the music spilling out from the back deck.
“Sounds like our friends have already got their party on,” Simon observed. Squealing and laughter joined the music coming from the back side of the house.
“Oh, I don’t doubt it. My guess is they’ve been drinking since dinner and are half-naked in the hot tub by now.” I walked around back to grab my bag.
“We’ll just have to catch up, now won’t we?”He winked, pulling a bottle of Galliano from his bag. “I thought we could make some Wallbangers.”
“Now isn’t that interesting. I was thinking the same thing,” I countered, pulling an identical bottle from my duffle.
“I knew you were dying to get me inside you, Caroline.” He chuckled and grabbed my bag as we headed to the door.
“Please, you would make up a drink and call it a Pink Nightie just to have me in your mouth—and don’t even try to lie,” I taunted, nudging him with my shoulder.
He stopped midway up the walk and looked at me fiercely. “Is that an invitation? Cuz I’m a hell of a bartender,” he stated, the eyes glowing in the darkness.
“I’ve no doubt,” I breathed, the space between us now crackling with tension that was becoming ridiculously hard to ignore. I took a deep breath, and noticed he did as well.
“Come on, let’s get sauced and start this weekend.” He chuckled, nudging me with his shoulder and breaking the spell.
“Sauce away,” I muttered, walking up the path behind him.
Finding the front door open, Simon stashed our bags, and we made our way through the house to the back deck. There the lake spread out before us, just barely lit by the tiki torches dotting the dock and pathways that led to the shore. The entire back of the house was flanked with brick patios and decks, and that’s where we found our friends.
“Caroline!” Mimi screeched from the hot tub, where she and Ryan were splashing each other. Ah, we’d made it to Drunky Loud already.
“Mimi!” I squealed back, looking around for Sophia. She and Neil were perched on the stone bench by the firepit, roasting marshmallows. They both waved merrily, and Neil gestured obscenely with his stick.
“Making them see the error of their ways might be easier than we thought, fellow matchmaker,” I whispered to Simon, who was already mixing a cocktail at the patio bar.
“You think its gonna be that easy?” he whispered back, giving his friends the international guy head nod that said, “What’s up, man?”
“Hell, yes. They’re almost already there without our help. All we have to do is show them what’s right in front of them.”
He handed me a cocktail. “So, how am I?” he asked, winking.
“Is this a Wallbanger?”
“It is.”
I took a sip, swirling the taste around my mouth and over my tongue.
“You’re as good as I knew you’d be,” I whispered, taking a dangerously large swallow.
“To things staring you right in the face,” he added, clinking my glass and taking his own large gulp.
“To things staring you right in the face,” I echoed, our eyes locking over the rims.
Damn Banger Voodoo.
Chapter Twelve
“WHOSE FOOT IS THAT?”
“It’s mine, Neil. Quit rubbing it.”
“Dude! Quit trying to play footsie with me, Ryan!”
“You’re the one still holding my foot.”
Ryan and Neil tried to look nonchalant as they disengaged from their footsie session under the bubbling water. I laughed as I caught Simon’s eye across the hot tub, and he grinned back at me.
“Want another?” he mouthed, nodding to my empty glass.
“I have had enough for tonight, don’t you think?” I mouthed back, as our friends cackled all around us.
“I thought you were girl who always wanted more,” he mouthed. The characteristic smirk returned.
I looked at him, the image of Hot Tub Simon that had been in my head for the last few weeks actually paling in comparison to the real thing. Strong arms stretched across the back of the hot tub, hair wet and artfully swept back. If I thought seeing him wet and half-naked on my kitchen floor was enticing, it was nothing like having him backlit by tiki torches and seen through a strong buzz.
He was now the most singularly handsome man I’d ever seen, and if I wasn’t mistaken, he was trying to get me drunk. Brain was getting a bit fuzzy. Heart was beginning to sing Etta James songs.
“Are you trying to get me drunk?” I asked, giggling as I pushed my empty glass away, resolving myself to no more alcohol.
“Nope. A sloppy Pink Nightie Girl gets me nowhere.”
He grinned as I splashed water toward his side. Our friends had all quieted and were watching us with undisguised interest.
After Simon and I arrived, we got our drinks, and then I showed him ar
Now we were smack dab in the middle of a sexual soup, bubbling away with two pairs of mismatched lovers and more pheromones than we knew what to do with.
So did I want another cocktail? Didn’t matter. I couldn’t afford it.
I had to shake my head a little to clear it as I looked around at the rest of the group. Mimi had gotten too hot and was perched on the side, kicking Neil as she swung her feet back and forth. He indulged her in much the same way a big brother indulges his little sister. Sophia and Ryan were huddled on the other side, Sophia scratching Ryan’s back as she and Neil talked back and forth about the 49ers’ starting lineup or defensive line or something football-ish and, frankly, boring.
“So, what are we doing this weekend?” I asked, focusing my attention on the group at large and not the blue eyes staring at me. Damn those eyes! They would be the death of me.
“We were thinking about going for a hike tomorrow. Who’s in?” Ryan asked.
Sophia shook her head. “Count me out. No way am I hiking.”
“Why not?” Neil asked.
Simon and I exchanged a quick glance at his sudden interest.
“Can’t. Last time I hiked I took quite a spill and sprained my wrist. Can’t take the chance during the season,” she said, waving and reminding us she made her living with her hands. As a cello player, she could get out of quite a bit. Once she dodged hand jobs all winter. Investment banker Bob was not a happy camper.
“How ’bout you, Tiny?” Neil pulled on Mimi’s foot.
“Um, no, Mimi doesn’t hike,” she replied, adjusting her barely there black bikini. Her actual boy toy didn’t notice, but I saw Ryan’s eyes grow to the size of pies from across the hot tub as her breasts were nearly revealed.
“You gonna take a pass as well?” Simon nodded to me.
“Hell, no. I’m hiking with the boys tomorrow!” I laughed as Sophia and Mimi rolled their eyes. They never understood why I loved “mountain man activities,” as they called them.
“Nice,” Simon purred, and for a second I calculated the distance between my mouth and his. Then we were all quiet, all six of us lost in our thoughts. I remembered the plan to out the four of them, and I jumped right in.
“So, Ryan, did you know Mimi here gives to your charity every year?” I asked, surprising them both.
“You do?”
“Yep, every year,” she said. “I’ve seen what having access to computers can do, especially for kids who wouldn’t otherwise have the opportunity.” She looked shyly at him, and they began a conversation about the process he used to determine which schools will receive the scholarships each year.
Simon and I grinned at each other. Looking sideways at Sophia, Simon launched the second wave of the attack. “Hey, Neil, how many seats did you get for the symphony this year?” he asked.
Neil blushed.
“You bought tickets?” Sophia asked.
“Season tickets,” Simon added, as Neil nodded. Sophia and Neil then launched into a discussion of where his seats were, and Simon raised his foot above the surface of the water.
“Come on, don’t leave me hangin’.”
“What?”
“Gimme a little high five. I can’t reach your hand,” he insisted, waving his foot back and forth. I giggled and slid lower on my seat, stretching my foot out and patting his lightly.
“Ugh, pruney.” He laughed.
“I’ll give you pruney,” I warned, dipping my foot and splashing him lightly.
“I could not be more comfortable. Seriously, I literally could not feel more cozy right now if I were actually inside a marshmallow,” I mumbled through a thick tongue coated in Bailey’s and coffee. I had curled up on top of about fifty pillows next to fireplace—a fireplace with a hearth almost ten feet wide and a chimney almost three stories high. Made out of stone quarried nearby, it was massive. It was the focal point of the entire house, with rooms radiating out from its center. And it gave off massive heat.
We were chilled to the bone when we finally made it back inside. One by one, we all got too warm in the hot tub, so we hoisted ourselves out to cool off a little. By the time we realized how cold the night had gotten, we were shivering and puffing, and wanting nothing more than to curl up next to the fire. As we had yet to pick rooms, I soon learned, the girls snuck into the master bedroom to change into our pjs and rejoin the boys, who were now all decked out in T-shirts and pajama pants. We made a quick pot of coffee, and I sliced up some of the additional cranberry-orange bread I’d wisely hidden from Simon. A couple shots of Bailey’s in the coffee cups, and we were all relaxing by the fire like an ad for Currier and Ives.
Simon had reclined regally by the fireplace and patted the stack of pillows next to him. I dove in and a few stray puffs of feathers swirled around our heads. We’d discovered that each boy had a different method of starting a fire—kindling, newspapers, kindling and newspapers—when finally Sophia stuck her head up there and declared that the flue was still closed. Brought back down a few pegs, the guys at that point deferred to Ryan, if for no other reason than that he was the one holding the matches. But within minutes, they had a fire blazing, and we were now all seated around the fireplace, sleepy and content.
I breathed deeply. There was nothing like the smell of an actual fire—not a gas fireplace, not a bunch of candles, but an honest to goodness fireplace with snaps and crackles and funny little whizzing screeches when the steam came out of a crack in the wood.
“So, Caroline, have you asked Simon to teach you how to windsurf yet?” Mimi asked suddenly from her perch on the arm of the couch. We’d been quiet for a while, drowsy and almost dreaming, and I started a little when she spoke.
“What? I mean, what?” I asked, startled out of my pillows and back to the present.
“Well, these boys here all windsurf. You want to learn to windsurf, and I bet Simon here would show you, wouldn’t you, Simon?” She giggled, polishing off the last of her coffee and sliding off the arm of the chair into Ryan’s conveniently placed lap. They smiled at each other for a moment before they realized what they were doing and Ryan jokingly launched her off his own lap and into Neil’s. He’d not been awakened by her earlier question, but he now seemed wide awake with a lapful of Scheming Mimi.
“You want to learn to windsurf?” Simon asked, turning toward my pillow pile.
“Actually, yes. I’ve always wanted to try it.”
“It’s tough—not gonna lie. But totally worth it.” He smiled, and Ryan nodded from across the room.
“Sure, Simon’ll show you. He’d love to,” Ryan chimed in, earning a wink from Mimi and an eye roll from me.
“We can plan something for when we get back to the city,” I suggested.
“No more talk tonight. This girl has had it,” Sophia said. “I’m pooped. Where are we all sleeping?” She poked her head over the back of the armchair where she’d been curled up.
“Well, how many rooms we talking about?” Simon asked as I sat up and yawned.
“There are four bedrooms, so take your pick,” Sophia answered, then wisely drained an entire bottle of water.
“Are we doing boy-girl, boy-girl?” I asked, laughing when I saw Simon’s surprised face.
“We can, sure,” Mimi answered, looking a little nervously at Neil.
I stifled a giggle when I saw Sophia and Ryan trade a similar spooked look. Simon caught it as well.
“Yeah, sure! Don’t let Caroline and me stand in the way of the lov
“Sounds perfect to me. I’ll just rinse out these mugs. Now, off to bed with you all. Scoot! Scoot!” I cried. Simon and I scurried about cleaning up while sneaking peeks over our shoulders at the four of them. They looked like they’d just begun a death march.
“Oh, man, I hope this works out…for my sake.” I stood behind Simon as we watched the four become two pairs as they parted ways by the bedroom doors.
“Why for your sake?” he whispered, turning his face just a little to be inches from mine.
“Because right now, behind those doors? Sophia and Mimi are trying to figure out the best way to hurt me. Physically hurt me,” I sighed, backing away to rinse the last of the coffee cups and place them in the dishwasher.
Simon added the soap and switched it on. As we walked around, turning lights off for the night, we talked about the hike we’d be taking tomorrow.
“You’re not gonna slow me down, are you?” he teased.
I shoved him into the wall. “Please, you will be eating my trail dust tomorrow, bucko,” I warned, grabbing my bag and heading for the bedrooms.
“We’ll see, Nightie Girl. Speaking of, got any nighties in there for me?” He poked his hand into my bag as he followed me down the hall.
“Stay outta there. Nothing for you in there, or anywhere for that matter.” I stopped at the room I was taking.
He went past me to the room next door. “Look at that, sharing a bedroom wall once again.” He smirked.
“Well, I know you’re in there alone, so I’d better not hear any banging,” I warned, leaning in the doorway.
“No, no banging. ’Night, Caroline,” he said softly, leaning in his own doorway.
“’Night, Simon,” I answered, giving him a little waggle of my fingertips as I closed my door. I placed my bag on my bed and smiled.
“Come on, guys, not that much farther,” I yelled behind me as I surged up the final leg of the trail. We’d been hiking for about two hours now, and while everyone stayed together for a while, in the last thirty minutes or so, Ryan had slowed considerably, and Neil hung back with him. Simon and I kept the pace together, and were about to reach the crest of the trail.