Watched by Cindy M. Hogan
A tapping noise grated on my nerves. I wanted to keep sleeping, but kept hearing, tap, tap, tap… It wouldn’t stop, no matter how hard I willed it to. I opened my eyes to tiny slits and realized the tap came from our door. I looked at Marybeth. A light, even breathing came from her direction. With no hope of her getting up, I stomped to the door, but not before checking the clock. One a.m. The idea that danger lurked behind the door didn’t even come to mind.
An “Uggh,” escaped my lips as I cracked open the door, security latch still in place. Rick stood there.
“It’s about time,” he said. “You guys must be hard sleepers.”
“Maybe that’s because it’s one in the morning, you dork,” I whispered, peering out of the crack with a little smile gracing my lips. My voice croaked, reminding him I’d just woken up.
“Sorry about that. I wanted to talk to you,” he said.
“Now?” I asked.
His face gave me the answer.
“’Kay, just give me a few minutes to get dressed.”
I shut the door and went to the bathroom to get dressed and brush my teeth, my insides fluttering. I left the room on tip-toe.
The conference room was locked. In fact, all the doors on the main floor were locked and the one security guard sat by the front door half asleep.
“Let’s go sit in a hall somewhere,” he suggested.
“Okay,” I said.
“Did you have fun tonight? I mean after the whole Pizzeria horror?” he asked.
“Yeah. It was a lot of fun. Did you?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“You looked like you were having fun.”
Once we got in the elevator, we decided to get out on fifth floor. We sat near the vending machine doors. My back leaned against the wall, my legs outstretched in front of me. Rick sat to the side of me, cross-legged, knees barely touching the side of my outstretched legs.
He took a deep breath, looking at his legs. His head came up and his eyes met mine. I gave him a slight smile.
“Are you and Alex together?” he asked, his tone serious now.
I felt my eyes turn into saucers at his blunt question. I don’t know why. After our last talk, I knew he was a straight-forward kind of guy. I tried to look away, but couldn’t.
“No,” I finally answered. We weren’t together, after all.
“Really? You’re not playing me are you?”
“Playing you? No.” I couldn’t believe he thought I could play someone.
“I thought I saw you and Alex… you know, kissing at the pizzeria—”
“You didn’t,” I interrupted. While we hadn’t, I wished Alex had kissed me.
There was an uncomfortable pause before he spoke again.
“You like him though, don’t you?”
I wondered what I should say, what I could say and still be truthful and not hurt him. He was really putting himself out there, and I didn’t think it was right to mislead him.
“Sure, but I also like you.” My stomach dropped hearing me say those words aloud.
He looked so cute sitting there, totally out, exposed and honest. He got cuter by the minute. I loved the way his teeth looked, all perfectly straight and white. I couldn’t help but think about our soft kiss near the fountain. I was caught up in staring at those perfect lips and forgot we were having a conversation for a moment. What was happening to me?
“What do you mean, you like me too? Does that mean you like him as a friend and me in a different way? Or do you like us both as friends, or both as more than friends? What does that mean?” His gaze never left me, his look soft and earnest. I swallowed, his boldness making it hard to find the right words. How could I tell him that while he gave me tingles, Alex gave me tingles on steroids?
“Look Rick, this is all so confusing to me. I never thought I would be faced with all of this yet. I’m not even sixteen, so I shouldn’t be dealing with it anyway.” It took all my power not to look at his lips.
“What does sixteen have to do with my question?”
“I don’t know. I mean, because my parents allow me to date when I turn sixteen, I guess I figured it was some kind of a magical age—that at sixteen, we all get some power to be able to deal with dating and driving and all that stuff.” I suffered from diarrhea of the mouth. “Maybe that was dumb of me, but I, well, actually, I never even thought that I would have a guy interested in me after I was sixteen, let alone, before I turned sixteen.”
“What?” Confusion traced his face.
“What I’m trying to say is,” I paused, taking a very deep breath, “at home, no one even looks at me. I’m non-existent. At least to kids my own age. Even though my parents would allow me to date in a month, when I turn sixteen, no one at home would ever ask me out.” I couldn’t believe I told him. Somehow he made me feel like I could tell him everything—even the sucky stuff. I never would have told Alex this stuff. “It’s just stupid. Forget I said anything.”
“It’s not stupid. Everyone feels invisible at times,” he said.
I’d probably made him feel invisible today. I felt horrible.
Having the encouragement I needed, I continued. “Somehow, here, on this trip, people see me. It’s crazy. I imagined this happening, but never thought it would. I mean, I wanted this trip to change my life, put a spark into it, but this is more than I ever bargained for. I’m having a hard time dealing with it in the right way. I know you think that me turning sixteen is some artificial line that isn’t really important, but it is to me. I’ve always dreamed about turning sixteen and being able to date. So, for you to ask me who I like and how, is pointless.” I breathed deep and hard. First guy down, only Alex left to give the boot. I guess I believed in the sixteen rule.
“Christy, they’re only feelings. You don’t have to be dating to have feelings.”
He was right. His handsome face pleaded with me to be truthful. I didn’t know if I wanted the truth, but his look told me I could trust him with more. I was scared to be totally honest.
“Rick, tomorrow is our last real day here. You will go home and within a few hours you will forget that I even exist.” I had said it. I didn’t want to reveal my feelings, because they would invariably be stepped on in a few short days. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to keep my composure.
“So, the truth will out,” he said in a soft whisper.
I looked at him, and he smiled at me.
“Think about it,” I said. “Our group has been in a little mini-world the past few weeks. Things get confusing and we forget that this world isn’t real. Then, we go back home and reality sets in. It’s like that reality show, The Bachelor. People get together, who wouldn’t have otherwise, and then, as soon as the show is over and they’re back in the real world, they always break up. This isn’t the real world. No one wants to be with me in the real world.” I felt the burn of tears at the back of my eyes and tilted my head back to prevent their escape.
“That’s just crazy talk,” he said, moving closer to me. “This feels real to me.”
I slumped further down on the wall and pulled my legs to my chest, letting my face rest on my knees, keeping my eyes shut tight, allowing no tears to escape.
“How I feel about you isn’t going to change just because we aren’t in D.C. anymore.” He tried to push my head up, but I resisted. “Christy, look at me,” he coaxed.
I peeked out at him.
“Let’s just let things go where they will and enjoy the ride. If it ends sooner than we hoped, then at least we had fun while it lasted.”
“I don’t want it to crash, though.” I admitted, pushing my head back down to my knees and losing it.
“Even a crash doesn’t make what happened before the crash less real.” He reached for my chin and lifted my face, wiping a tear from my cheek.
His warm, gentle touch soothed me. He had a point and I had decided to enjoy life and be happy, to take risks and live every day like it was my last. My legs slid back down to the floor and I n
odded.
“You’re right,” I whispered.
“About Alex,” he said, looking me straight in the eye and letting his hands fall to the floor. “I don’t think he’s the greatest guy for you to get involved with.”
“You don’t, do you?” I said, teasing him.
“No, really. He doesn’t give me a good vibe. I don’t really know him, but I know his type.”
“And what is his type?” I was starting to get annoyed.
“You know, guys who like the chase and then when they get what they want, they move on.”
“You think he’s like that?” I hadn’t ever talked to Alex about previous girl friends or really anything serious, for that matter. I was shocked at the pizzeria when he said he’d never been to high school. What else didn’t I know about him? Really, all I knew was how he made me feel, and I liked that, a lot.
“Just be careful, Christy. That’s all I’m saying.”
I realized that I didn’t know anything about Rick, either. “So, tell me about yourself. What is a typical day, no week, like for you?”
“I’m sure it’s like yours. Sundays I go to church...”
“You go to church?” I blurted before I’d thought it through.
“Of course. You do too, don’t you?”
“Every Sunday.” I was still surprised for some reason.
“Monday through Friday I go to school, have practice, go to lessons, do homework and head home.”
“What kind of practice?”
“You know, soccer, lacrosse, basketball….”
“What kind of lessons?”
“Horseback riding, piano, voice, stuff like that. Then Saturdays we attend political stuff and play. We have a lot of dinner parties all week, too.”
“Hmpf.”
“What’s a typical week for you like?”
“Sunday, church and extended family dinner. Monday through Friday I go to school and study. On Tuesday I go to a youth group at my church and on Thursdays I play one of four sports, softball, basketball, volleyball or soccer. Sometimes there’s a practice thrown in there somewhere. I’m home most of the time, but I hike and bike a lot.” Really, if it was free I did it. If it cost anything, it was out of the question. “What do you love to do?”
Rick moved to lean his back against the wall to sit next to me. We talked more about his family and what he liked to do. After a while, I started to get really tired, and I leaned my head on his shoulder, my eyes closing. My body twitched, and I sat up straight.
“Let’s get you back into bed,” he said.
“Sorry. I’m just so tired,” I complained.
“I know. I’m sorry for keeping you up, but I’m so glad we had some time together to figure stuff out.”
“Me, too.”
He kissed my hand at the door to my room and waited for me to shut it before walking away. He knew I was a dork back home and didn’t seem to care. He had a way of accepting me that was totally foreign.
An “Uggh,” escaped my lips as I cracked open the door, security latch still in place. Rick stood there.
“It’s about time,” he said. “You guys must be hard sleepers.”
“Maybe that’s because it’s one in the morning, you dork,” I whispered, peering out of the crack with a little smile gracing my lips. My voice croaked, reminding him I’d just woken up.
“Sorry about that. I wanted to talk to you,” he said.
“Now?” I asked.
His face gave me the answer.
“’Kay, just give me a few minutes to get dressed.”
I shut the door and went to the bathroom to get dressed and brush my teeth, my insides fluttering. I left the room on tip-toe.
The conference room was locked. In fact, all the doors on the main floor were locked and the one security guard sat by the front door half asleep.
“Let’s go sit in a hall somewhere,” he suggested.
“Okay,” I said.
“Did you have fun tonight? I mean after the whole Pizzeria horror?” he asked.
“Yeah. It was a lot of fun. Did you?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“You looked like you were having fun.”
Once we got in the elevator, we decided to get out on fifth floor. We sat near the vending machine doors. My back leaned against the wall, my legs outstretched in front of me. Rick sat to the side of me, cross-legged, knees barely touching the side of my outstretched legs.
He took a deep breath, looking at his legs. His head came up and his eyes met mine. I gave him a slight smile.
“Are you and Alex together?” he asked, his tone serious now.
I felt my eyes turn into saucers at his blunt question. I don’t know why. After our last talk, I knew he was a straight-forward kind of guy. I tried to look away, but couldn’t.
“No,” I finally answered. We weren’t together, after all.
“Really? You’re not playing me are you?”
“Playing you? No.” I couldn’t believe he thought I could play someone.
“I thought I saw you and Alex… you know, kissing at the pizzeria—”
“You didn’t,” I interrupted. While we hadn’t, I wished Alex had kissed me.
There was an uncomfortable pause before he spoke again.
“You like him though, don’t you?”
I wondered what I should say, what I could say and still be truthful and not hurt him. He was really putting himself out there, and I didn’t think it was right to mislead him.
“Sure, but I also like you.” My stomach dropped hearing me say those words aloud.
He looked so cute sitting there, totally out, exposed and honest. He got cuter by the minute. I loved the way his teeth looked, all perfectly straight and white. I couldn’t help but think about our soft kiss near the fountain. I was caught up in staring at those perfect lips and forgot we were having a conversation for a moment. What was happening to me?
“What do you mean, you like me too? Does that mean you like him as a friend and me in a different way? Or do you like us both as friends, or both as more than friends? What does that mean?” His gaze never left me, his look soft and earnest. I swallowed, his boldness making it hard to find the right words. How could I tell him that while he gave me tingles, Alex gave me tingles on steroids?
“Look Rick, this is all so confusing to me. I never thought I would be faced with all of this yet. I’m not even sixteen, so I shouldn’t be dealing with it anyway.” It took all my power not to look at his lips.
“What does sixteen have to do with my question?”
“I don’t know. I mean, because my parents allow me to date when I turn sixteen, I guess I figured it was some kind of a magical age—that at sixteen, we all get some power to be able to deal with dating and driving and all that stuff.” I suffered from diarrhea of the mouth. “Maybe that was dumb of me, but I, well, actually, I never even thought that I would have a guy interested in me after I was sixteen, let alone, before I turned sixteen.”
“What?” Confusion traced his face.
“What I’m trying to say is,” I paused, taking a very deep breath, “at home, no one even looks at me. I’m non-existent. At least to kids my own age. Even though my parents would allow me to date in a month, when I turn sixteen, no one at home would ever ask me out.” I couldn’t believe I told him. Somehow he made me feel like I could tell him everything—even the sucky stuff. I never would have told Alex this stuff. “It’s just stupid. Forget I said anything.”
“It’s not stupid. Everyone feels invisible at times,” he said.
I’d probably made him feel invisible today. I felt horrible.
Having the encouragement I needed, I continued. “Somehow, here, on this trip, people see me. It’s crazy. I imagined this happening, but never thought it would. I mean, I wanted this trip to change my life, put a spark into it, but this is more than I ever bargained for. I’m having a hard time dealing with it in the right way. I know you think that me turning sixteen is some artificial line that isn’t really important, but it is to me. I’ve always dreamed about turning sixteen and being able to date. So, for you to ask me who I like and how, is pointless.” I breathed deep and hard. First guy down, only Alex left to give the boot. I guess I believed in the sixteen rule.
“Christy, they’re only feelings. You don’t have to be dating to have feelings.”
He was right. His handsome face pleaded with me to be truthful. I didn’t know if I wanted the truth, but his look told me I could trust him with more. I was scared to be totally honest.
“Rick, tomorrow is our last real day here. You will go home and within a few hours you will forget that I even exist.” I had said it. I didn’t want to reveal my feelings, because they would invariably be stepped on in a few short days. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to keep my composure.
“So, the truth will out,” he said in a soft whisper.
I looked at him, and he smiled at me.
“Think about it,” I said. “Our group has been in a little mini-world the past few weeks. Things get confusing and we forget that this world isn’t real. Then, we go back home and reality sets in. It’s like that reality show, The Bachelor. People get together, who wouldn’t have otherwise, and then, as soon as the show is over and they’re back in the real world, they always break up. This isn’t the real world. No one wants to be with me in the real world.” I felt the burn of tears at the back of my eyes and tilted my head back to prevent their escape.
“That’s just crazy talk,” he said, moving closer to me. “This feels real to me.”
I slumped further down on the wall and pulled my legs to my chest, letting my face rest on my knees, keeping my eyes shut tight, allowing no tears to escape.
“How I feel about you isn’t going to change just because we aren’t in D.C. anymore.” He tried to push my head up, but I resisted. “Christy, look at me,” he coaxed.
I peeked out at him.
“Let’s just let things go where they will and enjoy the ride. If it ends sooner than we hoped, then at least we had fun while it lasted.”
“I don’t want it to crash, though.” I admitted, pushing my head back down to my knees and losing it.
“Even a crash doesn’t make what happened before the crash less real.” He reached for my chin and lifted my face, wiping a tear from my cheek.
His warm, gentle touch soothed me. He had a point and I had decided to enjoy life and be happy, to take risks and live every day like it was my last. My legs slid back down to the floor and I n
“You’re right,” I whispered.
“About Alex,” he said, looking me straight in the eye and letting his hands fall to the floor. “I don’t think he’s the greatest guy for you to get involved with.”
“You don’t, do you?” I said, teasing him.
“No, really. He doesn’t give me a good vibe. I don’t really know him, but I know his type.”
“And what is his type?” I was starting to get annoyed.
“You know, guys who like the chase and then when they get what they want, they move on.”
“You think he’s like that?” I hadn’t ever talked to Alex about previous girl friends or really anything serious, for that matter. I was shocked at the pizzeria when he said he’d never been to high school. What else didn’t I know about him? Really, all I knew was how he made me feel, and I liked that, a lot.
“Just be careful, Christy. That’s all I’m saying.”
I realized that I didn’t know anything about Rick, either. “So, tell me about yourself. What is a typical day, no week, like for you?”
“I’m sure it’s like yours. Sundays I go to church...”
“You go to church?” I blurted before I’d thought it through.
“Of course. You do too, don’t you?”
“Every Sunday.” I was still surprised for some reason.
“Monday through Friday I go to school, have practice, go to lessons, do homework and head home.”
“What kind of practice?”
“You know, soccer, lacrosse, basketball….”
“What kind of lessons?”
“Horseback riding, piano, voice, stuff like that. Then Saturdays we attend political stuff and play. We have a lot of dinner parties all week, too.”
“Hmpf.”
“What’s a typical week for you like?”
“Sunday, church and extended family dinner. Monday through Friday I go to school and study. On Tuesday I go to a youth group at my church and on Thursdays I play one of four sports, softball, basketball, volleyball or soccer. Sometimes there’s a practice thrown in there somewhere. I’m home most of the time, but I hike and bike a lot.” Really, if it was free I did it. If it cost anything, it was out of the question. “What do you love to do?”
Rick moved to lean his back against the wall to sit next to me. We talked more about his family and what he liked to do. After a while, I started to get really tired, and I leaned my head on his shoulder, my eyes closing. My body twitched, and I sat up straight.
“Let’s get you back into bed,” he said.
“Sorry. I’m just so tired,” I complained.
“I know. I’m sorry for keeping you up, but I’m so glad we had some time together to figure stuff out.”
“Me, too.”
He kissed my hand at the door to my room and waited for me to shut it before walking away. He knew I was a dork back home and didn’t seem to care. He had a way of accepting me that was totally foreign.