Wisdom's Kiss by Catherine Gilbert Murdock
Poor Handsome is so overcome that he was finally provoked into a small nip—and while the surgeons assure me they can reattach the boy's finger, my son had the nerve to demand that my poor little dog be locked up!—and furthermore claimed that he had been inspired to this insolence by the thought of Princess Wisdom!
It is a woman's duty not to inspire a man but to submit to him, and a man's duty to command his wife—a dictum which I was forever commanding of my late husband, and which he was utterly incapable of enforcing—I will not see that Montagne minx dominate my son so!
That the Kingdom of Montagne lords itself over the Duchy of Farina—though we have ten times the land and peoples—burns me like a brand.
I will have that throne.
The Imperial Encyclopedia of Lax
8TH EDITION
Printed in the Capital City of Rigorus
by Hazelnut & Filbert, Publishers to the Crown
RÜDIGER IV
The rule of Rüdiger IV, the Spindle Kaiser, culminated the struggle between the Empire of Lax and its most powerful domains. The grandson of Wilhelm VIII on his mother's side, Rüdiger had no aspirations to the throne and was declared heir only after Wilhelm's sons—the Three Disappointers, as they were subsequently known—fathered nineteen girls. Rüdiger took the throne at age thirty-two and ruled for fifty-eight years. While maintaining a permanent campaign on the northern frontier and leading his empire in multiple wars, Rüdiger made significant advances in diplomacy. He formalized relations with the Sultanate of Ahmb, surveyed Lax's eastern boundary, and negotiated with his many subject states to reduce the tolls that jeopardized imperial trade. The widespread popularity of the names Roger, Ruggiero, Rutger, Hrothgar, Rogelio, Rufiger, and similar derivates of Rüdiger speaks to the nobility's efforts to curry favor within the imperial court and should in no way be considered a demonstration of affection. In his later years, Rüdiger IV traveled throughout the empire and beyond with his private circus and military escort. It is not unthinkable that this "Circus Primus" may have served as a façade for covert proceedings, as the emperor and his troupe were present for the Feldspar Assumption, the Mar y Muntanya Border Crusade, and the Fourth Altercation of Scampi; Rüdiger's role in Wisdom's Kiss, much parsed by scholars, exemplifies the tumult that often shadowed the Circus Primus ensemble. Perhaps not surprisingly, his later reign was tainted by charges of irresponsibility, even senility, accusations that Rüdiger did not or could not dispute, and his legacy does not adequately reflect his earlier achievements.
A Life Unforeseen
THE STORY OF FORTITUDE OF BACIO, COMMONLY KNOWN AS TRUDY, AS TOLD TO HER DAUGHTER
Privately Printed and Circulated
TO THINK! For so many years Trudy had burned to reunite with Tips, and now it was about to happen. And not sitting in lonesome Bacio twiddling her thumbs, but by traveling to Froglock—where Tips was this very minute, guarding the emperor with the other soldiers!—and she was traveling in a coach, with a queen, as (Trudy could pinch herself!) a veritable lady-in-waiting!
Although Trudy didn't need a pinch: pain came easily enough simply by glancing at the young woman who sat across from her scowling out the window. Every time she looked at Princess Wisdom, Trudy shuddered. Fortunately the princess did not seem to notice. In fact, she did not acknowledge Trudy's presence at all, and rarely spoke. This, Trudy comforted herself, must have been what her sight had warned her of: an inexplicable royal snubbing. If so, Trudy would tolerate it with dignity, and instead focus her attention, happily, on the queen.
All her life Trudy had longed for a grandmother. Not the fairy version found in stories, but a real old lady who would praise and treasure her. At last she had chanced upon this marvelous species of human, and while Nonna Ben, to be sure, was not her grandmother, nonetheless she rejoiced in the woman's presence as a sunflower, turning its head to follow the path of the sun across the sky, absorbs every warming ray.
Trudy was supremely fortunate (so Nonna Ben informed her) to have learned to sew, for she now had the unenviable task, within this rocking carriage ere it drew to a halt at the imposing front doors of Phraughloch Palace, of fitting herself in one of Lady Modesty's gowns, the blue silk so lovely that Trudy winced to pierce the fabric, no matter how Nonna Ben chuckled, and repeated that her beautiful stitching would only improve it.
As Trudy wielded her needle in and out, in and out, they chatted about the myriad arcane duties of a lady-in-waiting. Oh, it was so complicated! For example, one addressed a queen or king as Your Majesty—everyone knew that—but a princess or prince was only Your Highness, sometimes with Royal tucked in halfway through. The emperor garnered Your Imperial Majesty, counts and barons Lord or Lady, and dukes such as Farina's Duke Roger Your Grace, though Roger's mother insisted on Most Noble Grace, which for some reason set Nonna Ben and even Wisdom to giggling whenever they uttered it. Easy for them to laugh; they already knew the rules, and doubtless had behaved perfectly all their lives.
"Don't fret." Ben patted Trudy. "I know you'll instinctively do it right ... Let's try this on, shall we?" She helped Trudy out of her simple homespun and slipped the gown, pins yet in it, over her head. "Child, you should be a seamstress ... It fits to perfection."
Trudy's blush scorched her face. "But it's—begging your pardon—it's too low."
Ben, turning Trudy this way and that in the swaying coach, laughed out loud. "I should say not! The ducal court will be so busy admiring your decolletage that they shan't notice you're the entirety of our staff. Doesn't she look grand, Dizzy? Granddaughter?"
"It's fine," Wisdom answered, never taking her eyes from the wheat fields.
Nonna Ben shot Wisdom a very ungrandmotherly glare before helping Trudy out of the gown. "Thank goodness Lady Modesty is so portly; had we time enough, we could fashion the leftover material into a nice wrap. Or perhaps a set of curtains."
Trudy couldn't help smiling. Nonna Ben was so sweet to pretend she looked nice when it was clear she didn't—clear to Trudy, anyway, and obviously clear to the princess.
"That blue with your hair, and those earrings ... are they a gift from a beau? I would say you're a lucky girl to have such a generous suitor, but really he's the lucky one, having a sweetheart as pretty as you."
Bent over her stitching, Trudy beamed to herself. Nonna Ben was wrong: it was she who was the lucky one—the luckiest girl in the world—to have a beau as wonderful and perfect as Tips. It was almost as if Tips had sight himself, to send her these earrings so fortuitously. They did look lovely with the dress, and no one in Froglock would accuse her of putting on airs, for no one in Froglock knew her station ... No one, that is, but Tips. They'd left Bacio so quickly that she'd barely had time to scribble a note for the next mail rider—a note Tips probably would not receive until after she'd arrived, not at the pace this carriage was moving. Never in her life had she traveled so fast, or so far—and to what a glorious destination!
Escoffier, asleep beside her, stretched his long black legs, and absently Trudy stroked the cat. Soon, soon, she'd see him. Soon she'd be with Tips again. Anticipation bubbled in her chest like a fountain.
The Imperial Encyclopedia of Lax
8TH EDITION
Printed in the Capital City of Rigorus
by Hazelnut & Filbert, Publishers to the Crown
FORTITUDE OF BACIO
No birth record exists of Fortitude of Bacio, who was born soon after her mother's arrival in Alpsburg; the woman perished of infective fever ten years later. Fortitude remained in Bacio until Year 28 of the reign of Rüdiger IV, when a royal party traveling from Montagne halted there after the entourage was decimated by food poisoning, an event immortalized in the comic ballad "Pass the Bucket, Queenie!" Desperate for assistance en route to the wedding of her granddaughter to the Duke of Farina, and apparently unaware of the girl's supposed foresight, the queen mother of Montagne offered Fortitude a position as lady-in-waiting. In agreeing to serve attendance—a responsibility for which the girl had no
PART II
PHRAUGHELOCH, SEAT OF INFAMY
The Supremely Private Diary of Wisdom Dizzy of Montagne
Any Soul Who Contemplates Even Glancing
at the Pages of this Volume Will
Be Transformed into a Toad
Suffer a Most Excruciating Punishment.
On This You Have My Word.
Thursday—evening—
We are within an hour of Froglock—would that we arrived this v. second as I am fiercely weary of this ghastly carriage! I have been imprisoned within this lurching monster for all the afternoon as Nonna says 'twould be unseemly if I trotted beside or heaven forbid rode atop with that wonderful coachman—'tis true I probably could not keep pace with the horses—not in skirts anyway—but to be trapped within this dusty upholstery when the sky for once is blue & the clouds so crisp I could ride them ... I am a victim pure & simple. A sacrifice to protocol.
Nonna & that serving girl have become the best of friends—it is horrible to behold. Nonna praises her incessantly—her figure—her stitches—her respect for decorum—each time pointing out my shortcomings with words or tone. It is not my fault I have no bosom! I would rather pad my dresses than squeeze myself in as Mrs. Sprat must! And then T was so good—so diligent—to spend the day altering Mrs. Sprat's gown—I would have been rendered sick from the motion of the carriage but she did not seem affected & she does have a v. lovely stitch—if I could sew half so well I'd have saved myself a lifetime of scoldings. Nonna kept droning on about how terribly she herself used to sew but I know she is referring to me.
We have just departed our fourth inn of the day where we stopped yet again for fresh horses & to change as we cannot appear at P in our traveling clothes!—& T was so helpful dressing Nonna in her green velvet or so Nonna stated at least five & twenty times. As we have suffered the loss of our hairdresser I was forced to don a wig—by good fortune Nonna remembered to pack it!—& so I now sit with stays & horsehair poking me in countless places—I cannot wait to relieve this discomfort—but worse than this is T! That blue gown made Mrs. Sprat look like a breaching whale but "Lady Fortitude" (which is what we must call her & it does sound v. impressive however much T squirms when we speak it) has stitched it into a marvel—clearly she wishes the bodice more discreet tho I thought serving maids aspired to lusty proportions—& most ladies I know would renounce their titles for such an aspect!
Nonna insisted T remove her headscarf—the girl is so irritatingly diffident!—& with thirty seconds' effort & four combs piled that hair into the most glorious pompadour I have ever seen. With natural ringlets! I could not help sighing in envy though my praise only irked her. She now sits frowning out the coach window—completely ungrateful for her blessings. I would be the happiest of girls if I were she.
O! I am to see Roger! I had forgotten completely! It has been so many months that I fear—on top of all my other worries!—that I will not recognize him! How awful that would be. How v. awful indeed.
From the Desk of the Queen Mother of Montagne, & Her Cat
My Dearest Temperance, Queen of Montagne:
Granddaughter, forgive this rough hand, but a trotting carriage does not provide the smoothest of venues in which to write. Yet I cannot delay in conveying my delight at your good fortune—which I now know, thanks to the devotion and resolve of the imperial mail service! 'Twas most remarkable—even your sister, who has been in a rare sulk the entire day, brightened at the experience. The westerly mail rider, having been informed of our proximity by the keeper of the inn we had only recently departed, raced to intercept us that he might tender the queen mother of Montagne correspondence from the queen. Handing me your missive with a flourish, he then continued on his journey to Froglock.
Teddy darling, such marvelous news! To think you have a suitor! Do you not fear you shall reduce your dear Nonna Ben to apoplexy by leaving me in suspense? Who is this young man you love like no other? I must have more detail! If the match proves as felicitous as you describe, it will, I confess, offer me much relief. Not only will you have found happiness, but the threat to Montagne will thus be greatly diminished. While it is grand to see Farina bound to a junior member of the Montagne family, particularly one (as well you know!) so clearly resistant to domination, yet I still fear Wilhelmina. The sooner you are wedded, the safer Montagne will be! Not—I assure you—that this is reason alone to marry; not nearly. But do enjoy your courtship, for it is a delight beyond measure to feel cherished.
Within our conveyance, on the other hand, emotions drift far indeed from love—and rather close to irritation and pique. While my satisfaction with young Trudy swells by the hour, for some reason your sister dislikes her. I cannot imagine why, as the girl is fetching and mindful and has the loveliest tresses, although I confess she expresses little enthusiasm for Dizzy as well. It was like riding today with two feuding she-cats; Escoffier was wise to sleep through it—and you to avoid it altogether!
I must say that for all Trudy's assistance and her skill with a needle, the girl continues to puzzle. At lunch she inexplicably leapt up, serviette in hand, a moment before the tavern keeper spilt a pitcher of water. It was as if she sensed the crisis—promptly averted thanks to her—ere it transpired. She knew, too, both times I intended to ask that she accompany us—last night when she demurred, and again this morning when she acceded ere the first word had crossed my lips. I cannot help but suspect some sort of magic—ironic indeed after our vow!
The possibility intrigued me enough to pry rather indiscreetly into her background, though I made sure to do so while Dizzy was elsewhere (she has forged quite a fellowship with our coachman, and believes me ignorant of their contests in spitting). But Trudy, it seems, has no background, or rather knows nothing of it. Her mother arrived in Bacio enceinte, never spoke of her origins or of the girl's father, and was taken by fever some years ago. It is a tender subject for her—as it would be for any of us—and I did not pursue it. Moreover, although Trudy carries the charming appellation of Fortitude, her mother's name was Mina, which is no virtue with which I am familiar—the family most definitely did not hail from Montagne! Altogether most peculiar, though I am delighted to have for once an attendant who anticipates spills rather than causing them.
Behold, we approach the city of Froglock and our first skirmish with Wilhelmina. I am certain that Montagne is thriving in your hands, and look forward to the conclusion of all this excitement that I might return to my kingdom and meet your charming suitor for myself! In the meantime, however, I do wish that one could outfit old women with armor. I should feel much safer in Wilhelmina's presence enclosed in steel.
Your resolute grandmother, all atremble,
Ben
The Imperial Encyclopedia of Lax
8TH EDITION
Printed in the Capital City of Rigorus
by Hazelnut & Filbert, Publishers to the Crown
WILHELMINA
THE ILL-TEMPERED
Born to minor nobility in central Lax, Wilhelmina rose to a position of unrivaled prominence within her generation. Her father, Edwig, Baron of Farina, from a young age proved adept at the intrigues of court life, marrying himself to the far more eminent Countess of Paindecampagne; Wilhelmina, named in honor of Emperor Wilhelm VIII, was betrothed to the Duke of Höch