Zack by Sawyer Bennett
"I do," she says with a laugh as she turns away and heads out of the bedroom. "I really do."
Chapter 22
Kate
Zack does not screw around.
He made an offer on the house the same day that we looked at it. He made such a good offer, the sellers took it. They also were more than happy to have Zack move in immediately in exchange for rent. The closing wouldn't take place for another month, but Zack was anxious to get that fresh start.
I'm thinking that he might be a little too anxious. He wants the move to happen next Wednesday. This is because the last game of the regular season was last night, and the Cold Fury has six days off until the first playoff game.
To facilitate matters, Zack hired a moving company to assist in the packing. They were in charge of packing all the breakables, which included pretty much everything in the kitchen as well as all the pictures and knickknacks throughout the house. That put me in charge of packing up everything else.
This I did not mind. If it took the burden off Zack to let him concentrate on hockey, then I was more than happy to pitch in. I also didn't mind, because I could see how excited he was to make this move. He had no intention of leaving Gina behind, but he also very much wanted to push forward.
Zack had a few people who he needed to tell about the move. He first called Gina's parents and explained to them what he was doing. He talks to them a few times a week when they call to talk to Ben. They have a pretty good relationship with one another, as far as I can tell. I clearly wasn't privy to the conversation, but Zack told me that it went well.
Phone calls were also made to his own parents, who thought that selling the house was a good idea. Delaney was also on board, and she even promised to fly in next weekend to help get everything unpacked.
Pretty much everything is done and ready for the move to happen tomorrow. The only thing left to do is pack up Ben's toys, but I wanted to put that off until the last minute so that he would have access to them. But now Ben is over at Michelle's, playing with Beau. She showed up on the front doorstep a few days ago politely ringing the doorbell and asking to talk to Zack. He came to the front door and I stealthily listened from the living room.
She apologized.
She told him she was wrong.
Zack graciously accepted her apology and everything seemed to be okay now.
The only wrinkle in the grand plan to get everything packed up was Zack's bedroom. I've been in there before, because I keep the house clean. It's nice. It totally reflects Gina's taste, in my opinion. Pastel green walls, a lacy comforter on the bed, and large framed photos of flowers on the wall. Zack asked me to pack up his room for him, and that was no surprise there. When we were walking through just before he was going to be leaving for an away game, he stared at the closet in consternation.
"I don't know what to do with Gina's clothes," he said quietly. I knew they were in there. Had seen them plenty of times when I was putting away Zack's laundry. I imagine that it has to be super-tough to get rid of something so personal, and I figure he'll do it when he's good and ready.
"If you're not sure deep in your gut, we need to just pack them up and take them with us," I told him.
He turned to look at me gratefully and nodded.
And so I packed up all of Gina's clothes to take with us. That was hard, I will admit. Packing up your lover's dead lover's clothes. Not that I begrudged Zack that. I don't have a single ounce of jealousy over his feelings for Gina. There is no time frame by which you stop mourning a lost love, in my humble opinion.
I start with Ben's dresser, pulling out all of his clothes and laying them on the bed. I make sure they're all folded neatly and organized before I put them in a box. This will make it easier on me when I go to unpack it.
The doorbell rings and I hear Zack yell up to me, "I'll get it."
I snicker. Zack has obviously not been much help with the packing. Granted, he played two hockey games this week. Thus I have to give him a pass. But today he's just walking around looking utterly lost, so I put him on the task of packing up the electronics in the basement.
I start to pack all of Ben's clothing, and then I'm digging through his toy chest, trying to figure out the most economical way to pack all of it up.
"Someone sent you flowers," I hear from the doorway, and raise my head to see Zack standing there with a bouquet.
Happiness bubbles within me when I see the bright yellow bowl filled with white and yellow daisies, my favorite. I jump up from the floor and walk over to take the flowers from Zack. I don't need to read the card to know who they're from. I've been expecting them today.
I give a quick sniff of the flowers, loving the peppery smell of the daisies. Then I set the bowl on Ben's dresser so I can pull the card off and open it.
My eyes scan quickly, Happy birthday, Pumpkin. Love Daddy.
"So sweet," I murmur as I put the card back in the envelope.
"Are you going to tell me who the flowers are from?" Zack says, his voice sounding oddly cold and detached.
I look over at him and see that he's...angry? I start laughing, because I can't help it. The man who doesn't want to succumb to feelings is freaking jealous I got flowers?
I give him a sympathetic look. "They're from my daddy."
Immediate relief fills his eyes and he smiles sheepishly at me. "What's the occasion?"
"My birthday," I tell him as I turn around and head back toward the toy chest.
"Your birthday?" Zack says in a stunned voice.
"Yup."
"It's your birthday today?" Zack asks again.
"Asking twice won't get me to change my answer," I tell him with a chuckle.
I busy myself pulling the toys out of the chest to place in a packing box. Zack is silent for a moment and then he walks farther into the room.
"How come you didn't tell me?" he asks softly, almost with a hurt voice.
I lift my gaze to his and blink at him in surprise. Why would I tell him? He's made it clear that there's nothing between us but sex. A birthday celebration or acknowledgment would be crossing that boundary that Zack set, and I didn't want him to be put in an uncomfortable situation. I also didn't want to be hurt when it was ignored.
And the only way I can get hurt is if I have feelings for Zack, which clearly I do. I may be respecting Zack's boundaries, but it doesn't mean I don't yearn for something more. A deeper connection. Maybe some care and true affection. Every day that passes by, I feel my feelings growing, which also means my capacity for hurt and pain is growing as well. I'm afraid of what may be coming down the road and I wonder to myself often if I should end this. But then I take one look at Zack and I know I can't.
"I'm sorry," I say quietly. "I didn't think it was important."
Several things flash through his eyes...all in succession. I recognize each of them. Shame, annoyance, regret, then acceptance.
"I see," he says thoughtfully.
Then he turns around and walks out the door.
Shrugging, I get back to work packing up the rest of Ben's toys.
--
It ends up taking me far longer to pack up Ben's room than I had anticipated, because I had forgotten that his closet was packed with a bazillion pounds of clothes and more toys. His clothing was outdated, and by that I mean he had outgrown the stuff in there. Apparently, Zack would throw stuff that didn't fit Ben in the closet and just buy new stuff. I had to go through each piece, make sure he couldn't wear it anymore, then pack up boxes to Goodwill as well. As soon as I can take a shower to wash off the grime and sweat of the work I did today, I will borrow Zack's car and run the donated clothes over to the drop-off center.
"Kate...Daddy needs your help and says come down into the kitchen," Ben says from the doorway, one hand holding on to the doorknob and the other holding a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
"Hey, Booger Butt," I say with a smile. "When did you get back?"
"Just now," he says. "Daddy came over to get me at Michelle'
"Okay," I tell him as I push up off the floor where I had been taping the boxes shut. "I'm going to get a shower really quick and then I'll be down."
Ben grins and then turns to run back downstairs. I hear his little feet stomping down the back staircase and he yells, "Kate's coming after she takes a shower."
I smile and push the last box I just packed up against the wall. As I exit Ben's room, Zack calls up the stairs, "Kate...can you come down right now?"
"Is the house on fire?" I yell back as I walk to my room.
"No," he answers in exasperation.
"Is anyone in danger of dying in the next fifteen minutes?"
"No." Then a huff of annoyance filters up.
"Then you can wait fifteen minutes for me to shower," I yell back down. "I've been busting my booty up here all day and I'm tired and hot. I need a shower."
Silence, then a muttered, "Fine."
I nod to myself with a satisfied smile and walk into my room. I am efficient when it comes to getting ready, basically because I don't do anything to my hair or face. I open my top dresser to grab a pair of panties. After closing it, I open the next one for a shirt and scream in holy terror as I see the snake lying there.
It takes only a second for me to understand it's a fake. Another three seconds for me to process there's no danger. It will take me several minutes for my heart rate to slow down.
"Enough." I turn my face toward the open doorway and yell out in anger, "No more hidden surprises."
Zack and Ben are laughing unapologetically back at me and the anger builds hotter.
Screw the shower, I growl at myself. I've had it. It's my freakin' birthday and I've been working my ass off all day. Only one person in the world cares that it's my birthday, and he's my daddy and he's supposed to care. The man I'm having sex with doesn't care and has made it clear he doesn't want to care about me, and he even turned the dagger a bit when he didn't even bother to say a lousy happy birthday a few hours ago when he found out.
Now he scares the shit out of me by placing a rubber snake in my drawer?
Asshole.
Ben, on the other hand, has immunity because he's totally adorable.
I fly out of my room and stomp heavily down the stairs, each clomp of my foot radiating my annoyance. When I clear the bottom and land in the kitchen, my eyes blazing, I come to a dead halt as I take in the scene before me.
Zack, Ben, Sutton, and a man standing beside her, whom I recognize as Alex Crossman but have never met, are standing around the kitchen table and looking down at a cake sitting there. They all look up at me, eyes smiling, and Ben yells, "Happy birthday."
My eyes cut quickly to Zack, and he looks back at me with apology and a small smile on his lips. I melt and I give him a smile that says, It's okay...you're forgiven for not caring about me, although I don't convey in my look the fact that I know he must care just a little bit, since he clearly orchestrated this.
He orchestrated this, I think in wonder. In just a few hours too. Impressive.
Birthday cake, and he invited Sutton over...the woman whom he does not want me making a relationship with because it threatens his boundaries. Suddenly, the attention of my birthday seems a bit oppressive, especially since I've been putting Sutton off this past week. Ever since Zack laid his feelings out to me about developing a friendship with Sutton and Olivia, I actually decided to pull back.
Not because Zack wanted me to and it threatened his security. That didn't concern me at all. That was his cross to bear.
No, I started pulling back because I knew I was the one who was going to get hurt. Sutton and Olivia are the type of women I know I could become very close to. I know that just as I know that eventually those friendships would pull me into the Cold Fury world and that would be threatening to Zack. He would not like that. And if Olivia and Sutton ever learned the truth about my relationship with Zack--that it's not really a relationship but just a mutual deliverance of orgasms--they would not take kindly to that idea. Either they would take it out on Zack, which would cause friction among him, Alex, and Garrett, or they might side with Zack and realize that it would not be a good idea to mix their friendship with a woman who has Zack tied up in a precarious situation.
No matter how it all shook out, the one thing it spelled for me was either a ruined or a strained friendship with Sutton and Olivia, and that would hurt me.
So I decided to back away. This past week, Sutton has texted me a few times to get together. I put her off by saying I was too busy and that I would get together with her when I had a chance. Of course, that day would never come.
And now I feel like shit because here she is...standing in Zack's kitchen with a birthday cake to help me celebrate my day. So I wouldn't be alone.
"Kate...this is Alex," Sutton says as she points to the man standing beside her.
"Hi," I say to him, a little starstruck to be looking at Alex Crossman...one of the best players in the entire league.
"Nice panties," he says, and his eyes drop to the underwear still clutched in my hand.
"Oh, my God," I gasp in absolute and sheer embarrassment, my face heating so hot, sweat pops out on my brow. Sutton jabs a sharp elbow into Alex's ribs as I hastily stuff the underwear in my back pocket. Zack's hand comes up to cover his mouth, desperately trying not to laugh, and Ben fortuitously is staring longingly at the cake.
Sutton shoots a glare at Alex, who chuckles and then reaches his hand out toward me. "It's great to meet you, Kate. Sutton has told me so much about you."
I shake his hand, again feeling guilty for putting Sutton off and realizing that I really can't because she's fabulous. I also experience a wave of sadness that Alex didn't hear a damn thing about me from Zack. That is not a surprise, but doesn't mean it doesn't hurt a little.
After Alex releases my hand, Sutton pushes past him, comes around the kitchen table, and wraps me up in a hug. "I'm mad at you for not telling me it was your birthday."
I hug her back, squeezing hard so she feels my regret, and when we pull away, Sutton looks over at Zack with a grateful smile. "Thank God Zack called me once he found out. We just couldn't let it go unrecognized."
Zack shoves his hands in his pockets and shrugs nonchalantly. "I just passed on the info. Sutton got the cake and rushed over."
"Can we eat the cake now?" Ben asks as he kneels on one of the kitchen chairs, elbows propped on the table as he hovers over the top of the cake.
"Only after we sing 'Happy Birthday' to Kate," Alex says as he pulls out a lighter and proceeds to flame the candles on the cake. The glow is bright once they're all lit, and I'm guessing they actually put twenty-four on there.
Then they proceed to sing "Happy Birthday" to me.
It embarrasses me and warms me all at once. Alex puts his arm around Sutton's waist and pulls her in tight as they sing, both of them smiling at me brightly. Ben stares at the cake as he sings, and a glance at Zack finds him leaning back against the kitchen wall, hands still shoved in his pockets as he sings. His eyes are pinned on me, his face unreadable, but I can feel the force of his look.
When the last notes fade out, Ben yells, "Blow the candles out, Kate!"
I walk up behind the chair Ben is in, put my hands on his shoulders, and lean over him. I take a deep breath and do an admirable job of extinguishing all the candles.
"Let me get some plates and forks," I say as I turn toward the cabinets.
Sutton reaches out and grabs my hand, shaking her head in admonishment. "Uh-uh-unh. It's your birthday and you are now officially off duty for the rest of the day. I'll get them."
Zack and Alex talk about the first playoff game set next week against the Atlanta Sting while Sutton gets the plates and cuts the cake. She hands me the first slice and says, "Just a small piece. Don't want to ruin your dinner."
Dinner? Crap. I need to get that started. I start to put the plate down, but Zack breaks off his conversation with Alex and says, "You're not cooking tonight."
I
"Sutton and Alex are going to watch Ben and I'm going to take you out to dinner for your birthday," he says casually.
Out to dinner? With Zack? Just us?
I'm not sure what I'm giving away on my face, but Zack adds on hastily, "It's what any good employer would do for his employee."
I refuse to show anything but a bright smile. I refuse to let him know that also twisted the knife just a bit. "Sounds awesome," I say in a half-truth, half-lie. "I need to get a shower still."
"We've got some time," he says, and accepts a slice of cake from Sutton. "Finish your cake; then you can go get ready."
Then he turns back to Alex and ignores me the rest of the time we are eating.
Chapter 23
Zack
I wonder if there will ever come a day when I don't suffer from some form of guilt. Whether it be the accident, the fact I didn't give Gina what she truly desired, or the way in which I know I'm fucking with Kate's feelings, it seems I do nothing but swim in a thick, viscous pool of remorse.
I feel like absolute shit about Kate's birthday. Not that I missed it, because how was I supposed to know what day it was? I mean...yeah, I could have looked at her application, but seriously...I've never been good at remembering that shit. It's a guy thing.
No, I feel like shit because of the fact that Kate clearly would have never told me about it because she believes deep down inside that I don't care about her birthday.
I didn't think it was important, she said.
The translation was easy enough.
She didn't think I would think it was important.
I'm trying to remedy the situation, even as I know that I'm again sending mixed signals by taking her out to dinner tonight. Lame as it was, I had to make sure in front of Alex and Sutton that this was just me, as an employer, taking out his employee for a birthday meal.
Nothing more.
Certainly not looking forward to an evening out with some wine, good food, and probably better conversation than I've had in a very long time.
Nope.
No way.
"You didn't have to do this," Kate says quietly as we drive to the restaurant.
"But I wanted to," I tell her simply. "Birthdays are special. Yours should be celebrated."