A Heart So Wild by Johanna Lindsey
“Chandos, please!” she cried out, shocked and horrified. “What are you doing?”
He said nothing. His eyes were blue ice, and they said all she needed to know.
“Why?”
“Why not?”
Oh, God, she couldn’t believe this was happening. “I trusted you!”
“I guess you shouldn’t have,” he said coldly, wrapping both arms around her tightly.
Courtney began to cry. “Please. You’re hurting me.”
“You’re going to hurt a lot more if you don’t do exactly as I say, lady. Now put your arms around me.”
He displayed no anger at all. He didn’t raise his voice even a little. Courtney would have preferred fury to this cold determination.
Staring into his frigid eyes, she did as he said, afraid not to. Her heart was beating a terrified tempo. God help her, how could she have been so terribly wrong about him?
“That’s better,” he said evenly. And then he slipped one hand free and, in a single motion, ripped the front of her blouse open.
Courtney screamed, knowing it was useless but unable to stop it. That accomplished one thing however. Chandos pushed her away from him as she screamed, and she landed on her backside, sprawled at his feet. Hastily, she pulled her blouse together.
She had trusted Chandos to protect her, and she felt utterly betrayed. She looked up at him, and her eyes told him just how she felt.
She shivered. He looked so merciless standing there, his feet braced apart, so strong and so handsome, but so cruel.
“I don’t think you’ve grasped your situation yet, otherwise you wouldn’t tempt my anger by screaming.”
“I-I have.”
“Then spell it out for me. Now.”
“You’re going to rape me.”
“And?”
“And—and I can’t stop you.”
“And?”
“I—I don’t know what else there is for me to say.”
“There’s a hell of a lot more, lady. Rape is the least of your worries. You’ve put yourself at my mercy. That was stupid, because now I can do any goddamn thing I want with you. Do I make myself clear? I can slit your throat and leave you where your bones will never be found by anything human.”
Courtney was trembling violently. She hadn’t understood any of this when she should have, and now it was too late.
When she didn’t stop shaking, Chandos bent over and slapped her. She promptly burst into a loud torrent of tears, and he swore. Perhaps he was being too hard on her, but she had needed the lesson.
He had been prepared to do more than just frighten her, if more was what it took. But that wasn’t necessary. She frightened easily enough.
He put a hand over her mouth to silence her. “You can stop crying. I’m not going to hurt you now.”
He could see she didn’t believe him, and he sighed. He’d done a better job than he meant to.
“Listen to me, cateyes,” he said, his voice deliberately gentle. “Pain is remembered. That’s why I used it. I don’t want you to forget what you learned today. Another man would have raped you, robbed you, then probably killed you to hide his crime. You can’t put your life in the hands of a stranger, not in this part of the country, not ever. I tried to tell you that, but you wouldn’t listen to me. There are too many dangerous men riding this trail.”
She had stopped crying and he took his hand away from her mouth. He watched her run her small, pink tongue over her lips. Then he stood up and turned his back on her.
“We might as well make camp here for the night,” he said without looking at her again. “In the morning, I’ll take you back to Rockley.”
Chapter 13
COURTNEY lay there watching the stars for several hours. Then she turned over and stared at the dying fire. It was nearing midnight, she guessed, not knowing for certain.
She had calmed down. Chandos hadn’t touched her again, hadn’t even come near her except to hand her a plate of food. He hadn’t spoken either, but he undoubtedly figured he didn’t need to say any more.
The bastard! What right did he have to appoint himself her teacher? What right to raise her hopes so high, then destroy them? Still, she didn’t quite have the nerve to risk provoking him by telling him what she thought of his “lesson.”
The tears began, tears born of misery. They were silent tears for the most part, with only a few sniffles and an occasional ragged breath to give her away. But that was enough. Chandos heard.
He had not been sleeping. He had his own troubled thoughts keeping him awake. Not the same thoughts, for he felt no remorse over what he’d done. His intentions had been good, even if the execution had been a bit drastic. Better the girl suffer a fright now than end up in some unmarked grave on the prairie later on. Talking wouldn’t have done any good, he knew that, because she wouldn’t have listened.
Trouble was, he hadn’t expected her pain to have such an effect on him. It was almost the same as that other time, when he’d held her life in his hands. Some protective instinct had risen in him, and he wanted only to comfort her, soothe her. Knowing she was crying was ripping away at him. He couldn’t stand it.
His first thought was to take off until she settled down, but he knew damn well that she would think he was leaving her, and he didn’t want to frighten her any more. Damn her! Women’s tears had never bothered him before. What was so different about these tears?
Soundlessly, Chandos got up and crossed the space between them. He dropped down beside the girl without warning, and she gasped as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her gently into the curve of his body, her back pressed to his front.
“Easy, little cat. Relax. I won’t hurt you.”
She was stiff as a board. She didn’t trust him. Well, he could hardly blame her for that, could he?
“I’m only going to hold you, nothing else,” he said in a soothing voice. “So you can stop crying.”
She turned around just enough that she could see him. Chandos was stung by the sight of her wet face. Her eyes were like great wounds.
“You’ve ruined everything!” she said pitifully.
“I know I have,” he found himself saying. Anything to placate her.
“I’ll never find my father now!”
“Sure you will. You’ll just have to find another way to get to him.”
“How? You made me spend so much of my money on supplies that I can’t afford to get to Waco now. I bought clothes I’ll never wear, a horse that’s so old Mr. Sieber will never take her back, and a useless gun that cost even more than the horse!”
“A gun is never useless,” Chandos said patiently. “If you’d been wearing yours today, you could’ve stopped me before I ever got near you.”
“I didn’t know you were going to attack me!” she retorted indignantly.
“No, I suppose you didn’t,” he said reasonably. “But you should have. You have to be prepared for anything out here.”
“I am now.”
She cocked the gun she’d hidden beneath her blanket. His expression didn’t change.
“Very good, lady. You’re learning. But your timing will have to improve.” His hand slipped beneath her blanket to grasp the gun barrel and pull the gun from her grip. “Next time make sure you’re facing your target first, especially if you’re so close to it.”
“What’s the difference?” She sighed forlornly. “I couldn’t have shot you anyway.”
“With enough provocation, you can shoot anything. Now stop crying, will you? I’ll pay you back the money.”
“Thank you very much,” she said tightly, not in the least pacified. “But that isn’t going to help much. No matter how I get to Texas, I still can’t travel alone. You’ve proved to me that I can’t trust anyone. So where does that leave me?”
“You shouldn’t have to go to your father anyway. He should come to you. Write to him.”
“Do you know how long it would take a letter to get to Waco? I could get there faster.”<
“I could take your letter for you.”
“You’re going to Waco?”
“I wasn’t going that far, but I can.”
“You won’t,” she said disagreeably. “Once you leave here, you won’t bother.”
“I said I would, and if I said I would, then I will.”
“But what if my father isn’t there?” she ventured. “How will I know?” Her eyes pleaded with him, but he gave no sign that he understood.
“I’ll probably come back this way sometime.”
“Sometime? I’m supposed to wait for sometime?”
“What the hell do you want from me, lady? I have other things to do than run errands for you.”
“I want you to take me to Waco! You said you would.”
“I never said I would. I told you to fill a supply list. You drew the conclusion you wanted to draw.”
He hadn’t raised his voice at all, but she knew he had lost patience with her. Even so, she couldn’t let it go.
“I don’t see why you can’t take me. You’re going to Texas anyway.”
“You haven’t learned a thing, have you?”
His voice was cold now. “I—I have,” she said nervously.
“Uh-uh. Otherwise you wouldn’t still be willing to travel with me.”
Courtney looked away, embarrassed. He was right, of course. She shouldn’t even be speaking to him.
“I know why you did what you did,” she said in a small voice. “I can’t say I appreciate it, but I don’t think you meant to hurt me.”
“You don’t know that at all,” he said flatly.
Courtney tensed as suddenly his arms tightened around her.
Breathlessly she said, “Would you—would you really have… ?
“Listen to me, lady.” Chandos cut her off sharply. “You don’t know what I’m capable of. So don’t try to guess.”
“Are you trying to frighten me again?”
He sat up. “Look,” he said curtly. “All I wanted was for you to stop crying. You have. Now let’s both try to get some sleep.”
“Why not?” she said resentfully. “My problems aren’t any concern of yours. Forget I asked for your help. In fact, just forget everything.”
Chandos stood up. Her flippancy didn’t bother him. She was a woman, and he supposed complaining made her feel better. But her next words stopped him cold.
“I’ve got one option. Reed Taylor will take me to Waco. Of course, that means I’ll have to marry him, but what else can I do? I’m used to things not turning out the way I want them to, so what’s the difference?”
She had turned back onto her side, facing away from him, and was talking to herself, not to him. Sonofabitch! He didn’t know whether to ignore her or beat some sense into her.
“Lady?”
“What?” she snapped.
Chandos smiled. Maybe she had some spunk after all.
“You should have told me you were willing to use your body to get to Waco.”
“What?” She swung around so fast her blanket fell away. “I would never—”
“Didn’t I just hear you say you would marry that fellow?”
“That’s got nothing to do with—with what you said,” she retorted.
“Doesn’t it? Do you think you can marry a man without sharing his bed?”
Hot color rushed into Courtney’s cheeks. She hadn’t thought about it at all, had only been talking to make herself feel better.
“It’s really none of your business what I do after you take me back to Rockley,” she said defensively.
He approached, towering over her. “If you’re selling your virginity, I might be interested.”
She was speechless. Was he doing this just to shock her?
“I was speaking of marriage,” Courtney said, her voice quavering. “Were you?”
“No.”
“Then we have nothing further to discuss,” she said firmly and turned away.
Chandos watched as she reached behind her for her blanket and pulled it up to her chin.
He turned away for a moment and looked up at the black starry sky, thinking he must be crazy.
He took a deep breath and said it anyway. “I’ll take you to Texas.”
There was a shocked silence. Then she said, “Your price has become too high.”
“No extra price, lady, just what you’re willing to pay me.”
After everything, he was changing his mind yet again! She was too vexed to say anything except, “No, thank you.”
“Suit yourself,” he answered casually, then walked away.
She was proud of herself for refusing. Who did he think he was, playing with her life?
For a long time there was only the sound of the crackling fire. And then she said in a whisper, “Chandos?”
“Yes?”
“I’ve reconsidered. I accept your offer.”
“Then get to sleep, lady. We’ll be leaving early.”
Chapter 14
THE strong smell of coffee woke Courtney. For a moment she lay there, feeling the morning sun on her face. She had never slept under the open sky before, and she found it very pleasant to wake up to the gentle caress of the morning sun. Her bedroll was quite comfortable, too, spread out on the thick grass. Maybe she wouldn’t miss having a wagon along after all.
When she moved, she had second thoughts. God sakes, her body was sore all over. And then she remembered Mattie’s warning. They had ridden nearly six hours yesterday. It wasn’t hard riding, and they’d covered only fifteen or twenty miles, no more. But to sit that long in a saddle wasn’t what Courtney was used to. Her muscles were making their grievances known.
She turned over, wincing. It was worse than she’d thought. And then her eyes fell on her companion and all thoughts of discomfort were forgotten.
Chandos was shaving. He stood about three yards away, where the horses were tethered. A shaving mug with brush in it was set on the ground at his feet. A mirror was hooked onto his saddle, which was already cinched to his horse. The mirror didn’t meet his height but was angled so that he could look down into it.
She had watched her father shaving often, but it was not the same as watching Chandos. He wore no shirt, only pants and boots, and the gunbelt that clung to his hips, slanting down to where the holster was strapped to his right thigh.
She watched as he raised his arm to scrape the lather from his face. She watched his muscles bunch and move, her gaze drawn irresistibly to the straight, hard lines of him. His bare skin was dark and smooth and fascinating.
“Easy, Surefoot.”
His horse took a step away from him, and she was amazed by how soothing and gentle Chandos’s voice could be. He said something else in a language she didn’t recognize. And then Courtney gasped as she heard, “You’d better help yourself to some coffee, lady. We’re not going to be here much longer.”
Pink rose to her cheeks. Did he know she’d been watching him? How on earth did he even know she was awake?
Courtney sat up slowly, feeling once again the soreness of her muscles. She felt like groaning, but she didn’t dare let Chandos know she was hurting. They had ridden only one day. If he thought she couldn’t take it, he might change his mind again.
“Was that Spanish you were speaking?” she asked conversationally.
“No.”
“Mattie thought perhaps you might be Spanish. Is your name Spanish?”
“No.”
Courtney made a face. God sakes, what a sourpuss he was. Couldn’t he be pleasant for once? She tried again.
“If you’re not Spanish, what are you?”
“Coffee’s getting cold, lady.”
So much for a civil conversation, she thought. And then her attention focused on the coffee. She was hungry!
“Is there any food, Chandos?.”
Finally, he looked at her. Her hair had come unbound while she slept and spilled over her left side, covering most of her plaid shirt. He remembered twisting his fingers in
“There’s biscuits by the fire,” he said curtly.
“Is that all?”
“I usually eat light in the morning. You should have eaten last night.”
“I wouldn’t have been able to keep it down. I was so—” She stopped herself. Don’t mention yesterday, Courtney. “Biscuits will be fine, thank you.”
Chandos turned back to finish shaving. He must be loco, he told himself. There was no other excuse for taking a woman—this woman— through more than four hundred miles of wilderness. A goddamn virgin! She didn’t even know any better than to stare at him, thinking he wasn’t aware of her. But the moment her eyes touched him, he’d known. He had felt those eyes as surely as if it had been her hands instead of her eyes, caressing his body.
He didn’t like what she made him feel. But he would take her to Waco. He would take her because otherwise he would never be able to forget her beautiful tearstained face, her cat eyes filled with despair. He had no desire to carry that image with him the rest of his life, as he had carried these last four years the image of that frightened girl who reminded him of his dead sister.
To his chagrin, she had been linked with him from the day he first saw her, linked through what he had suffered and what she was about to suffer. When he spared her life, she became a part of his.
She didn’t know this. There was no reason for her to know.
It had been a mistake to visit Rockley in order to see whether she was still there. It had been an even worse mistake to go back to save her from her foolishness. She was not his responsibility. He wanted only to be free of this affinity, to sever the link that bound them. Instead, he was taking her to Waco. Yes, he definitely was loco.
“Chandos?”
He wiped the remaining lather from his face, grabbed the shirt hanging on the saddle horn, then turned to look at her while he slipped it on. She was sitting next to the fire, so very ladylike. She held a tin cup in one hand and the remains of a leftover biscuit in the other. On her face was a stain of hot color, and she wouldn’t meet his eyes. She looked around at the flat expanse of land all around them, devoid of brush or trees. He guessed her dilemma instantly and waited to see what she meant to do about it.