Alex by Sawyer Bennett
Page 32
Holy f**k, but that’s a messed-up thought for any kid to have running through his head. Bending down into a squat so I can look Glenn in the eye, I tell him. “Look, Sutton’s right about what she’s saying. Violence shouldn’t be the answer. But sometimes…we all do things in a moment of passion. Sometimes we make decisions based on pure emotion, and sometimes they are wrong. Now, I don’t know if it was right or wrong that you hit that kid. Part of me wants to pat you on the back for it, because it was wonderful that you stood up for someone weaker than yourself. But all that really matters is that if you think it was wrong, then you are remorseful for it. It seems to me that you are. ”
Glenn nods his head in understanding and, yup, there’s relief there. “Should I tell Sutton?”
“Only if you feel the need, buddy. Sometimes secrets are okay, but I’m sure if you told her, she would totally understand. ”
“Yeah,” he says, his smile breaking wide. “She’s pretty cool. ”
“The coolest,” I say emphatically. “How about I give you my phone number and if you want to call me at any time, you can. ”
“Really?” Glenn asks, his eyes going wide.
“Sure thing. I can’t promise the best advice but I’ll help you figure it out. ”
“Thanks, Alex,” he says and I stand up, reaching out to ruffle his hair.
“You two done with your bonding shit in here?” Garrett says as he walks back into the kitchen. “I’m ready to get my post-meal nap on. ”
“Eavesdropper,” I accuse even as Glenn chortles. “And don’t cuss in front of the kid. ”
Garrett snorts at me as he walks by and then grabs Glenn in a headlock as he drags him into the living room. “Kid’s heard far worse than that, I guarantee. I’ll give him my number too, that way he has a backup in case you’re not available. ”
“That’s freakin’ awesome,” Glenn says, even as he tries to squirm out of Garrett’s hold before he gets a noogie on his head.
Rolling my eyes, I follow them in, because I’m positive Glenn has heard worse than that. At least I’m sensitive to being a bit of a better role model than Garrett and try to keep my cursing to a minimum when I’m in his presence.
As we enter the living room, Glenn lets out a squeal because Garrett indeed gives him a good noogie and the nappers all come awake with guilty looks on their faces for having dozed so quickly.
“Come on, brat,” Garrett says as he releases Glenn and gives him a slight push toward the front door. “Let’s go take a walk around the block. I’m afraid I’ll slip into a coma right now if I don’t. ”
Glenn’s face lights up like he has just been awarded the Stanley Cup, and then they’re out the door.
Blinking at me with a sleepy smile on her face, Sutton stands up from the couch. I walk up to her and she pushes me down into her seat, and then crawls onto my lap.
Her mom, Penny, who’s sitting on the other end, smiles warmly at me. I cast a glance at her dad sitting across from us in his recliner, but Jim has his eyes glued to the TV, although there is a tiny tilt upward of his lips. I’m not sure if that’s approval of our display of affection or not, but I choose to go with it. Wrapping my arms around her, I sigh in almost contentment when she tucks her face into my neck and drapes one arm across my chest.
After a few moments, I note that Sutton’s breathing has slowed down and it appears she’s fallen back asleep. I rest my cheek on the top of her head and watch the football game. I’m a little drowsy from all the food but I resist the urge to fall under. For now, I just want to savor my existence at this moment.
I’m sitting in a family home, filled with kind and loving people. I just had a wonderful meal where we talked and joked. I helped a little kid with a problem and I have a gorgeous woman who I’m crazy about curled up on my lap.
If you had asked me two months ago whether I could envision myself here, I would have said not a snowball’s chance in hell. I have a hard time believing the reality of the situation.
Whether it will last or not, I don’t have a f**king crystal ball. So the most I can do is relish these moments. I am trying to make myself open to all possibilities.
Last week, I admittedly got freaked out when Sutton made love to me. And yes, that was not f**king and it wasn’t hot sex…it was making love. She rode me so slowly, with such consummate carefulness, I had never been that in tune with a woman in my life. I swear I could feel her blood vibrating through her veins and feel the heat emanating from her skin. Her eyes were so lustrously warm, they caused my own blood to fire painfully hot in response.
I was f**king overwhelmed with feeling, and then I experienced what was singularly the most explosive, intensely focused orgasm I’ve ever had in my entire life. It went off in me so unexpectedly and with such quiet force, I swear I almost passed out from the ferocious nature of the spasms that racked my body.
When I drifted back down to earth and opened my eyes, I found Sutton watching me with na**d emotion on her face. She was so open and vulnerable-looking, and I think she was searching for those same qualities within me, to see if perhaps we might have experienced a moment together that transcended the normal explosions of release we had experienced in the past. I couldn’t stand the thought that she was looking for something inside of me that probably wasn’t there.
I was afraid I’d let her down when she delved in deep and came up empty. I wasn’t prepared to see the hurt in her eyes, so I did the only thing that made sense, and that was to get out of bed and away from her probing gaze as quickly as possible. It only took a splash of cold water on my face, a serious look at myself in the mirror reminding me that there was a beautiful, na**d woman in bed waiting for me, and I was ready to return.
When I found her getting dressed and noticed the jerky nature of her movements, the uncertainty of her posture, I knew that I had hurt her by leaving the bed. I knew that she knew that I was running from the deep feelings that had just been unleashed.
The thought of her disconnecting from me…the thought that I could have driven a wedge between us by some silly action, caused fear to stir deep in my belly. I wasn’t ready to let her go. I’ve always known that I’d probably hurt her in the end, but I sure as hell wasn’t ready to call it quits right then. Luckily, she let me kiss her. She knew I was doing it for distraction, for redirection, and she let me work my charms on her.
Within moments, we were back in bed and clawing at each other, lost once again to the haze of sex and lust that overwhelmed us.
“You two really are good for each other,” I hear Penny say softly.
Pulled from my thoughts, which were bordering on depraved, I sweep my gaze around the living room and see Jim has succumbed back into slumber. Reaching my hand up, I stroke the back of Sutton’s hair and she doesn’t move a muscle. She’s out cold.
Looking at Penny I ask, “You think so?”
“Absolutely, and I know a little something about people who are bad for each other and people who are good for each other. ”
I nod in understanding. “I met Cosmo last week. ”
“Sutton told me you did. I hate that you had to see him like that. He’s a decent man when he’s not using. I don’t like him going to Sutton like that. ”
“She handled him well,” I tell her, so she knows that her daughter is okay.
“I know she can handle him. I just hate that she has to handle him. I wish she’d just cut ties completely, but she won’t. He’s still her father. ”
I can empathize with that sentiment. I’ve thought long and hard about cutting my dad completely out of my life, but I’ve never been able to make the move. Sure, I still have bitter feelings over what he’s created, but for the most part we don’t deal with each other. He comes to a handful of my games and calls me on drunken rants to complain about some aspect of my game. Other than that, we don’t communicate, but for some reason, I just can’t imagine cutting ties permanently.
> “You look as if you understand what I’m saying,” Penny murmurs, and I realize I’ve gotten deeply lost in memories without having responded to her.
“Yeah,” I say after letting out a long-held breath. “I know something about having a dysfunctional parent. ”
“I’m sorry” is all Penny says and she doesn’t push for anything more. She just gives me that same soft smile, leaning her cheek into the palm of her hand. “Sounds like you and Sutton have something important in common and that’s always good. You can lean on each other. ”
I don’t respond because I hate to tell her that I am not the best crutch for her daughter to lean on. While Sutton seems to have made lemonade out of the sour lemons in her life, I’m still swimming in the harsh acidity of having an abusive, alcoholic parent. It’s not something I’ve been able to let go of, and I see no way to achieve healing grace.
I hate to tell Penny—so I don’t—but Sutton and I have nothing really in common regarding our past.
Chapter 22
Sutton
My heart is slamming so hard inside of my chest cavity, I swear Alex might be able to hear it through the door. My blood is pumping so fast through my veins that I’m afraid I might stroke out.
I am exhilarated and scared shitless, a duality of emotion that causes my skin to tingle and my throat to tighten in anticipation.
Raising my hand, I knock on Alex’s hotel door. I had been waiting impatiently for Garrett to text me after their game against the New York Vipers, telling me that Alex was back in his room. I flew to the Big Apple with the help of some scheming from Garrett, as a surprise for Alex’s birthday.
Alex never said a word about his birthday, and we were so new in our relationship, I never thought to ask him when it was. I was overcome with guilt when Garrett mentioned it to me at Thanksgiving. He pulled me aside before he left and asked if I was planning anything special.
I blinked at Garrett, almost not understanding his question, then regained my senses. I practically hissed at him, “When’s his birthday?”
Garrett gave me a wide grin and whispered back to me, “Next week—November thirtieth. ”
“How do you know?” I whispered back, glancing at Alex while he talked to Glenn on the front porch steps while Mom was loading him up with leftovers.
“Because that shit’s on the team roster and I notice shit like that. ”
“Oh” was all I could think to say, and I told him I would think of something.
Except, Garrett ended up coming up with a great idea and suggested I fly to New York secretly to surprise Alex after the game. They were going to be in New York for two days as the Cold Fury had back-to-back games with the Vipers and then the New Jersey Wildcats.
So here I stand, my knuckles tingling from the sharp rap against the door, and I wait with my breath held for Alex to open up.
When he does, I could kick myself in the ass for not having a video to memorialize the look on his face when he sees me. He blinks a few times and then rubs his eyes, almost as if he doesn’t trust the vision that is standing before him. He looks at me in question, his throat muscles working but no sound coming out.
“Happy birthday,” I say coyly as my hands unbelt the loose knot that holds the trench coat I’m wearing closed. When the belt works free, I peel open the coat, revealing his present.
It’s nothing more than my body scantily clad in scraps of blood-red lace, complete with garters, black silk stockings and a pair of sinfully sexy black pumps—an outfit that I purchased just yesterday before flying out that, along with the plane ticket, put a huge dent in my meager savings account.
Alex slowly drags his gaze down my body, his tongue swiping over his lower lip when he looks at my br**sts, which are barely hanging into the bra I’m wearing. His eyes move over me leisurely, all the way down to my toes, then slowly back up again. When he meets my eyes, I’m rewarded with nuclear heat shining bright in his blue irises, and he reaches out to me.
Holy f**k, but that’s a messed-up thought for any kid to have running through his head. Bending down into a squat so I can look Glenn in the eye, I tell him. “Look, Sutton’s right about what she’s saying. Violence shouldn’t be the answer. But sometimes…we all do things in a moment of passion. Sometimes we make decisions based on pure emotion, and sometimes they are wrong. Now, I don’t know if it was right or wrong that you hit that kid. Part of me wants to pat you on the back for it, because it was wonderful that you stood up for someone weaker than yourself. But all that really matters is that if you think it was wrong, then you are remorseful for it. It seems to me that you are. ”
Glenn nods his head in understanding and, yup, there’s relief there. “Should I tell Sutton?”
“Only if you feel the need, buddy. Sometimes secrets are okay, but I’m sure if you told her, she would totally understand. ”
“Yeah,” he says, his smile breaking wide. “She’s pretty cool. ”
“The coolest,” I say emphatically. “How about I give you my phone number and if you want to call me at any time, you can. ”
“Really?” Glenn asks, his eyes going wide.
“Sure thing. I can’t promise the best advice but I’ll help you figure it out. ”
“Thanks, Alex,” he says and I stand up, reaching out to ruffle his hair.
“You two done with your bonding shit in here?” Garrett says as he walks back into the kitchen. “I’m ready to get my post-meal nap on. ”
“Eavesdropper,” I accuse even as Glenn chortles. “And don’t cuss in front of the kid. ”
Garrett snorts at me as he walks by and then grabs Glenn in a headlock as he drags him into the living room. “Kid’s heard far worse than that, I guarantee. I’ll give him my number too, that way he has a backup in case you’re not available. ”
“That’s freakin’ awesome,” Glenn says, even as he tries to squirm out of Garrett’s hold before he gets a noogie on his head.
Rolling my eyes, I follow them in, because I’m positive Glenn has heard worse than that. At least I’m sensitive to being a bit of a better role model than Garrett and try to keep my cursing to a minimum when I’m in his presence.
As we enter the living room, Glenn lets out a squeal because Garrett indeed gives him a good noogie and the nappers all come awake with guilty looks on their faces for having dozed so quickly.
“Come on, brat,” Garrett says as he releases Glenn and gives him a slight push toward the front door. “Let’s go take a walk around the block. I’m afraid I’ll slip into a coma right now if I don’t. ”
Glenn’s face lights up like he has just been awarded the Stanley Cup, and then they’re out the door.
Blinking at me with a sleepy smile on her face, Sutton stands up from the couch. I walk up to her and she pushes me down into her seat, and then crawls onto my lap.
Her mom, Penny, who’s sitting on the other end, smiles warmly at me. I cast a glance at her dad sitting across from us in his recliner, but Jim has his eyes glued to the TV, although there is a tiny tilt upward of his lips. I’m not sure if that’s approval of our display of affection or not, but I choose to go with it. Wrapping my arms around her, I sigh in almost contentment when she tucks her face into my neck and drapes one arm across my chest.
After a few moments, I note that Sutton’s breathing has slowed down and it appears she’s fallen back asleep. I rest my cheek on the top of her head and watch the football game. I’m a little drowsy from all the food but I resist the urge to fall under. For now, I just want to savor my existence at this moment.
I’m sitting in a family home, filled with kind and loving people. I just had a wonderful meal where we talked and joked. I helped a little kid with a problem and I have a gorgeous woman who I’m crazy about curled up on my lap.
If you had asked me two months ago whether I could envision myself here, I would have said not a snowball’s chance in hell. I have a hard time believing the reality of the situation.
Whether it will last or not, I don’t have a f**king crystal ball. So the most I can do is relish these moments. I am trying to make myself open to all possibilities.
Last week, I admittedly got freaked out when Sutton made love to me. And yes, that was not f**king and it wasn’t hot sex…it was making love. She rode me so slowly, with such consummate carefulness, I had never been that in tune with a woman in my life. I swear I could feel her blood vibrating through her veins and feel the heat emanating from her skin. Her eyes were so lustrously warm, they caused my own blood to fire painfully hot in response.
I was f**king overwhelmed with feeling, and then I experienced what was singularly the most explosive, intensely focused orgasm I’ve ever had in my entire life. It went off in me so unexpectedly and with such quiet force, I swear I almost passed out from the ferocious nature of the spasms that racked my body.
When I drifted back down to earth and opened my eyes, I found Sutton watching me with na**d emotion on her face. She was so open and vulnerable-looking, and I think she was searching for those same qualities within me, to see if perhaps we might have experienced a moment together that transcended the normal explosions of release we had experienced in the past. I couldn’t stand the thought that she was looking for something inside of me that probably wasn’t there.
I was afraid I’d let her down when she delved in deep and came up empty. I wasn’t prepared to see the hurt in her eyes, so I did the only thing that made sense, and that was to get out of bed and away from her probing gaze as quickly as possible. It only took a splash of cold water on my face, a serious look at myself in the mirror reminding me that there was a beautiful, na**d woman in bed waiting for me, and I was ready to return.
When I found her getting dressed and noticed the jerky nature of her movements, the uncertainty of her posture, I knew that I had hurt her by leaving the bed. I knew that she knew that I was running from the deep feelings that had just been unleashed.
The thought of her disconnecting from me…the thought that I could have driven a wedge between us by some silly action, caused fear to stir deep in my belly. I wasn’t ready to let her go. I’ve always known that I’d probably hurt her in the end, but I sure as hell wasn’t ready to call it quits right then. Luckily, she let me kiss her. She knew I was doing it for distraction, for redirection, and she let me work my charms on her.
Within moments, we were back in bed and clawing at each other, lost once again to the haze of sex and lust that overwhelmed us.
“You two really are good for each other,” I hear Penny say softly.
Pulled from my thoughts, which were bordering on depraved, I sweep my gaze around the living room and see Jim has succumbed back into slumber. Reaching my hand up, I stroke the back of Sutton’s hair and she doesn’t move a muscle. She’s out cold.
Looking at Penny I ask, “You think so?”
“Absolutely, and I know a little something about people who are bad for each other and people who are good for each other. ”
I nod in understanding. “I met Cosmo last week. ”
“Sutton told me you did. I hate that you had to see him like that. He’s a decent man when he’s not using. I don’t like him going to Sutton like that. ”
“She handled him well,” I tell her, so she knows that her daughter is okay.
“I know she can handle him. I just hate that she has to handle him. I wish she’d just cut ties completely, but she won’t. He’s still her father. ”
I can empathize with that sentiment. I’ve thought long and hard about cutting my dad completely out of my life, but I’ve never been able to make the move. Sure, I still have bitter feelings over what he’s created, but for the most part we don’t deal with each other. He comes to a handful of my games and calls me on drunken rants to complain about some aspect of my game. Other than that, we don’t communicate, but for some reason, I just can’t imagine cutting ties permanently.
“Yeah,” I say after letting out a long-held breath. “I know something about having a dysfunctional parent. ”
“I’m sorry” is all Penny says and she doesn’t push for anything more. She just gives me that same soft smile, leaning her cheek into the palm of her hand. “Sounds like you and Sutton have something important in common and that’s always good. You can lean on each other. ”
I don’t respond because I hate to tell her that I am not the best crutch for her daughter to lean on. While Sutton seems to have made lemonade out of the sour lemons in her life, I’m still swimming in the harsh acidity of having an abusive, alcoholic parent. It’s not something I’ve been able to let go of, and I see no way to achieve healing grace.
I hate to tell Penny—so I don’t—but Sutton and I have nothing really in common regarding our past.
Chapter 22
Sutton
My heart is slamming so hard inside of my chest cavity, I swear Alex might be able to hear it through the door. My blood is pumping so fast through my veins that I’m afraid I might stroke out.
I am exhilarated and scared shitless, a duality of emotion that causes my skin to tingle and my throat to tighten in anticipation.
Raising my hand, I knock on Alex’s hotel door. I had been waiting impatiently for Garrett to text me after their game against the New York Vipers, telling me that Alex was back in his room. I flew to the Big Apple with the help of some scheming from Garrett, as a surprise for Alex’s birthday.
Alex never said a word about his birthday, and we were so new in our relationship, I never thought to ask him when it was. I was overcome with guilt when Garrett mentioned it to me at Thanksgiving. He pulled me aside before he left and asked if I was planning anything special.
I blinked at Garrett, almost not understanding his question, then regained my senses. I practically hissed at him, “When’s his birthday?”
Garrett gave me a wide grin and whispered back to me, “Next week—November thirtieth. ”
“How do you know?” I whispered back, glancing at Alex while he talked to Glenn on the front porch steps while Mom was loading him up with leftovers.
“Because that shit’s on the team roster and I notice shit like that. ”
“Oh” was all I could think to say, and I told him I would think of something.
Except, Garrett ended up coming up with a great idea and suggested I fly to New York secretly to surprise Alex after the game. They were going to be in New York for two days as the Cold Fury had back-to-back games with the Vipers and then the New Jersey Wildcats.
So here I stand, my knuckles tingling from the sharp rap against the door, and I wait with my breath held for Alex to open up.
When he does, I could kick myself in the ass for not having a video to memorialize the look on his face when he sees me. He blinks a few times and then rubs his eyes, almost as if he doesn’t trust the vision that is standing before him. He looks at me in question, his throat muscles working but no sound coming out.
“Happy birthday,” I say coyly as my hands unbelt the loose knot that holds the trench coat I’m wearing closed. When the belt works free, I peel open the coat, revealing his present.
It’s nothing more than my body scantily clad in scraps of blood-red lace, complete with garters, black silk stockings and a pair of sinfully sexy black pumps—an outfit that I purchased just yesterday before flying out that, along with the plane ticket, put a huge dent in my meager savings account.
Alex slowly drags his gaze down my body, his tongue swiping over his lower lip when he looks at my br**sts, which are barely hanging into the bra I’m wearing. His eyes move over me leisurely, all the way down to my toes, then slowly back up again. When he meets my eyes, I’m rewarded with nuclear heat shining bright in his blue irises, and he reaches out to me.