All I Need Is You by Johanna Lindsey
“I hate to say it, Casey, but do you know you look like a girl? Have you tried growing a beard or mustache?”
After a moment of mental groaning, she said, “That’d be kind of hard to do.”
“Why?”
“Because I am a girl.”
She ducked her head, embarrassed no end by his horrified look. She hadn’t had to admit it. She couldn’t imagine why she did. And the shocked silence that followed had her squirming until she couldn’t stand it anymore and glanced back at him—to find him staring at her chest, so hard, it was obvious he was trying to see through her poncho.
“There ain’t much to them, but they’re there,” Casey managed to say without blushing, then felt it prudent to add, “And don’t even think about asking to see proof. You’ll just have to take my word for it.”
His eyes moved slowly back up to her face, scanning each part of it as if he’d never seen her before, and in fact, that was the case. His expression was intense, and then it changed abruptly as his emotions took precedence over his shock. What remained gave Casey pause.
He was angry, no doubt about it.
Chapter 16
“How dare you be a girl?”
The idiocy of that question showed exactly how furious Damian was. Casey had expected some surprise, but not this serious anger now visible in every line of his body.
“I don’t think I had much choice in the matter.” She was pointing out the obvious.
“You know what I meant! You deliberately deceived me,” he growled accusingly.
“No. Now that I didn’t do. I just didn’t correct any conclusions you drew on your own. And you never asked. But don’t feel bad. It’s the same conclusion most folks come to about me.”
“I’m not most folks, I’m the man who is traveling with you, and I can’t believe how inappropriate this is. We even slept in the same bedroom!”
“Actually—I slept out back with the horses last night,” Casey admitted.
But she wished that she had mentioned it that morning when he replied sarcastically, “Sure you did.”
She frowned then, trying to figure out exactly why he was so livid. She settled on his word “inappropriate.” Was that his problem? Did he think she had relatives who were going to arrive with shotguns in hand and force him to the altar because they’d spent a little time in a bedroom together? Not that that couldn’t happen, but it wouldn’t, and maybe she ought to mention that.
“I hope you’re not under the mistaken opinion that my not being chaperoned means we’d have to do something ridiculous like get married. We’re nearing the turn of the century, Damian. Consequences like that—”
“Still apply and you know it!”
She cringed at the level of his shouting. “Well, not in this part of the country—at least not when no one but the two folks involved know about it. If you’ll just set your anger aside for a moment and think about it, you’ll realize that no one knows you’ve been traveling with a woman.”
“Woman? I would hardly call you that, kid,” he said derisively.
That stung, since Casey had considered herself a woman for the past three years. And this was beginning to remind her of the argument with her father, which was about to set her off. She made one more attempt at reasoning with him before that happened.
“The point I was trying to make to you, Damian, is no harm has been done, so you have no call getting upset like this. Just because I’m a—female—doesn’t alter our working relationship in any way.”
“The hell it doesn’t.”
She raised a questioning brow. “Oh? And how is that, when it doesn’t change what I’m capable of or why you hired me? I’m still one of the best trackers around, thanks to my father’s teaching.”
“Father? Oh, so now you miraculously have known parents as well? And I suppose a real name, rather than one you claim is unknown to you?”
He would have to bring that up, she grumbled to herself, but to him she explained, “Lying about my name had nothing to do with deceiving you.”
“Excuse me? Since that’s exactly what it did, I fail to see—”
“I don’t give anyone my real name, Damian, because my father is likely searching for me, and I don’t want to be found yet. And don’t bother asking why. It’s personal. But the easiest way to keep my whereabouts unknown is for the folks I meet not to know who I really am, and rather than use a false name, I simply claim I don’t know it.”
“And pretend to be a boy.”
“No, that I don’t do. If my short hair, height, and skinniness give that impression, it’s not my fault folks jump to that conclusion.”
“Let’s not forget your clothes.”
“The clothes I wear are necessary for trail riding,” she told him. “But I have never once claimed to be a boy. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have admitted to being a girl just now, would I?”
“Why the hell did you?”
“Because I don’t lie about it.”
“You should have, Casey.”
“Why? It’s not going to change the way I deal with you. And it shouldn’t change the way you treat me. So why are you making such a fuss about it?”
“You are a girl.”
“So what?”
He ran a frustrated hand through his hair before he said, “If you think that doesn’t make a huge difference, then you haven’t much sense for a female.”
She stiffened. “I hope that doesn’t mean what it sounds like, but just in case it does, maybe I should warn you that men have been known to get hurt if they trifle with me.”
“That doesn’t exactly solve the problem.”
“What problem? You can’t actually be interested in me in that way.”
“Can’t I?”
She leaped to her feet, drew her gun, and aimed it straight at his chest. “So get uninterested, Damian.”
“You aren’t going to shoot me.”
“You don’t really want to count on that, do you?”
He stared at her, hard. She stared right back without blinking or wavering in her aim.
He finally looked at the gun and said, “Put it away. I’ll keep to my side of the fire—for now.”
That didn’t exactly reassure her, but since she didn’t want to shoot him, she did as he suggested and sat back down. However, she didn’t change her inscrutable expression, nor did she take her eyes off him.
After a painfully long minute passed in silence, with them both still staring, he said, “The bird is burning.”
“So do something about it. Where is it written that I have to do all the cooking?”
“Probably in the book that mentions that I don’t know how to cook.”
She blinked. And then she relaxed. If he could say something like that, then they were most likely done with the fight, such as it was—for now.
But just to make sure, she said, “I’m getting some sleep right after we eat. You should do the same. If we’re going to reach the next town before nightfall tomorrow, we’ll need an early start as well as a little hard riding. Think you’ll be able to handle a faster pace?”
“I’ll do what I have to do. I always have.”
The words were agreeable enough, but the tone was still a tad disgruntled. However, Casey wasn’t going to press her luck by instigating any more conversation. Hopefully, a night’s sleep would give Damian a better perspective on the situation. She doubted it would help her, though, to forget that the man had indicated an interest in her.
She wasn’t going to get any sleep at all, again, for thinking about that.
Chapter 17
Damian gave up trying to get any sleep that night. He found some sticks to feed to the dying fire, then sat there waiting for the sun to rise—and watched Casey. It wasn’t an unpleasant task. There was a softness about her that wasn’t there when she was awake, a softness that made her sex more obvious.
He hadn’t seen her sleeping before, which was perhaps fortunate. Thinking she was too pretty f
He still couldn’t get over it. He should have realized for himself, without being told. He had always been intrigued by something about her. But he had let her skills and accomplishments count for too much. No female could do what Casey did, after all—and yet Casey had blown that reasoning all to hell last night.
A woman—no, a girl. He tried to keep that in mind, but he couldn’t quite manage to. Most likely because she didn’t look like a girl lying there; she looked like a mature young woman, one who was certainly old enough to be approached in an intimate manner.
He hadn’t realized just how flawlessly smooth her skin was, how lush that bottom lip was that he had the strongest urge to suck on. He’d seen her hair clean, knew that it could float softly about her shoulders, rather than be the scraggly mess she cultivated. But tossed back as it was now, it didn’t detract from the delicate lines of her face that made her so lovely—and desirable.
As a boy, Casey had been interesting. As a girl, she was fascinating. Damian had a hundred questions he’d like to put to her, but knew she wouldn’t answer a single one. She was adept at keeping her secrets, and her emotions, to herself, and just because she had revealed the biggest secret didn’t mean any more would be forthcoming.
Even after she’d shocked the hell out of him, she’d still used that damn inscrutable expression of hers on him that gave away nothing. It was recalling how often that particular habit of hers had made him nervous that had caused most of his anger. A woman had made him nervous.
He had calmed down enough to get over that, since it was probably something she didn’t actually do on purpose, or at least didn’t do to deliberately make anyone nervous. But he couldn’t get over the fact that he was so strongly attracted to her.
Plain and simply, he didn’t know how he was going to continue to travel with her and keep his hands off her. For that matter, he wasn’t sure why he should even try, when she certainly didn’t adhere to the traditional proprieties that kept men from behaving like utter barbarians in the presence of women. By being here alone with him, she broke all the known rules that he had been raised by, so which rules was he supposed to conform to?
But there was his reason for being here in the first place. And by the time Casey began to stir with the nearby greetings of all the birds in the area as dawn approached, the justice that he owed to his father won out over his newfound lust. So he decided it wouldn’t be wise to complicate matters with Casey, that the best way to proceed was to keep his distance from her. She would just do the job he’d hired her for.
It was a decision he hoped he could stick to. And to that end, he needed to put Casey’s mind at ease with a lie or two of his own so she could go back to ignoring him—for the most part—and make it easier for him to ignore her. He began as soon as she sat up.
“I’d like to apologize.”
It was a moment or two before she glanced his way, and even then she yawned and blinked several times before saying in a sleep-husky voice, “My eyes are barely open, Damian. Before you go saying something I’d probably like to remember, let me have my coffee first.”
He smiled at her. She didn’t notice, poking at the fire, fetching what she needed for the coffee, stretching—damn, he wished she wouldn’t do that—and then heading off into the bushes. That was something else he hadn’t noticed previously that she had the habit of doing. And since he didn’t have a similar habit…his blush was almost gone by the time she returned. Fortunately, it was still dark enough for her not to notice his embarrassment.
She didn’t look at him directly again until she had finished her morning routine and squatted down across the fire from him with her steaming cup of coffee in hand. And then he got her typical composed look. Now why didn’t that surprise him?
“Now, then, you were saying something about apologizing, weren’t you?”
Damian couldn’t help noticing the way her knees spread wide when she squatted like that. Even though her poncho fell between them, he found it difficult to tear his eyes away from her long legs so he could answer her.
He cleared his throat to begin. “I said a few things last night in anger that weren’t really true.”
“Such as?”
“Such as implying that I was interested in you in a—well, in a personal sort of way.”
She seemed to stiffen, but he wasn’t sure. “So you really aren’t?”
“No, of course not,” he lied with a perfectly straight face. “I was just so—disturbed at the time, I was saying anything that might give you the same sort of shock you’d dealt me. Very despicable on my part, for which I find myself extremely sorry this morning.”
She nodded slowly and looked away, staring off at the sunrise that was now in full color. The golden glow from the sky made her face mesmerizing, and it was very difficult for Damian to concentrate on her reply.
“I’ve been known to say things I don’t mean either when my temper acts up,” she admitted with a frown, as if she were remembering a time in particular. “Guess I should do some apologizing as well.”
“That isn’t necessary—”
“But needful anyway, as long as we’re clearing the air, so let me say it. I did some conclusion-jumping myself last night by suggesting you might be worried about forced weddings. Pretty foolish on my part, when, for all I know, you could be married already.”
Married already? Damian frowned, because he couldn’t help remembering his last meeting with Winnifred’s father, who had approached him at the funeral. “I know this is a bad time to mention it,” he’d said, “but this isn’t going to hold up the wedding, is it?”
A bad time? Damian had been incredulous at the man’s insensitivity, and he knew that what grew from the stem usually bore the same fruit. Which was why he hadn’t seen father or daughter since, and had no further desire to.
“There’s no wife,” he said flatly.
“I wasn’t asking, I was just apologizing for assuming when I shouldn’t have. Don’t make me no nevermind if you’re married or not.”
Damian found it amusing, the way she stressed that, as if she were worried that he might think she was interested in him in a marriage sort of way. Obviously not. She even appeared a bit embarrassed over it.
So he was quick to assure her, “No, I didn’t think it would.”
She gave him a curt nod, apparently wanting to be done with the subject, and as a dismissal, she remarked, “Amazing how a good night’s sleep always puts a different perspective on things.”
Damian wouldn’t know. He didn’t yet feel the effects of getting no sleep last night, but he didn’t doubt he would before the day was over. In fact, by the time they rode into the next town toward evening, he was so tired and grouchy he told Casey that if she didn’t see him the next day, she shouldn’t come looking for him, that he was going to sleep the clock around. And he did just that.
Chapter 18
Casey had thought Damian was joking about sleeping all day. She was annoyed to find out he wasn’t. She went by his room about six times that day, but the Do Not Disturb card was still hanging on the outside of his door, and no sounds of movement could be detected within.
Late that afternoon, she finally did some door-pounding. If they were going to continue on their journey in the morning, he had a saddle to buy before the town closed up for the night. She would have bought it for him, except this town was large enough to offer a selection, and a saddle was a matter of personal preference. Not that Damian likely had any, new to riding as he was, but the choice ought to be his.
He left his bed with much grumbling, which was when it finally occurred to Casey that he must not have gotten much sleep, if any, the night of her confession. And she wasn’t sure if she ought to worry that he had apparently had much more trouble than she’d first thought, acce
When he had implied he was interested in her, it had affected her, discomfited her. She hadn’t been expecting that. Contrarily, she’d felt much worse when he’d fessed up to that being a lie. What should have been reassuring at that point was damned deflating instead.
But he was making every effort to continue as they had been, ignoring her gender. So the least she could do was the same.
Having finally gotten Damian out of the hotel and into one of the two saddle shops the town offered after a quick trip to the bank, Casey wasn’t surprised when he bought the most fancy and expensive saddle to be had, along with some shining silver tack to go with it. That ornery pinto was going to be seen a mile away, all aglitter in the sunlight.
She refrained from making any disparaging comments about the saddle. It was a waste of good money, but still serviceable. However, she did mention, once again, that he ought to get some decent riding clothes.
She wasn’t sure if he was being contrary by then, because he knew she was right, but he still maintained that his own clothes would do him just fine. And he also pointed out that they should be joining up with the train again by the next town, so he wouldn’t need them after that. Whether they joined up with the train or not, it didn’t keep him from appearing an obvious tenderfoot everywhere they went, and she was beginning to wish she’d left his carpetbag behind after all.
She also wished her point wasn’t proved quite so soon, and so dramatically, but such was the case. On their way to drop off the saddle at the stable where the horses had been lodged, they had to pass a saloon that, from the sounds of it, was quite busy.
Damian was lagging behind, hoisting the heavy saddle on his shoulder, while Casey’s long strides had her paced far ahead of him. So although it wasn’t intentional on her part, they didn’t appear to be together. In fact, Damian was the only one noticed when the four drunk locals stumbled out of the saloon and right into him.
Casey wasn’t even aware that he’d been detained until she heard the shots being fired and turned around to see four guns aimed at Damian’s feet. She’d seen this sort of thing happen in other towns. There was just something about a new tenderfoot in town that could turn otherwise model citizens into downright bullies.