Can't Touch This by Pepper Winters
“Relax all ready. I know you motherfucking sighed over this girl. I know you’ve handed over your balls already candy-wrapped and bowtied, and I know you’ve most likely already fallen dick over heels for her so…” Rupe drew a cross over his heart with a spatula he’d plucked from the drawer. “Scott’s honour I won’t fuck it up for you.”
I didn’t feel any twinge of relief. “And you’ll be nice to her friend, Polly. Right? You mess that up and I’m single again for sure. Vesper is very loyal to her.”
“Loyal, huh? Is that a good quality in a woman?” Rupe rested both elbows on the bench, blinking dramatically as if I was Buddha with the gospel of life.
“Loyalty is paramount as are laughing together, hot as hell sex, and mountains of trust.”
“Spoken like a true besotted ball-less lover boy.”
“Shut—”
The doorbell went.
Scar barked and Hippo’s bell tinkled from somewhere in the house as she raced to the door. She had a fascination of greeting new guests before I could get there.
Rupert chuckled. “Let’s get this show on the road, little bro.” Scooping up the platter of beef sausages and chicken wings, he headed outside to the deck off the dining room that’d been replaced last week. Instead of a shambling rotten monstrosity, there was now raised seating, a cushion pit for lounging, and a BBQ area complete with brand new stainless steel man cooker ready to be christened.
The fact that I was about to spend the day with my brother and woman was the best bloody gift ever. Even if I was a little nervous from Vesper’s tone last night.
Something had happened with Polly and a bad date.
I just hoped it didn’t cool things between Ves and me because of some misplaced guilt or belief that what we had was too good to be true, therefore it had to be and dump my ass.
Christ, if she dumped me…I’d embarrass myself a hell of a lot trying to get her back.
Racing to let the two vets in, I grinned as I unlocked the door and Hippo raced out, chuffing in welcome.
Polly immediately took a step back, her eyes latching onto the pigmy pig. “Oh my God, you were telling the truth.”
“Told ya.” Vesper grinned. “Isn’t she cute?”
“It’s so small. It’s an embarrassment to pigs.” Polly smirked. “Are you sure it’s related to the suidae family?”
“The what family?” I asked, holding the door.
“Suidae.” Polly rolled her eyes at Vesper. “I thought you said he was intelligent.”
Vesper laughed. “Oh, did I? I thought I said he had a very large cock not a very large IQ.”
I pursed my lips to prevent from laughing. “Standing right here, ladies.”
“Well, Mr. Standing Right There. Pigs are suids. Also known as even-toed ungulates. It’s your new word of the day.” Pointing at my piglet, Polly added, “That is a suid.”
“Wrong.” I crossed my arms, enjoying the banter far too much. “That is a Hippo.”
Vesper giggled. “She’s called Hippo. She isn’t a hippo. Those grow in Africa not Australia.” Moving toward me, she smirked. “Do you need geography lesson, Mr. Carson? I’ll gladly lend a hand.”
My mind immediately shot to a filthy delicious gutter full of hands on cocks and mouths on pussies. “You know what? I do feel extremely dumb all of a sudden.”
Polly smiled at us, drinking in the way my body curved toward Vesper and hers into me. It’d happened without even noticing—the need to touch my woman too strong to ignore.
“If any teaching is to happen, ensure I’m not present.” Pushing past her friend, Polly added, “And she could be part hippo. She looks vicious.”
Vesper was nudged closer as Polly deliberately put her in grabbing distance. My arms lashed out and squeezed her, dragging her close. “Hello, woman.”
Instead of melting and moving like liquid back into the puddle where she belonged, Ves fought my hug, looking uncomfortably at Polly.
I glanced between them.
Aw shit, did the best friend tell her to dump me? Is that it? That I wasn’t good enough? That it was time to end it?
I liked Polly. I had nothing against her. But if she ruined this scarily brilliant thing between me and Vesper, I wouldn’t hesitate to rip into her.
My hands fisted as Polly tore her gaze from Hippo and felt my wrath.
Vesper cleared her throat, “Ry, don’t. It’s not—”
Cocking her chin, Polly shoved Vesper between the shoulder blades, directly into my embrace. “Hug the damn man, Vessie. I know you’re banging uglies and I know those disgusting things called emotions are flying every which way.” She smiled softly. “And I’m glad. I want to watch what true love looks like. Then I have a completed exam to cheat from when I’m next tested by douche bags.”
Vesper and I froze.
True love.
Holy fuck. Was this is it? Was this where we admitted the big, looming, hardly concealed but not verbalised yet secret?
“Ves, I—” I choked.
“So, this must be the ball crusher?” Rupert stole the moment by strolling to the door and leaning against it, effectively blocking the entrance but saving me a shit load of anxiety.
Slipping into host, I waved at Ves. “This is the woman I’m panting over, yes. Ves meet my annoying slightly deranged brother, Rupert Carson.”
“Pleasure.” Vesper stuck out her hand, a smile already on her lips. Everyone smiled when they met Rupe. He had that way about him. He was brash and frankly rather scary but his grin was infectious and there was softness in his eyes that instantly put people at ease no matter their age, race, or gender.
“Pleasure is all mine.” Rupert kissed the back of her hand.
“Okay, okay, no pleasure. Pleasure when it comes to Ves belongs to me and only me.” Tugging Vesper into the house, I waved at Polly who still had Hippo sniffing round her legs. “And this is Polly Dartford, Vesper’s business partner and friend.”
“That’s best friend.” Polly tilted her head, eyeing up Rupert. “And I see you’re the better looking brother. With bigger muscles which works if Ryder ever gets out of line with my bestie and needs an ass kicking.”
Rupert laughed. “And how do you know I wouldn’t kick Vesper’s ass for hurting my little bro?”
“Because you’re as much as an outsider to their love nest as I am but we love them and will mess them both up if they let anything stupid break up what they have.” Polly gave Vesper a secretive smile.
They shared a conspiring look.
And then, it was gone.
What the hell happened last night?
I needed to get Vesper alone. I didn’t do well with curiosity. But while two was company, four was a crowd, and I doubted getting her alone anytime soon would be easy.
All I could do was open up my house and hope to hell Vesper confided in me when we had a chance.
And that she doesn’t dump me.
Rupe once again went above and beyond, proving he was a kind-hearted bear beneath the expensive cut of his cargos and white t-shirt. He held out his arm. “Well, seeing as we’re both outsiders in this love fest, what do you say we share embarrassing stories about our respective loves and plot a way to make them cringe later?”
Polly glanced at Vesper.
Vesper opened her mouth. “Maybe we should all just stick to—”
“You know what? That sounds like a great idea. Time for a little pay back.” Polly boldly looped her hand through Rupert’s arm. “I’ve been hearing far too many sweet and sinful things the past few weeks. Time to mix it up a bit.”
“You been sharing our dirty secrets, Ves?” I poked her side.
“What? No way,” she blustered. “I’m a vault.”
“A vault who has a thing for collars apparently.” Polly giggled. “Watch out, Ryder. I’m judging. I know what you guys get up to.”
“You know about the collar?” I slapped my forehead. “Geez, I wish you girls wouldn’t share everything.”
&
I chuckled. “I suppose I should be grateful that you find me awesome enough that you want to share.”
Vesper’s eyes darkened as her arm squeezed me. “Talking of grateful. I seem to remember a text or two last night discussing—”
“Right, that’s enough of that. I’m already annoyed at you both.” Rupert laughed. “I just got a cavity watching this sweet gag fest.”
“Oh, you too?” Polly batted her eyelashes. “I’d made a dentist appointment for next week. You’re welcome to come if you need help.”
Rupert’s face spilt into a wide grin. “You know, I’m not so happy with your friend over there, but I already like you.”
“I’m reserving judgement for now, but I appreciate the compliment.” Polly smiled.
Oh shit, Rupert had once again turned on the charm.
Time to move this party inside.
Wrapping my arm around Vesper’s shoulders, I said, “Enough, all of you. This was supposed to be a sensible luncheon not a pick on Vesper and Ryder fest.”
“You brought it upon yourself, dude.” Rupert pointed at me. “The moment you sighed on the phone that night—this is what you earned.”
I hung my head. This would be painful. Rupert’s ribbing always was. Last time he’d picked on me it was because a bitch called Michelle spread rumours that I had an STD when I was sixteen and proceeded to cover me in whipped cream from a can saying I had bitch cooties.
It was a lie. But needless to say, it was not a good day.
I still hadn’t gotten him back for that.
Perhaps today the tides will turn.
Rupe said, “Righto, all this sarcasm is making me hungry. Who’s with me?”
Polly put her hand up. “Me!”
“I’m liking you more and more.” Patting her hand wrapped around his arm, he grinned. “Let’s put some distance between us and this diabetic couple. We have shameful childhood memories to share.”
He threw me a smile, escorting the best friend I needed on my good side through the foyer and kitchen out onto the deck where warm sunshine already painted the back garden with tree stencils and the rolling happy bodies of fifteen dogs.
The past week, I'd been able to forever home three pooches, including the wiener, Pikachu, and the nasty Pomeranian, Gremlin.
Long may her new family rest in peace.
Even with the new editions I’d picked up, I missed the terrible mutt. I also had a persistent woman who’d messaged me through my website the past few days asking to come view my remaining rescues.
I hadn’t replied.
I had more important things to do.
Such as doing Vesper.
Vesper stood on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek. “You know, I love being sweet with you.”
Twisting my head, I forced her lips from my cheek to my mouth.
She moaned as I turned and welded our two fronts together, taking the opportunity to slam the door closed and push her against it. “I love being naughty with you.” Following her curves, I squeezed her ass, grinding into her as the kiss waltzed from welcome to wanton.
Her tongue touched mine and I forgot about my bother and Polly.
I didn’t care about lunch or beer or being sociable.
All I wanted to do was drag Ves to my bedroom and try that damn pussy tickler we still hadn’t used.
However, her tongue withdrew and she slipped from tiptoes to flat. “As much as I want you naked and inside me, I think that would be frowned upon.”
I groaned. “Naked and inside you are my kryptonite.”
“Well, you’ll just have to continue being strong and withstand my power.” She pushed me away. “You invited us. Time to host.”
Rolling my eyes, I guided her away from the door and toward the lounge. “You know, we could always vanish for a few minutes.”
“Few minutes, huh?”
“Okay, a few seconds when you look at me like that.” Making sure Rupe and Polly were distracted on the deck, I fisted myself, proudly displaying the pounding erection her kiss caused. “You did this. Isn’t it fair you fix it?”
She glanced where I did, ensuring we didn’t have perverts watching us. Her fingers lassoed around my hardness, squeezing hard. “It is fair I fix it. And I will fix it. But not right now.” Rubbing me, she licked her bottom lip. “Down boy. Behave and I’ll do bad things to you later.”
My head fell back as I contemplated if I should slam to my knees and beg her to strip right here and right now. However, Polly’s voice dispelled my lust mist, turning me human rather than beast once again.
“Wow, this place is impressive.” Polly gawked as she meandered from the deck to the unfinished masterpiece of the lounge. Rupe handed her premixed vodka something or other from the cooler—he’d been in charge of heading to the bottle-o to get booze, not me.
“It’s a mess. Go on…you can say it.” Rupert laughed. “I do all the time.”
“Hey. Don’t hurt my house’s feelings.” Rearranging my love stick, I took Vesper’s hand and carted her into the kitchen. There, I stuck my fingers into the ice box and pulled out a watermelon premix for Vesper.
“Yes, I learned the hard way not to comment on this place.” Taking the drink, Ves twisted the cap and took a sip. “Then again, the past two weeks have really given it a transformation. You’ve done an amazing job with the place, Ry.”
Hearing her call me that never failed to make my heart skip—and I didn’t fucking care if that made me a sap.
“Thanks. David and I really cranked up the pace. Another few months and she’ll be done.”
“Don’t think I’m not gonna charge for my labour. You’re a slave driver.” Rupert took a swig of the Indian Pale Ale that was his drug of choice. I was more of a Lager or Pilsner man. Which was good because he could drink faster than me and hold his liquor better. I’d run out of supplies with him guzzling them.
“I’ll pay you in chicken wings.”
“Dude, you better have some of that mango coconut cheesecake. That’s what I want payment in.”
“God, I bake once in my life for mum’s birthday and you never let me live it down.”
Rupert laughed. “Only because you wore her pink polka dot apron.” He grinned at Polly. “He looked so cute. And the cheesecake wasn’t half bad.”
“You can bake, too?” Ves asked. “A man of many talents.”
I lowered my jaw, deliberately giving her a heated look. “Many you have yet to discover. One night, we’ll have to have a cooking lesson to pay you back from that biology class you’ll be teaching later.”
“I said geography not biology.”
“I think I need biology more. I still don’t understand the mechanics of sex very well. I need a few more pointers.”
“Okay, and that’s the cue to change the subject.” Rupert clinked his glass with Polly’s bottle. “Here’s to an awesome afternoon with friends.”
Holding my beer up, I said, “Cheers. To a relaxing day with sunshine, booze, good food, and better company.”
Everyone crowded together and clinked. “Cheers.”
Rupe smiled at Polly. “To making new friends.” His eyes flittered to Vesper. “And sussing our potential sister-in-laws.”
Vesper’s cheeks went pink and my gut did a weird pretzel move. “Goddammit, Rupe. You’re here to be nice, not make the damn woman run away like a gerbil.”
“You hear that, Vesper?” Rupert coughed on a mouthful of beer. “He just called you a gerbil. You gonna let him get away with that?”
Vesper fought a smile, hiding her mirth behind another sip of liquor. “Oh, I’m sure I’ll come up with a way to punish him.” The heat in her gaze when she looked my way made my heart stop and my dick inflate in that order.
Now I really needed to get her alone.
By unspoken agreement, we all headed outside and chose respective perc
Rupert placed his beer on the side table of the BBQ and clapped his hands. “Right, the rules for this afternoon are as follows: drinking is a must. Tipsy is key. Fun and stress free are the goal. Eating copious amounts until we feel sick is also the plan and anyone not abiding these strict rules will be evicted.” He looked at all of us. “Got it?”
Vesper nodded.
Polly took a gulp of alcohol, holding up a thumb in agreement.
And I took my woman’s hand while chugging back a mouthful. “Got it.”
Rupert was famous for hosting parties that went from boring events to superstar I-wish-I’d-been-invited-extravaganzas.
I had a feeling this would be no exception.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
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Vesper
I COULDN’T KEEP IT TO myself anymore.
I loved him.
Unequivocally loved him.
I loved the way he understood what happened with Polly’s date and didn’t make it awkward or demand any more information than the cryptic stuff I’d given last night.
I loved the way he ribbed his brother and doted on all of us as if we each meant the world to him.
I loved the way he fed us with flair and compassion and even cooked a stack of extra sausages for the dogs all lined up on the lawn.
I loved the way he made me welcome on his lap once we’d eaten our fill and done serious damage to the cooler full of alcohol.
I could go on and on but my point was clear. My heart was made up. My future set in stone.
If he loves me back, of course.
I loved him.
I wanted him.
And the awesome afternoon of joking, hanging, and generally just relaxing as a foursome had shown me just how special family could be when they were welcoming and non-judgemental.
The sun hung lazily in the sky and the clock on the oven said it was half past four; I’d never felt so care free, happily tipsy, or content to have the love of my life and my best friend together.
Even Polly looked better than last night.
She laughed and gave as good as she got with Rupert and I caught the sparkle in her eye whenever she looked at him.