Crash into You by Roni Loren
Page 31
Author: Roni Loren
His brows drew together, still processing her sudden appearance. “What are you doing here, Ness?”
She hopped off the car and brushed invisible dirt from her white tennis skirt. “Your aunt said you’d go with me to the Stevens’ barbecue tonight. Didn’t she mention it to you? Both she and your uncle are going. ”
“Um, not so much,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “And I’m really sorry, but I have plans tonight. ”
She stuck her bottom lip out as if it held some magic power to change his mind. “But I can’t go by myself—how would that look? Lauren Gates is going to be there and you know she’ll never let me here the end of it if I show up without a date. ”
Reid closed his eyes and counted to three. Be nice. He’d been accompanying Vanessa to events over the summer to make his aunt and uncle happy, and she really was a great girl. But she wasn’t Brynn. “Ness, I really can’t. ”
Her pout lifted into a coy smile. “Come on. After the party, we can hang out at my place. My parents went to the lake house for a few days, so we’ll have it all to ourselves. ”
He had to stifle a laugh. So, Miss I-Wear-a-True-Love-Waits-Ring was ready to have him over for dessert. Guess true love only waits until the parents are out of town. He shook his head. A few months ago, he would’ve jumped on the opportunity to entertain the pretty debutante for the weekend. But the thought held no appeal anymore.
The only person he wanted curled up next to him in his bed was Brynn. His Brynn. Who was going to be pissed if he showed up late for their big date. “Wow, I appreciate the offer, but I can’t break this commitment. I’m sorry you came all the way out here. ”
As he stepped past her and hit the unlock button on his keypad, she reached out and grabbed his arm. “Hey, wait. My dad dropped me off. I didn’t bring a car. ”
Motherfucker. He glanced at his watch and sighed. The Stevens’ house was at least ten minutes out of the way. “Fine, get in, I’ll drop you off on my way. ”
She smiled and lifted on tiptoes to plant a kiss on his cheek. “Great, and maybe you can just stop in for a minute and say hi. ”
Reid took the turn into Brynn’s driveway on two wheels. Vanessa had insisted he walk her into the party, and she’d roped him into a photo-op for the society section of the newspaper and half a dozen introductions. Then, his aunt and uncle had dragged him into a conversation with the mayor. Now he was a solid hour late for his date with Brynn. He’d stopped by the office to pick her up, but she’d already left. And she wasn’t answering her phone.
Damn it. He’d wanted tonight to go perfectly and he’d screwed that up. Hopefully, once she saw what he had planned she’d forgive him.
He hustled up the sidewalk and knocked on her door, praying that she wasn’t too upset with him, but no one answered. Oh, come on. Her car was in the driveway, so he knew she had to be home. Was she mad enough not to answer the door? She usually wasn’t that easily angered.
He knocked again, and the door finally cracked open. He opened his mouth to launch into his apology speech, but when he took in Brynn’s state, the words died on his lips.
Brynn was dressed in gray sweats, her hair damp from a shower, and her eyes bloodshot and puffy.
“Sugar, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asked, reaching out for her.
She shrunk back before he touched her. “I… uh… I’m not feeling very well. I think I may have the flu. ”
He frowned. “Oh, no, that sucks. Is there anything I can do? Obviously, you can’t go out, but do you want me to go pick up some soup and we can watch movies or something?”
She shook her head, and he had the impression that she may burst into tears. “No, but can you come in for a minute? We need to talk. ”
He tucked his keys in his pocket. “Yeah, of course. ”
She walked back into her living room and he followed, shutting the door behind him. She curled into the chair and tucked her knees to her chest. He had to stop himself from going over to her, picking her up and holding her. He’d never seen her look so miserable.
He sat on the couch. “Look, before you start, I just want to tell you, I am so sorry for being late. I got hung up and couldn’t get away. And I tried to call, but then I couldn’t reach you. And I feel like a dick. ”
She looked up at him, her face emotionless. “We’ve got to end this. ”
The words hit him like an anvil to the gut and halted his rambling. “Wait, what?”
Her eyes went watery, and she quickly swiped at her face with her sweatshirt-covered hands. “I’m sorry, Reid. But this—us—has to end. ”
“Us?” His heart began to pound in his ears and panic edged in. Where the hell had this come from? “No. I don’t understand. ”
She looked down, staring at the now damp sleeves of her shirt. “You knew this had an expiration date. We agreed to have a summer thing. Summer’s over. I’m leaving. ”
He sat forward on the sofa, hope entering his voice. “But it doesn’t have to end. That’s what I was going to tell you tonight. There are ways we can work this out. I can go to Austin with you. ”
Her head snapped up, her reddened eyes wide. “You want to move?”
He smiled. “Yeah, sugar. I want to be with you. Wherever that is. ”
She shook her head, her tears returning. “No, you can’t. ”
Screw the flu. He got off the couch and went to crouch in front of her chair, laying a tentative hand on her knee. “Baby, sure I can. I don’t know what the future holds. But all I know is I don’t want to let you go. Nothing is holding me here, and in Austin, we won’t even have to worry about anyone seeing us. We can just be together—wherever and whenever we want. ”
She squeezed her eyes shut and stayed that way for a moment before taking a deep, shaky breath. Her voice came out flat. “There’s someone else, Reid. I have a boyfriend waiting for me in Austin. This was just supposed to be a fling. I love him. ”
All sounds in the room suddenly seemed painfully loud. The ticking clock above the couch, the used car salesman on TV, the hum of the box fan on the other side of the room. His hand slipped off her knee, and he sank back onto his heels.
A lump the size of a grapefruit lodged in his throat. “There’s someone else? Why didn’t you tell me? Why—?”
“The same reason why you didn’t tell me about Vanessa. ”
He sucked in a sharp breath. “It’s not like that, she’s not—”
“So that’s not who you were with tonight?” she asked, her voice more sad than angry.
His stunned silence gave her the answer.
“How long would it take for you to get tired of me? To want someone who fits into your life. We come from different worlds. This just wasn’t meant to be. ” She rose from the chair and gave him one last lingering look before turning her back to him. “Please just go. I won’t be returning to work. I wish you the best, Reid. ”
And with that, the only girl he’d ever loved walked out of his life.
Brynn locked herself in her bedroom and waited until she heard the front door close before crumpling into a ball on the floor, wishing she could shut her eyes and not wake up again. But every time her eyelids closed, the feel of the monster’s hands crawled over her skin, and images of Reid’s brokenhearted face tore through her.
There was no escape. No safe corner in her mind. Maybe never would be again.
So she cried and stared blankly at the peeling paint on the baseboards, letting the sobs wrack her abused body well into the night, until she was only a husk of the person she had been a few hours before. Until she felt dead inside.
SEVENTEEN
now
Brynn nestled deeper into the crook of Reid’s arm, the bed squeaking beneath her, and he ran his palm over her hair. She’d told him everything, dragged out the nasty innards of what had happened to her, and laid it out there unedited.
He’d listened to every word—shock, sympathy, and anger crossing his face at different intervals. But to his credit, even though she could tell he’d had questions, he’d held his tongue and had let her finish without interruption, as if sensing that if she’d paused, she wouldn’t have been able to get it all out.
His chest rose and fell under her cheek as he drew in a deep breath and released it. “My God, Brynn. I don’t even know what to say. ”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything,” she said, feeling tired, gutted.
He pressed his lips to the crown of her head, and his voice turned strained. “This was all my fault. If I hadn’t been late, I could’ve stopped him. ”
“No,” she said, sitting up so she could face him. “Don’t do that. The rape was not your fault. It was that psycho’s fault, whoever he is. ”
He shook his head, his jaw set. “No, I could’ve helped. Could’ve been there for you. ”
The guilt in his words tore at her. “I didn’t let you. I almost broke down and called you about a week later. But then I saw the photo in the paper of you and Vanessa at that party, and I figured you were probably better off. It’s not like I would’ve been able to continue the kind of relationship we had. You saw what happened earlier. Blindfolds, being restrained, aggressive guys—it all can set off panic attacks or flashbacks for me now. ”
He grimaced. “Why didn’t you tell me when we got here? I would’ve never made you do all this. We could’ve done the bare minimum to get by. ”
“Talking about the details of that night just drags me back there, so I didn’t want to open myself up to that again. Plus, I thought coming here could be a cure. Sometimes throwing yourself totally into the fear can fix it. ” She looked down at her hands. “I’m so tired of feeling this way, letting it interfere with my life. I wanted to see if I could force myself past it, have a shot at a normal life, a chance at finding a normal relationship. ”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I feel like such an asshole. I pushed you harder than I ever have. You must’ve been miserable the whole time we’ve been here. ”
She gave a half-smile. “Well, not the whole time. You and Jace made it a bit difficult to focus on anything but the two of you.
I thought the rip-off-the-Band-Aid method was working, but then—”
He frowned. “I took it too far. I was so wrapped up in my own crap that I wasn’t paying attention to your signals. I’m so sorry. ”
She shrugged. “It’s okay. You didn’t know. It was stupid for me to think I could get over it that easily. Clearly, I’m too screwed up for a quick fix. I just hope I can make it through tomorrow night without completely losing it again. ”
He reached out and rubbed her knee. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re not screwed up—you’ve been through hell. The fact that you had the balls to come here in the first place is amazing. If you want to skip tomorrow night, I can go alone—try to track Kelsey down for you. ”
“No, it’s okay. She’s not going to be willing to talk to anyone but me. I’ll figure out a way to get through it. And if the panic takes over, I’ll have you and Jace there to help me. ”
“I’ll be there for whatever you need. ”
The sincerity emanating from his blue eyes sent hazy warmth through her. She leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips. “Thank you. ”
With this thumb, he swiped away the lone tear that had slipped past her lids. “Thanks for finally trusting me with the truth. ”
Without considering the consequences, she dipped back down, seeking a deeper kiss. She knew it was dangerous, stupid. But after rehashing the rape, she needed to erase the ugliness of the last hour. She didn’t want to think about that night or the daunting task of finding her sister tomorrow or all the reasons why she needed to avoid Reid now. All she wanted to do was bury herself in the feeling she used to get when it was just the two of them—like no problem in the world was too big to tackle.
Author: Roni Loren
His brows drew together, still processing her sudden appearance. “What are you doing here, Ness?”
She hopped off the car and brushed invisible dirt from her white tennis skirt. “Your aunt said you’d go with me to the Stevens’ barbecue tonight. Didn’t she mention it to you? Both she and your uncle are going. ”
“Um, not so much,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “And I’m really sorry, but I have plans tonight. ”
She stuck her bottom lip out as if it held some magic power to change his mind. “But I can’t go by myself—how would that look? Lauren Gates is going to be there and you know she’ll never let me here the end of it if I show up without a date. ”
Reid closed his eyes and counted to three. Be nice. He’d been accompanying Vanessa to events over the summer to make his aunt and uncle happy, and she really was a great girl. But she wasn’t Brynn. “Ness, I really can’t. ”
Her pout lifted into a coy smile. “Come on. After the party, we can hang out at my place. My parents went to the lake house for a few days, so we’ll have it all to ourselves. ”
He had to stifle a laugh. So, Miss I-Wear-a-True-Love-Waits-Ring was ready to have him over for dessert. Guess true love only waits until the parents are out of town. He shook his head. A few months ago, he would’ve jumped on the opportunity to entertain the pretty debutante for the weekend. But the thought held no appeal anymore.
The only person he wanted curled up next to him in his bed was Brynn. His Brynn. Who was going to be pissed if he showed up late for their big date. “Wow, I appreciate the offer, but I can’t break this commitment. I’m sorry you came all the way out here. ”
As he stepped past her and hit the unlock button on his keypad, she reached out and grabbed his arm. “Hey, wait. My dad dropped me off. I didn’t bring a car. ”
Motherfucker. He glanced at his watch and sighed. The Stevens’ house was at least ten minutes out of the way. “Fine, get in, I’ll drop you off on my way. ”
She smiled and lifted on tiptoes to plant a kiss on his cheek. “Great, and maybe you can just stop in for a minute and say hi. ”
Reid took the turn into Brynn’s driveway on two wheels. Vanessa had insisted he walk her into the party, and she’d roped him into a photo-op for the society section of the newspaper and half a dozen introductions. Then, his aunt and uncle had dragged him into a conversation with the mayor. Now he was a solid hour late for his date with Brynn. He’d stopped by the office to pick her up, but she’d already left. And she wasn’t answering her phone.
Damn it. He’d wanted tonight to go perfectly and he’d screwed that up. Hopefully, once she saw what he had planned she’d forgive him.
He hustled up the sidewalk and knocked on her door, praying that she wasn’t too upset with him, but no one answered. Oh, come on. Her car was in the driveway, so he knew she had to be home. Was she mad enough not to answer the door? She usually wasn’t that easily angered.
He knocked again, and the door finally cracked open. He opened his mouth to launch into his apology speech, but when he took in Brynn’s state, the words died on his lips.
Brynn was dressed in gray sweats, her hair damp from a shower, and her eyes bloodshot and puffy.
“Sugar, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asked, reaching out for her.
She shrunk back before he touched her. “I… uh… I’m not feeling very well. I think I may have the flu. ”
He frowned. “Oh, no, that sucks. Is there anything I can do? Obviously, you can’t go out, but do you want me to go pick up some soup and we can watch movies or something?”
She shook her head, and he had the impression that she may burst into tears. “No, but can you come in for a minute? We need to talk. ”
He tucked his keys in his pocket. “Yeah, of course. ”
She walked back into her living room and he followed, shutting the door behind him. She curled into the chair and tucked her knees to her chest. He had to stop himself from going over to her, picking her up and holding her. He’d never seen her look so miserable.
He sat on the couch. “Look, before you start, I just want to tell you, I am so sorry for being late. I got hung up and couldn’t get away. And I tried to call, but then I couldn’t reach you. And I feel like a dick. ”
She looked up at him, her face emotionless. “We’ve got to end this. ”
The words hit him like an anvil to the gut and halted his rambling. “Wait, what?”
Her eyes went watery, and she quickly swiped at her face with her sweatshirt-covered hands. “I’m sorry, Reid. But this—us—has to end. ”
“Us?” His heart began to pound in his ears and panic edged in. Where the hell had this come from? “No. I don’t understand. ”
She looked down, staring at the now damp sleeves of her shirt. “You knew this had an expiration date. We agreed to have a summer thing. Summer’s over. I’m leaving. ”
He sat forward on the sofa, hope entering his voice. “But it doesn’t have to end. That’s what I was going to tell you tonight. There are ways we can work this out. I can go to Austin with you. ”
Her head snapped up, her reddened eyes wide. “You want to move?”
He smiled. “Yeah, sugar. I want to be with you. Wherever that is. ”
She shook her head, her tears returning. “No, you can’t. ”
Screw the flu. He got off the couch and went to crouch in front of her chair, laying a tentative hand on her knee. “Baby, sure I can. I don’t know what the future holds. But all I know is I don’t want to let you go. Nothing is holding me here, and in Austin, we won’t even have to worry about anyone seeing us. We can just be together—wherever and whenever we want. ”
She squeezed her eyes shut and stayed that way for a moment before taking a deep, shaky breath. Her voice came out flat. “There’s someone else, Reid. I have a boyfriend waiting for me in Austin. This was just supposed to be a fling. I love him. ”
All sounds in the room suddenly seemed painfully loud. The ticking clock above the couch, the used car salesman on TV, the hum of the box fan on the other side of the room. His hand slipped off her knee, and he sank back onto his heels.
A lump the size of a grapefruit lodged in his throat. “There’s someone else? Why didn’t you tell me? Why—?”
“The same reason why you didn’t tell me about Vanessa. ”
He sucked in a sharp breath. “It’s not like that, she’s not—”
“So that’s not who you were with tonight?” she asked, her voice more sad than angry.
His stunned silence gave her the answer.
“How long would it take for you to get tired of me? To want someone who fits into your life. We come from different worlds. This just wasn’t meant to be. ” She rose from the chair and gave him one last lingering look before turning her back to him. “Please just go. I won’t be returning to work. I wish you the best, Reid. ”
And with that, the only girl he’d ever loved walked out of his life.
Brynn locked herself in her bedroom and waited until she heard the front door close before crumpling into a ball on the floor, wishing she could shut her eyes and not wake up again. But every time her eyelids closed, the feel of the monster’s hands crawled over her skin, and images of Reid’s brokenhearted face tore through her.
There was no escape. No safe corner in her mind. Maybe never would be again.
So she cried and stared blankly at the peeling paint on the baseboards, letting the sobs wrack her abused body well into the night, until she was only a husk of the person she had been a few hours before. Until she felt dead inside.
SEVENTEEN
now
Brynn nestled deeper into the crook of Reid’s arm, the bed squeaking beneath her, and he ran his palm over her hair. She’d told him everything, dragged out the nasty innards of what had happened to her, and laid it out there unedited.
His chest rose and fell under her cheek as he drew in a deep breath and released it. “My God, Brynn. I don’t even know what to say. ”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything,” she said, feeling tired, gutted.
He pressed his lips to the crown of her head, and his voice turned strained. “This was all my fault. If I hadn’t been late, I could’ve stopped him. ”
“No,” she said, sitting up so she could face him. “Don’t do that. The rape was not your fault. It was that psycho’s fault, whoever he is. ”
He shook his head, his jaw set. “No, I could’ve helped. Could’ve been there for you. ”
The guilt in his words tore at her. “I didn’t let you. I almost broke down and called you about a week later. But then I saw the photo in the paper of you and Vanessa at that party, and I figured you were probably better off. It’s not like I would’ve been able to continue the kind of relationship we had. You saw what happened earlier. Blindfolds, being restrained, aggressive guys—it all can set off panic attacks or flashbacks for me now. ”
He grimaced. “Why didn’t you tell me when we got here? I would’ve never made you do all this. We could’ve done the bare minimum to get by. ”
“Talking about the details of that night just drags me back there, so I didn’t want to open myself up to that again. Plus, I thought coming here could be a cure. Sometimes throwing yourself totally into the fear can fix it. ” She looked down at her hands. “I’m so tired of feeling this way, letting it interfere with my life. I wanted to see if I could force myself past it, have a shot at a normal life, a chance at finding a normal relationship. ”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I feel like such an asshole. I pushed you harder than I ever have. You must’ve been miserable the whole time we’ve been here. ”
She gave a half-smile. “Well, not the whole time. You and Jace made it a bit difficult to focus on anything but the two of you.
I thought the rip-off-the-Band-Aid method was working, but then—”
He frowned. “I took it too far. I was so wrapped up in my own crap that I wasn’t paying attention to your signals. I’m so sorry. ”
She shrugged. “It’s okay. You didn’t know. It was stupid for me to think I could get over it that easily. Clearly, I’m too screwed up for a quick fix. I just hope I can make it through tomorrow night without completely losing it again. ”
He reached out and rubbed her knee. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re not screwed up—you’ve been through hell. The fact that you had the balls to come here in the first place is amazing. If you want to skip tomorrow night, I can go alone—try to track Kelsey down for you. ”
“No, it’s okay. She’s not going to be willing to talk to anyone but me. I’ll figure out a way to get through it. And if the panic takes over, I’ll have you and Jace there to help me. ”
“I’ll be there for whatever you need. ”
The sincerity emanating from his blue eyes sent hazy warmth through her. She leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips. “Thank you. ”
With this thumb, he swiped away the lone tear that had slipped past her lids. “Thanks for finally trusting me with the truth. ”
Without considering the consequences, she dipped back down, seeking a deeper kiss. She knew it was dangerous, stupid. But after rehashing the rape, she needed to erase the ugliness of the last hour. She didn’t want to think about that night or the daunting task of finding her sister tomorrow or all the reasons why she needed to avoid Reid now. All she wanted to do was bury herself in the feeling she used to get when it was just the two of them—like no problem in the world was too big to tackle.