Gai-Jin by James Clavell
She closed her eyes and rubbed them and looked again. No mistake. All day her eyes had an unexpected, startling clarity of vision. She had noticed it the moment she had awoken this morning, every detail of the room in focus, curtains, dead flowers in a vase, flies circling, four of them. Within seconds there had been a knock and Ah Soh’s voice, “Missee? Med’sin man wan you see-ah, heya?” as though, her hearing also more acute, the sound of Ah Soh’s footsteps had brought her smoothly out of sleep.
What was even stranger was the clarity of her mind, all the weight seemed to be gone, not the sadness but how clearly it considered problem after problem without consternation, never mixing them, suggesting answers, and never the usual heart-hurting fear, not even a little. Concern, yes, that was only sensible, but no more nauseating panic and indecision.
Now she could remember that day and that night in all its details without a crushing, inhuman, insensate blankness. Have I been numbed? Forever? Is what Dr. Hoag said this morning correct: “Don’t worry, you’re cured of any problem. So long as you can cry from time to time, and not be afraid to go back in time if that’s what your mind wishes to do, then your life will be fine, better every day. You have youth and health, your life is before you …”
Mon Dieu, such platitudes they talk, doctors. After Hoag, Babcott. More of the same. He had been gentle and tall and tender, a tenderness that could turn into heat if she would allow it. No more heat, she thought, not until I am free. And safe. Safe and free.
Her body was rested. No blinding headache, not even a little one, no screams inside. Knowing at once where she was, who she was, and why she was here, and why alone, and what had happened. Experiencing it again, watching herself in the daymare, conscious of it all but not involved, not truly involved: watching herself being wakened by Chen’s wailing shriek, torn out of sleep, seeing herself in panic trying to shake Malcolm awake too then glimpsing blood on her lower limbs, horrified for a moment she had cut herself too deeply and then realizing that it was him, his blood, and that he was dead, dead, dead.
Leaping out of bed naked, not aware of it, terrified and shrieking, disbelieving what her eyes and ears told her, praying it was a dream, others rushing into the cabin, Ah Soh, Ah Tok, someone covering her, voices and shouting and screams and questions and more questions until the cabin smashed her into blackness and terror. Now on the bridge, freezing and burning and questions and no answers, her mouth locked, head afire, stench of blood, taste of blood, blood on her loins and on her hands and in her hair, stomach rebelling.
Ah Soh helping her into a bath, the water cool, never enough hot to clean away his death, more sickness and then the blinding poison filling her, drowning her until she saw herself shrieking at Hoag, a picture of ugliness, oh, so ugly.
She shivered. Must I look like that when I’m old? How old is old? Not very for some. What exactly she had said to Hoag, even now she could not recall, only that the poison had gushed away and with the torrent, good sleep came to pass.
I’ve much to thank Hoag for, and Babcott to loathe for—his sleeping draft began my sink into despair. I’m no longer afraid, no longer in despair, I don’t understand why but it’s true—thanks to Malcolm and Hoag, to that smelly little lawyer with his foul breath, and to André. André is still wise, still my confidant and will remain so, so long as I pay. Yes, he’s a blackmailer. That doesn’t matter. To help himself he has to protect me and then, well, there is a God in Heaven and the mills of God grind slowly but they grind exceedingly small.
I can deal with my life now, I think, if I’m careful.
Madonna, we agreed so long ago that I had to help myself and could not be dependent on a man or men, like the rest of my poor sisterhood. I know I’m a sinner. Malcolm was truly the only man I’ve ever met I really wanted, really loved and really wanted to marry, loved as much as a silly teenager could love. Is first love true love? Or is love an adult emotion? I’m adult now. Was my love for Malcolm adult? I think so, hope so.
But my darling is dead. I accept that. And now?
Tess? Hong Kong? André? Gornt? Home? Tess?
One at a time.
First my darling must be put to rest. Properly.
She saw the safe, its door shut but not locked. She got up and opened it fully, reaching into the back, touching a small, concealed indentation. Part of the left wall swung open. In the cavity were some papers, another personal chop, another bag of coins and notes. A bottle of his medicine. A small box.
A week ago Malcolm had shown her the secret hollow, smiling at her. “There’s nothing much to hide yet, all the important stuff’s in Hong Kong with Mother, papers about being tai-pan, a copy of Father’s will, Mother’s will and so on, the tai-pan’s chop. This is for,” he shrugged, his eyes alight, “for odds and ends and secret presents I might give you, if you’re very good and love me to distraction …”
She opened the box. A gold ring, set with rubies. Not very valuable, but valuable enough. The papers were business papers she did not understand, lists of figures.
And no will.
Damn, she thought without anger. It would have made the future more simple. André had pointed that out.
He had been summoned this morning by Vargas at her request from the list of people who had called and left cards. “Monsieur Vargas, first my tailor, I must have mourning clothes urgently, after him, Monsieur André, then Mr. Skye—no need to disturb Mr. McFay until I send for him. To anyone else I’m resting, and Monsieur,” she added carefully, “please treat all this with the discretion my husband told me you possess. I’ll see everyone in the tai-pan’s office.”
She had seen a flicker in Vargas’s eyes at “tai-pan,” but he had said nothing, so no need to be firm. The office had been chosen with care and when the old dressmaker arrived with Vargas she said, “Please ask how long it would take to make a mourning dress, black, like this.” The one she wore was long-sleeved, high-necked, dark blue.
“He says three days. Mourning, senhora? The color for mourning in China is white.”
“I want it in black. Silk. And tomorrow.”
“Three days.”
“If he takes my other dress, the pale blue one he made for me and dyes it black, how long?”
“He says two days.”
“Tell him the widow of the tai-pan of the Noble House requires such a black dress tomorrow. Tomorrow morning.”
The old Chinese had sighed and bowed and went away. Then Vargas announced André Poncin. “Hello, André.”
“Hello. I’ve never seen you more beautiful.”
It was a statement, not a compliment. “I need advice, quickly, privately. We must be very quick, very wise. My marriage is legal, yes?”
“We think so, yes, according to British naval law; we’re not sure about French law. Both are grey areas.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Subject to argument. If there was an argument between French and British lawyers, British law would prevail. The reality of him being a minor, both of you in fact though in this he’s the important one, sorry, and his disobedience of the written dictates of his legal guardian means that the marriage ceremony will probably be challenged.”
“Where? Here? By whom?”
“By Tess Struan. Who else?” he said mockingly.
“Malcolm’s death is meaningless to you, isn’t it?”
“On the contrary, it has complicated my life immeasurably, Madame,” he added, the first time using the title. “It is a serious complication for both of us.”
She had chosen to sit behind Malcolm’s desk, in Malcolm’s office, for her future was at stake and she had to have a hundred percent of this man’s cunning, and then more. In her suite she would be less confident, though ordinarily at her best in her boudoir. Is that why men have offices, and women are limited to the chaise and the femininity of a semi-bedroom? “How can this be made uncomplicated, André?”
“The first complication you’ve already uncomplicated.”
Whe
“You were quite right, André,” she said, not resenting his venom, or violence, understanding clearly. “Thank you for telling it to me so it got through to me, got through my anguish. That was the first. Next?”
The lines in his forehead deepened. This was a new Angelique, an unknown quantity, unexpected. He had seen such a change twice before in men, never a woman. Both had been enemy spies released after extreme torture. The doctors had no explanation other than to say, the men no longer feared, or feared more torture, or feared dying. They had been dragged to the brink and had survived, and were now convinced, beyond doubt, they would survive again whatever was done to them, or they would die and that no longer mattered. The doctors had said that death itself wouldn’t matter until the day, weeks or months or years ahead when the terror raised its vile head again as it was bound to do.
Poor Angelique sitting there so confident, so grand. There’ll come a day when it will all spill out, will tear you asunder. Will you conquer it or end up in the madhouse?
For himself he would have bet that so many calamities would prove too much for such a young girl: the flight of her father, theft of her dowry, rape and pregnancy, the shooting of the rapist, and now this new and ghastly death that he and all the Settlement knew in its most graphic details. He and Seratard had expected her mind to be turned, at least for months, still expected it to happen, neither believing Hoag whom they had cross-questioned closely.
If Hoag can work this miracle, he thought angrily, why can’t doctors cure the God-cursed English disease? It’s not fair. “Life isn’t fair, is it?”
“No,” she said. “Not fair at all.”
“Did he leave a will, naming you his heir?”
“I don’t know. Malcolm never mentioned one.”
“Angelique, in future refer to him as your husband, and yourself his widow.”
“Why?”
“To establish, to help establish your claim to his estate.” He saw her nod to herself, awed at her control. Is it an Act of God that she can appear so tranquil?
“If there’s no will, does that make a difference?”
“We’re trying to find out. It would be best if there was one that named you. That would be best. Next, you must go back with … with his remains to Hong Kong. Be prepared for his mother to be hostile—in public try to be her friend. You should be at the funeral, dressed correctly of course.” Then he added, “Possibly Henri could give you a letter to our Ambassador, you’ve already met him?”
“Yes. Monsieur de Geroire. Henri ‘could’? What sort of letter could he write for me?”
“If Henri could be persuaded, with his strong recommendation you could be put under de Geroire’s protection as ward of the State. It’s my conviction you’re legally the widow of the late tai-pan, Malcolm Struan. If Henri supported us strongly, this could possibly become State policy.”
“Then I need serious protection?”
“I am sure of it. Henri isn’t.”
She sighed. This was what she had concluded too. But State policy? This was a new idea, a possibility she had not thought of. State policy would mean the protection of France. Anything was worth that—no, not anything. “What could I possibly do to persuade Henri?”
“I could do that for you,” he said. “I’d try.”
“Then please start at once. This evening tell me what I can do in return. Would before dinner be suitable, or tomorrow morning—just as you wish.”
There had been no need to say more. Tomorrow would be better, André had told her, and had left, and before her next guest, Skye, had arrived she sat back in the chair and smiled at the ceiling, wondering about the price.
Ward of the French State? She had liked the sound of that, for she knew she would need all the help she could have to combat the ogre of Hong Kong …
And now, curled up in Malcolm’s other chair in the tai-pan’s suite upstairs, the door bolted on the inside, she liked the idea even more and, again, wondered about the price. It will be expensive. The secret gold coins will be enough to begin with, then the ruby ring and now I have a chop, Malcolm’s chop.
She replaced everything and shut the secret compartment.
Content with the headway made on the first day of her new life, she closed her eyes and slept dreamlessly until a knock on the door brought her back. It was almost four-thirty. “Who is it, please?”
“Jamie, Angelique.”
A current of expectation went through her. Be calm, she cautioned herself as she unbolted the door, the ice you traverse is exceedingly thin and the waters below lethal. “Hello, Jamie, dear, please come in.” Again she sat in her husband’s chair, motioning him to the chair she had always used. The change pleased her. “You look so harassed, so sad.”
“I still can’t get used to the idea and, well, all the changes, Angelique.”
“No. It’s very hard.”
“You’ve changed too. May I … may I say how marvelous you are being, so strong and, well, you know.”
“That’s the problem, dear Jamie, I don’t know. I only know what has happened and can accept it, have accepted it. My tears … I think I must have cried all the tears of my life away. So, for the moment no tears. You saw Sir William?”
“Yes. Skye said he would come back around six, if that’s convenient.” He saw her nod absently.
“You don’t like him, Jamie, do you?”
“Don’t like any lawyers, they always mean trouble, though he’s not a bad man. I think he’ll be all right for you. If you get worried, tell me at once. Mal … Malcolm liked him and you should have someone to represent you.”
“I find it hard to say his name too, Jamie—‘husband’ is equally hard. Harder. Don’t be embarrassed.”
Jamie nodded bleakly and took out the letters. “Sir William said these were part of Malcolm’s estate, like the money. He could not rule on the legalities—he would write posthaste to the Solicitor General in Hong Kong—but he saw no reason why you shouldn’t have these if you promise not to destroy them. As to the sovereigns, you should keep them—I told him I didn’t think you had any money of your own at the moment—but he asks, please, to give him a receipt for them.”
“Whatever he wants. Did he read them?”
“No, no one did.” Hesitantly he put them on the mantelpiece. “There are a couple of other things, we’ve made some arrangements—would you like me to tell you now or … I can easily come back later.”
“No, I’m fine. What arrangements, Jamie?”
He took a deep breath, hating to have to say all this but it was his duty. “In consultation with Sir William, Babcott and Hoag, we’ve arranged to send the body back to Hong Kong tomorrow for burial, we all agreed, we jointly agreed that would be best. Everything possible will be done and is being done to make this easy for you and the trip as tolerable as possible. Dr. Hoag will go with you to make sure you’re in good hands.” Jamie’s smile was empty and his face a mirror of unhappiness. “Can’t tell you how sorry this all makes me. Ah Soh can pack for you in good time, Chen will help if necessary and will pack things to go with the ship, sailing on the evening tide, meanwhile if you need anything, say the word.”
He saw her look down at her hands, her fingers twisting Malcolm’s signet ring on her marriage finger. Poor Angelique, she doesn’t even have a proper wedding ring.
“Well, that’s all for the moment—would you like company at dinner tonight?”
“Thank you, but no, I’ll eat here, or in the dining room or my rooms, but please sit down. Sorry, that’s not all for the moment. My husband is not going to be taken back to
She saw his look but that did not divert her from what she had decided this morning: the confrontation must happen at the very first mention of their arrangements. “Would you like me to tell you the funeral arrangements now, or would you prefer them later?”
“But everything’s done,” he said, “arrangements are already made. It’s best, we all felt it would be best and we … we know it would be the best for you and everyone. Mrs. Struan would certainly approve and would of course want him buried at home in Hong Ko—”
“Mrs. Struan? I’m Mrs. Struan. You refer to the other Mrs. Struan, Tess Struan, the other Mrs. Struan?” She spoke without emotion. “She doesn’t have precedence in this matter. I’m his widow and take precedence over his mother.”
“My God, Angelique, just because Skye says you are—”
“This has nothing to do with Mr. Skye, Jamie, he didn’t suggest this, nor have I consulted him. Yet. But I do know my rights, and my husband’s wishes, and they will be carried out.”
“But … but …” Jamie was in such shock he could not get the words out, then they came with a rush, “but you can’t override what Sir William and … and what Doc Hoag and Babcott and I think is best for you and him, what we’re sure is best for you and everyone. You’re overwrought, Angelique. It’s best, Angelique, it really is.”
“Overwrought? Me? How silly you are, Jamie.” She allowed a small glacial smile. “I’m not overwrought at all. I’m merely going to put my husband’s wishes into effect.”
“But everything’s arranged, Prancing Cloud’s ready to leave and the … everything’s arranged.”
“I’m glad the clipper’s ready. By all means send her at once, his mother should hear the terrible news as soon as possible—you should do that yourself, Jamie, go with Prancing Cloud, you’re the senior here, you should. I beg you don’t wait until tomorrow, go tonight, you can break the terrible news to her, it will lessen her hurt. You must.”
“Of course I’ll do that if it’s necessary,” he said, hating the idea. “But Angelique, this is ridiculous, you can’t be serious, you must see it’s best! Good God, Angelique, you must see this is—”