Merely the Groom by Rebecca Hagan Lee
But later that day, Gillian had tried again. She avoided the taproom on her second attempt to find out if The Lady Dee was still in port by slipping out of her room and down the back stairs. She’d gotten as far as the laundry before the sudden appearance of a gang of sailors sent her ducking into a storeroom. She’d pressed her back against the wall of the storeroom, barely breathing as the sailors lurched past her. She thought briefly about presenting herself to them, of throwing herself on their mercy and begging to be taken to the captain of The Lady Dee, but her sense of self-preservation prevailed. These men were common sailors. Drunken sailors. Gillian could smell the rum and grog they’d consumed and she could tell from their conversation that they’d been months at sea and were currently on the prowl for loose women. She was a woman alone. Appealing to their sense chivalry was risky at best and useless at worst.
Praying for courage, Gillian fought to maintain control of her shaking limbs as she waited for the group of men to stagger past.
“Are you looking to get yourself raped?”
Gillian turned to find the innkeeper’s wife standing beside her. “N-no.”
“Then what are you doing here?” Mistress Douglas demanded.
“I wanted to see the ships in the harbor.”
The innkeeper’s wife narrowed her gaze. “Why?”
“I heard The Lady Dee was in port.”
“She was,” the innkeeper’s wife replied. “But she’s gone. Sailed on the morning tide.”
“Are you sure?”
“Very.” The innkeeper’s wife gazed at Gillian, studying her reaction. “If you were looking to book passage on her, you’re out of luck. Course, you’d have been out of luck anyway. She was fully loaded. There wasn’t any room for passengers. And there’s the matter of your bed and board at the inn. I don’t hold with folks—even quality folks—skipping out on a bill,” she warned. “If you try that again, I’ll call the constable. Unless you’ve a mind to pay your bill in full tonight...”
Gillian shook her head.
“Then you’d better get back to your room, before I rent it to someone else.”
Gillian had returned to the Blue Bottle and she hadn’t left her room since. There was no reason to leave. Where would she go? And how would she get there? Nor could she guarantee any sort of welcome should she manage to make it home to London.
The best that she could hope for was that her husband would return or that he had posted the note she had written to her parents, informing them of her elopement to Gretna Green as he’d promised to do once they reached Scotland. Gillian had wanted to leave the letter to her parents on her bed, but Colin had insisted that they’d needed a few days’ head start to Scotland in the event that her father decided to pursue them. Colin had reminded Gillian that her father was much more likely to accept their marriage if it was a fait accompli when the baron learned of it. And Gillian had agreed because it had sounded so romantic when Colin suggested it. They were two lovers marrying in secret like Romeo and Juliet. Gillian scoffed at her foolishly romantic heart. She should have known better than to be swept off her feet. She should have known better than to accept the first romantic proposal or succumb to the lure of the flattery and the first romantic kiss she’d ever received.
She’d been a fool. A stupid, romantic, innocent fool. And he’d been an exceptionally convincing lover. Gillian had been convinced he loved her right up until the moment he took her virginity and stole her cash. Now, she was equally convinced that she was a gullible idiot.
She only hoped that if she did manage to return to London, Papa and Mama would be so glad to see her and be so relieved to find her unharmed that they would welcome her with open arms. She would beg their forgiveness and pray it would be forthcoming. Someday. Papa would be hurt and angry with her for behaving in a disgraceful manner and for leaving his bed and board and eloping with Colin, but she had followed her heart, and Papa would forgive her eventually. Papa would forgive her for anything except causing a scandal.
That was unforgivable. Especially now that Papa had realized his lifelong dream and become the first Baron Davies. He had worked long and hard to get his title and his letters patent and be accepted among the peerage, and he wouldn’t look kindly on having his only daughter dishonor his name.
And Gillian didn’t blame him.
She was his pride and joy and his hope for the future. Papa had had high hopes for a matrimonial alliance between the house of Davies and one of the premier families of the peerage. Papa would never understand or forgive her marrying beneath her. He would never understand her succumbing to the lure of romance in order to become plain
Mrs. Colin Fox when she might have become a baroness or a viscountess or even a countess.
Gillian shook her head. She didn’t question her father’s love. She knew he loved her and that he would forgive her almost anything, but she also understood that some things were beyond his realm of forgiveness. And causing scandal was one of them. It would break his heart, but Papa would never forgive his only child for besmirching his name and reputation or for ruining their chances to advance themselves.
Gillian fought the rush of tears. Only the weak wallowed in self-pity, and she’d never thought of herself as weak, but she was scared, and she didn’t know where to turn. She had no money and no way of leaving the inn. And no one except her missing husband and the innkeepers knew she was there.
So Gillian did the only thing she could do to occupy the time. She waited at the window until she grew too tired or too cold to continue. When she could no longer bear to keep vigil by the window, Gillian retreated to the bed, where she slept for as long as she could. And when she awakened, she began the cycle all over again.
Day after day, night after night, Gillian bided her time, waiting and watching, counting the figures passing beneath her window. She had seen him twice more since that morning—the stranger in the long black cape—moving stealthily through the morning fog and again amid the evening shadows. She watched as he came into view, then vanished out of sight, and wondered what had brought him to Edinburgh. What secret business sent him creeping through the city’s back alleys? Was he a well-dressed young gentleman sampling Edinburgh’s stewpots? Was he a physician called out at all hours to tend his patients? Or a surgeon engaged in the nefarious business of corpse snatching? Or a sorcerer who appeared and disappeared at will? Might he be a soldier stationed with his regiment in the castle at the top of the hill? A ship’s captain making the rounds of the nightly entertainments? Or a city watchman hired to patrol the narrow streets after dark?
Gillian whiled away the hours by imagining who the people passing beneath her window were and what they did to earn a living. She recognized some. The greengrocers, the milkman, the laundresses, and the street vendors who traveled back and forth through the close to the market square in the center of town.
But the mysterious gentleman who appeared in the wee hours before dawn and late at night after darkness had fallen captured her attention most of all. She wondered if he knew she was there. Wondered if he knew she watched him. She pretended to be a princess trapped in her ivory tower and wondered what, in heaven’s name, would become of her if her prince didn’t ride to her rescue?
* * *
What, in heavens name, was he doing? Colin cursed beneath his breath as he stepped up onto an overturned laundry tub. The tub shifted beneath his weight, and Colin’s left foot landed in a puddle that smelled of laundry soap, soaking his boot and splashing his trouser leg. Cursing once again, he heaved himself onto the wooden tub, then pulled himself up and onto the roof of the laundry that stood in the narrow close behind the Blue Bottle Inn.
Bloody hell, but that hurt! The pain in his side increased tenfold as he moved silently over the roof, then reached up and pulled himself over the wall and onto the window ledge. Colin glanced toward his window, gauging the distance, and prayed he could make it. If there was ever a time he wished he could brazen it out and walk in through the front d
The footpad who had set upon Colin as he left Lord MacMurray’s Prince Street mansion hadn’t been a footpad at all but a paid assassin. Fortunately for Colin, he hadn’t been a very good assassin.
The blade meant to penetrate Colin’s heart had scraped across his ribs. The wound hurt like the very devil, but he had suffered worse. Still, Colin couldn’t rid himself of the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had killed a man tonight. Colin hadn’t known his name, but he had recognized the look on his face and known him for what he was.
But who had paid him? The French agents he’d been following? Or someone else? He knew the agents, and they knew him. They were in the same business: the spying business. And they’d dogged each other off and on for months and infiltrated rival groups of smugglers. Colin had tracked them from Paris to Edinburgh, all the way to the Blue Bottle Inn on several occasions. During their previous encounters, they had played a comfortable game of cat and mouse, but something had happened tonight to change the equation. Tonight, someone had hired an assassin to take Colin out of the game. And Colin had killed him.
He was tired and bloodied, and he had no choice but to climb back in through the window. Changing back into his smuggler’s clothes was impossible, and returning to the tunnels was equally impossible. Colin couldn’t risk another foray through the maze of smugglers’ tunnels running beneath the waterfront where he’d spent the major portion of the evening helping his band of smuggling compatriots unload casks of French wines and bolts of brocades and lace.
Colin had slipped away from the smugglers in order to dress for Lord MacMurray’s midnight reception. He’d thought he’d slipped away undetected, but someone had seen him. Someone had paid an assassin to lie in wait for him, and that meant the other man had either followed him or had known where he was going and why.
All in all, it had been one hell of an evening. The night was still young, and he was lucky to be alive. He hoped he could say the same come sunrise.
Colin inched his way along the ledge, past the first window and on to the second. He was almost there when he heard movement inside his room and realized someone was searching it. Pressing his back to the wall, Colin retraced his steps until he reached the first window.
This morning, he’d wondered how the lady inside that room would feel if he slipped inside her window instead of his own.
Now he’d have the chance to find out.
Retrieving his dirk from beneath his coat, Colin slipped the tip of the blade between the lock and the window casement and carefully eased the window open. He knew he was taking an enormous risk, but he meant the lady no harm. All he wanted was safe shelter from the cold. Colin had cheated death once tonight, and he didn’t fancy a confrontation with the men ransacking his room or a tumble from the ledge to the cobblestones below.
The room was pitch black. Colin thought there would be some light from the fireplace, but if there had been a fire in the grate earlier in the day, it had long since burned itself out. The room was almost as cold as the air outside. Colin crawled over the windowsill and closed and locked the window behind him. Biting his bottom lip to keep his teeth from chattering, Colin made his way across the room to the bed, praying all the while that the lady was alone.
Colin briefly considered spending the night in the chair by the window, but he was freezing, and there was no point in suffering the cold any more than he had to. He glanced at the woman on the bed, decided she wasn’t faring much better, and quickly eased himself onto the bed beside her.
She lay curled in a tight ball with her back to the door and the bed coverings pulled tightly around her. Colin relayed cautiously and sent a prayer of thanks heavenward that she was alone. With luck she would sleep until morning, and he’d be gone before she knew he was there.
But good fortune deserted him.
The woman stirred in her sleep, moving closer, seeking warmth as she pressed her back to Colin’s front.
Colin’s body responded immediately. He was fully clothed, down to this tall leather boots, and he lay atop the covers rather than between them, but he felt her through the layers of fabric and instantly regretted his impulsive decision to share his warmth.
“Colin? Is that you?”
Colin nearly leaped from the bed as she called him by name. He knew she couldn’t see his face in the darkness, but she had him at a complete disadvantage. She knew his name. And he hadn’t a clue about hers. Who the devil was she? And how in Hades had she come to know his name?
He breathed in the scent of her. The fresh, lemony fragrance emanating from her hair and her skin seemed woefully out of place at the Blue Bottle Inn. The light, delicate scent teased his nostrils and filled his senses, urging him to recall the face of the woman who wore it, but the only impression he had—of a pale, oval face framed by thick, dark hair—came from the glimpse he’d caught of her standing at the window and failed to produce any names or mental images, or memories of intimate moments.
“Colin?” she queried once again.
“Hmm?”
“I didn’t hear you come in.”
“You were sleeping.” He spoke in a hushed whisper. “I didn’t want to wake you.”
“You sound different,” she mumbled sleepily.
Colin cleared his throat and told as much of the truth as he dared. “I’ve caught a chill.” He didn’t like lying to her, but until he knew who she was, Colin couldn’t do otherwise.
“Move closer,” she urged, inhaling his scent. “Hmm…you smell like sandalwood. And something even nicer. Don’t worry. I’ll keep you warm.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he answered honestly, moving away. “I’ll stir the fire and add some more coal.”
“Don’t bother,” she replied. “The fire’s been out all day, and I haven’t any coal to add.”
No wonder the room was like ice. “Why hasn’t the innkeeper brought coal for the fire?”
“Because I couldn’t pay for it,” she whispered. “I have no money.”
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“It doesn’t matter,” she told him. “What matters is that you’ve come back.”
Colin took a deep breath and then blew it out. “I haven’t come back to stay.”
She took a moment to digest this information, and when she spoke, Colin heard the disappointment and the resignation in her voice. “When do you leave?”
“I’ll be gone by the time you awake.”
“I see.”
He breathed in the scent of her. “No, I’m afraid you don’t. But at the moment, there’s no other way.”
She recognized a note of what sounded like genuine regret in his voice and swallowed her pride in order to ask, “Can you take me with you? Away from this place?”
She couldn’t see him, but she felt the movement when he shook his head. “I wish I could.”
She sighed. “Will you do something for me before you go?”
“If I can,” he said carefully.
“Don’t leave without saying good-bye.”
It wasn’t very much to ask, and Colin found himself agreeing. “I won’t.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome...” Colin searched his memory for a name to fit the voice and the scent. But no name came to mind, and he was left with a vague sense of loss. “Anything else I can do for you?”
“Hold me,” she whispered. “Until I fall asleep.”
* * *
The room was still shrouded in darkness when Colin awoke with the young lady in his arms. Her head was pillowed on his chest, and the stab wound he’d suffered earlier in the evening ached like the very devil. Colin didn’t know for sure, but he thought the ache
He rolled to his side, shifted her weight from his shoulder to the pillow, and left the bed. Leaning down, Colin gently tucked the covers around her shoulders. His breath fanned her cheek moments before he impulsively covered her lips with his.
He meant the kiss to be a mere brush of his lips on hers, but his intent could not contain his sudden urgent need to make it more. Colin ran his tongue over her plump bottom lip, savoring the taste and texture of it, teasing her, testing her, seeking permission, asking her to grant him entrance.
She yielded, parting her lips and acquiescing to his silent request. Their breaths mingled as he deepened the kiss, moving his lips on hers, kissing her harder, then softer, then harder once more, testing her response, slipping his tongue past her teeth, exploring the sweet, hot interior of her mouth with practiced finesse.
Colin caressed the interior of her mouth, using his tongue in a provocative imitation of the mating dance. And she followed his lead, returning his kiss with an urgency and hunger that thrilled him as much as it surprised him. He made love to her mouth, and the jolt of pleasure he felt shook him down to his boots. Blood pounded in his head, and his arms trembled from the strain of holding himself above her while every nerve in his body urged him to lower himself to the bed and bury himself in her softness.
Resisting the temptation to wait until dawn in order to get a look at her, Colin pulled his mouth away from hers and pressed a kiss against her hair. “Good-bye,” he murmured, and left.
* * *
Sitting in the chair by the window the next morning, Gillian wondered if it had all been a dream. She wondered if the man who had held her in his arms last night had been her husband or a figment of her imagination. And she couldn’t recall Colin feeling or sounding the way he’d sounded last night. He was different from the way she remembered—more thoughtful and gentle. And his kiss… She sighed. His kiss had to be a figment of her imagination, because it was so much better than she remembered. Colin had never kissed her like that before. He had never kissed her with such tenderness or such passion. And although he’d left her once again, there had been nothing hurried or perfunctory about the way his mouth claimed hers. If she hadn’t seen the spot of blood on her nightgown this morning, she would have thought that he was a dream, but there was no doubt that he’d been real.