Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts
It wasn’t paradise. Some of the men exhausted themselves, after their work in the collective fields, trying to wring profits from a cash crop of cotton on a private patch of rocky ground. Rains came early or late. Fields flooded, or succumbed to the predations of insects and crop diseases. Women, with no outlet for their special creativities, endured the long, quiet ruin of their talents. Others watched the slow waste of bright children who could’ve been more and done more in some other, busier place, but never would know more than the village, the fields, and the river. Sometimes, rarely, a man or woman was so wretchedly miserable that the night for all of us, listening in the village dark, was ragged with sobbing.
But, just as Prabaker had said, the people did sing almost every day. If an abundance of good food, laughter, singing, and an amiable disposition can be taken as indicators of well-being and happiness, then the villagers eclipsed their western counterparts in those qualities of life. In my six months there, I never heard a cruel voice or saw a hand raised in anger. Moreover, the men and women in Prabaker’s village were robustly healthy. The grandparents were plump, but not fat, the parents were bright-eyed and fit, and the children were straight-limbed, clever, and vivacious.
And there was a sense of certainty, in the village, that no city I’ve ever known provides: the certainty that emerges when the soil, and the generations who work it, become interchangeable; when the identities of the human beings and the nature of the place are one and the same. Cities are centres of constant and irreversible change. The definitive sound of a city is the rattlesnake chatter of a jackhammer—the warning sound you hear as the business reptile strikes. But change in the village is perennial. What changes in nature is restored with one wheel of the seasons. What comes from the earth always returns. What flourishes, dies away to bloom again.
And when I’d been in the village some three months, Rukhmabai and the people of Sunder gave me a fragment of that certainty: a part of them and their lives that changed my life forever. On the day the monsoon began, I was swimming in the river with a dozen other young men and about twenty children. The dark clouds, which had painted their sombre moods on the sky for weeks, gathered from horizon to horizon, and seemed to press upon the tops of the tallest trees. The air, after eight dry months, was so lavishly perfumed with rain that we were almost drunk with excitement.
‘Paous alla! S’alla ghurree!’ the children cried repeatedly, grasping my hands. They pointed to the clouds and dragged me toward the village. The rain is coming! Let’s go home!
The first drops of rain fell as we ran. In seconds, the drops were a heavy fall. In minutes, the fall was a cascade. Within an hour, the monsoon was a ceaseless torrent, so thick that it was difficult to breathe in the open without cupping my hands to my mouth to make a little cave of air.
At first, the villagers danced in the rain and played pranks on one another. Some took soap, and washed in the heaven-sent shower. Some went to the local temple, where they knelt in the rain to pray. Others busied themselves with repairs to the roofs of their houses and the drainage trenches dug around every mud-brick wall.
Eventually, everyone stopped to simply stare at the drifting, flapping, curling sheets of rain. Every doorway of every house was crowded with faces, and each flash of lightning showed the frozen tableaux of wonder.
That downpour of several hours was followed by a lull just as long. The sun shone intermittently, and rainwater steamed from the warming earth. The first ten days of the season proceeded in the same way, with violent storms and tranquil lulls, as if the monsoon was probing the village for its weaknesses before mounting a final assault.
Then, when the great rain came, it was a lake of water in the air, and it rained almost without pause for seven days and nights. On the seventh day, I was at the river’s edge, washing my few clothes as the drenching torrents fell. At one point I reached for my soap, and realised that the rock I’d placed it on was submerged. The water, which had merely caressed my bare feet, rose from my ankles to my knees in seconds. As I looked upstream at the tumbling crash of the river, the water reached to my thighs, and was still rising.
Awed and uneasy, I waded from the water with my wet clothes, and began the walk to the village. On the way I stopped twice to watch the progress of the river. The steep banks were quickly swamped, and then the wide sloping plain began to subside beneath the all-immersing flood. The advance was so rapid that the inevasible creep of the swollen, landconsuming river moved toward the village at a slow walking pace. Alarmed, I ran to warn the villagers.
‘The river! The river is coming!’ I shouted, in broken Marathi.
Sensing my distress but not really understanding me, the villagers gathered around and then called Prabaker, plying him with questions.
‘What is your matter, Lin? The people are very upset for you.’
‘The river! It’s coming up fast. It’ll wipe the village out!’
Prabaker smiled.
‘Oh, no, Lin. That will not be happening.’
‘I’m telling you! I’ve seen it. I’m not joking, Prabu. The fucking river’s in flood!’
Prabaker translated my words for the others. Everyone laughed.
‘Are you all crazy?’ I shouted, in exasperation. ‘It’s not funny!’
They laughed all the harder and crowded around me, reaching out to calm my fear by patting and stroking me, their laughing voices full of soothing words and sighs. Then, with Prabaker leading the way, the crowd of villagers goaded, dragged, and pushed me toward the river.
The river, only a few hundred metres away, was a deluge: a vast muddy concrescence that tore through the valley in heaving waves and boiling eddies. The rain redoubled its intensity as we stood there, our clothes as drenched as the yielding soil. And still the tumid river grew, consuming new land with every thumping heartbeat.
‘You see those sticks, Lin,’ Prabaker said, in his most irritating attempt at a soothing tone. ‘Those sticks are the flood-game sticks. Do you remember, when the people put them in the ground? Satish and Pandey Narayan and Bharat … do you remember?’
I did remember. Days before, there’d been a lottery of some kind. One hundred and twelve numbers—one for every man in the village—were written on small pieces of paper, and mixed together in an empty clay water-pot, called a matka. The men lined up to draw their numbers, and then a second set of the same numbers was mixed in the pot. A little girl was given the honour of drawing the six winning numbers from the pot. The whole village watched the ceremony, and applauded the winners happily.
The six men whose numbers had been drawn had won the chance to hammer a wooden stake, a little over a metre long, into the earth. As well, the three oldest men in the village were accorded the right to a wooden stake without the numbered lottery. They duly chose places for their stakes, and younger men obliged by hammering the wooden pegs into the ground. When all nine stakes were positioned, little flags with the names of the men were tied to each one, and the people drifted back to their homes.
I’d watched the affair from a shady spot beneath the branched dome of a tree. At the time, I was working on my own small reference dictionary of the Marathi language, based on phonetic spellings of the words I heard every day in the village. I gave the ceremony little attention, and I never bothered to ask its purpose.
As we stood in the numbing, drumming rain and watched the prowling advance of the river, Prabaker explained that the wooden stakes were part of a flood-game that was played every year. The oldest men in the village, and six lottery winners, were given the chance to predict the point to which the river would rise. Each wooden stick, with its flag of yellow silk, represented a best guess.
‘You see, this one little flag?’ Prabaker asked, pointing to the stake that was furthest from where we stood. ‘This one is almost gone. The river will reach to him, and cover him, tomorrow or tonight.’
He translated what he’d told me for the crowd, and they pushed Satish, a heavy-set cowherd, to the front of the
‘And this one here,’ Prabaker went on, pointing to the stake nearest to our position. ‘This one is the river will never be touching. The river never comes more far than this place. Old Deepakbhai has picked for himself this place, for the putting of his stick. He thinks this year will be a very heavy monsoon.’
The villagers had lost interest, and were already drifting or jogging back to the village. Prabaker and I stood alone.
‘But … how do you know that the river won’t rise past this point?’
‘We are here a long time, Lin. Sunder village has been in this place for two thousands of years. The next village, Natinkerra, has been there for much longer, about three thousands of years. In some other places—not near to here—the people do have a bad experiences, with the floods, in monsoon time. But not here. Not in Sunder. Our river has never come to this far. This year, also, I don’t think it will come to this far, even so old Deepakbhai says it will. Everybody knows where the river will stop, Lin.’
He raised his eyes to squint at the unburdening clouds.
‘But usually, we are waiting until the rain it stops, before we come out of the house to look at the flood-game sticks. If you don’t mind, Lin, I’m swimming in my clothes, and I will have to squeeze the water out of my bones before I go in my house.’
I stared straight ahead. He glanced up at the black tumble of cloud once more, and asked a question.
‘In your country, Lin, don’t you know where the river stops?’
I didn’t answer him. Eventually, he reached up to pat me on the back a few times, and then walked off. Alone, I stared at the rain-soaked world for a while, and at last I lifted my face to the drowning sky.
I was thinking about another kind of river, one that runs through every one of us, no matter where we come from, all over the world. It’s the river of the heart, and the heart’s desire. It’s the pure, essential truth of what each one of us is, and can achieve. All my life I’d been a fighter. I was always ready, too ready, to fight for what I loved, and against what I deplored. In the end, I became the expression of that fight, and my real nature was concealed behind a mask of menace and hostility. The message of my face and my body’s movement was, like that of a lot of other hard men, Don’t fuck with me. In the end, I became so good at expressing the sentiment that the whole of my life became the message.
It didn’t work in the village. No-one could read my body language. They knew no other foreigners, and had no point of reference. If I was grim or even stern, they laughed, and patted my back encouragingly. They took me as a peaceful man, no matter what expression I wore. I was a joker, someone who worked hard, played the fool for the children, sang with them, danced with them, and laughed with an open heart.
And I think I did laugh like that then. I was given a chance to reinvent myself, to follow that river within, and become the man I’d always wanted to be. On the very day that I learned about the wooden stakes of the flood-game, not three hours before I stood alone in the rain, Prabaker’s mother had told me that she’d called a meeting of the women in the village: she’d decided to give me a new name, a Maharashtrian name, like her own. Because I was in Prabaker’s house, it was decided that I should take the family name of Kharre. Because Kishan was Prabaker’s father, and my adoptive father, tradition decreed that I should take his first name for my middle name. And because they judged my nature to be blessed with peaceful happiness, Rukhmabai concluded, the women had agreed with her choice for my first name. It was Shantaram, which means man of peace, or man of God’s peace.
They nailed their stakes into the earth of my life, those farmers. They knew the place in me where the river stopped, and they marked it with a new name. Shantaram Kishan Kharre. I don’t know if they found that name in the heart of the man they believed me to be, or if they planted it there, like a wishing tree, to bloom and grow. Whatever the case, whether they discovered that peace or created it, the truth is that the man I am was born in those moments, as I stood near the flood sticks with my face lifted to the chrismal rain. Shantaram. The better man that, slowly, and much too late, I began to be.
CHAPTER SEVEN
‘SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL PROSTITUTES,’ Prabaker pleaded. ‘So fat she is, and in the most serious and the important places. A big handfuls you can grab, anywhere you like. You will be so exciting, you will make yourself sick!’
‘It’s a tempting offer, Prabu,’ I responded, trying not to laugh, ‘but I’m really not interested. We only left the village yesterday, and I guess my mind is still there. I’m just … not in the mood.’
‘Mood is no problem, baba. Only first you get bumping and jumping, then your bad moods will so quickly change, futt-a-futt!’
‘Maybe you’re right, but I think I’ll pass, all the same.’
‘But she is so experience!’ he whined. ‘Those fellows told me she has made sexy business too many times, and with too many hundred of customers, in this hotel only. I saw her. I looked on the inside of her eyes, and I know that she is a very big expert in the sexy business.’
‘I don’t want a prostitute, Prabu. No matter how expert she is.’
‘But if you only see her. You will be crazy for her.’
‘Sorry, Prabu.’
‘But I told them … that you will come and look at her. Only look. There is no harming for a look, Linbaba.’
‘No.’
‘But … but I can’t get back my cash deposits if you don’t come and do some looking at her.’
‘You paid a cash deposit?’
‘Yes, Lin.’
‘You paid a deposit, for me to have sex with a woman in this hotel?’
‘Yes, Lin,’ he sighed, raising his arms, and letting them fall to his sides in a helpless gesture. ‘Six months in the village, you were. Six months with no sexy business. I was thinking you must be feeling a big amount of your needs. Now, no cash deposits returned for me, if you don’t take one very small peeking at her.’
‘Okay,’ I sighed, copying his helpless gesture. ‘Let’s go take a look, just to get you off the hook.’
I pulled the door of our hotel room shut, and locked it. We set off along the wide corridor together. The Apsara Hotel in Aurangabad, north of Bombay, was more than a hundred years old, and built to serve a different, more splendid age. Its high, wide rooms were graced with open balconies facing the busy street, and they featured fine detail in their cornices and ceiling rosettes. The furniture was shoddy and thrown together in haphazard combinations, however, and the carpet in the corridors had worn through to shaggy holes in many places. The paint was peeling, the walls were bruised with dirt, and the rooms were cheap. Just the place, Prabaker had assured me, for us to spend a happy night on our way back to Bombay.
We stopped outside a door on the far side of our floor of the building. Prabaker was trembling with excitement. His eyes were alarmingly wide.
I knocked. Almost at once, the door opened. A woman, aged something over fifty, stood in the doorway. She was wearing a red and yellow sari, and she glared at us malevolently. Behind her in the room were several men. They were dressed in dhotis and white caps like the farmers in Prabaker’s village, and they sat on the floor to eat a hearty meal of dhal, rice, and roti.
The woman stepped into the corridor, and pulled the door shut behind her. She fixed her gaze on Prabaker. He was a full head and shoulder shorter than she was, and he returned her baleful stare with the fixity of a school bully’s minor henchman.
‘You see, Lin?’ he muttered, never taking his eyes off her. ‘You see what I told you?’
What I saw was a plain, wide face with a bulbous nose, and lips so thin and curled with contempt that her mouth resembled a clam that some-one had poked with a stick. The make-up on her face and neck was geisha thick, and gave her scowling expression a villainous intensity.
Prabaker s
‘Show him!’
She responded by lifting aside the covering shawl of her sari to reveal a pudgy roll of stomach. She pinched a good pound or two of the flesh between her stubby fingers, and squeezed it, looking at me with one eyebrow raised to invite praise.
Prabaker let out a soft moan, and his eyes widened.
The woman then scowled dramatically left and right along the corridor before raising her blouse a few centimetres to reveal a long, thin, pendulous breast. She seized the breast and flapped it at me a few times, winking her eyebrow with a bafflingly inscrutable expression. My best guess, stabbing wildly in the dark, was that it might’ve been a menacing, derisive sneer.
Prabaker’s eyes widened even more, and he began to breathe noisily through his open mouth.
The woman covered her breast, and then whipped her long plait of black hair over her shoulder with a jerk of her head. She took the plait in both hands and began to squeeze downward toward the tapering end with her fingers, as if it was a half-empty tube of toothpaste. A thick dribble of coconut oil gathered before her fingers, and dripped from the end of the plait onto the threadbare carpet.
‘You know, Lin,’ Prabaker mumbled, gaping hungrily and almost fearfully at the drips of oil. His right foot actually began to stamp, softly, on the carpet. ‘If you don’t want to have a sexy business with this woman … if … if you really don’t want … well … I could use that cash deposits my own good self …’
‘I’ll see you back at the room, Prabu,’ I replied, smiling politely at the woman. I offered her a little bow, and took her scornful snarl with me back to our room.
I thought to use the time to update my Marathi dictionary. There were already some six hundred words from everyday usage in the list. I’d made the notes on scraps of paper, as people in the village had given me words and phrases, before transferring them to a sturdy journal for future reference. The last and latest of those notes were spread out on a little writing table, and I’d just begun to enter them in my journal when the door sprung open and Prabaker swaggered into the room. He walked past me without speaking, and fell onto his back on his bed. About nine minutes had passed since I’d left him at the prostitute’s door.