At Peace by Kristen Ashley

  Then she handed me a photo frame.

  Automatically my hand reached out and I took it. Then I brought it toward me and stared.

  In it was Joe sitting on one of the benches just inside Vinnie’s Pizzeria. There was no one sitting with him. He was alone and in profile, the scarred side of his much younger face to the camera.

  It was a black and white but the sun was shining through the windows of the door and it gleamed against the highly polished wood all around Joe. His shoulders were to the high back of the bench, his legs were stretched straight in front of him, his feet crossed at the ankles.

  Smack in the center of his big chest was a little baby, Joe’s arm curved around his baby bottom, the baby tucked in that baby ball only babies could make. His baby knees under him, his baby booty in the air.

  The baby was asleep, his face turned toward the camera, his cheek on Joe’s chest, his little baby fist also resting on Joe’s chest close to his beautiful little baby face.

  Joe’s head was leaning back against the bench, his eyes closed. He looked asleep too. Even if he was asleep, the way he had his son nestled against his chest, safe in the protection of his powerful arm, his bicep stretching the material of his ever-present t-shirt tight, screamed the fact that Joe would allow nothing to hurt his boy, asleep, awake, ever.

  Unless he wasn’t there.

  Which, when something hurt his son, he wasn’t.

  I stared at Joe’s profile. He didn’t look happy, he looked at peace and that peace had nothing to do with sleep.

  Father and son taking a catnap at the family Pizzeria.

  God, but they were beautiful.

  Silent tears slid down my cheeks.

  “I don’t know if he has photos,” Aunt Theresa said. “He wasn’t around much after so we didn’t come down much and then we stopped because he was never around at all.”

  Kate and Keira had scooted to me and then they surrounded me. Both put a hand to the photo and I felt Bea lean in.

  “I got tons of pictures of him. Some with the skank in and Manny says he can scan them and do somethin’ called ‘Photoshop’ her out. But I figure Cal’ll know she was there and I don’t want him to have that reminder of her with him and Nicky,” Aunt Theresa said, still businesslike, even brusque and I knew she had to be because if she wasn’t at that moment she’d be a mess just like me.

  “No,” I choked, my eyes still riveted to the picture, “no, you’re right. Bonnie doesn’t get that.”

  “But enough time has passed. Nicky needs to come home,” Aunt Theresa declared. “So we’ll start with that one and, later, I’ll give you the rest.”

  “Yes,” I whispered, the tears still sliding down my cheeks, “Nicky needs to come home.”

  And I knew where Nicky would live. By Tim and Sam on our shelves. Tim and Sam would take care of him. They’d always be together and they’d always be with us.

  “That Joe’s boy?” Kate whispered from beside me and I nodded then turned my head to my daughter and, as hers was so close, I leaned in and kissed her hair. Then I inhaled its scent and I memorized it even though I already had it memorized.

  “Yeesh,” Keira breathed, “Joe’s even hot holdin’ a baby.”

  “Keira!” Kate snapped but a short giggle came out of me and I turned to my youngest and kissed her hair too.

  “Can I see?” Bea asked softly and me and my girls turned to her.

  “Yeah,” I said softly back, handed her the frame and wiped the tears from my cheeks

  She took it and bent her head to study it.

  Then, her eyes not leaving the photo, she whispered, “He lost his son.”

  It hit me belatedly that this was something they shared and it hit hard and sharp, piercing my heart.

  “Bea,” I murmured, my hand moving to curl around her leg and Keira shifted to sit on the floor at her feet where she leaned in and put her cheek to her Gramma’s knee.

  Bea settled a hand on Keira’s hair as Kate moved around the back of the couch to sit on the armrest by Bea and she leaned in to put her cheek to the top of her Gramma’s head.

  Bea’s eyes moved to me.

  “I know how that feels,” she said quietly.

  “I know you do,” I said on a throaty whisper as fresh tears hit my cheeks.

  “I had mine longer, though,” she went on and her gaze went to Theresa, “he had time to give me my babies.”

  “Yes, cara, count your blessings even through your loss,” Aunt Theresa advised gently, knowing, too, what it felt like to lose a son.

  Bea looked at me and handed back the picture.

  “I like him, hon,” she said quietly, “but…”

  “What, Bea?” I prompted when she stopped talking.

  “You think he liked my pie?” she asked.

  I felt my brows inch together at her strange question and Kate’s head came up but her arm slid around her Gramma and she gave her a squeeze.

  “He loved your pie, Gram.”

  “Yeah,” Keira affirmed, looking up at Bea, “he had another piece after you left.”

  “He did?” Bea asked her voice weirdly hopeful.

  “Yeah,” Keira answered, smiling, “he did.”

  Bea looked at me again. “You think…?” she started then stopped.

  “Think what, Bea?” I asked.

  Bea looked down at Keira and touched her face.

  “Nothin’.”

  “Family’s family,” Aunt Theresa piped up and everyone looked at her but Theresa was looking at Bea. “Family’s family,” Theresa repeated.

  “Does Joe think that?” Bea asked Theresa, I looked back at her and finally got it.

  I squeezed Bea’s leg and leaned toward her. “You’re a part of our lives.” I whispered.

  “But he won’t want to be reminded –” she started and I laughed.

  “Bea!” I leaned in further. “Katy and Keirry look exactly like Tim.” I lifted my hand and gestured to the pictures of Tim all over our shelves. “He’s everywhere. He’ll be everywhere,” I touched Keira’s hair and finished, “forever.”

  “Family’s family,” Theresa repeated firmly but Bea still looked unsure.

  “I’ll never forget Tim, Bea,” I promised. “I don’t want to, I couldn’t lose that, couldn’t lose him, everything we were, everything he gave me, us. I’ll never lose Tim and Joe wouldn’t want me to. He’d never ask that. And he’d never want me to lose you. He knows what you mean to me, the girls, he’d never ask that either.”

  “You tell him, he likes my pie, I’ll make it every time we come visit,” Bea promised back.

  “Come with your pie, without your pie, he won’t care. Only thing that would piss him off is if you didn’t come thinkin’ you couldn’t because of him.”

  Bea licked her bottom lip. Then she whispered, “Tim would like him.”

  This was freaky weird, uncomfortable and heartbreakingly sad. It was also true.

  “Yeah,” I whispered back.

  “You can make your pie for me,” Keira put in, trying to lighten the mood.

  “And me,” Kate said, “but I vote strawberry next time.”

  “Sugar cream,” Keira placed her own vote.

  “I’m thinking butterscotch,” Bea stated.

  “Next time I’ll bring my cannoli,” Aunt Theresa declared.

  “Shit, I’m gonna get fat,” I muttered and Bea laughed.

  “From what I can see, hon, fat, skinny, your hair can fall out and Joe won’t care,” she said.

  This was true too.

  “Yeah,” I smiled at her.

  She smiled back then it wobbled. “Just like Tim,” she whispered.

  My smile wobbled too. “Just like Tim.”

  Kate put her cheek to her Gramma’s hair. Keira put hers to her Gramma’s knee. I curled Joe and Nicky tight to my chest and looked at Theresa.

  “I’ll give him Nicky, soon’s I can,” I promised.

  Aunt Theresa’s eyes slid through Bea, Kate and Keira then back to m
e.

  “Grazie cara mia,” she whispered.

  “You’re welcome,” I whispered back, got up, bent in, kissed Aunt Theresa’s cheek and then took Nicky and Joe to our bedroom and tucked them safe in my lingerie drawer.

  * * * * *

  When Cal hit the top of the steps at the Station he saw Colt, Sully and Mike Haines in the bullpen all of them standing around a desk he knew was Colt’s. He knew this because he’d been there before but even if he hadn’t, he’d know it because it had three framed pictures on it. One was of Colt and Feb at J&J’s, Colt seated on his usual stool, Feb standing between his legs, they were pressed close, both of them laughing. One was like a picture Vi had on her shelves. Feb was laying in a hospital bed, newborn baby Jack in her arms, her face pale and tired, Colt was lying on the covers in the bed with her, his arm around her shoulders, his other hand on Jack’s diapered bottom. The last was recent, taken at the barbeque, Colt and Feb standing, Colt had Jack in one arm, his other around Feb, Feb had a gray cat in one arm, her other around Colt and their puppy was sitting on Colt’s foot, his tongue lolling out. They were all smiling, even baby Jack and the puppy looked like they were smiling although the cat looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but there.

  Happy family and about fucking time.

  “Yo,” he said as Colt unfolded from his chair and Sully and Haines locked eyes on him.

  Cal tipped his chin to Haines and watched Haines’s jaw get hard. That toxic feeling in his gut churned because he didn’t figure Haines was a man to hold a grudge but if he was Cal didn’t figure he was stupid enough to give away his power by letting on that he did. His jaw was hard because of something else.

  “Yo, Cal,” Colt said quietly and that toxic feeling churned deeper. Cal knew Colt was gentle with women, otherwise he wasn’t loud but he also wasn’t quiet.

  Cal stopped at their huddle.

  “You gave me nothin’ on the phone, Colt. Don’t make me wait,” Cal stated.

  “Gotta explain somethin’ first,” Colt was still being quiet, his eyes watchful and Cal noted that he was more than his usual alert and so were Sully and Haines.

  “Do it fast,” Cal demanded low.

  “First, you gotta know Mike’s here for a reason and it’s a good one,” Colt said and Cal nodded. He didn’t like this at all and it wasn’t getting any better.

  “Second, you and me had a conversation on your deck awhile back, you remember?” Colt asked.

  “I remember,” Cal answered, his eyes locked on Colt.

  “That’s between you and me,” Colt said still talking quiet.

  “It is then why we talkin’ about it now?” Cal asked and jerked his head to Sully and Haines.

  “Because of that conversation, I made a decision that night that you aren’t gonna like,” Colt replied and Cal felt Sully and Haines both close in. They only moved slightly, it was their increased vigilance that filled their huddle like a physical presence.

  That poison agitated even deeper in his gut. “Colt –”

  “I didn’t know things would change, I didn’t know they’d do it as fast as they did and, sorry, man, but once they did, I couldn’t be sure it’d take,” Colt went on.

  “What the fuck?” Cal asked.

  “Vi’s been getting gifts,” Sully said quickly and Cal’s eyes sliced to him.

  “I know,” Cal told him.

  “Every day for nearly three months,” Haines put in and Cal took a step back in order to put distance between him and his friends so he could get control.

  This took some doing but when he accomplished it, he whispered, “What?”

  “I didn’t know either, Cal,” Haines bit off and his eyes cut to Colt and Cal knew that Colt had been having an uncomfortable morning.

  Cal’s eyes cut to Colt too and he ground out, “Explain.”

  “You two were focused on Vi and I needed focus on the problem,” Colt said.

  “So you kept this shit from me?” Cal asked, now his voice was quiet but it was a different kind of quiet from Colt’s.

  “I made a call,” Colt stated.

  “It was the wrong one,” Cal clipped.

  “You disappeared for over two months, man, remember?” Colt shot back.

  “I wouldn’t have, I knew she was gettin’ gifts,” Cal returned.

  “Bullshit,” Colt muttered.

  Cal moved and Sully moved too, coming between Colt and Cal.

  “Not gonna help things, Cal, you know that. Stand down and listen,” Sully said softly.

  Cal’s eyes were over Sully’s shoulder and on Colt.

  “Haines was here, why’d you keep it from him?” Cal asked.

  “Focus,” Colt answered.

  “You are so full of shit,” Cal bit off.

  “Fuck it, Cal, you’re talkin’ to a man who knows what losin’ focus means!” Colt snapped. “I let Feb talk me out of protective custody the day we shoulda gone into custody, the day before my woman, fuck, my women got kidnapped and taken hostage. One of them was shot. Another one spent months in counseling. That day one man got dead, another man shot, another man shot and hacked to shit. It coulda been worse. I know the importance of keepin’ fuckin’ focus.” It sucked but Cal had to give him that and Colt went on. “Neither of you had it. Sully and I do.”

  Cal stared at Colt then stepped back. Sully stepped away. Haines pulled in a breath and let it out.

  “Keep goin’,” Cal growled.

  “Things have changed,” Colt explained.

  “Yeah? How?” Cal demanded to know.

  “Gifts stopped,” Sully said.

  “When?” Cal asked.

  “Day the brother was murdered,” Colt told him.

  “But he’s still active?” Cal pushed and they all looked at him.

  Then Haines moved. Leaning into Colt’s desk he slid a manila envelope off it and handed it to Cal. Cal took it and Haines started talking.

  “Got that in my mail at home yesterday,” Haines said.

  Cal looked from Haines to the envelope.

  “It been printed?” Cal asked.

  “Yeah,” Haines replied.

  “Get anything?” Cal went on, knowing the answer.

  “Nope,” Haines gave him the answer he knew.

  Cal opened the envelope, pulled out a picture, looked at it and felt his mouth get tight.

  It was black and white, taken with a telephoto no doubt, Haines and Vi standing by Vi’s Mustang. Haines had his hands at her jaws, his head bent forward, Vi’s head was bent back and they were kissing.

  Scrawled on the bottom of the photo in black marker was “Make sure this was good-bye”.

  Colt twisted and took another envelope from his desk and handed it to Cal.

  “I got that in my mail yesterday too,” he said, “it’s been printed.”

  Cal opened the envelope and slid out another picture. It was black and white and it was of Vi and him two days ago standing in the drive in the door of her Mustang. It was when she told him she’d do anything he wanted. They were in a tight clinch, mouths locked, going at it.

  Scrawled across the bottom of that photo was “Tell him he’s gone or he’s next”.

  Cal closed his eyes and muttered, “Fuck.”

  “Open threats,” Sully said, “new.”

  “Barry Pryor know about these?” Cal asked, leaning around Colt and tossing the photos on his desk.

  “Yep,” Colt said.

  “What’s he think?”

  “Thinks you and Vi and the girls should consider protective custody,” Colt replied.

  Cal’s brows went up. “You offerin’ that?”

  Colt bit his lower lip, something he did when he was pissed. Sully shuffled his feet. Haines made a noise like a growl.

  “Talked to the Chief. Don’t have the resources,” Colt told him.

  “So it’s vigilance,” Cal deduced.

  “Squads on the street, escorts for you, Vi and the girls,” Sully said.

  “You got the re
sources for that?” Cal asked.

  “Nope, just talked to the crew. They’re in. It won’t be constant but they’ll do what they can,” Colt’s eyes caught Cal’s. “Chief doesn’t need to know,” Colt shared.

  “You got a gun?” Haines asked.

  “Yeah, but it’s not sittin’ out in the open with Vi and her girls,” Cal answered.

  “Her girls are old enough to know better,” Sully put in.

  “Still not doin’ it,” Cal stated.

  “Man, their Dad was a cop. They gotta be used to it,” Haines noted.

  “Yeah, maybe with Tim they were used to it. With me they aren’t and I make my gun visible, they’ll know somethin’s up,” Cal returned.

  “You aren’t gonna tell them?” Colt asked, his voice surprised.

  “Fuck no,” Cal answered.

  “You’re shittin’ me,” Haines muttered.

  “You’d tell them?” Cal asked and Haines held his gaze then a muscle jumped in his jaw. “That’s what I thought,” Cal said quietly.

  “Gonna be hard to give them escorts if you don’t tell them,” Sully pointed out.

  “They won’t have escorts, they’ll have tails and it’ll be up to you and your crew to keep themselves invisible,” Cal replied.

  “Cal, I can see you wanna keep Kate and Keira in the dark, feelin’ safe, but Vi –” Colt started and Cal looked at him.

  “Her brother was murdered three weeks ago, Colt. You think I should go home, tell her someone’s taking photos and makin’ threats? Against Mike? Against me? After Sam was killed she had nightmares. Bad ones. They’re gone now. Now you want her to try to sleep knowin’ that? To let her girls go to school? Me go to the store? Mike’s a father, it didn’t end bad between them, it just ended. She cares about him. You think she’ll be okay with thinkin’ she brought this shit into his life?”

  Colt lifted a hand. “All right, Cal, I get it.”

  No one said a word for awhile until Sully ended the silence.

  “So now what do we do?” Sully muttered.

  “Cal backs off,” Haines said and Cal’s eyes sliced to him.