Barely Breathing by Rebecca Donovan
Page 33
Evan reached out, prepared to catch me, but I steadied myself again and offered an embarrassed smile. "Still not the best in heels. "
"I wont let you fall," Evan promised, taking my hand when I reached the bottom. I smiled, knowing he wouldnt.
"Hello, you," my mother said excitedly as she scrambled up the stairs toward Jonathan. My cue to get my jacket.
Evan helped put it on, and when I turned to say good-bye, my mother had both arms around Jonathan, holding him tightly like he might float away. He stood, watching us, with his arm casually draped over her shoulders.
"Bye," we both offered. I turned and was out the door before they could respond. I heard my mother say, "Have fun," before Evan shut the door.
“That’s one of my favorite things,” Evan said out of nowhere, backing out of the driveway.
“What’s that?” I questioned, my thoughts replaying my mother’s giddy excitement and Jonathan’s ambivalence. I couldnt help but be worried for her. I fought my way back into the car, with Evan.
“Watching you come down the stairs. ” Evan rested his hand on mine, thrusting my heart to life in a whirling flutter.
We drove to a restaurant a few towns over along the waterfront. I practically floated in, tethered by the warmth of Evans hand. We were seated at a corner table overlooking the water. I was beginning to like "normal dates. "
"What happened after the game?" Evan asked after wed placed our drink orders.
"Oh, I left my lights on and my battery was dead. Jill had to jump start my car. I should have called you to tell you I was late, but I was too focused on getting home to get ready. Sorry about that. "
"Its not a problem," Evan assured warmly. "I learned a lot about your mothers concert going experiences while I waited. " He let out a quick laugh, but I could only nod?not finding her adventurous life all that amusing, especially when it took place after shed abandoned me.
The server returned with our drinks and we placed our order. The harmonious notes of a quartet swirled through the air, enveloping the hum of conversation. I couldve easily been convinced that we were the only two in the restaurant. The candles’ glow softened the angles of Evans face and reflected in his eyes. He reached over the table and took my hand, giving it a small squeeze that I felt in my chest.
"You know, I dont know that much about the guys in California," I said, after I was able to form sentences again. "Will you tell me about them?"
Evan smiled at the request. "Sure. " He paused for a moment then started with, "Well, theres Brent. Hes very. . . easy to get along with. He thinks hes better with the girls than he is, and always wants the best outcome in every situation.
"Ren is the most laid back guy Ive ever met. He lives and breathes surfing, and Im convinced hed sleep on the beach on top of his board if he could. He would do anything for anyone, doesnt matter if he knows them or not?if he can help out, he will. Im lucky to know him.
"Then theres TJ," Evan paused with a smirk, deliberating how to describe him. "He’s a lot to take, but hes always entertaining, and some of the things he gets away with make us laugh for days. But hes still a good friend, regardless of how many times wed like to throw him in the ocean.
"And that leaves Nate. Nates my best friend. I trust him with. . . well, everything. Id trust him with you if we ever needed to. " His eyes connected with mine, and a pang shot through my chest, suddenly realizing what he meant. "Thats where we were to going to go. Where we should have gone. His family has a summer place in Santa Barbara that they hardly ever go to, even in the summer. The guys basically take it over after schools out. Im hoping we can spend at least a week there before you need to be on campus for soccer. "
"Id like that," I replied just as the server set the entrees in front of us. "I wish?"
My words were cut off by, “I will not lower my voice. ”
We followed the outburst across the room to find a man in a dark suit arguing with the maître d, who was bent over and speaking lowly to him. The woman across from him darted her eyes around the room in embarrassed apology. She handed the server the check and gathered her purse.
“Come, Roger. It’s time to take me home,” she implored. All movement and conversation ceased, to watch the spectacle.
I turned my back to the couple, empathizing with the woman, who looked like she wanted to crawl under the table. "I guess Ill never understand it," I mused under my breath with a shake of my head.
"Whats that?" Evan encouraged.
I lifted my eyes, realizing hed heard me. "Why people drink, I guess. It just seems to make them stupid. They end up saying something they regret or acting like an idiot. I just dont get it. "
"Well, there is such a thing as moderation," Evan offered.
I nodded, recalling seeing Evan drink without acting out of control. "Have you ever been drunk?"
Evan laughed. "Yes. I have. And its not pretty either. Im sure Ive qualified as the idiot a few too many times. "
"Really?" I was surprised by his answer. I couldnt even imagine it.
"It doesnt happen very often. I actually havent been drunk in a while. I dont really like how it makes me feel, especially the next day. Have you ever had a drink?"
I shook my head. I didnt want to recount the sips Id taken at the parties my mother threw. I was too young to know better, so as far as I was concerned, they didnt count. "Dont think I ever will. Besides I have no desire to have my face splattered across Facebook doing something humiliating. I already get too much attention. ”
Evan let out a short laugh.
“What do you want to do on Sunday?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Want to go hiking?” he offered. “It’s not supposed to be cold, and it’s better to go now while there’s still snow, before it gets muddy. ”
“Sure,” I responded. Fresh air and the calm of the woods were the perfect escape from everything and everyone in Weslyn. I just needed to survive the next night’s basketball game, alongside my mother, before I could get there. “Id like that. ”
When we returned to Evan’s car after dinner, I offered, "Do you want to go back to my house to watch a movie? Im pretty sure my mother and Jonathan will be out. "
"That sounds perfect," Evan replied.
We stopped at a movie rental machine on our way, and arrived to a dark house as Id anticipated. Not bothering to change, I just took off my shoes and settled in under Evans arm. We kept the lights off. The action movie cast a flickering light in the dark room.
Halfway through, we heard a car door shut in the driveway. I glanced at Evan in surprise. "Theyre back early. "
Thats when we heard the yelling. I tensed at the sound of my mothers elevated voice, not wanting Evan to see her like this. I could hear Jonathan calling after her.
She rushed through the door. "Then explain it. Go ahead, I want to hear it. " She held something in her hand. Evan pulled me closer as my entire body went rigid. "How the fuck did her sweater get in your truck?"
Jonathan stepped in and looked from my mother to us sitting on the couch. Thats when it hit me. She was holding the sweater I was certain Id left at Drews. "I thought it was yours," he offered lowly, shifting his eyes between me and my mother.
My mother turned toward us, realizing we were watching the entire scene. Her jaw was tight and her eyes enlarged, symptomatic of a full-out fit. I had a split second to evaluate her. If she was drunk, everything was about to explode.
She shook the green sweater at me. "I thought you said you left it at your fucking ex-boyfriends. " It wasnt a question. It was an accusation.
I couldnt move. I had no idea what to say. I could feel Evan looking at me, waiting for me to answer. Jonathan kept his eyes on me as well, attempting to silently apologize. I was still trying to make sense of what was happening, and how he could possibly have my sweater.
"I know theres something going on," my mother glared at us accusingly. "Im not stupid. " When we could on
ly stare at her speechlessly, she screamed, "You can all go to hell!” stomping up the stairs and slamming her door so hard I wouldnt doubt it cracked.
"Im really sorry," Jonathan offered. "We had. . . we had a bad night, so shes not thinking clearly. "
My chest caved. He told her. He had to have told her he was leaving, and that was why she was so upset. It didnt explain the sweater, but it explained enough. Jonathan disappeared into the kitchen.
"Do you want to go?" Evan asked in my ear. I nodded. We stood and I slipped on my shoes while Evan retrieved our jackets. He held my hand as we walked out the front door.
My chest hurt, and I was having a hard time forming thoughts. As we neared his car, I started to worry. I couldnt tell exactly how drunk my mother was in her tirade, but I knew she was hurt. And when she was hurt. . .
I stopped. "I cant go. "
"What do you mean?" Evan was completely confounded.
"I have to stay," I told him with a grimace. "Shes upset, and I need to be here for her. "
"She needs to calm down," Evan explained, not following my logic.
"Yeah, youre right. But I need to be here for her when she does. "
Evan studied me for a moment. "I dont really know what just went on in there, but it wasnt good. Are you sure you dont just want to give them time to sort it out?"
"She needs me," was all I could think, and I couldnt leave knowing she might get worse in my absence.
"Ill stay with you," he said, squeezing my hand.
"No," I countered, causing him to cock his head. "Its complicated. Besides, you dont need to see this. Ill see you tomorrow, okay?"
Evan didnt say anything. It was obvious he was completely disturbed by the entire scenario, and I knew he didnt want to leave me.
"Itll be fine, I promise," I offered with a faint smile, then attempted to downplay it. "Its a girl thing. Shes having boy trouble, so. . . thats it. Shes going to need a girl to talk to, okay?"
Evan took a breath and nodded reluctantly. "Alright. Call me if you need me for anything, okay? Even if its in the middle of the night and you just need to talk. "
I leaned up and kissed him. "I will. " I was about to walk away when he pulled me back toward him and kissed me again, gripping me tightly like he was afraid to let me go. "Ill call you, okay?" I whispered, out of breath. He nodded and I walked back toward the house.
I pressed my back against the door when I shut it behind me, staring up at her room in deliberation.
"Shes drunk," Jonathan confirmed from the dark of the living room. "Shes probably passed out already. "
"Great," I grumbled, wanting to slide down to the floor?emotionally drained from my mothers tirade. I pulled off my shoes. "Im going to bed. " I had a thousand questions for him about what had happened tonight, but I was too deflated to talk about it. Whatever happened, it brought out a side in her that was angry and spiteful. A side that made my insides shudder. All I wanted was to shut it out with the blanket pulled up over my head.
Evan reached out, prepared to catch me, but I steadied myself again and offered an embarrassed smile. "Still not the best in heels. "
"I wont let you fall," Evan promised, taking my hand when I reached the bottom. I smiled, knowing he wouldnt.
"Hello, you," my mother said excitedly as she scrambled up the stairs toward Jonathan. My cue to get my jacket.
Evan helped put it on, and when I turned to say good-bye, my mother had both arms around Jonathan, holding him tightly like he might float away. He stood, watching us, with his arm casually draped over her shoulders.
"Bye," we both offered. I turned and was out the door before they could respond. I heard my mother say, "Have fun," before Evan shut the door.
“That’s one of my favorite things,” Evan said out of nowhere, backing out of the driveway.
“What’s that?” I questioned, my thoughts replaying my mother’s giddy excitement and Jonathan’s ambivalence. I couldnt help but be worried for her. I fought my way back into the car, with Evan.
“Watching you come down the stairs. ” Evan rested his hand on mine, thrusting my heart to life in a whirling flutter.
We drove to a restaurant a few towns over along the waterfront. I practically floated in, tethered by the warmth of Evans hand. We were seated at a corner table overlooking the water. I was beginning to like "normal dates. "
"What happened after the game?" Evan asked after wed placed our drink orders.
"Oh, I left my lights on and my battery was dead. Jill had to jump start my car. I should have called you to tell you I was late, but I was too focused on getting home to get ready. Sorry about that. "
"Its not a problem," Evan assured warmly. "I learned a lot about your mothers concert going experiences while I waited. " He let out a quick laugh, but I could only nod?not finding her adventurous life all that amusing, especially when it took place after shed abandoned me.
The server returned with our drinks and we placed our order. The harmonious notes of a quartet swirled through the air, enveloping the hum of conversation. I couldve easily been convinced that we were the only two in the restaurant. The candles’ glow softened the angles of Evans face and reflected in his eyes. He reached over the table and took my hand, giving it a small squeeze that I felt in my chest.
"You know, I dont know that much about the guys in California," I said, after I was able to form sentences again. "Will you tell me about them?"
Evan smiled at the request. "Sure. " He paused for a moment then started with, "Well, theres Brent. Hes very. . . easy to get along with. He thinks hes better with the girls than he is, and always wants the best outcome in every situation.
"Ren is the most laid back guy Ive ever met. He lives and breathes surfing, and Im convinced hed sleep on the beach on top of his board if he could. He would do anything for anyone, doesnt matter if he knows them or not?if he can help out, he will. Im lucky to know him.
"Then theres TJ," Evan paused with a smirk, deliberating how to describe him. "He’s a lot to take, but hes always entertaining, and some of the things he gets away with make us laugh for days. But hes still a good friend, regardless of how many times wed like to throw him in the ocean.
"And that leaves Nate. Nates my best friend. I trust him with. . . well, everything. Id trust him with you if we ever needed to. " His eyes connected with mine, and a pang shot through my chest, suddenly realizing what he meant. "Thats where we were to going to go. Where we should have gone. His family has a summer place in Santa Barbara that they hardly ever go to, even in the summer. The guys basically take it over after schools out. Im hoping we can spend at least a week there before you need to be on campus for soccer. "
"Id like that," I replied just as the server set the entrees in front of us. "I wish?"
My words were cut off by, “I will not lower my voice. ”
We followed the outburst across the room to find a man in a dark suit arguing with the maître d, who was bent over and speaking lowly to him. The woman across from him darted her eyes around the room in embarrassed apology. She handed the server the check and gathered her purse.
“Come, Roger. It’s time to take me home,” she implored. All movement and conversation ceased, to watch the spectacle.
I turned my back to the couple, empathizing with the woman, who looked like she wanted to crawl under the table. "I guess Ill never understand it," I mused under my breath with a shake of my head.
"Whats that?" Evan encouraged.
I lifted my eyes, realizing hed heard me. "Why people drink, I guess. It just seems to make them stupid. They end up saying something they regret or acting like an idiot. I just dont get it. "
"Well, there is such a thing as moderation," Evan offered.
I nodded, recalling seeing Evan drink without acting out of control. "Have you ever been drunk?"
Evan laughed. "Yes. I have. And its not pretty either. Im sure Ive qualified as the idiot a few too many times. "
"Really?" I was surprised by his answer. I couldnt even imagine it.
"It doesnt happen very often. I actually havent been drunk in a while. I dont really like how it makes me feel, especially the next day. Have you ever had a drink?"
I shook my head. I didnt want to recount the sips Id taken at the parties my mother threw. I was too young to know better, so as far as I was concerned, they didnt count. "Dont think I ever will. Besides I have no desire to have my face splattered across Facebook doing something humiliating. I already get too much attention. ”
Evan let out a short laugh.
“What do you want to do on Sunday?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Want to go hiking?” he offered. “It’s not supposed to be cold, and it’s better to go now while there’s still snow, before it gets muddy. ”
“Sure,” I responded. Fresh air and the calm of the woods were the perfect escape from everything and everyone in Weslyn. I just needed to survive the next night’s basketball game, alongside my mother, before I could get there. “Id like that. ”
When we returned to Evan’s car after dinner, I offered, "Do you want to go back to my house to watch a movie? Im pretty sure my mother and Jonathan will be out. "
"That sounds perfect," Evan replied.
We stopped at a movie rental machine on our way, and arrived to a dark house as Id anticipated. Not bothering to change, I just took off my shoes and settled in under Evans arm. We kept the lights off. The action movie cast a flickering light in the dark room.
Halfway through, we heard a car door shut in the driveway. I glanced at Evan in surprise. "Theyre back early. "
Thats when we heard the yelling. I tensed at the sound of my mothers elevated voice, not wanting Evan to see her like this. I could hear Jonathan calling after her.
She rushed through the door. "Then explain it. Go ahead, I want to hear it. " She held something in her hand. Evan pulled me closer as my entire body went rigid. "How the fuck did her sweater get in your truck?"
Jonathan stepped in and looked from my mother to us sitting on the couch. Thats when it hit me. She was holding the sweater I was certain Id left at Drews. "I thought it was yours," he offered lowly, shifting his eyes between me and my mother.
My mother turned toward us, realizing we were watching the entire scene. Her jaw was tight and her eyes enlarged, symptomatic of a full-out fit. I had a split second to evaluate her. If she was drunk, everything was about to explode.
She shook the green sweater at me. "I thought you said you left it at your fucking ex-boyfriends. " It wasnt a question. It was an accusation.
I couldnt move. I had no idea what to say. I could feel Evan looking at me, waiting for me to answer. Jonathan kept his eyes on me as well, attempting to silently apologize. I was still trying to make sense of what was happening, and how he could possibly have my sweater.
"I know theres something going on," my mother glared at us accusingly. "Im not stupid. " When we could on
"Im really sorry," Jonathan offered. "We had. . . we had a bad night, so shes not thinking clearly. "
My chest caved. He told her. He had to have told her he was leaving, and that was why she was so upset. It didnt explain the sweater, but it explained enough. Jonathan disappeared into the kitchen.
"Do you want to go?" Evan asked in my ear. I nodded. We stood and I slipped on my shoes while Evan retrieved our jackets. He held my hand as we walked out the front door.
My chest hurt, and I was having a hard time forming thoughts. As we neared his car, I started to worry. I couldnt tell exactly how drunk my mother was in her tirade, but I knew she was hurt. And when she was hurt. . .
I stopped. "I cant go. "
"What do you mean?" Evan was completely confounded.
"I have to stay," I told him with a grimace. "Shes upset, and I need to be here for her. "
"She needs to calm down," Evan explained, not following my logic.
"Yeah, youre right. But I need to be here for her when she does. "
Evan studied me for a moment. "I dont really know what just went on in there, but it wasnt good. Are you sure you dont just want to give them time to sort it out?"
"She needs me," was all I could think, and I couldnt leave knowing she might get worse in my absence.
"Ill stay with you," he said, squeezing my hand.
"No," I countered, causing him to cock his head. "Its complicated. Besides, you dont need to see this. Ill see you tomorrow, okay?"
Evan didnt say anything. It was obvious he was completely disturbed by the entire scenario, and I knew he didnt want to leave me.
"Itll be fine, I promise," I offered with a faint smile, then attempted to downplay it. "Its a girl thing. Shes having boy trouble, so. . . thats it. Shes going to need a girl to talk to, okay?"
Evan took a breath and nodded reluctantly. "Alright. Call me if you need me for anything, okay? Even if its in the middle of the night and you just need to talk. "
I leaned up and kissed him. "I will. " I was about to walk away when he pulled me back toward him and kissed me again, gripping me tightly like he was afraid to let me go. "Ill call you, okay?" I whispered, out of breath. He nodded and I walked back toward the house.
I pressed my back against the door when I shut it behind me, staring up at her room in deliberation.
"Shes drunk," Jonathan confirmed from the dark of the living room. "Shes probably passed out already. "
"Great," I grumbled, wanting to slide down to the floor?emotionally drained from my mothers tirade. I pulled off my shoes. "Im going to bed. " I had a thousand questions for him about what had happened tonight, but I was too deflated to talk about it. Whatever happened, it brought out a side in her that was angry and spiteful. A side that made my insides shudder. All I wanted was to shut it out with the blanket pulled up over my head.