Belladonna by Anne Bishop
“Listen, Magician,” she said, giving her voice enough punch to wipe the smile off his face. “No matter what you or Brighid think about this, you must keep your thoughts and concerns to yourself. This is Caitlin’s life, not yours. This has to be her choice, not what you want for her.”
“What are you—”
“Your mother walked into the sea because she never had this moment to stand in the place where her heart was rooted. Sometimes we’re given opportunities over and over again to make the choice that will lead to what the heart yearns for. And sometimes that opportunity, that moment when everything is right, only comes once.”
Anger hardened his face, reminding her that he, too, had Dark currents flowing through him that connected with the world. That he was, in his own way, a Guide.
“Do you think so little of me that you believe I’d hurt my sister?” he asked.
“No, you wouldn’t hurt her intentionally. But your doubts could influence her enough to have her making a choice that is not in her own best interest.”
“She’s eighteen,” Michael snapped. “And not an old eighteen, if you take my meaning.”
“Then it’s time she grew up. She’s not a child, remember?”
“Don’t be turning this around on me, Glorianna. Don’t be using my own words against me.”
“Then remember that you left home at sixteen, that if the Landscapers in your…country…had received formal training the way they do in my part of the world, you both would have left home to attend school at the age of fifteen.” She wasn’t getting through to him. She could see that by the look in his eyes. But she was getting a good measure of the depth and breadth of his stubborn streak.
“Consider this, Michael,” she said softly. “How would you feel if you never again heard music except for the sound that drifted through a locked door? When you pressed your ear against the wood, you could hear enough to crave the sound, to know something inside you needed it, but you could never open that door and hear the full richness or intricacy of the song.” She watched him pale. “I’m asking you to think carefully before you speak. Don’t become the locked door that stands between Caitlin and her heart.”
He walked away from her—and for the first time in memory, she wasn’t able to read someone’s heart.
Michael curled his hands around the railing and squeezed until his bones hurt. He wanted to yell at her, rage at her, call her names, and say things that could never be taken back.
Not because she had the nerve to tell him not to be a stone around his little sister’s neck, but because she had explained what was at stake in a way that scared him to the bone.
To lose the ability to hear the music in people’s hearts? To lose the ability to play music that would help people find the harmony in themselves? Worse than that, to have that ability but to be denied the use of it until it became a thwarted, crippled thing festering inside you. What would that do to the person who had that ability?
He knew what that would do to a person. After all, hadn’t his mother walked into the sea?
Door of Locks. Images. Stories.
Truths. Choices.
His family was splintering. It didn’t matter that he’d spent the past dozen years on the road, only coming back to Raven’s Hill for a few days at a time. It had been home because there had been family. Now the cottage was gone, and the sense of belonging somewhere was gone too.
Face it, lad, if there was a house that had a peg by the door that was for your coat and yours alone, and if there was a woman in that house who would laugh with you and quarrel with you and love you even when she wanted to knock your head against a wall…If you had those things, even if they were in a place far away from anything you had known, would you be resisting the idea of Caitlin settling so far from the places you know? You’re afraid to let go because Glorianna hasn’t offered you a place in her life, let alone a place in her house or in the piece of the world she calls home. And you’re afraid because when you lose Glorianna, there won’t be anyone left.
Lee stepped up to the railing. Said nothing.
Michael sighed. “How do you find the courage to let go?”
Lee shrugged. “Parents have been asking that question for generations. Most of them find the courage.”
“It’s just…If she stays here, Caitlin is going to be so far away.”
Lee gave him an odd look. “You still don’t understand, do you, Magician? All you need is one piece of common ground. If you have that landscape, she’ll only be as far away as she wants to be.”
Michael grimaced. “Sure, I know about you making bridges, but Caitlin’s never been anywhere beyond Raven’s Hill, and I can’t see her wanting to go back there.”
“She’s been to Aurora,” Lee countered. Then he gave Michael an evil grin. “And she’s been to the Den of Iniquity.”
He jumped as if a steel rod had been jammed up his backside. “Ah, no. Don’t be doing that to me. You’ve got a sister too—”
“And a cousin who is the Justice Maker in the Den.”
“Mentioning Sebastian is not a comfort.” And thinking of Caitlin with her lips locked to Teaser’s was a whole lot less than comfort. “She’s just eighteen and innocent. And Teaser is neither, and a walking temptation in the bargain.” Maybe if he kept saying it enough, it would make an impression on someone besides himself.
Lee’s evil grin got wider. “So that story you told me about your first time. Which was it, brag or lie?”
“Damn you.” But even as he said it, it occurred to him that he’d never had a friend who would poke at him like this. Even Nathan wouldn’t have poked fun at him.
“Tell you what,” Lee said, clapping a hand on Michael’s shoulder. “You don’t show too much interest in Caitlin’s sex life—and I won’t show too much interest in Glorianna’s.”
“That’s different.”
“So you say.”
“It is.”
“We’re docking,” Kenneday called out. “If either of you care.”
“Could be worse,” Lee said, taking a step back. “Sebastian could start taking an interest in Glorianna’s sex life.”
“Lady of Light, have mercy,” Michael muttered, wincing at the reminder that the incubus had already showed a bit too much interest in his cousin’s relationships. And I haven’t even talked her into bed yet.
Lee walked away laughing, the ripe bastard. Then Brighid appeared from belowdecks, looking pale but determined.
Let them go, he thought as he moved to intercept Brighid and have a few words with her to convey Glorianna’s message. Have the courage to let them both go on with their own lives.
Their eyes met, and he realized she had faced this moment twelve years ago—when she had let him go.
He offered her a smile and his arm. “Shall we go out and meet the world?”
She linked her arm in his. “Yes, I think we shall.”
Can you feel it, Caitlin?
That’s what Glorianna had asked. But she couldn’t feel it. Wasn’t sure of anything anymore. She hadn’t meant to hurt the White Isle or Lighthaven, hadn’t meant to break the world. It felt too much like the time she had indulged in a temper tantrum. She couldn’t remember now what it was Aunt Brighid had denied her, but she could remember that moment of wanting to be spiteful beyond words. Could remember picking up the cobalt blue glass statue that represented the Lady of Light—one of the few possessions her aunt had brought to Raven’s Hill and the one Brighid had truly prized. Could remember the terrible glee when she threw the statue on the floor to express her displeasure.
And she could remember the naked pain on Brighid’s face when that statue broke—and the way Brighid had sounded broken when she said, “Do as you please, then.” Brighid had gone into her bedroom and locked the door—and had spent the afternoon crying.
Such a frightening moment for a young girl, to wonder if anyone loved you anymore.
The statue had broken into a handful of pieces. She picked them up
“Some things can’t be mended, Caitlin Marie.”
She hadn’t done this breaking on her own this time, but the result was the same: The world couldn’t be mended. Not even Glorianna could mend it. Why would these people want her to live among them?
Can you feel it, Caitlin?
Her fear that she was being dropped off in this village so that Michael and Brighid—and Glorianna—could wash their hands of her began bubbling up as resentment as she followed Glorianna down the gangplank. No, she couldn’t feel it. People expected her to know things but couldn’t be bothered to explain things. And then they blamed her for doing something wrong when she hadn’t known she could do something wrong.
Then she stepped onto the dock and staggered into Glorianna, vaguely aware that Lee, coming down behind her, had grabbed her arm to steady her.
The light dazzled. The air felt heavy and so richly potent that just breathing made her feel a little drunk. And something flowed through her that was joy and sadness, anger and laughter, rich loam and hard rock, sweet water and brine.
“The currents of Light and Dark that flow through this landscape are aligning themselves to resonate more fully with the currents that flow through you,” Glorianna said. “This is what it’s like to be the bedrock of a landscape. Can you feel it, Caitlin?”
“Yes.” I’m home! “Yes, I feel it.”
Glorianna smiled. “Then let’s see what we can do about getting you settled.”
“For a place that’s supposed to be a small, backward village, they have a good harbor,” Lee said. “Could be they do a lot more trading than anyone else on the island is aware of. So it’s likely they also have a rooming house or inn for travelers where Caitlin could stay until she finds a place that suits her.”
“Let’s find out,” Glorianna said, smiling at Lee as if sharing a secret. Then she linked arms with Caitlin to lead her toward the welcoming committee.
Caitlin glanced back. Michael gave her an encouraging smile, although it wobbled a little around the edges. Aunt Brighid…Well, it was hard to tell what her aunt was thinking at the moment.
The people waiting for them were all smiling. When she and Glorianna were two man-lengths from the committee, the men swept off their caps in a move that was so smoothly in unison that it made her wonder if they rehearsed it on regular occasions.
Then the smiles faded. The people stared until an old woman stepped forward, smiling despite the tears that filled her eyes.
“It has finally happened,” she said, looking at Glorianna. “All the years of waiting…done now. The Heart Seer has come back.” Her eyes shifted to Caitlin, and her pleasure turned to puzzlement.
“I am the Guide, the Heart Seer, for Lighthaven,” Glorianna said. “Caitlin Marie is the Landscaper for the rest of the White Isle. She is the one who has tended Darling’s Garden these past twelve years.”
“Aahhhh.” The sound breathed through the crowd, as if something that had always seemed peculiar now suddenly made sense.
“I’m Peg,” the old woman said. “This is my youngest granddaughter, Moira. I’ve been the village’s cornerstone, so to speak. Been training up young Moira, since she has the feel of the place in her bones, if you take my meaning.”
Before Caitlin could admit that the words made no sense, Glorianna said, “You’re the anchor.”
Hushed anticipation. A feeling like a light breath blowing over the hairs of her arm.
“You know,” Peg said, her wrinkled face lighting with joy even though there was a hint of doubt in her voice.
“Anchors help Landscapers keep the world balanced and sane,” Glorianna said. “But most don’t realize what they do for a place and its people.”
“We haven’t forgotten our traditions,” a gray-haired, middle-aged man said. “Not like some in the south.”
“Hush, Colin,” Peg said. “We’ll not speak ill of our neighbors—even if they act like two-headed goats most of the time,” she added in a barely audible mutter.
Caitlin tried to stifle a laugh, which came out in a snort.
“Do you need a handkerchief?” Glorianna asked with a politeness that would have cowed even Aunt Brighid.
“No,” Caitlin said meekly.
Peg looked at Glorianna—and smiled. “You’re a strong one, aren’t you?”
“I understand how strong—and how fragile—the world can be,” Glorianna replied.
“Didn’t get your name.”
“Glorianna Belladonna.”
Another hush. Uneasy shuffling of feet.
“There’s a pair of Sentinel Stones beyond the village,” Peg said. “Some of our young go journeying. Some are meant for other places. Some return to Darling’s Harbor. So we’ve heard of Belladonna.”
Glorianna said nothing, but there was now a chill in her green eyes that made Caitlin wish Michael would step up and do something, say something.
Peg looked worried. “We’ve also heard stories that the Destroyer of Light has awakened.”
“Where I come from, we call It the Eater of the World,” Glorianna said. “And, yes, It is loose in the world—and has already touched Elandar.”
Peg nodded. “Then it’s glad I am to have seen the Warrior of Light with my own two eyes. And we’re grateful that you were the one who brought the Seer back to us.” She sniffed once, then squared her shoulders. “Now then…”
“Captain Kenneday!” Colin called out, raising a hand.
“You’ll not be doing business now!” Peg scolded.
“And what better time to be doing it?” Colin demanded.
Peg opened her mouth—and finally huffed out a breath. “Very well, then. You talk to the captain. Kayne! You’ve got younger legs anyway. You show them a bit of the village on the way to the Seer’s house.”
“There’s a house?” Caitlin asked. Something made her glance at Glorianna and Lee—and she realized they had already known about these accommodations.
“Sure there’s a house,” Peg said. “Old one burned a few years back. Just as well, I suppose. Meaning no disrespect, since she would have been kin to you, but the last one to tend the garden lived in the house from time to time. I was just a girl then, but I remember my mother talking to friends and saying how they had scrubbed that house from top to bottom and still couldn’t get rid of the sour smell. It was like that woman’s disposition had seeped into the wood and stone. The one that stands now has been tended but not lived in. We’ve been waiting, you see. We always knew one of Darling’s girls would find her way home for good.”
“That was her name?” Caitlin asked, startled.
“Sure it was her name,” Peg said. “Darling by name, darling by nature. She was the Seer who first made the garden in order to tend her little bits of the world. Then she fell in love, but her man wasn’t easy living here, so she went with him to live in his home village and added the place to the bits she tended. But she never quite came home again, even though we knew she still looked out for us. Her daughters and their line never quite came home either. Until now.”
Kayne stepped up to be properly introduced, and Caitlin heard Glorianna make the rest of the introductions. Heard Peg invite Brighid to ride with her in the pony cart. But those were just sounds rippling over the surface. There was a bell tolling in her head, and the sound rang out as “Raven’s Hill, Raven’s Hill, Raven’s Hill.”
As the others got sorted out, she tugged on Glorianna’s arm, and a look from Glorianna Belladonna was all it took for everyone else to give them some private space.
“Raven’s Hill is in the garden?” Caitlin asked, keeping her voice low.
Sadness fi
“It’s there,” Glorianna said reluctantly.
She waited, and then realized Glorianna wasn’t going to say anything else unless asked. “Where?”
Glorianna hesitated. “Under the compost heap.”
She thought about how Raven’s Hill had felt these past few years—and blinked away the tears suddenly stinging her eyes. “Can I fix it?”
“No.”
Some things can’t be mended, Caitlin Marie.
“Why did you choose that spot to dump the debris from the rest of the garden?” Glorianna asked.
“It felt…bad,” Caitlin said. “Trashy. Weedy. And…the other parts of the garden were weedy and overgrown, but I could still see some of what they had been. That spot…”
“Not your fault then, Caitlin,” Glorianna said. “It’s only a guess, but if too much of the nature of Landscapers had been forgotten by Darling’s descendants, then one of them didn’t resonate with Raven’s Hill and should have let it go. Dumping garbage over the part of the garden that provided the access to the village was a cruel thing to do because it fed the Dark currents and never allowed Raven’s Hill to be the place it was meant to be.” She sighed and brushed her hair away from her face. “Maybe a need that had no other way of expressing itself acted through you. Whatever the reason, and even though it wasn’t done prudently, you did what should have been done a long time ago; you severed your family’s connection to Raven’s Hill and the village’s connection to your garden.”
“But it won’t have a Landscaper anymore,” Caitlin said. “So won’t more bad things happen?”
“It doesn’t have a Landscaper at the moment,” Glorianna said. Then she smiled and added softly, “But it does have an anchor. Another will has been pushing against yours all these years, resisting the village’s slow change into a dark landscape.”
A whistle made them look over to the spot where Michael, Lee, and Kayne waited. Lee cocked his head and raised a hand in an are you coming? gesture.