Belladonna by Anne Bishop
Bang, bang, bang. “Glorianna?”
Muffling a shriek that would announce her abrupt return to the present—and give Lee the satisfaction of knowing he’d startled her—Glorianna pressed her hand against her chest to push her jumping heart back into place. There was nothing quite like a brother when it came to shattering a sensual fantasy. She hoped to return the favor someday.
Annoyed with herself for procrastinating and annoyed with him, since he wouldn’t have been banging on her bedroom door if they weren’t already late and that meant he knew she was procrastinating, she hurried across the room and opened the door.
All her annoyance disappeared, because all she could do was stare.
He was wearing his best black trousers and jacket, with a white shirt, a patterned green silk vest, and a black necktie. He’d worn those clothes for the weddings—Sebastian and Lynnea, and then, a week later, their mother and Jeb. Except for those two occasions, she couldn’t remember the last time he had dressed so well.
“My handsome brother,” she said, intending a light compliment. But seeing him standing there, polished up because he was as nervous about this meeting as she, was a sharp reminder that his life would have been so much easier if she hadn’t been his sister.
Or if he had refused to acknowledge her after she had been declared rogue.
So she couldn’t keep her voice light, couldn’t wave aside how much his loyalty had meant to her over the past sixteen years.
“Don’t get maudlin,” Lee said, grabbing her arm and pulling her out of the room.
“I am not getting maudlin,” she said, insulted because she was so close to feeling that way. “I was just trying to be pleasant.”
“Uh-huh.” He kept pulling her along, slowing down when they reached the stairs to give her a chance to lift her skirt so she wouldn’t trip and send both of them tumbling.
“Will you stop pulling at me?” Glorianna snapped when they reached the bottom of the stairs.
“No.” He pulled her out of the house and around to the side. “We’ll use my island to reach the rest of Sanctuary. It will take too long to use a boat. You spent so much time primping, we’re late as it is.” He gave her a calculating look. “Or did you get distracted by something else?”
Heat flooded her face, and Lee, being an odious sibling, laughed.
“Sebastian will be pleased that you like his gift,” he said.
“I wasn’t mooning over a painting,” she replied, clenching her teeth.
“Did I say mooning? I never said mooning.” He stopped at the edge of where his island rested over hers, visible since there was no reason to hide it.
Lee’s little island was anchored in Sanctuary. She had originally created it as a private place for herself, but it had resonated with Lee from the moment he’d set foot on it, and the connection was so strong that he could impose the island over any other landscape. Unseen unless he chose otherwise, the island provided safe ground if he found himself in a dangerous landscape.
“So,” he continued, “do you want to sit around with the other Landscapers indulging in sterile, suffocatingly polite talk or just ask Ephemera to conjure up a big mud wallow?”
“What?” She stared at him. “Did you knot that necktie too tight? I don’t think there’s any blood getting to your brain.”
“There’s a custom in one of the landscapes—not one of yours but one I visited with another Bridge a couple of years ago. When two people—usually women since men tend to deal with things in other ways—start hurling insults at each other, and the disturbance starts dragging other people in to take sides, the village leaders have the two women—people—escorted to a wallow at the edge of town that was created just for that purpose. The two…contestants, let’s call them…are assisted into the wallow—”
“Shoved, you mean.”
Lee shrugged. “And they go at it. Every insult is accompanied by a handful of mud that is slung at the other contestant.”
“Mudslinging in the literal sense.”
He nodded. “So they scream and rant and rave and sling mud at each other until they’re too tired to continue.”
“Must be humiliating, to say things meant to be kept private.”
“But they don’t keep it private. They’ve been saying the same things to people behind the other person’s back. This gets it all out in the open, and beyond showing everyone else how petty the argument truly is, it’s also highly entertaining.”
“Does it do any good?”
“Sometimes I think it really does clear things up between people who care about each other but stumbled somewhere along the way.”
Glorianna cocked her head. “Like siblings?”
Lee grinned. “From what I gathered, some of them start a ruckus just to go play in the mud.”
She laughed. “Too bad you didn’t know about this custom when we were younger.”
He laughed with her, then he turned serious. “You’re not like other Landscapers, Glorianna Belladonna. You never were. You’re a heart-walker as well as a Landscaper. Never forget that.”
Tears stung her eyes, and she didn’t resist when he put his arms around her in a comforting hug.
“Do you ever wish that I had been like them?” she asked, resting her head on his shoulder.
“Sometimes,” he replied quietly. “But only because of what it cost you to be different.” He hesitated, then added, “I wouldn’t change anything, Belladonna. I’ve worked with other Landscapers. Had to. And I’ll tell you this, not as your brother but as a Bridge. There is no one else I would want leading this fight against the Eater of the World. There is no one else I would trust enough to follow.”
She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. Not that she needed to see the truth; she could feel his heart.
“Let’s go meet with the others.”
With their hands linked, they stepped onto the island. Within moments, Lee had shifted them back to the part of Sanctuary where the island physically existed. A few minutes later, they entered the guesthouse and found the room Yoshani had reserved for this meeting.
The Landscapers and Bridges in the room didn’t look bedraggled, exactly, but there was a dazed expression in all their eyes. They had seen the end of their world as they knew it, and none of them were sure how to take the next step toward healing what had been savaged by the Eater of the World’s attack on the Landscapers’ and Bridges’ schools.
Had the Guides of the Heart looked the same way? Glorianna wondered. When the battle was over and they looked around at their shattered world, had they, too, felt lost and uncertain?
Yoshani smiled when he saw them, but she felt the sadness resonating from his heart, felt the Dark currents of power that flowed through the room, fed by the five Landscapers and three Bridges who sat waiting. She didn’t know any of the Bridges, and she didn’t know the Third Level Landscaper or the three who wore First Level badges. But the oldest Landscaper had been an Instructor at the school during her brief time there.
“Hey-a,” Yoshani said softly.
One of the Bridges looked over and saw them. For a moment, his eyes remained blank. Then anger filled him as he leaped to his feet and pointed. “What are they doing here?”
“They are the ones you have come to see,” Yoshani said.
“Not them,” the oldest Landscaper said. “Not her.”
“There are things you need to know,” Glorianna said, moving farther into the room. “Things you can do to protect your Landscapes if you just—”
“You did this!” the Third Level Landscaper screamed. “The wizards should have destroyed you when they had the chance!”
“Glorianna didn’t release the Eater of the World, and she didn’t destroy the school!” Lee shouted. “She’s never done anything to any of you! The Dark Guides poisoned your minds and hearts against her, but she’s the only one who can help you now.”
“We don’t need her help,” the oldest Landscaper said, her whole body shaking with ange
“Do you really see it?” Glorianna asked. “Can you calm your own hearts for just a moment to really see me for who and what I am?” She held out a hand and focused on the oldest Landscaper. “You don’t need the garden at the school to connect with your landscapes. They resonate within you. You can reach them. If the landscapes you came from are secure, you can build another garden to help you protect the places in your keeping. And the Bridges can connect the landscapes the five of you hold. I need your help in fighting the Eater of the World.”
“Our help?” the oldest Landscaper said. She laughed bitterly. “If anyone unleashed these horrors on the landscapes, it is you. You dare to come here to Sanctuary? This is sacred ground, a Place of Light. You sully it with the mere presence of your filthy heart!”
“Enough!” Yoshani shouted.
No, Glorianna thought. It is not enough.
The Dark currents inside her swelled with an anger that was black and undiluted. She stepped away from Lee. But before she said the words that were straining to break free, she sent out a command.
Ephemera, hear me. The anger in this room is nothing more than wind, a storm that cleanses and is gone. This anger manifests nothing, changes nothing.
But it would change everything.
“I am not like you,” Glorianna said, the fierce anger that flowed through her making her voice rough. “I have never been like you, because I am a direct descendant of the Guides of the Heart who walked this world long ago. I am like them, and I am connected to the world in ways you cannot imagine. But I also have the bloodlines of the Dark Guides flowing through my veins, so I command the Light and the Dark. I am not human. Not like you. I am Belladonna. You have never wanted any part of me. Now I want no part of you.” She raised a hand and pointed at the Landscapers and Bridges. “Ephemera, hear me! Know these hearts. Any place that resonates with me is closed to them for all time. They may leave this landscape of their own choosing, but if they do not leave, send them to the landscape that resonates with their hearts. This I command.”
She turned and walked to the door. Then she paused and looked back at them. “The Eater of the World is free among the landscapes. If you don’t hold on to your pieces of the world with all the Light in your hearts, It will destroy you and everything in your care.”
She walked out of the room, walked out of the guesthouse. Then she ran from the pain that threatened to cripple her.
But even as she ran, she knew no one, not even Glorianna Belladonna, could run fast enough or far enough to escape the pain that lived in her own heart.
Yoshani stepped in front of Lee. “It is done,” he said, keeping his voice low so that only Lee would hear. “There is no need to say more. Go away for a few hours. Go see your cousin.”
Lee’s green eyes were filled with icy anger. “My sister needs me.”
“There is too much anger in your heart, my friend. You cannot help her. Let your feelings spill on someone who can drink them in and not be hurt by them. Sometimes anger needs an echo before it can be washed away. Go. I will look after Glorianna.”
Lee glared at the Landscapers and Bridges, but he left the room.
Yoshani closed his eyes and tried to calm the turmoil in his own heart.
Opportunities and choices. It was a saying Glorianna often used to explain how the world worked to fulfill true heart wishes. He had seen the Light side of that saying, but until today, he had never seen the tragic side of it when the choices might cost so much.
He turned to face the eight people in the room.
“I am sorry,” he said, “but you can no longer stay in Sanctuary.”
He gave them a few moments to deny and protest his words, then he raised a hand to command silence. “You cannot stay.”
“But we came here looking for help, looking for answers to what was happening in the landscapes—and what happened at the school,” one of Bridges protested. “You said we might find the answer here.”
“The answer stood before you, and you would not see. You chose to turn away from her, and now she has chosen to turn away from you.”
The oldest Landscaper stared at him in disbelief. “Belladonna? She was the answer? She’s a rogue!”
“And that is all you see,” Yoshani said sadly. “For you, she is nothing more than a word that evil used to shroud your hearts. So now you do not resonate with the currents of power that flow through Sanctuary, and you cannot stay here.”
“But she can?” one of the Bridges shouted.
“Sanctuary is one of Belladonna’s landscapes,” Yoshani replied quietly. “She altered Ephemera in order to bring the Places of Light together so that we might learn from each other, draw strength from each other.”
They just looked at him, too stunned to speak.
The youngest Landscaper wrapped her arms around herself. “The school is gone. We can’t go back to our gardens. How are we supposed to take care of Ephemera if we’re all alone?”
“You are not alone,” Yoshani said, looking at each of them in turn. “You have each other. So you find a place where you can build again, begin again.” And hope the Eater of the World does not find you again. “Come. I will escort you to the bridge that, I believe, will still be able to take you back to your landscapes.”
Glorianna kept her eyes fixed on the koi pond. She wanted to go back to the Island in the Mist and wrap herself in the comfort of solitude. But she sat on the bench and watched the koi while waiting for Lee to find her.
Except it was Yoshani who sat down on the bench and watched the golden fish.
“Where is Lee?” Glorianna asked, her voice husky from the storm of tears that had broken inside her after she’d run from the guesthouse.
“He has gone to spend a little time with Sebastian,” Yoshani replied.
“But…” She pushed down the feeling of disappointment. Lee had to be upset about that meeting. He was entitled to venting in whatever way he chose.
“I suggested he leave for a little while,” Yoshani said. “As close as you are to your brother, I think there are some things that you cannot say to him.”
Glorianna didn’t answer, so they sat together and watched the koi.
“Heart wishes are the most powerful magic that exists in our world,” she finally said. “They can reshape the world, cause a cascade of events.”
“Is it not true that any heart wish, no matter how powerful, can be thwarted by another heart wish that alters or disrupts that cascade of events?” Yoshani asked. When she didn’t respond, he added, “What is it you fear, Glorianna Dark and Wise?”
Fear. Yes, there were things she couldn’t discuss with a brother—or a mother. But here, now…
“I’ve known for sixteen years that I was different,” she said softly. “I’ve known I wasn’t like the other Landscapers, even before I was declared rogue. But I’ve wanted to be one of them. I’ve wanted to belong and have friends and people who would understand the challenges and frustrations of being a caretaker of the world.” She hesitated, then pushed on to the thing that had to be said. “Did I cause this, Yoshani? Did my own yearning to belong ripple through the currents of the world and set all this in motion, freeing the Eater and destroying the school so that the survivors would need to see me as one of them?” Tears welled up, stinging her eyes before they flowed down her cheeks. “Did I do this?”
“Glorianna, I say this with honesty and with the love of a friend.” Yoshani took her hand in both of his and leaned toward her. “You are being a conceited ass.”
She blinked at him, trying to see him clearly through the tears.
“Did you free the Eater of the World?” he asked.
“Maybe I—”
“Did you go to the school and set that evil free?”
“No, but—”
“Did you deliberately, and with malice, use your influence over Ephemera to cause whatever
“No.” Using her free hand, she wiped the tears off her face.
“Let me tell you a story about the world.”
“I don’t think there’s time for a story,” Glorianna said, feeling surly. He had called her a conceited ass. What kind of help was that?
“There is time for this one.” Yoshani released her hand, braced a foot on the bench, and wrapped his arms around the upraised knee. “I wasn’t a bad man, more of a youth whose wildness could have led him down a dark road. If there had been a place like the Den of Iniquity in those days, I might have chosen a very different life.”
Glorianna studied him. “Teaser still gets hysterical when your name is mentioned.”
Teaser was an incubus who lived in the Den and was Sebastian’s closest friend. When she had gone to Wizard City to trap the Dark Guides, Yoshani had returned to the Den with Teaser to help that landscape remain balanced. The incubus was still having trouble accepting the fact that a man who lived in a Place of Light had been comfortable—had enjoyed—visiting the Den of Iniquity.
Yoshani smiled. “As I told him many times during my visit, I was not always a holy man.”
“So why did you become a holy man?”
“Because of you.”
Glorianna didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what to think, what to feel.
“My wildness was making things difficult for my family. At the core of that wildness was anger. Within my extended family there were several professions I could have chosen, several trades I could have apprenticed in. But none of them touched my heart, and in my own way I fought against being yoked into a life I wasn’t meant to live.
“Finally my grandfather took me aside and told me I had a choice: I could go up the mountain and live in the community that served the Light and remain a member of the family, or I could continue my wild ways alone, shunned by all who had loved me. If at the end of three years I had not found my place or my purpose with the Light, I could come home and take up my old ways with no familial penalty.
“So for three years I worked in the community and studied with the elders and tried to find my purpose in the Light. And every day I prayed that something or someone would show me what, in my heart, I knew I was missing.