Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie
“I want you married and happy and this Cabot isn’t—”
“Calvin,” Min said.
“Bring him to dinner Saturday,” Nanette said. “Wear something black so you’ll look thinner.”
“I’m not seeing him, Mother,” Min said. “That’s going to make it doubtful that he’ll want to meet my parents.”
“Just be careful,” her mother said. “I don’t know how you find these men.”
“He looked down my sweater and saw that red lace bra,” Min said. “It’s all your fault.”
She spent a few more minutes reassuring Nanette, and then she hung up and went back to editing for another five minutes until the phone rang again. “Oh, great,” she said and answered it, prepared to argue with her mother again. “Minerva Dobbs.”
“Min, it’s Di,” her sister said.
“Hi, honey,” Min said. “If this is about Greg ratting out my picnic date, it’s okay, it’s over, I’m never going to see him again.” She drew another line through Greg’s name. As far as she was concerned, there couldn’t be too many lines through Greg’s name.
“Greg says David says he’s awful,” Diana said.
Min sat up a little straighter. “David said that, did he?” The rat fink didn’t even play fair on his bets. She wrote “David” in big block letters and then stabbed her pen into it.
“He told Greg not to tell me he’d told him,” Diana said.
“Right,” Min said, not bothering to follow that.
“He just doesn’t sound like part of your plan,” Di said.
Min stopped stabbing. “My plan? What plan?”
“You always have a plan,” Di said. “Like me. I’ve planned my wedding and my marriage very carefully and Greg fits perfectly. He’s perfect for me. We’re going to have a perfect life.”
“Right,” Min said, and drew another line through Greg’s name.
“So I know you must have a plan and this wolf—”
“Beast,” Min said.
“—frog, whatever, can’t fit your plan.”
“He’s not a frog,” Min said. “I kissed him and he did not turn into a prince.” He turned into a god. No, he didn’t. “Look, I’m never going to see him again, so everybody can relax.”
“Good,” Di said. “I’ll tell Mom you’re being sensible as usual and she won’t worry anymore.”
“Oh, good,” Min said. “Sensible as usual. Nobody mentioned this to Dad, did they?”
“Mom might have,” Diana said.
“Oh, hell, Di, why didn’t you stop her?” A vision of her overprotective father rose up before her like a big blond bear. “You know how he is.”
“I know,” Di said. “I’m still not sure he likes Greg.”
Are you sure you like Greg? Min wanted to say, but there wasn’t any point since Diana would insist it was True Love to the death. “Well, good news, I got you a cake—”
“You did?” Di’s voice went up a notch. “Oh, Min, thank you—”
“—but it won’t be decorated so Bonnie and I are going to do that with Mom’s pearls and a lot of fresh flowers.” Min began to draw a wedding cake.
“You’re going to decorate my cake?” Di said, her voice flat.
“People are going to love it when they taste it,” Min said, adding some doves to the top.
“Taste?” Di said. “What about when they look at it?”
“Are you kidding? Fresh flowers and real pearls? It’ll be a sensation.” Min drew in some pearls. They were easier than doves, and she was experiencing enough difficulty with her morning.
“What does Mom say?”
“Why don’t we ask her at the wedding?” Min said, keeping her voice chirpy.
“Okay,” Di said, taking a deep breath into the phone. “I really am grateful. And it’s good that it’ll taste good, too. For the cake boxes and everything.”
“Cake boxes?” Min said.
“The little boxes of cake that the guests take home for souvenirs,” Diana said. “To dream on.”
“Cake boxes,” Min said and began to draw little squares. “Two hundred. You bet.”
“You didn’t get cake boxes?”
“Yes,” Min said, drawing boxes faster. “I got cake boxes. Will you relax? You sound like you’re strung up on wires. How are you doing?”
“I’m fine,” Diana said, with too much emphasis.
“No trouble with Wet and Worse?” Min said and then winced. “I mean Susie and Karen?”
Diana laughed. “I can’t believe you said that.”
“I’m sorry,” Min said. “It’s . . .”
“Min, we know about it. Karen overheard Liza say it back when we were in high school. She calls Bonnie and Liza Sweet and Tart.”
Min laughed in spite of herself.
“Don’t tell them,” Diana said. “I’ll go on pretending you don’t call Susie and Karen Wet and Worse if you’ll go on pretending we don’t call Bonnie and Liza Sweet and Tart.”
“Deal,” Min said. “God, we’re horrible people.”
“Not us,” Diana said cheerfully. “It’s our friends who make this stuff up. We’re those nice Dobbs girls.”
“I think that depends on who you ask,” Min said, thinking of Cal. She had to remember to be nicer to him. Except she wasn’t going to see him again so it didn’t matter. Also, when she was nice to him in the park, it went badly. “I’ve been really bitchy lately. . . .” Her voice trailed off as her father loomed in the doorway, looking like an anxious Viking. “Hi, Daddy.”
“Oh, no,” Diana said.
“I’ll talk to you later,” Min said to Diana and hung up. “So, what brings you down here?” she said to her dad. “Air get too thin on the fortieth floor?”
“About this man you’re seeing,” George Dobbs said, glowering at his daughter as he came into her office.
“Don’t even try it,” Min said. “I know you have junior account executives for breakfast, but that doesn’t work with me. I’m not seeing Cal anymore, but if I were, it would be my choice. Come on, Dad.” She smiled at him, but his face stayed worried. “Two and a half million people get married every year in this country. Why not me?”
“Marriage isn’t for everybody, Min,” he said.
“Daddy?” Min said, taken aback.
“This man is not a good man,” George said.
“Now wait just a minute,” Min said. “You don’t even know him. He was a perfect gentleman both times we went out—” Well, there were hands in the park. “—and since we’ve decided not to see each other again, it’s pretty much not a problem.”
“Good.” Her father’s face cleared. “Good for you. That’s smart. Why take chances with a man you know isn’t a good risk?”
“I’m not selling him insurance,” Min said.
“I know, Min,” he said. “But it’s the same principle. You’re not a gambler. You’re too sensible for that.”
He smiled at her, patted her hand, and left, and Min sat at her desk and felt dull, frumpy, and boring. Not a gambler. Sensible as usual. She let herself think about kissing Cal in the park, his mouth hot on hers, his hands hard on her, and she felt the heat rise all over again. That hadn’t been sensible, that hadn’t been a plan. And now she was never going to see him again.
She looked down at her report and realized she’d perforated it. She must have been stabbing it, the Norman Bates of statistical analysis. “Great,” she said, and tried to pull the pages apart. The top sheet ripped, and her phone rang, and she picked it up and snarled, “Minerva Dobbs,” ready to perforate the caller this time.
“Good morning, Minerva,” Cal said, and all the air rushed out of Min’s lungs. “How did you get that godawful name?”
Breathe. Deep breaths. Very deep breaths.
“Oh,” she said. “This is good. Grief about my name from a guy named Calvin.” I do not care that he called. I am totally unaffected by this. Her heart was pounding so loudly she was convinced he could hear it over the phone.
&n
“My mother wanted a goddess,” Min said faintly.
“Well, she got one,” Cal said. “I take it back, it’s the perfect name for you.”
“And my father’s mother was named Minnie,” Min said, trying to get back to offhand and unfazed. “It was a compromise. Why isn’t your name Robert?”
“I got his last name,” Cal said. “Which is good. I don’t see myself as a Bob.”
“Bob Morrisey.” Min leaned back in her chair, pretending to be cool. “That weird guy in the shipping department.”
“The insurance agent you can trust,” Cal said.
“The used car salesman you can’t,” Min said.
“Whereas Calvin Morrisey is the old fart who started the company in 1864,” Cal said. “Or in this case, the guy who has your shoe.”
“Shoe?”
“Red ribbons, funky heel, big dopey flower.”
“My shoe.” Min sat up, delighted. “I didn’t think I’d ever see it again.”
“Well, you won’t unless you come to lunch with me,” Cal said. “I’m holding it for ransom. There’s a gun to its heel right now.”
“I have lunch at my desk,” Min began, and thought, Oh, for crying out loud, could I be any more pathetic?
“Emilio is experimenting with a lunch menu. He needs you. I need you.”
“I can’t,” Min said while every fiber in her being said, Yes, yes, anything. Thank God her fiber couldn’t talk.
“You can’t let Emilio down,” Cal went on. “He loves you. We’ll have chicken marsala. Come on, live a little. A very little.”
A very little. Even Cal knew she was a sensible, non-gambling, plan-ridden loser. “Yes,” Min said, her heart starting to pound again. “I would love to get my shoe back and have chicken marsala for lunch.”
“Keep in mind, you have to eat it with me,” Cal said. “You’re not seeing that shoe until you eat.”
“I can stand that,” Min said, and felt lighter all over. Then she hung up and looked at her report.
She’d been drawing hearts on it, tiny ones, dozens of them.
“Oh, my Lord,” Min said and put her head on her desk.
When Min got to Emilio’s, a dark-haired teenage boy at the door said, “You looking for Cal?” and when she nodded, said, “He’s at your table,” and jerked his head into the restaurant.
“I have a table?” Min said, but then she saw Cal sitting by the window at the table they’d had Wednesday night, and she lost her breath for a minute. I keep forgetting how beautiful he is, she thought, and watched as he sat relaxed in his chair, his dark eyes fixed on the street outside, his profile perfect. He was tapping his fingers on the table, and his hands looked strong, and Min remembered how good they’d felt on her and thought, Get out of here. Then he saw her and straightened and smiled, his eyes lighting as if he were glad to see her, and she smiled back and went to meet him. Charm Boy, she thought, and slowed down again, but he already had her chair pulled out for her.
“Thanks for coming,” he said, and she slid into the chair thinking, He’s up to something, be careful. Then she noticed him looking at the floor and said, “What?” her voice cracking with nerves.
“Shoes,” he said. “What are you wearing?”
“You sound like an obscene phone call,” she said, trying to keep her treacherous voice steady, but she stuck her foot out so he could see her blue reptile slides, open-toed to show off the matching blue nail polish.
He shook his head. “You can do better. The toes are nice, though.”
“These are work shoes,” she said, annoyance clearing up her nerves. “Also, you have my red shoe so I couldn’t wear those. Can I have my shoe back?”
“Not until after lunch,” he said, sitting down across from her. “It’s my only leverage.”
“Have you had this foot fetish long?” she said, as he passed her the bread basket.
“Just since I met you,” he said. “Suddenly, there’s a whole new world out there.”
“Glad to know I’ve made an impact,” she said, and was appalled to realize that she really was. It was enough to make her nerves come back. He doesn’t matter. She shoved the bread basket back to him, determined to be virtuous in consumption if not in thought, and said, “So who’s the charmer at the door? He needs lessons from you.”
“Emilio’s nephew.” Cal picked up a piece of bread and broke it. “His tableside manner could use some work.”
“Doesn’t Emilio have somebody else to put up front?” Min picked up her napkin to keep her hands off the bread. “He can’t be good for business.”
“Brian’s the socially adept one in the family,” Cal said. “His brothers are back in the kitchen where they won’t hurt anybody. Fortunately, they can cook. I already ordered. Salad, chicken marsala, no pasta.”
“Oh, good,” Min said, “because I’m starving. Did you know that forty percent of all pasta sold is spaghetti?” Geek, she thought, and tried to suppress her statistical instinct while she smiled at him. “I think that shows a huge lack of imag—”
Brian slung a salad in front of her and another in front of Cal. “Your chicken’s up in about fifteen,” he told Cal. “You want wine with that?”
“Yes, please,” Cal said to him. “I thought you were working on your finesse.”
“Not with you,” Brian said. “I know it’s chicken, but for you, red wine, right?”
“Right,” Cal said. “Now ask me what kind of red.”
“Whatever Emilio puts in the glass,” Brian said, and left.
“Just a little ray of sunshine,” Min said. “But enough about him. Give me the ten bucks.”
“Ten bucks?” Cal looked beautifully blank and then shook his head. “There wasn’t a bet. Stop harassing me for cash.”
“You asked me out without a bet?” Min said.
“No money will change hands,” Cal said. “Except for me paying the tab.”
“We can go Dutch,” Min offered.
“No, we can’t.”
“Why not? I can afford it. We’re not dating. Why—”
“I invited you, I pay,” Cal said, his face beginning to set into that stubborn look that exasperated her.
“That means if I invite you, I pay,” Min said.
“No, I pay then, too,” Cal said. “So tell me who Diana, Wet, and Worse are.”
“That’s why you invited me to lunch?” Min said, infusing her voice with as much skepticism as possible.
“No.” Cal put his head in his hands. “Could we just for once meet like regular people? Smile at each other, make small talk, pretend you don’t hate me?”
“I don’t hate you,” Min said, shocked. “I like you. I mean, you have flaws—”
“What flaws?” Cal said. “Of course I have them, but I’ve been on my best behavior with you. Except for hitting you in the eye and attacking you on a picnic table. How are you?”
“I’m fine,” Min said, putting as much chipper as she could into her voice. “I’m turning over a new leaf. Taking risks. Like having lunch with a wolf.”
“I’m a wolf?” Cal said.
“Oh, please,” Min said. “You picked me up on Friday with ‘Hello, little girl.’ Who did you think you were channeling, the prince?”
Emilio appeared with wine before Cal could say anything, and Min beamed at him, grateful for the rescue. “Emilio, my darling. I forgot to mention cake boxes. Two hundred cake boxes.”
“Already on it,” Emilio said. “Nonna said you’d need them. She said to get four-inch-square boxes for three-inch-square cakes.”
“I’m getting the boxes,” Min said, nodding. “Sure. Great. Fine. Your grandmother is an angel and you are my hero. And of course, a genius with food.”
“And you are my favorite customer.” Emilio kissed her cheek and disappeared back into the kitchen.
&n
“I noticed,” Cal said. “Been seeing him behind my back, have you?”
“Yes,” Min said. “We’ve been having conversations about cake.”
“Whoa,” Cal said. “For you, that’s talking dirty.”
“Funny.” Min stabbed her salad again and bit into the crisp greens. Emilio’s dressing was tangy and light, a miracle all by itself. “God, I love Emilio. This salad is fabulous. Which is not a word I usually use with ‘salad.’ ”
“Tell me about the cake,” Cal said, starting on his own salad.
“My sister Diana is getting married in three weeks,” Min said, glad to be on a topic that wasn’t dangerous. “Her fiancé said he knew this great baker and that he would order the cake as a surprise. And then the surprise turned out to be that he hadn’t ordered the cake.”
“And the wedding’s still on?” Cal said.
“Yes. My sister says it’s her fault for not reminding him.”
“Your sister does not sound like you,” Cal said.
“My sister is my exact opposite,” Min said. “She’s a darling.”
Cal frowned. “Which makes you what?”
“Me?” Min stopped eating, surprised. “I’m okay.”
Cal shook his head as Emilio appeared with a steaming platter of chicken marsala. When he and Min had assured each other of their undying devotion, he left, and Cal served chicken and mushrooms. “So how do Wet and Worse figure in this cake story?”
“They don’t,” Min said. “Except that they’re my sister’s bridesmaids. But do not tell anybody I called them that.” She ate her first bite of chicken, savoring it, and then teased an errant drop of sauce from her lower lip. “Do you think—”
“Don’t do that,” Cal said, his voice flat.
“What?” Min blinked at him. “Ask questions?”
“Lick your lip. What were you going to ask me?”
“Why? Bad manners?” Min said, dangerously.
“No,” Cal said. “It distracts me. You have a great mouth. I know. I was there once. What were you going to ask me?”
Min met his eyes, and he stared back, unblinking. Oh, she thought and tried to remember what they’d been talking about, but it was hard because all she could think about was how he’d been there once, and how good he’d felt, and how hot his eyes were on her now, and how much she—