Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie
“No, I’m doing it to get you into bed,” Min said. “The torture is just a perk.”
“Min,” Cal said.
“No,” Min said. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life as the bet you lost. Plus I’m tired of hearing about how I’m not a risk-taker. So I’m taking a risk on you.” She pulled a ten-dollar bill out of her trench coat pocket. “I’ve got ten bucks says I’m going to have you naked and inside me before nine-thirty.”
Cal went dizzy for a moment and when he’d shaken his head to clear it, she’d slapped the ten on the table by the couch.
“There it is, sport,” Min said. “You going to be a wimp, or are you going to play?”
She was smiling at him, heat and love in her eyes, and he started to laugh. “Min, it’s eighty minutes, not a month. You really think I can’t hold out that long?”
“Yep,” Min said, her hands on her hips.
He got out his wallet, took out a ten, walked over to the table, and slapped it on top of her ten. “You’re on,” he said, keeping the table between them. “Let’s see what you’ve got, Minnie.”
She unbuckled her trench coat, dropped the belt onto the couch, and took off the coat. She was wearing a strapless black lace nightgown, and as far as Cal could see, there was nothing holding it up. “I know it would have been better if I’d been naked,” she said, rocking on her heels so that everything bounced. “I’m just not that confident yet.”
“Actually,” Cal said, staring at her, “now I’m going to think about ripping that off you for the next eighty minutes, so this may be the way to go.” He looked at the top of the nightgown where the lace cut into her flesh. “It doesn’t look that hard to get off.”
Min put her finger inside the top of the lace and snapped it. “Elastic. One good tug and—”
“Not for eighty minutes.” He looked at the clock. “Seventy-seven minutes. But I want to make it clear that when the time’s up, you’re mine.”
“Oh, yeah,” Min said, nodding.
“Well, then,” Cal said. “Read any good books lately?”
“No,” Min said, beginning to move around the table. “I can’t read because all I can think about is you.”
Cal moved away from her, toward the other end of the couch. “That must be boring.”
“No, you’re always doing the most amazing things to me,” Min said, moving closer.
Cal moved around to the front of the couch. “You know, I’m not that good in bed.”
Min reversed direction and surprised him, grabbing his shirt. “That’s all right. I’m fantastic.”
She pushed him onto the couch and straddled him, her soft weight pinning him down, and Cal thought, I should do something about this, but even as he thought it, his hands were on her, feeling her heat through the scratch of the lace. “I’ve been told my mouth is a miracle,” she whispered, leaning into him, and he closed his eyes as her breasts pushed softly against his chest.
She kissed him, and her mouth was hot and sweet, and he tightened his hands on her and pulled her close. “Christ, I’ve missed you,” he said against her mouth.
“I missed you, too,” she said, not playing anymore. “I don’t ever want to be without you again.”
“You never will,” Cal said. “I’m not walking away from you again. Ever.”
“Thank you.” Min sat back and took a deep breath and Cal watched, heat rising. “Listen, there’s something I have to tell you.”
His hands cupped her rear end and pulled her tighter. She really wasn’t wearing underwear. “Talk slow.” He bent his head to kiss her neck and bit it softly instead.
Min shivered. “Remember, I said, ‘Don’t break my heart’? Well, I changed my mind. You can break it.”
“Hey,” Cal said, his hands tightening on her. “I’m not—”
“It doesn’t matter, I’ll love you anyway,” Min said, “I loved you when I thought you’d made that bet, I loved you when I thought you were playing me, I loved you while I was screaming at you in the street, I loved you when you left the wedding with Cynthie, you rat bastard—”
“I took her home and left,” Cal said, alarmed. “I swear to God, I—”
“It doesn’t matter,” Min said. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you, it doesn’t matter what you do or say. I’m going to love you till the end of time.”
Cal looked at her, stunned.
“I know,” Min said. “It’s really un-PC. I just thought you should know that you can’t screw this up.”
“I can’t?” Cal said, wanting to believe her.
“No,” Min said. “Which doesn’t mean I’m not going to yell if you make me mad again. I will shout and slam doors. I just won’t be on the other side of the door when I slam it. You’ve got me for life.”
He lost his breath and put his forehead against her shoulder. “God, I love you.”
Min sighed. “That’s good because there’s something else I have to tell you.”
Cal nodded, still dazed.
Min swallowed. “The thing is, I’m going to spread. Hips, thighs—”
“Not till nine-thirty,” Cal said, trying not to picture her.
“—waist,” Min said, and then stopped. “What? Nine-thirty? Not till my forties, probably, I think I can fight it off that long, but then—”
“What?” Cal said.
“I’m going to get fat,” Min said, and he blinked. “Er. I’m going to get fatter.” She frowned at him. “What did you think I meant?”
“For future reference,” he said, starting to laugh. “If you’re sitting half naked on my lap and you tell me you’re going to spread—”
“No,” Min said and tried to push him away, and he toppled her so she landed, lush and hot beneath him. “I would never say that,” she said, looking up at him as her arms slid around his neck. “That would be crude.”
“I liked it,” Cal said and kissed her.
“What I’m trying to tell you,” Min said when she came up for air, “is that I’m going to grow up to be one of those chubby old ladies. It’s in my genes. Like self-rising flour. I’m going to pouf.”
“That’s going to work out well for me,” Cal said. “Because I’m going to grow up to be one of those horny old men who chases chubby old ladies around the couch.”
“I’m serious” Min said, but she was smiling, her soft lips open for him.
“So am I,” Cal said. “You think I care what you weigh? Hell, woman, you’ve called me a beast, a wolf, the devil, and a vile seducer. Plus your best friend has beaten me up three times—”
“You hit me in the eye,” Min said.
“—and you yelled at me in public, and I’m still here. If you think you getting softer is going to get rid of me—”
“Men are visual,” Min said.
“Yeah.” Cal slid his finger under the elastic edge of her nightgown. “That’s why I like this thing you’re not wearing. But I still want a chance to rip your sweats off you, too.” He stopped smiling, trying to give her what she’d given him. “It’s just you, Minnie. That’s all I want. I just want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“Oh.” Min reached up for him, and he remembered the bet and sat up, hating to let her go.
“Starting at nine-thirty.” He looked at the clock. “Which is in seventy minutes. What do you want to do for seventy minutes, Minnie? Got a Scrabble board?”
“I’ll use dirty words,” Min said.
“Yeah, like ‘spread,’ ” Cal said, and laughed.
Min looked at the ceiling. “See, this is one of those things that doesn’t matter, I love you anyway.”
“I love that part,” Cal said. “So what’s new with you?”
“That would be saying ‘Yes, you can have me any way you want me’ to you.” She sat up and pulled him to her again, and he shifted on the couch to make room for her and felt something dig into his hip. Min kissed his neck, and he shivered as he reached behind him and pulled out her coat belt, buckle first. Then she
“You’re going to win the bet with David and lose the bet to me, hotshot,” she said. “Think of it as breaking even.”
He looked at her and thought, She’s right, and then looked at the belt in his hand. “Just for the record, no matter what I do, you’ll love me?”
“Yes,” she said.
“Good.” He tipped her back onto the couch and stretched her wrists over her head. “I like being in control, Minnie.”
“I know.” Min smiled up at him. “I can work with that.”
He kissed her again, and while she was distracted, he wrapped the belt around her wrists.
“Hey,” she said, breaking the kiss, but he’d already wrapped the ends of the belt around the arm of the couch.
She stretched up to see her wrists as he tied the knot. “This is a little kinky, Calvin.”
“Not really,” Cal said, getting up. “You know, I had a dozen doughnuts to bring over here, and then you cried wolf, and now we don’t have them. But I forgive you because that’s the kind of relationship we have.” He moved to the kitchen alcove. “So what do you want to talk about for . . .” He stretched to see the clock. “. . . sixty-seven minutes?”
“Cal,” Min said.
There was a familiar green and white sack on the kitchen counter. “Krispy Kremes,” he said. “Great minds think alike.” He brought the sack back into the living room. “You know, Minnie, you tortured me for a month, looking so good I lost my mind every time I saw you. I wanted you so much I was insane from it.” He looked down at her, tied to the couch. “Still am, evidently.”
“Okay, I’m sorry about that,” Min said, tugging on the belt.
“So now it’s your turn.” He sat down across from her. “Now I’m going to torture you.”
Min stopped tugging. “This could be good. What are you going to do?”
He took a Krispy Kreme out of the bag.
“I’m going to eat this in front of you,” Cal said, and bit into the doughnut.
David went down to the street to the pay phone on the corner because damn near everybody had caller ID these days. He dialed Min’s parents’ number, and when the phone stopped ringing, he said, “You should know this,” only to be overrun by their answering machine. Well, that was all right, they never stayed out longer than nine anyway. Plenty of time. When he heard the beep, he said, “You should know this. Calvin Morrisey is seducing your daughter to win a bet. They’re at her apartment right now.” Then he hung up and considered what he had just done. As far as he could see, it was flawless.
Feeling pretty good about himself, he began to look through the directory wired to the pay phone for the Morriseys’ number.
Min scowled at Cal, but all the bastard did was grin back, looking desirable as all hell while he finished his second doughnut. Slowly.
“And you wonder why I wouldn’t sleep with you,” Min said. “It was because I sensed the sadist in you.” She shifted to get more comfortable and watched his jaw tense. Hello, she thought, and shifted again.
“I haven’t seen Elvis for a while,” he said, watching her. “He must have gone out the window again. What are the statistics on outdoor cats?”
“You know,” Min said, trying a new strategy. “This is scaring me. There’s a strange man in my apartment, and I’m tied to my couch. I’m terrified.” She tried to put some fear into her voice, but it was hard since it was soaked with lust.
“Funny, you just look pissed off.” Cal picked up the remote. “TV?”
Min gritted her teeth. “Men get arrested for this.”
“Only if they get caught. I usually check CNN about this time.” Cal looked down at her. “Of course, I usually don’t have something better to look at. You have a great body.”
“Oh, please,” Min said. “I know you want to get laid but—”
“Guys buy magazines to look at breasts like yours,” Cal said, “and here I am with a pair tied to a couch.” He tossed the remote back on the coffee table. “CNN has lost its appeal.”
“If I ever get off this couch,” Min said through her teeth, “you’re never seeing these breasts again. Now untie me.”
“You didn’t think that through,” Cal said. “Try again.”
“Calvin—”
“Do you have any idea,” he said conversationally, “how hard it is for me to keep my hands off you?”
“So untie me and let’s go,” Min said, starting to feel cheerful again.
“Forty-five minutes,” Cal said. “What do you want to talk about?”
Okay, Min told herself. You’re not thinking. You have the upper hand here, aside from being tied to the couch. He wants you. He can have you. He just needs jump-started. “I’ve wanted you, too,” she said, relaxing back against the pillows.
“Right,” Cal said, picking up another doughnut. “That’s why you kept walking away.”
“That was the bet,” Min said. “Remember that picnic in the park? I wanted to knock you down and rip off your shirt and bite into you.”
Cal stopped with the doughnut halfway to his mouth.
“I used to close my eyes and imagine you naked against me, all the things you’d do to me.” He drew back a little and she said, “Especially my breasts. I have really sensitive breasts, did I mention that? I could almost come just imagining your mouth on my—”
“You don’t play fair,” Cal said.
“I don’t?” Min said, trying to rise up. “I’m tied to the couch. How is that fair?”
“It’s not,” Cal said. “One of the many reasons I like it.”
She exhaled in frustration, and he watched her, and then he got up and moved around the table to sit beside her. He scooped some chocolate icing off the doughnut with his finger. “Do you know how many fantasies I’ve had about your body?” He drew his finger around the slope of her breast, smearing the chocolate under the lace, and Min sucked in her breath. “This wasn’t one of them,” he said, marking her other breast the same way. “But it should have been.”
“Sticky,” Min said, complete sentences escaping her for the moment.
“Not a problem,” Cal said, bending over her. “It’s coming right off.”
“Pervert,” Min said, closing her eyes as she felt his tongue on her.
“Yep,” he said, moving the lace lower. “But you like it.”
“Ha,” Min said.
Cal straightened enough to look into her eyes. “Want me to stop?” he said, and Min felt his hand under her breast, felt his thumb move across the heat there to the edge of the lace.
“I want everything you’ve got,” Min said and watched his eyes darken as his hand tightened on her. “Untie me.”
“Nope,” Cal said.
Min arched against him and he pushed her back, his breath coming faster, and bent down to her again, and this time he pulled down the lace, and when she felt his mouth on her, she arched as every nerve she had flared in relief.
He pulled back as she jerked, and looked down at her, breathing hard, and just as she realized he was staring at her naked breast, he stripped the rest of the nightgown down so she was naked to the waist. “Hey,” she said and moved instinctively to cover herself and remembered she was tied.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he said, still staring at her breasts.
Min tugged at the belt, torn between embarrassment and lust, and then he slid his hands up to cup her breasts, and lust won. She closed her eyes and felt the heat of his mouth on her again, felt herself tighten and shudder, and pressed against him, praying he wouldn’t stop.
The Morriseys weren’t in the book, so David called Cynthie. “I need the number for Cal’s parents.”
“Why?” Cynthie said flatly.
“It doesn’t matter why,” David said. “What matters is that Cal would be furious if he found out that you told me how to start that fight on Sunday. Give me the number or I tell him.”
There was a long silence, an
“Thank you,” David said, and hung up and dialed the number. When the ringing stopped, he said, “You should know this,” only to be overridden by the Morriseys’ answering machine. “This is ridiculous,” he said, but when the beep sounded, he said, “You should know this. Your son is seducing a woman right now to win a bet. Her name is Min Dobbs and she is litigious and vindictive.” Then he gave her apartment address and hung up.
“Not bad,” he told himself and picked up the phone again, feeling pretty good about himself in general.
Because he was going to win.
Fifteen minutes later, Cal picked up the rest of the third doughnut, and Min tried to remember her name.
“What are you doing?” she said.
“Pacing myself,” Cal said, sounding ragged. He bit into the doughnut. “I figure,” he said after he’d swallowed, “that as long as I have this in my mouth, I won’t put you there.” He looked at the clock. “We’ve got half an hour. I don’t think you bought enough doughnuts.”
“Could you at least pull my nightgown up?” Min said, feeling a blush start as the heat receded.
“Nope.” Cal finished the doughnut. “I’m thinking you should always go topless.”
“That’ll perk things up at work,” Min said, and then remembered that there was nothing perky about her. “I meant—”
“Not in public, dummy,” Cal said. “Just at home. We’ll put it in the wedding vows. You can promise to love, honor, cherish, and be naked from the waist up every night.”
“Married?” Min said, trying to sit up.
“Well, of course, married,” Cal said, watching her with interest. “You think I’d tie up somebody I wasn’t serious about?”
“You haven’t asked,” Min said, yanking on the belt.
“Will you marry me?” Cal said, still watching her breasts.
“No,” Min said, torn between love and murder.
“Right,” Cal said. “Because years from now when Harry asks how I proposed, you don’t want to say, ‘Well, he tied me to the couch and ripped off my nightgown and ate doughnuts off my breasts and then he asked me.’” He bit into the doughnut again.