Endless by Jessica Shirvington
He was right. Griffin was the master of self-blame. I decided it was Lincoln’s call to make – he knew Griffin the best.
‘I can feel your heart beating,’ he said, changing the subject. ‘I was always aware of you but it was more like instinct, or when you were hurt, a kind of transference. But this … Have you always been able to feel my heart?’ he asked, awe in his eyes.
I nodded. ‘Since Onyx first hurt you. I felt it the morning I embraced. I was listening to your heart when I leaped from the cliff.’
He looked down. ‘Do you regret it?’
‘Not at all.’ Despite what we knew was ahead, I had never been more sure of my answer.
I talked him through my abilities, pausing to take time on a few things – my angelic Sight, for one. I warned him against using it. He totally agreed and even doubted that he’d easily tap into that power anyway. He certainly couldn’t feel it as easily as he could the senses. I told him more about the dreams I’d had with Uri and Nox, and with my angel maker. I fidgeted as I explained how they could come to me and cross the realms.
He saw that I was nervous, finally explaining everything.
He put a finger over my lips. ‘Slow down. Most of this I already knew. Griffin and I suspected you’d been dream-walking from what you’d told us. We knew you just needed time to work it all out yourself. We think you inherited that particular skill from your mother.’
‘Oh.’ It made sense, Evelyn being a dream-walker herself.
Settling in to the tell-all, I filled him in on my most recent dream, too. ‘Uri and Nox offered to accept Lilith back into the angel realm, where they can deal with her immortal spirit, but we’d still need to end her physical form beforehand … They said I could cross her over. Maybe someone else can after we’re …’ I couldn’t quite finish the sentence. I was damned if I was going to burst my love bubble just yet.
Lincoln’s brow furrowed. ‘What do you mean, cross over?’
I polished off the last off my eggs and gave him my most adoring smile.
‘More?’ he asked, seeming to enjoy my response.
‘Please,’ I said. Eggs on toast had never tasted so good. I followed him into the kitchen as he dished out what was left and answered him. ‘If we return her, she’ll go to the pits of Hell and we risk her finding a way out again. The angels can’t take her from the human world. But they said I could bring her over to them and then … I’d need an anchor to get back.’
‘What kind of anchor?’ he asked, and I could almost see the cogs in his mind ticking over.
‘A powerful person. They said it needed to be someone who was near my body. Someone who shared a bond with me, either blood or through one of the passions.’ Which really, left my options quite broad. The ‘passions’ pretty much covered any intense emotion– fear, hatred, sorrow and, of course, love. ‘You, for example, would be perfect.’
Lincoln swallowed hard and turned away. Of everything I’d said, this seemed to worry him the most. ‘What if I … I mean, could anyone else work?’
I pondered. ‘Maybe Evelyn, or I suppose …’ I hesitated.
‘Phoenix?’ Lincoln guessed.
‘It’s possible,’ I admitted.
I ran my hand down his worried face. ‘It’s not as if we’re actually going to be around to make it happen.’
He saw my concern and his expression eased but I could still feel his anxiety through our bond and I didn’t know why. He swiped the last piece of toast from my plate. I withheld the growl – he had cooked everything, after all.
‘We’re not giving up, Vi. We might be going to her willingly, but that doesn’t mean an opportunity won’t present itself to us. If we see a chance to end her, we take it.’
I nodded. We needed to be smart and consider everything. But still, it was too much to imagine we might actually survive this.
Our food demolished, we gravitated back to the verandah and I found my way onto his lap, where we stayed, wrapped in a blanket, whispering to each other all the things we’d never said before, sharing all the dreams we’d had for the future. Our future. All the things we knew we’d never have.
Eventually, fantasy gave way to reality.
‘Everything is about to end, isn’t it?’ I asked.
Lincoln stroked my hair and ran his hands down my arms before kissing me – just a light kiss on my lips, but one heavy with his love and I soaked it up.
‘Not us, Vi. Everything else may end, but not us. What we have … We’re endless.’
CHAPTER THIRTY
‘Let your plans be dark and as impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.’
Sun Tzu
By late afternoon, the honeymoon was over and we were arming up. Phoenix was due soon and we wanted to be ready. I’d found a pad and pen earlier and while Lincoln patrolled the perimeter I’d taken the time to write some letters.
Goodbyes.
I stared at the folded pieces of paper, before packing them away in my bag. One for Dad, one for Steph and one for Evelyn.
It was unfair, having lived my whole life without a mother, to suddenly have her back, and now, before I’d even given her a proper chance, to be losing her again. We still didn’t know what would happen to her once Lilith was ended, but I hoped for both Evelyn and Dad’s sake that she wouldn’t be taken from the world, too.
I wrote a group letter to Griffin, Spence, Zoe, Sal and Dapper. I wasn’t sure at first whether to include Onyx in the gang – him having made no secret that his loyalties should always be in question – but I quickly realised that whether he admitted it or not, he belonged there. I told him as much in the letter. I didn’t write to each of them individually as many of the same thoughts applied to them all – thank you, and wishes for their long and happy lives. I wished Spence good luck with his partner. It was comforting to know that in a couple of months he’d finally have someone by his side. I told him I was sorry I wouldn’t be there to have his back like he’d always had mine.
Lincoln finally made the call to Griffin, telling him we had a way to try and get at least some of the captured children to safety. Griffin saw through Lincoln’s many omissions – even over the phone – and insisted we wait for the others to get there. Dapper, Steph, Salvatore and Onyx had apparently touched down in New York and were on their way to the cabin. Griffin had sent Spence on ahead, while he remained behind at the Academy to try to convince the Assembly to send more Grigori reinforcements when the time came.
It was strange to think they were so close – and with the almost completed Qeres, too. But Phoenix had been clear there would be no way to delay Lilith that wouldn’t result in deadly consequences.
Lincoln told Griffin what he could, without alarming him with the entire truth, asking him to make sure Dapper knew to expect an important call.
I could hear Griffin arguing, but Lincoln just carried on calmly instructing him to start readying the troops and that we would get Lilith’s location to him as soon as we could. He failed to mention it wouldn’t be us who would be sending the message and when Griffin wasn’t satisfied, Lincoln simply said, ‘Everything will be as it must be. You’ll understand in time. Bye, Griff.’ And hung up.
We stood opposite one another in the basement. Both in dark jeans and T-shirts, Lincoln’s short-sleeved, mine long. Dark colours had been a conscious decision. I was going to bleed tonight and I had no intention of making it any harder for those who would be forced to watch and saw no point in giving Lilith more of a show than necessary.
In the bedroom closet I found a black leather vest, which must have been Evelyn’s. I put it on and zipped it up. It was snug but it was nice to have something of hers. I’d never had a hand-me-down before and besides … it was kick-ass. Lincoln also hoped the leather might offer some resistance to the arrows.
It struck me, watching him arrange things, that I never believed he would accept this. And yet he had. I thought he’d try and drag me into hiding, kicking and screaming. My brow furrowed.
Trying to pull my thoughts into line, I mumbled, ‘There has to be a way …’
Lincoln was looking over the weapons, deciding what we should attempt to hide on ourselves. There was little point. We knew that any weapons we had would be taken but that didn’t mean we wouldn’t try.
‘A way to what?’
‘To get the Scripture. If we’re going to do this, just … die like this, we need to at least get the Scripture back. If we don’t, she’ll just keep using it and take more children.’
Lincoln looked down. He’d thought of this too and its absence from our plan was another flaw. Problem was, it didn’t change our predicament. The value of the young lives we had a chance of saving was real, despite what dangers lurked in the future. Logic couldn’t mess with that.
Fear – like a slippery snake – wound its way up my legs and wrapped tightly around my chest. We could not win this game. Lilith had backed us into a corner and now we would pay the ultimate price. The most we could hope was that the Academy would come through with troops, overpower Lilith and get the Scripture back once we were gone.
Lincoln braced his hands on my shoulders. ‘Vi, everything will be okay.’
My eyes narrowed. ‘What aren’t you telling me?’
His features strained. ‘Nothing. I just want to protect you.’
I cupped his face in my hand. ‘I’m strong, Linc. With your power connected to me, I’ll last. We’ll save those kids.’
He nodded, determined. ‘And you will take everything you need from me to survive every single one of those arrows, you hear?’
There were at least sixty children that we knew of. It would be impossible to withstand that many arrows. But Lincoln was pleading with me and I knew what he was really asking – that I take more than he could survive.
Is it for the children? Or for me?
I didn’t know the answer, but for him, I nodded. Not long ago, I’d made him promise that if it came down to a choice between an innocent life and mine that he choose the innocent. I would have to stand by the same promise, even if it carried a truth I didn’t want to contemplate.
He grasped my hands. ‘Once we get in there we might think of another plan. There’s only one way to find out.’ He seemed too confident and again it sparked nerves in me. In fact, since coming back from dropping Phoenix into town last night, Lincoln had not only developed an unnerving acceptance, but also a certain belief in the plan.
Sensing my concern, he pulled me to his chest. ‘I’m not afraid to die. After having you in my arms, knowing that we are together …’ He stepped back, his hands bracing my shoulders and his eyes locked on mine. ‘I was a fool to think there was any other way for us. I have no regrets, not one.’
It was true for me, too. Right now I had everything and I wouldn’t have traded that for an eternity of life denying myself Lincoln’s love. We were soulmates in the truest sense, heart-mates to the greatest depths. That we must now die … That was irrelevant to our love. Lincoln was right – we were endless.
As he hid the last knife inside my boot, I felt Phoenix’s nearing presence.
‘He’s almost here,’ I said. ‘And he has company.’
Lincoln smiled, shaking his head in awe. ‘I can feel it through you, every sense like never before.’ His nose crinkled. ‘Never liked musk,’ he added.
I rolled my eyes and his smile broadened.
‘What is it?’ I asked.
‘I can feel your emotions for him. It’s real and intense on so many levels, the way you care for him. I can even see how deeply he scarred you.’
My brow furrowed. This was not a normal conversation. ‘So, why are you smiling?’ I wasn’t sure if I needed to start defending myself or not.
Lincoln knelt on one knee to strap his own knife under his jeans. He looked up at me with a knowing grin. ‘Because what you feel for him doesn’t even come close to what you feel for me.’
I snorted, though I was smiling back. ‘Ha, ha. Can you please get out of my head now?’
‘Not in your head.’
I knocked him on the shoulder and he lost his balance, falling back. ‘Male egos,’ I grumbled as I walked past where he was on the ground laughing.
I walked out to the front of the cabin. Phoenix was standing on the grass, looking resigned. A small troop of six exiles stood back at the tree-line beyond the glamour. Lincoln came out behind me and, despite our fast-approaching doom, he was still chuckling. Countless expressions passed over Phoenix’s face and through his eyes in one moment.
He knows.
I held my breath.
But Phoenix’s reaction quickly dropped to zero. His eyes narrowed and he growled, ‘Let’s go.’
I glanced at Lincoln nervously. He had also registered the waiting exiles, but nonetheless was smiling. I could actually sense his satisfaction in showing Phoenix that we’d bonded.
Men.
Lincoln’s smile broadened.
Phoenix gave a huff that would’ve put Dapper’s efforts to shame and stomped towards us. ‘At least try to control your goddamn emotions!’
I was already nodding apologetically, embarrassed.
Lincoln, on the other hand, simply chuckled again as he replied, ‘I am.’
Jesus. Phoenix will kill us before we even get to Lilith!
We opted to drive the truck, rather than let Phoenix use his powers to get us to Lilith’s estate. Right now, we were all keen to conserve as much of our strength as possible. It also meant that Phoenix could arrange us some privacy, separating us from his exile enforcers. Heading in the opposite direction from the town, they drove in front and behind in their own vehicles.
It was a long twenty minutes and yet every one of those minutes had become precious.
‘Will Lincoln and I be held together?’ I asked Phoenix.
‘No,’ he replied. ‘Lilith will lock up Lincoln on the far side of the estate, where Evelyn is imprisoned. She’ll most likely put you down in the dungeons until the ceremony tonight.’
I nodded, trying to ignore the spark of fear.
‘This is it,’ Phoenix said, pointing towards a massive estate coming into view.
When we neared I realised why no one had been able to pinpoint Lilith’s location. She and her cohorts held a glamour over the entire building, which made it look like an ancient castle, with crumbling walls and large sections of the roof missing. To passers-by it would be considered a ruin.
It was genius. Hidden in plain sight.
The reality was quite different. The building stood in perfect isolation, with massive stone walls and wroughtiron gates. It was indeed a castle-like estate, but unlike its glamoured appearance, it was pristine.
It wasn’t difficult to spot, and sense, the numerous guards patrolling outside. I pushed my senses out a little further and gasped.
Lincoln glanced at me. He had felt it too.
There must have been at least sixty exiles in there, both light and dark, and almost all of them were powerful.
We pulled over behind the first car. Lincoln grabbed my hand before I could open the door. ‘Remember, you’ll need to open yourself up to me completely so I can send you all of my power.’
I opened my mouth to argue, but he cut me off.
‘This isn’t about you or me, Vi. If things get that far, it’s about saving as many of those kids as possible.’
Resigned, my mouth closed.
‘I’ll take the fear from you where I can,’ Phoenix offered quietly from the back.
I nodded.
‘Both of you,’ he added.
Lincoln pressed his lips together as he too gave a small nod.
He dug out the phone from his pocket and passed it over to Phoenix. ‘Griffin’s number is in there when you need it. Tell him we did everything we could and that I’m … sorry.’
Phoenix took the phone.
‘Get Evelyn out, okay?’ I added. ‘She’s your best hope at killing Lilith. Tell her I’ve left some letters in my bag at the
Phoenix swallowed, looking away. ‘I swear it.’
We stepped out of the truck and Lincoln came to my side, pulling me into him. It was strange to think we had only had this closeness for the last twenty-four hours. It was so complete I couldn’t imagine life any other way now.
Lincoln tilted my head up to his. Shining green eyes looked down on me with so much adoration and respect that I felt my own eyes begin to well.
‘You have more power than any Grigori that has come before and perhaps, of any that will come again.’ He leaned down as I pushed onto my tippy toes. Our lips met and we were in perfect harmony. When his kiss deepened I felt the stirrings of the magic that bound our souls and shivered.
‘It’s my privilege to love you,’ he said, his lips grazing my ear with each word. ‘Don’t ever forget, no regrets.’ He kissed the spot behind my ear and breathed in deeply. ‘Not one.’
Something slipped in my stomach. I leaned back from him and searched his eyes.
But he simply stared back at me with nothing but the truth and love of his words. My hands moved up to cup his face. ‘Me neither. I love you, too. With everything that I am.’
Phoenix, who had walked ahead a few paces to give us a moment, cleared his throat. ‘It’s time,’ he said.
We followed him to the massive black gates, flanked by the exiles that had escorted us. It felt like we walked a mile just to reach them, climbing a sloping manicured lawn that declared money and power. Fleetingly, I wondered who had been living here or maintaining it during the years Lilith had been gone.
Once through the front doors the sheer volume of exiles inside struck us. They sneered, excited and dangerously stimulated to see us in their territory. Phoenix continued to shield us, not missing a beat when one of the exiles lost control. It was incredible that he commanded as much rule over them as he did, but even so, by the time we reached the end of the hallway, Phoenix had left four exiles writhing on the ground. As per an agreement, Lincoln and I had refrained from assisting.