Frolic of His Own by William Gaddis
—On your nature program in there, only the next time you’ll really be seeing them! as she thrust the wine bottle from reach, —and Oscar? now fully recovered, —I need some money.
—But, good God so do . . .
—I have to go down there Oscar. Because I’ve been thinking about poor Daddy all alone down there with only Mama and this big operation where you don’t know what can happen if tragedy strikes and we’d never had this chance to get reconciled like you and your daddy I’d never forgive myself. You want some coffee?
—No. Yes! Of all the, if tragedy strikes it’s a common operation happens all the time there’s no reason you no, no the only reason you want to go it’s just an excuse, it’s just like Christina it’s just an excuse to get out of here and leave me with this this, with him in there and . . .
—Well what am I doing here anyway? What am I even doing here! It’s spooky. If I came to help you out back when you were alone and get away from Al I can get away from him down there can’t I? Because what am I supposed to do, you have to go in there and talk to him and pack him up to go home if you want to wait till she gets back because you already got done what he came up here for about your daddy’s will and everything didn’t you? and there’s my poor daddy down there I don’t even know if he’s got one, where it was always Bobbie everything was for Bobbie and all this insurance mess on that Porsche he bought him now he hasn’t got Bobbie anymore with this big operation where the Lord might call him I have to be by his side don’t I? I’m his daughter aren’t I?
—You’ve waited this long, you can wait till she gets back can’t you? and we get things straightened out here?
—I just told you Oscar, you can go in there and straighten him out right now. You said you think she’s out having a good time with Harry someplace why should she hurry back out to this madhouse she called it and I’ll need some money, I’m going in and pack.
—No wait, wait! but she was gone, and he sat muttering over his coffee finally digging in pockets to rescue a Picayune from a crumpled packet up lighting it at the stove to puff at it without apparent pleasure till a distant fanfare invited him up the hall into a brand new confusion of realms superseding the revelations of the nature program where that mass of male red-sided garter snakes, writhing in a lusty tempest of confusion brought on by one witty fellow among them oozing a female scent to entice their frantic courtship enlivened its own chances to line itself up along the back of the real thing when she raised her tail and the curtain on the spicy story going the rounds down there putting Old Lardass out of the race, seemed some homo’s showed up claiming they’d had sex together at five dollars a throw five or six times in the back seat of a green Chevy back when the Senator was soldiering over at Fort Bragg and there’s Bilk all fussed up denying it but this homo has it all down chapter and verse, time place license number and all, called himself Daisy back then got up as a girl all perfumed up with a blonde wig and left lipstick all over Orney’s drawers smelling like a rose, had to confess he recollected Daisy all right he’d bragged about her to his buddies never knew the difference till this homo’s arrested dressed in those black skirts like a priest for those altar boys and shows up asking Old Lardass to get him off for old times’ sake or he’ll —Listen! I don’t want to hear about it now, I have to talk to you! or he’ll tell the whole world about —listen! What was that! and he was back down the hall where she stood in the kitchen trembling over the puddled breakage of the teapot smashed on the floor. —No it’s all right, turn on some lights before you step on the, what are you doing!
—That! and a dinner plate smashed at his feet, —and that! but he’d caught her hand and the teacup with it —oh I told you, didn’t I tell you?
—But who? and he got her to a chair, an arm round her quivering shoulders, elbows plunged on the table and a dishcloth stifling her sobs —what happened?
—It’s Daddy!
—But, but wait, wait just try to, there’s nothing you could have done just try to let yourself . . .
—I called Mama to say I was coming down there and and, and . . .
—No just try to, try to relax there’s nothing you could have done is there? his hand tightening on her shoulder standing over her there, pressing her close —you knew it was going to be a serious operation and . . .
—I should have gone down there! I should have gone while there was still time I told you didn’t I? where I still could have talked them out of it and got reconciliated before it was too late?
—Well you couldn’t have, listen. When the doctors say an operation’s necessary you can’t talk them out of it and, and you shouldn’t because, you can’t blame yourself you shouldn’t even try because they, because that’s what it was for, to save his life that’s what the operation was for and if he died while they . . .
—If who died.
—But, your father, you . . .
—I just talked to him.
—Yes I, I know, I know and, and I’m sure he heard you aren’t you? a hand dubiously stroking her temple, —I’m sure he . . .
—Jesus Christ Oscar what are you talking about! She wrenched away from him, wiping her tears and staring at him —who said he was dead! I said I just talked to him didn’t I?
—But, but I thought . . .
—And he God damn well heard me too so did she, so did Mama! I told her I’m calling to tell her how worried I am about Daddy and I’m coming right down there so she puts Daddy on the phone too and I’m telling them both how I miss them and how I finally realize how selfish I’ve been and I’m coming down there so we can be together and reconcile everything like we used to be because I’m their only daughter without Bobbie there with them in their hour of need so they get all weepy about how happy they are the Lord has let me see the light about being selfish and ungrateful after all they’ve done for me and, and up in the cupboard there get me some whisky, it’s up there in the cupboard will you?
—Yes just, yes but . . .
—Just get it! So how happy they are for me that I’ve seen the light and don’t have to come down there and shouldn’t worry because Bobbie’s there with them in spirit on the right hand of the Lord where he’s waiting for them to join him and how happy it will make me to know they just wrote this new will giving everything to Reverend Bobby Joe’s church so they know they’ll be with Bobbie on the other side and no, don’t put water in it! Just give it to me, and would I please talk to Reverend Bobby Joe who’s right there all the while giving them this spiritual comfort from the Lord’s merciful bounty and the sneaky slimeball wants to give me some too, I could kill him! She drank it off and banged the glass down on the table. —I could kill him.
—No but listen, your daddy’s not, he’s still alive isn’t he? back to smoothing her hair with his hand —once he’s had this operation, it’s a pretty routine procedure they can still change their minds when he gets over the . . .
—Leave me alone! she caught his wrist with a strength that almost brought him down —change their minds they haven’t got any minds left, do you think they’d be buying tickets to join Bobbie on the other side if they did? I’d like to just tell Bobbie what I, where is he. Where is he Oscar, your little man in the black suit you can go back to that hospital and give him a message to take over there and tell Bobbie what I think of this whole mess!
—No relax, try to relax, he didn’t take the messages anyhow he was just looking for terminal cases who’d take them for you, do you want some coffee? I just saw some spaghetti in the cupboard, I’d better go in there and see whether the old . . .
—Let him take it then! Let him take the message he’s on his way over anyway isn’t he? He can take one for Mama and Daddy too when they show up telling me they won’t need money over there when I need it right here on this side unless he’s already there, you better feel his pulse first with that black sock in his lap in there watching snakes on the television and bringing us those ashes he’s the messenger, isn’t he? I’m going in and lay down
He sat there staring at the bottle his gaze as empty as the glass she’d left behind with her fevered phantasmagoria he suddenly struck through reaching for it to pour a drink swallowed at a gulp and another, rising more hazily on the smoke of a Picayune stealthily up the hall past the dark cavity of the library into the chill beyond where nothing moved but the durable fugitive from halitosis still harvesting dead leaves with a bamboo rake made in a Chinese prison giving way, by the time he’d grasped the vacancy of the armchair there and filled it, to the refreshing carnage of the evening news, each respite for relief from acid stomach, aching back, bad breath and bleeding gums prompting another foray to the kitchen, another car chase, another siege of gunfire as fact blurred into fiction until at last he roused himself and lumbered unsteadily down the hall to where she lay lips parted as though ravished, an arm flung out and her still breasts undefended coming down to pull off his shoes and his trousers and sprawl beside her, his heavy breathing broken by a cough and hers an answering moan subsiding to a silence as unbroken as the long slow pace of night wrapping the house so that, when it came, the streak of light out there seemed rather to confirm than breach the darkness as the dull throb of the car’s engine closing in left a stillness the more intense when it abruptly stopped. —What’s that! he came up on an elbow, —listen! he caught her shoulder, sinking back, until the clatter of a door brought him full upright —someone’s out there!
One after another the lights were coming on up the hall, and from the cavernous dark behind him —Oscar? Who is it.
—It’s just Christina he called back, watching her sit down loosening her coat, simply looking at him across the room as over a great distance, clutching a worn book in her hands, all she’d brought.
—It’s chilly in here, she said finally.
—Well of course it’s chilly Christina it’s the middle of the night, what did you ex . . .
—You’d better get some trousers on before you catch another cold and, oh Lily. I’m sorry, I woke you didn’t I.
—Of course you woke her you woke both of us, it’s the middle of the . . .
—You don’t look well, Lily. Are you all right?
—She’s had some bad news Christina, she’s had a bad disappointment, you can see she’s been crying can’t you?
—No I’m okay I’m just, do you want some tea or something? You look cold.
—I’m a little bit hungry.
—Well we’re all hungry Christina, we couldn’t go shopping without a car could we? The way you drove my car out of here without even, without even calling we didn’t know when you’d be back, there’s nothing here but a box of spaghetti we can’t go shopping in the middle of the night can we? I’ve been trying to call you and you wouldn’t even answer that message I left on your machine, all I got was some woman who said she was Harry’s sister what was she doing there, she hung up in my face I didn’t even know he had one.
—Her name is Masha. He had two.
—Did she tell you I called? You knew what things were like out here, you could have called couldn’t you? just to tell us when you’d be back so we wouldn’t, so we’d know what was going on? or at least had him call? just had Harry call couldn’t you?
—Harry’s dead, Oscar.
—Well if he, if that’s all he, what? No, what did you say?
—I’d rather not say it twice.
—But, no. No that’s, no but wait Christina that’s not what I, no! broken off by a rush and a cry of such anguish behind him that he was left standing there as though his blood had frozen.
—Oh God. Go and see to her, will you?
—But . . .
—Go and help her! her own hands coming up to bury her face —and for God’s sake Oscar put on some trousers!
When he came back in fumbling with his clothes she was standing at the window gazing out at the dull glow in the sky far over the pond and he hesitated, and sat down on the sofa. —What happened? and after a moment she turned, sniffing into a tissue.
—Have you been smoking in here?
—Good God Christina I asked you what happened!
—And I just told you I’d rather not repeat it didn’t I? She blew her nose sharply, —will you turn up the heat in here? It’s cold as a tomb.
—I mean how did he, you know what I mean! We’ve been worried about you I’ve called and I just get this sister, this Masha hanging up in my face what’s it all about, will you tell me?
—She’s loathsome, they both are, the other one’s a simpering little thing called Norrie poking around the apartment behind doors and plants I finally asked her what she was looking for, just that painting I gave you Christina, I thought you might have it hanging somewhere? A perfectly hideous thing of a sunset she’d painted herself for a wedding present that made it mean more than just spending a lot of money on some old Rembrandt and she wanted it back, can you imagine? We always wanted warm friendly relations with you when you joined the family but you always seemed so distant because we never had them in to dinner my God, joined the family! while both of them are looking at me as though I’d poisoned him Harry couldn’t stand them either, Masha’s husband Leo trying to pull him in on some sleazy real estate deal the one time they met he’s a slumlord in Cleveland, shows her off in so much jewelry on her it looks fake painted up like a two dollar whore in there right now going through my cosmetics, she’s . . .
—But why are they, what are they doing there! You mean you just walked out and left them in your . . .
—I told you didn’t I! I couldn’t stand the sight of them the, these dirty little looks between them, you and Harry weren’t having any problems were you Christina? She’s mean as a snake, Masha, both of them blaming me like ten of them trying to corner me that place all glass and mirrors and chrome that had been so, been so glorious when Harry and I, when I came in and he was standing there in a towel and the light and, and I had to get out I just had to get out!
—But they, is that all you brought with you? that book? Why did you . . .
—I don’t know why I brought it! I just saw it there and, and . . .
—Oscar leave her alone!
—But all I wanted to know was . . .
—Just quit it! tea splashing from the cup in her haste across the room where their hands clasped one in the other, and the battered copy of Hard Times went to the floor.
—God Lily thank you I, I’m just exhausted, I . . .
—Listen! catching their breath for the shuffle of carpet slippers far down the hall and, as they sank down slowly, a distant trickle, trickle.
—My God is that, is he still here?
—He’s still here! I told you Oscar, didn’t I tell you? she hissed —he’s the one! He’s the one that brought it into this house with those ashes and his black sock and the snakes he’s the one, she whispered.
—Lily listen you’re just upset, we’ve got the car back now, when the time comes we can work things out but it’s still the middle of the . . .
—Oscar look out the window it’s not the middle of the night! Get him out of here! he’s, I told you he’s the messenger he can take it someplace else before he takes us all to the other side with him, get his clothes and get him in the car and get him out of here, he’s done enough hasn’t he? Look at her, look at Christina she’s coming to pieces right in front of your eyes while you sit there asking these dumb questions, will you go put some clothes on and get him dressed while he’s still up on his feet? Drink that while it’s hot Christina and then go up and lay down, I’m going in and wash my face.
Now with dawn breaking through the frosted panes and the creak of the heat rising he came forth buttoning the gap in his trousers like some frayed apparition of old Saint Nick caught out, the last of the Magi surrounded by childhood betrayed in faces drained of all illusion as she skewed the plundered Gladstone toward the hall —and get him that coat Oscar with the fur collar on it.
—But that coat was . . .
—Just get it! he
—Yes but let Oscar do it, he can take the . . .
—He can stay here you might need him, can I take your coat?
—Yes here but, no I just need to sleep for God’s sake take him with you and, Lily? will you pick up some food?
And as the doors clattered behind them —Get his arm, put him in the back he can sleep back there, can’t he? and watching the fumbling at the brake, the ignition —my God here, let me drive or we’ll never get there.
—But where, where are we going? he asked gripping the dashboard as they careened up the pitted drive.
—To the airport where do you think, you said he has his round trip ticket didn’t you? as they swerved out into the road —and turn on some music will you? in case he should start to talk? and so they roared out onto the empty highway to the lowering strains of the Verklärte Nacht until she stabbed at the switch and engulfed them in noise more attuned to the speed of the car.
—What was wrong with that.
—It was spooky! she snapped back, her teeth clenched tight as her hands on the wheel headlong as though fleeing the sun rising behind them to the blare of brass and pounding bass and even voices raised in screams sounding almost human carrying them, relieved along the way by the usual complement of shopping suggestions, storm window and used car sales, television repair and septic tank rejuvenation, to the posted exit westward where —look, she muttered to him, the land was bright with the lights of —the main terminal, stay here with him while I go in and check it out will you? and she blazed into the curb cutting off a stretch limousine with this dark green status symbol of conspicuous consumption emerging from it with a disdainful toss of the blonde haired leisure class only to be reclaimed by her own once inside among the milling suppliants for Coach Class dodging from one line to another, trying Information and finally surrendering to Snack Bar where her approach was threatened by the friendly advances of a large ungainly dog.
—Pookie stop it! in a flurry of mink —get down now don’t, my God it’s you! That glorious day we had in the country, it’s Lily isn’t it? Pookie stop it, you see he remembers you doesn’t he, I mean it’s rather sweet because he doesn’t seem to remember me he can’t even remember his own name now get down! with a futile tug at the braided leash —he’s just trying to thank you isn’t he!