HEADMASTER by Jaimie Roberts
“Let me go, you monster!” I seethe, finally breaking free of him. We stand, six feet apart staring at each other. I wipe my hot angry tears away from my face and glare at him. “You don't get to soothe me. You don’t have me,” I growl back at him. “You’ve never had me.”
Liam initially looks hurt by my outburst, but soon recovers. “Maybe not now, but I will over time. We were good once. We can be good again. The only reason why I lost you was because of that fucking pervert head teacher of yours.”
I feel my fists clenching at my sides from the mention of Easton. “After what you did, you have the audacity to call Easton a pervert! Fuck you!”
Liam’s eyes widen. He’s not used to hearing me swear. I don’t like to unless I really feel the need—and this is definitely where it’s needed. I feel like a warrior ready to fight anyone or anything that stands in the way of my true love. I will not have him speak about Easton as if he were a monster. “You’re the monster!” I shout, getting it out. “Not him. You weren’t there all those times he held me like I wanted to be held, gave me space when I needed it, and comforted me when I was down. You’re the one who’s a pervert, abducting a fifteen-year-old child, and for what? To eventually get your rocks off! You robbed me of my innocence!”
“You wanted it!” he screams back. “You were the one who begged me!” He slams his chest with his hand making my heart rate pick up.
“Only because you moulded me! You manipulated me and brainwashed me into believing all the filthy lies that came out of your disgusting mouth!”
That’s when I feel it. My breath catches, my vision blurs. Panic sets in as I try to hold onto something. I can feel it coming, but I will it down. I refuse to let this man see what he has reduced me to. I refuse.
“Ray, are you—”
“Get away from me!” I scream, stepping back as far as I can from him. I’m so fucking angry with him.
How dare he?!
I haven’t had a panic attack in a long time and all it’s taken to get back to square one again is a few hours alone with this man.
At first he lets me be. I stand, clutching to one of the dining room chairs, trying to control my breathing. I’m almost there when he speaks again.
“I love you, Ray. I have always loved you.”
I close my eyes and shake my head. “This,” I say waving my hands around the tiny cabin, “isn’t love. It’s possession. You took the colourful light that love is and painted it black. Love is supposed to be shared, embraced, and above all else, not forced. You forced it from me, Liam. How can you say that what we have is love?”
“I don’t know what I would do if I lost you. I don’t think I could take it. There would be no point to any of us living.”
All the colour drains from my face. I know what he’s doing and despite his manipulation I somehow believe every word he says. He would kill me, then himself.
I close my eyes before I can think of an answer. How does one answer something like that? I had lived with this man for so long you would think that I knew him by now, but there is one thing I can certainly say for Liam. He always surprises me.
When I open my eyes back up, that’s when I know what to say. “Okay, Liam. Get it over and done with. Make it quick because I’m not a fan of pain.” It’s all a bluff and at first he takes the bait. His mouth hangs open not knowing what to do or say in response to that. I’ve given in and I think he can see it in my eyes.
At first he opens his mouth, but then quickly stops. I can see he’s trying to think of what to say. His mind is working overtime to come up with a response. I see the moment it hits him, and that’s when I see it. That evil smirk. The same evil smirk that makes my blood run cold.
“Okay, I will do as you say, but first I will need to get one thing out of the way.” As he starts to walk towards me my posture picks up, my back dead straight and my breath held. When he’s a couple of feet apart from me, he gently moves a strand of hair away from my face with a smile. “Someone took something very dear and precious from me and now he must pay.”
Easton.
He smiles lightly like he’s just won the lottery. He knows this will be my one and only weakness. I don’t much care what he does to me, but once he involves someone dear to me, that’s it. All bets are off.
At first, I watch as he turns and starts to wander off. Panic sets in the more I think of what he may be capable of. Could he kill Easton and then us? I can’t say for sure, but I’m certainly not willing to risk it.
“Okay,” I say lightly, my head ducked down in defeat.
“Okay, what?” I hear him ask.
I raise my head up to see him standing in the middle of the room awaiting my answer. “You win.”
He shakes his head in confusion. “I need you to elaborate, baby.”
I grit my teeth. Only one person can call me baby and now he’s just tainted that. I want to rip his head off, shout and scream to the rooftops that he can’t have me.
“I’m yours, but only on one condition.” He smirks again, making my skin crawl, but stays silent. “You will leave everyone in my life out of this effective immediately. My mum, Easton, my friends—everyone. Then and only then will I agree to stay with you.”
I feel hot tears brim my eyes and I close them trying to will the waterworks down. I know he’s won. Liam knows he’s won.
I’ve just handed myself a life sentence.
When I am finally able to look back up, Liam is staring at me. He’s smiling. I can see it in his eyes; this is the moment when he’s realising that he’s just won this fight. A heavy sigh leaves his lips, and then he stalks towards me, placing a hand against my cheek. I have this urge to pull away, but I make my feet and my body as still as a statue. He leans forward and kisses my lips. I smell mint on his breath before he pulls away, smiling at me still. And then he opens his mouth.
“Deal.”
Search
Easton
It’s been two days. Two fucking days of pure agony. Laura and I have been on the road these whole two days, staying at hotels because there’s no way we can admit defeat and go home. Every step that gets us closer to Sasha is a step in the right direction. The whole situation is breaking my heart. Every time I look Laura’s way I break that little bit further. She’s not coping very well and it’s quite frankly killing me. She’s been through enough shit because of that man. Sasha’s been through enough shit because of that man. It only makes me want to get to him even more. I have never in my life wanted to murder someone. I always thought murderers were disgusting cowards with a few screws loose. But now sitting here over these past couple of days I can see how the thought of it seems a little too pleasing.
The search so far has lead us to Kielder Forest—an area of two hundred and fifty square miles. It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack, but we’re not giving up until we find her.
We got here late last night and I have been waiting eagerly for night to disappear so I can start the search. My brother had been on the case and had managed through searching endless CCTV that they were on the road, stopped off for gas, and then the trail disappeared in this area leading us to believe they’re in the forest somewhere. What has bothered me since yesterday is the fact that my brother told me that Liam getting out of the car to pay for petrol, Sasha just sat there. She had opportunity to call for help, but she didn’t.
Why?
That question has been plaguing me ever since. The only outcome I can come up with is that he’s somehow managed to blackmail her in some way. Maybe he’s threatened violence against her mother. Who knows? Whatever the reason, I haven’t told Laura. I just know this would upset her even more. What I have told her is that she’s been seen and is safe. I’m not sure if that pleased her or not. She’s been wearing the same expression on her face since the day Sasha was taken. A deep frown that crinkles the top of her forehead. Such agony in that expression—such devastation. It’s hard to look at.
Just as dawn is approaching I get
“Easton, a silly question, but how are you and Laura coping?”
I close my eyes on a sigh. “Not very well, as you can imagine. I think we’re just keen to get out there and find her.”
“I can understand that. I just want you to know that our Police Support Volunteers are rallying around. There’s quite a team we have who are willing to volunteer help in our search. I have every confidence that if she is in this area we will find her soon. Everyone who is aiding in the search has a walkie-talkie, so we can communicate. They have strict instructions that if they see anything they are to hold back, tell a police officer, and then we will step in and do our job. They’re trained in this sort of thing before, so they already know.”
Although the dread is still there, I feel slightly relieved of this. The more who are looking for her the better chances we have of finding her.
“Where are we meeting? Obviously Laura and I want to be a part of this search too.”
He clears his throat before speaking. “We will be meeting at the Black Grade Trail at seven sharp.”
I check my watch and see it’s just after six. “We’ll be there.” I immediately hang up and start gathering what little things I have. Laura and I left and didn’t want to go home, so we bought what little clothes, underwear and toiletries we needed two days ago.
Once I have everything I immediately leave and go next door to where Laura is. I knock and wait for her to answer. I don’t have to wait long. She swiftly opens the door, and I almost gasp at the sight of her. She looks exactly how I feel. She’s obviously exhausted from lack of sleep, her shoulders are sagging, her eyes are all puffy from crying no doubt, and her lips are dry and cracked from the lack of food and drink she has had during the past two days. Immediately, I want to hold her, so that’s exactly what I do. I gather her in my arms and hold her limp body tightly to my chest. She bursts into tears, so I hold her head to my chest and stroke her hair.
“We will find her, Laura. As God is my witness, we will get her back, okay?”
Ever since the day Laura found out that I was Sasha’s headmaster, I haven’t exactly been her favourite person. She didn’t like me because I was seeing her daughter, but things are different now. It’s amazing how a tragic event such as this can bring two people together. I can feel that we’ve developed a real bond. I just wish it had been formed under different circumstances.
As she snuggles into my chest, I feel her nod her head. “Thank you,” she says, pulling away and wiping her eyes. “Have you got any news?”
I nod my head. “I’ve just heard from DI Lipton. Apparently, there are a lot of volunteers willing to help. There’s a place we need to be at seven, so that’s why I’m here.”
She checks her watch. “Give me two minutes. I’ll be right out.”
I nod my head and watch as she turns to go back into her room. As she does, I call her name. She turns to look back at me. “We’ll get through this.”
Fresh tears brim her eyes as she nods with a slight smile. She disappears then and I’m left in the hall, a deep breath I didn’t realise I was holding escapes my lungs. I feel absolutely fucked from only having four hours sleep over the last two days, but the determination at finding Sasha is what drives me.
Within seconds, Laura is ready her coat on. She swiftly shuts the door behind her and I can tell by the look in her eyes she seems determined. I smile at that. I believe she must have had a pep talk with herself. The reason I smile is because I’ve had a few of those myself over the last forty-six hours.
“Ready,” she says, letting out a deep breath.
I manage a smile and step forward. “Let’s go find Sasha.”
Captivity
It’s been two days since Liam took me and for two days all I’ve done is sit and stare into space. Liam has been busy, cutting wood, fetching water, and generally potting about. There’s so much to think about when you haven’t got water and electricity. What he does have is a gas stove which he uses to heat the water with, and a little fireplace which is constantly being used and emptied, used and emptied. In the corner of the shack is a bath and Liam heats the water so that I can wash. I’ve been allowed to bathe once since being here and luckily Liam gave me privacy when I was able to wash. I have clothes here. Of course he would have thought of everything before he took me. He had carefully planned everything to a T.
I can only be thankful for one thing since being here. He hasn’t tried to touch me aside from my face and shoulders. I know that he will want to pick up our relationship where it dropped off after a while, but for now he is being patient. Patience is the one thing Liam has always had plenty of. He kept me for all that time without trying for so much as a kiss on the cheek back when I first stayed with him. He had been the one to keep the distance between us, allowing me the time to adjust, trust him, and depend on him until I knew there was no one else for me but him. I had been relatively calm these past two days—surprising myself. Despite the initial feeling of panic, I haven’t had an attack. I think that’s because Liam’s not keeping me locked up this time. He realises I won’t leave because I care more about protecting Easton than anything else.
I sigh as I watch Liam approaching from the trees ahead. I don’t know where he’s been, but he looks agitated about something. I frown as he nears and as if on instinct the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, really not caring about him. Only my dire situation.
He stands dead still about five feet from where I’m standing. Despite the chill of the day his brow is sweating and he’s shirtless. He’s definitely more toned than I remember, but after seeing all the work he does around here these last two days I understand how.
He runs his hands through his unruly hair, his eyes darting around in what I can only describe as paranoia.
“I’m not happy. Something’s … off. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t feel we’re safe here anymore. I had hoped we would stay a couple more days until we moved, but I think we’re going to have to go now.”
I stand from where I was seated and my eyes widen. “Go where?”
He bites his lips. I can see by the unsure look on his face that he doesn’t want to tell me. “To France.”
“France!” I squeal. Immediately, I start shaking my head.
“Listen, Ray. You and I both know that we will be hunted down until they find us. If we could just go over to France and then disappear. I believe we’ll have a better chance considering we can move freely through anywhere in Europe.”
I throw my hands up in the air. I thought I could go through with this, but after that admittance, I know I can’t. It’s bad enough that I’m apart from the two people I most care about, but to be a whole country away from them? No … just no.
“I didn’t sign up for this, Liam. I agreed to go with you, but I didn’t agree to move country.”
“We made a deal, remember?”
I grit my teeth. How can I possibly forget? It’s only then that I realise something. “We can’t possibly go to France.” I feel the joyous moment when I realise. “I haven’t got a passport.” I almost feel the triumphant smile rise on my lips when I say it. That is until I see Liam smiling.
“Before you got home I had a rummage through your things. I found your passport.”
Shit. I had forgotten that my mum had applied for one after telling her my dreams of one day exploring Italy.
As if reading my mind, he says, “We could even go to Italy. I remember you telling me that you always wanted to go there. Now’s your chance.”
No, no, no!
That may have been a dream of mine, but I never wanted it to be with him.
“Ray, as long as you’re here, the greater the chances are that you will end up ruining the reputation—the very life—of that headmaster of yours. Do you really want that?”
My heart.
I know that tears him up inside, and I bet he hates that he is no longer my only sex partner. I can just imagine how much that eats away at him night after night before he falls asleep. I would almost be able to manage a smile at the thought if it wasn’t for the fact that there really is nothing left to smile about right now. He wants to take me away, and I have to protect Easton’s integrity—no matter the cost. That means more to me than my own happiness.
“No, I don’t want that. You know I don’t want that.”
“Well,” he says on an unhappy sigh, “we have no other choice then, do we?”
“You mean I have no other choice!”
Liam steps forward and raises a hand to cup my cheek, but I’m feeling so resentful right now that I pull away. I see the rejection written all over his face as I recoil from his show of affection. I watch as a slight snarl forms on his lips before he violently whisks his hand away from me.
“We have five minutes until we need to leave.”
He angrily walks around me, and I watch helplessly as he storms off into the house. I don’t move. I just stand there. I’m certainly not going to help him pack our things so we can move out of the country. He can do all that by himself. Besides, if there is something troubling him, maybe it’s for a good reason.
As I think this, I whip my head back towards the dense forest and squint, looking for any signs of life. I do see movement, but as my eyes dart around everywhere, all I can make out are the branches swaying in the slight breeze. Despite knowing that I have no other choice but to go with Liam, I can’t help the sharp stab of disappointment I feel when I realise that there’s no one out there to rescue me.