Inside the Fire by Heather Glidewell
“You ok?” He asked me. I could feel his hands on my face. I looked at him blankly. “You totally stopped talking mid-sentence, I’ve been trying to get your attention for about five minutes now. You sorta zoned out.” There was concern in his voice.
I pulled his face to mine and kissed him on the lips a sweet kiss meant to reassure him I was ok.
We laid there in each other’s arms for hours just talking. This connection had somehow deepened between us. It was almost as if we were the same, our brains molding together our souls meant to never part. It was super late, that was for sure, when we heard my mother’s car coming up the driveway.
“Oh shit!” I jumped out of bed throwing on my clothes as fast as I could.
Wesley was stuck trying to get his belt to buckle before my mother appeared in my room, he was antsy. His hands were shaking his fingers not cooperating I could see perspiration appearing on his forehead. I grabbed my books, threw them on the floor, and motioned for him to sit just as my mother’s keys jingled in the lock.
We were sitting on the floor with my books open. Wesley was explaining the math homework due on Friday when my bedroom door opened.
My mother smiled and looked at the messy sheets before looking back at me and giving me a blank stare. She knew. I could see it on her face she knew. This would be like last year again, that very embarrassing conversation.
Like the time she found me and my then boyfriend, Jeremy, sitting on my bed with me refastening my bra. You know most kids don’t get caught by their parents, or at least not the first time. Me, on the other hand it’s like she knows!
“It’s getting late Dawn, you need your rest.” Her face lightened a little there was an amused smirk on her lips. “Thank you for staying with her Wesley while I made my errands this afternoon.” She gave me that mom-knows-all look. Could she read my mind? You know it wouldn’t surprise me if she did honestly. I think it would make more sense if she could.
"It was no problem Ms. Weathers the pleasure was all mine." He said glancing at me for a moment.
His cheeks were still pink and his lips swollen, he was a walking advertisement of a boy that just lost the big V. If it wasn’t obvious before it was obvious now.
“Yeah, I am pretty beat.” I stretched. I looked at Wesley and winked. “I will walk you out. I’m sure I will be at school tomorrow.”
I looked at him his blue eyes looked darker. He gave me a smile and nodded. Standing up he took my hand, and I led him back into the kitchen and out the back door.
“I had fun.” He said when we got to his car. He had the driver’s door open and was looking at me. “Dawn I just want you to know I didn’t plan this. I wasn’t planning on coming here and...” He stiffened. “Doing that.” He smiled at me a tired smile. “I meant it though, what I said. I’ve been dreaming about you for years.”
There it was again, was I hearing things?
He hesitated a moment before planting another kiss on my lips.
“Ask your mom if you can come over to my place tomorrow to hang out.” I nodded as he got behind the wheel. He pulled out of my driveway and I returned to the house to the look on my mother’s face.
“What were you thinking Dawn?” She yelled as the door shut behind me.
Here it was the ‘you don’t know what you are doing’ and the ‘I can’t believe you would be so stupid you could have hurt someone’. For the last two years it seemed this was mostly what I heard.
“What are you talking about mother?” I questioned. I don’t know why I even tried she could smell a lie from a mile away.
“That boy! He was an innocent!” She sighed. After a moment’s hesitation she looked at me and frowned. “I blame your father for this.”
“Blame him for what mom?” I was getting upset. I could feel the fire rolling through my arms waiting at my wrists
“Nothing darling, you just get some rest.” She could never tell me what she blamed him for. Lord knows that might give me some insight on what I was facing here.
“Night mom.” I started towards my room, then turned around and looked back at her. “I’m going to Wesley’s after school tomorrow, he wants to hang out.”
“Ok honey.” This was all she said sounding strained. I looked back at her as she sat down at the table and put her head in her hands.
Chapter Nine
Possession
My second week of school at Midvale was just as interesting as the first. The other students were still avoiding me, many of them clearing the halls as I made my way to my first period class. This is something I was used to that was for sure. I just figured that it would take longer than one week to get to this point.
For some reason rumors had spread I had “turned to ash” upon exiting the building on Friday, of course adding to the horrific idea I was indeed a vampire. So imagine their surprise when my happy ass trotted into first period English and took my seat in front of Wesley.
“Hey there beautiful.” Wesley whispered behind me as our teacher took to the front of the class.
I hid a smile and turned to get a glance at him. He was amazing, those blue eyes dazzling me, his face and that stupid innocent smile.
“Hey there yourself.” I whispered back. He looked like he had more color today, more vivid and alive. He gave me a wink, and I turned to face the front of the class.
What have I done to get so lucky?
I felt that everything was falling into place with this new beginning. Yeah, I still have my internal battles I needed to hash out, but for the most part moving to Missouri had gone better than I had expected.
Wait a minute! What was I thinking? I had known the boy for a week. He had invaded my dreams, given me hope, and instilled a bit of wonder in me. Still though in a weeks’ time he was already mine.
Guilt encased me, the boy had been a virgin yesterday and today he wasn’t because of me. I had taken what shred of innocence he had in a moment of passion with little thought as to the repercussions. I gave him a weak smile and his eyes turned puzzled as I turned to look back towards the front of the class.
What had I done?
I don’t think it was so much regret for what happened that filled me. It was more regret for being the first girl he was with.
We have this vision in our heads at what that first time will be like. Little do we know that instead of the Ritz Carlton hotel we get the backseat of a Chevy Malibu, or caught in the aftermath by your mother, as was in my case.
We always think that it will be something magical, that there is some secret to it that nobody has ever told us. We don’t realize that it’s clumsy and unprepared, or we have no idea what the Hell we are doing so there is a lot of twisting and contorting just to figure it out.
My first wasn’t like what was in my head, I just wanted to be rid of the purity, and something in me forced me to act on it. My consequence occurred about a week after. When Jeremy dumped me for another girl that went to his school leaving me feeling pretty vulnerable and very pissed off.
So what was I going to do now? There is no way that what happened last night was how Wesley dreamed it would be. Instead of instilling the morals my mother had tried so hard to get me to believe I went with the dark force and I took something beautiful from him.
After what seemed like an eternity the bell rang. I went to gather my things when I felt a hand on the small of my back. The touch sent chills through my body and my fingers itched and grew cold. I clutched my fists together, I would have to get used to my fingers turning icy.
“I regret nothing.” He said in my ear. I turned to look at him and his arms encircled me in a hug. “I do not regret being with you.” He repeated.
I said nothing just let him hold me, comfort and ease ran through my body and the ice subsided. There was no way he could have read how I felt. Then again maybe the way I was acting caused him to think that it was the reason for my sudden sil
“Are you sure?” I asked him quietly my nerves about to explode.
“I am certain.” He said smiling and kissed me on the nose. “You’re my girl, why would I regret being with the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on.”
Flattery could very well get this boy very far.
I was far from the most beautiful girl anyone had ever laid eyes on. It made me feel good though that someone felt that way about me. I had never heard those words said to me before. They were so simple but held so much emotion.
When he pulled away I threw my bag over my shoulder and took his hand, the warmth radiated through me. How come he had been so cold the first days I met him but so hot now? Did he have some horrible disease I needed to know about?
He walked me to my next class and kissed me softly before letting my hand go. He watched me enter and take my seat, his eyes never leaving mine. The kiss I had received had not gone un-noticed as several of the girls were glaring at me as I walked by. If only their looks could kill. I gave him a weak wave when I took my seat and he walked away from the door to his class across the hall.
“You and Wesley huh?” The girl in front of me asked turning around and looking at me.
“Yeah, I guess so.” I laughed.
“You are the first girl he’s paid attention to. Wonder what makes you so special.” She kept her straight face and her eyes narrowed.
“I don’t know.” I said softly as she turned back around and ignored me the rest of the class period.
He was outside my classroom when the bell rang offering to take my bag the moment I hit the door. He walked me to all my classes that day. Since it was a small school the classrooms are rather close together. He met me at the door at the end of each one as well. I was not used to dating someone that went to my school so this was all new to me. I wasn’t sure what the custom was for this. Holding hands in the hallway didn’t seem normal and people kept staring at the two of us.
I am not sure if it was the girls that were jealous because he was with me or if it was the fact I looked different than them. Wesley is what I would consider normal; blue jeans with t-shirts or button downs, and nice shoes that had no dirt on them. I, on the other hand, am not what is considered normal; black vintage shirts with black jeans or a skirt, black combat boots or my favorite black Vans.
Our appearances didn’t mesh. In fact the two of us together could boarder on the lines of creepy. Who’s getting the most from the paring? I had a feeling I would have a different reputation at this school before the year was over.
***
Before I knew it the day was over and we were walking hand in hand to the parking lot. He had insisted on taking my bag from me and had slung it over his shoulder with his cinched securely to his back. It had been a pretty good day though I was still ignored by the student body I felt at ease. I had Wesley after all; he had called me “his girl”.
“You coming over?” He asked when we got to my car.
I nodded. “Yeah I told my mom, she’s cool with it.”
His arms were around me holding me close. I didn’t want him to move, but I knew that if he didn’t we would never leave this parking lot. Other students were already staring at us in amusement. Maybe because he towered over me by almost a foot or the fact that a normal looking boy was draped all over a not so normal looking girl and it confused them. Heaven forbid something different happen in their little world.
“Alright, follow me then.” He kissed me once more. I think for the enjoyment of the spectators then for any other reason.
He let me go, and I got into my car, my heart was racing as I put the keys in the ignition. He drove a Camaro, white with dark tint on the windows. This was the type of car that made my mouth water if only I had the money. I drove a four door Plymouth hatchback; at least my car was black. When he started his car it pulsated through your body making your teeth chatter when my car started it sounded like… well it didn’t sound like that.
He didn’t live far from the school, but far enough to where he would have to drive in order to make it to class on time. He pulled into the driveway of a white two story house. One of the older homes on the outskirts of Midvale. Getting out of my car I was amazed by the beauty of the surrounding land. A field that was open in the back, flowers blooming in every corner. I was never big on flowers but this was me turning a new leaf, I could get used to them.
“Your place is amazing” I marveled as he walked towards me from the detached garage.
“We moved here after my mom died.” He said motioning for me to follow him inside. “My dad needed a change of scenery so we packed up and moved here last summer.” He took his keys from his pocket and fiddled with the door.
“My sister would a friend’s house after school and my dad won’t be home till late so we have the place to ourselves.” He said giving me a slight subject change. “I usually get a few hours to myself every afternoon to meditate.” He gave me a big smile and opened the back door. “By meditate I mean play video games.”
I rolled my eyes. It seemed this was the most socially acceptable method of bonding. They played video games with headphones and a microphone so they could talk to the other players. That was what a phone was for, calling your friends.
“I’m sorry to hear about your mother.” I said as I entered into the largest kitchen I had ever seen.
The whole room was spick and span, not even a dust bunny in the corner. It almost looked like the room had never been used, all the stainless steel fixtures sparkling not a finger print in sight.
“We have a maid that comes twice a week, there is nothing in this house that looks like it’s ever been touched.” He said looking back at me as he put his bag down and hung his keys on the hook on the wall labeled Wes.
How the Hell does he know what I’m thinking?
“Don’t worry about my mother, she was very sick. We all knew that it was coming, I just made peace with the whole idea before my father did.” He wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled my neck with his nose. “Want to see the rest of the house?” I nodded, and he led me out of the kitchen and into a hallway.
There were pictures of him and his sister everywhere on the walls. She was a smaller version of him from the color of their eyes to the smile on their faces. You could see just how happy they were. I was puzzled though, he seemed so quick to shove aside his mother’s memory that it concerned me as to the subject of her death.
How did Mrs. Jensen die? I sighed to myself. I really shouldn’t be putting my nose where my nose does not belong.
After ten minutes of going room to room we stood at the door to his bedroom. He opened the door, and I was instantly amazed. The walls were covered in band posters (the same ones I had on my own walls) and his bed was huge with a black comforter. A couch sat in front of an entertainment center that had a large flat screen TV and probably three of the most expensive gaming consoles money could buy. I felt my pulse quicken, he was finding his way into my heart more and more.
His room told me more about him than anything else I had seen or heard from him. He was more like me than I thought, just disguised it better than I did. He pulled me in and closed the door behind me before locking me into his arms again and crushing his lips to mine. The fire surged within me and I fought to control it as his kisses became more intense more eager. He was backing me towards the bed. My heart was pounding. Here we were again in the same situation as last night.
I shivered and suddenly I was nervous, the voices were back in my head and an insistent single phrase of “mine” kept pestering me. The fire was rising, and I clutched my fists together tightly trying to keep the flames at bay.
“I can’t stop thinking about you.” He breathed. “I had dreams upon dreams replaying what happened last night.” He was fumbling with the buttons on my shirt trying to get them open. I looked up at him, his eyes had darkened again, and they wer
The following make out session became hot and heavy fast. Through all of this I was finding myself dealing with the thought that I was being torn in two emotionally. The darker side was a bit tamer then it had the night before. I could still feel it cheering while the lighter side covered its eyes so it couldn’t see.
Suddenly I felt woozy, the room spun. I put my hands to my temples, and that’s when I crumpled and the world went dark. All I could hear was a female laughing in the distance.
****
When I came to I was lying in his bed but he wasn’t in it with me. He was sitting in a chair on the other side of the room watching me his eyes puzzled and he was chewing on his bottom lip. I hadn’t been out long, but it was enough probably to give him a scare. I crawled out of the bed when he stood and walked towards me. As I bent over to fix the cuffs of my jeans he came up behind me and pushed me face first into the mattress. Fear and anger surged through me as my fingers caught fire for a moment before I could force them to fizzle out.
“What are you?” He demanded a heat in his voice I had never heard before. I was suddenly afraid.
What had I done?
“I’m nothing.” This was all I could think of saying as his face came down close to mine. Suddenly a smile spread across my lips, “Ich bin der Engel des Alpträume.” The voice was mine but yet it wasn’t, it was sultry and foreign.
I was scared. I could feel the fire throbbing at my fingertips still willing me to let it go. My mind was racing a thousand thoughts per second, yet I could still convince myself not to hurt him.
“Der Engel meine Alpträume nicht Ihr Gesicht!” He threw himself away from me and I clamored to my back. In an instant I was on my feet and looking at him. There was terror in his eyes and I could hear his heartbeat.
“The Angel in my nightmares does not have your face!" He exclaimed his breathing accelerated. His hands grabbed my face and he was searching my eyes. I think in a way he was looking to see who had control. When he seemed satisfied that I was in fact me he spoke again.
“You were standing there with that look in your eyes when you grabbed your temples and screamed. Suddenly you were smiling at me.” He paused running his fingers through his hair. “When you spoke again it wasn’t you speaking it was something else in you only it had your voice, and your face, but it wasn't you the tone was malicious and cruel. You looked into my eyes and said meine Liebe, wie du mich betrügen.” He looked at me and noticed that I had no recollection of what was being said. “You asked me why I betrayed you. Why would I betray you? I have no reason to betray anyone.”