Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
A strange place was this humble kitchen for such occupants! Who are they? They could not be the daughters of the elderly person at the table; for she looked like a rustic, and they were all delicacy and cultivation. I had nowhere seen such faces as theirs; and yet, as I gazed on them, I seemed intimate with every lineament. I cannot call them handsome--they were too pale and grave for the word; as they each bent over a book, they looked thoughtful almost to severity. A stand between them supported a second candle and two great volumes, to which they frequently referred; comparing them seemingly with the smaller books they held in their hands, like people consulting a dictionary to aid them in the task of translation. This scene was as silent as if all the figures had been shadows, and the fire-lit apartment a picture; so hushed was it, I could hear the cinders fall from the grate, the clock tick in its obscure corner; and I even fancied I could distinguish the click-click of the woman's knitting-needles. When, therefore, a voice broke the strange stillness at last, it was audible enough to me.
"Listen, Diana," said one of the absorbed students; "Franz and old Daniel are together in the night-time, and Franz is telling a dream from which he has wakened in terror--listen!" And in a low voice she read something, of which not one word was intelligible to me; for it was in an unknown tongue--neither French nor Latin. Whether it were Greek or German I could not tell.
"That is strong," she said, when she had finished; "I relish it." The other girl, who had lifted her head to listen to her sister, repeated, while she gazed at the fire, a line which had been read. At a later day, I knew the language and the book; therefore, I will here quote the line; though, when I first heard it, it was only like a stroke on sounding brass to me--conveying no meaning:
" 'Da trat hervor Einer, anzusehen wie die Sternen Nacht.' Good! good!" she exclaimed, while her dark and deep eye sparkled. "There you have a dim and mighty archangel fitly set before you! The line is worth a hundred pages of fustian.hb 'Ich wage die Gedanken in der Schale meines Zornes und die Werke mit dem Gewichte meines Grimms.'hc I like it!"
Both were again silent.
"Is there ony country were they talk i' that way?" asked the old woman, looking up from her knitting.
"Yes, Hannah--a far larger country than England, where they talk in no other way."
"Well, for sure case, I knawn't how they can understand t' one t'other; and if either o'ye went there, ye could tell what they said, I guess?"
"We could probably tell something of what they said, but not all--for we are not as clever as you think us, Hannah. We don't speak German, and we cannot read it without a dictionary to help us."
"And what good does it do you?"
"We mean to teach it some time-or at least the elements, as they say; and then we shall get more money than we do now."
"Varry like; but give ower studying; ye've done enough for to night."
"I think we have; at least, I'm tired. Mary, are you?"
"Mortally; after all, it's tough work fagging away at a language with no master but a lexicon."
"It is; especially such a language as this crabbed but glorious Deutsch. I wonder when St. John will come home."
"Surely he will not be long now; it is just ten (looking at a little gold watch she drew from her girdle). It rains fast. Hannah, will you have the goodness to look at the fire in the parlor?"
The woman rose; she opened a door, through which I dimly saw a passage; soon I heard her stir a fire in an inner room; she presently came back.
"Ah, childer!" said she, "it fair troubles me to go into yond' room now; it looks so lonesome wi' the chair empty and set back in a corner."
She wiped her eyes with her apron; the two girls, grave before, looked sad now.
"But he is in a better place," continued Hannah; "we shouldn't wish him here again. And then nobody need to have a quieter death nor he had."
"You say he never mentioned us?" inquired one of the ladies.
"He hadn't time, bairn; he was gone in a minute--was your father. He had been a bit ailing like the day before, but naught to signify; and when Mr. St. John asked if he would like either o' ye to be sent for, he fair laughed at him. He began again with a bit of heaviness in his head the next day--that is, a fortnight sin'--and he went to sleep and niver wakened; he wor a'most starkhd when your brother went into t' chamber and fand him. Ah, childer! that's t' last o' t'old stock--for ye and Mr. St. John is like of a different soart to them 'at's gone; for all your mother wor mich i' your way, and a'most as book-learned. She wor the pictur' o' ye, Mary; Diana is more like your father."
I thought them so similar I could not tell where the old servant (for such I now concluded her to be) saw the difference. Both were fair complexioned and slenderly made; both possessed faces full of distinction and intelligence. One, to be sure, had hair a shade darker than the other, and there was a difference in their style of wearing it; Mary's pale brown locks were parted and braided smooth; Diana's duskier tresses covered her neck with their curls. The clock struck ten.
"Ye'll want your supper, I'm sure," observed Hannah; "and so will Mr. St. John when he comes in."
And she proceeded to prepare the meal. The ladies rose; they seemed about to withdraw to the parlor. Till this moment, I had been so intent on watching them--their appearance and conversation had excited in me so keen an interest--I had half forgotten my own wretched position; now it recurred to me. More desolate, more desperate than ever, it seemed from contrast. And how impossible did it appear to touch the inmates of this house with concern on my behalf--to make them believe in the truth of my wants and woes--to induce them to vouchsafe a rest for my wanderings! As I groped out the door, and knocked at it hesitatingly, I felt that last idea to be indeed a mere chimera. Hannah opened.
"What do you want?" she inquired, in a voice of surprise, as she surveyed me by the light of the candle she held.
"May I speak to your mistresses?" I said.
"You had better tell me what you have to say to them. Where do you come from?"
"I am a stranger."
"What is your business here at this hour?"
"I want a night's shelter in an out-house, or anywhere, and a morsel of bread to eat."
Distrust, the very feeling I dreaded, appeared in Hannah's face. "I'll give you a piece of bread," she said, after a pause; "but we can't take in a vagrant to lodge; it isn't likely."
"Do let me speak to your mistresses."
"No; not I. What can they do for you? You should not be roving about now; it looks very ill."
"But where shall I go, if you drive me away? What shall I do?"
"Oh, I'll warrant you know where to go, and what to do. Mind you don't do wrong, that's all. Here is a penny; now go."
"A penny cannot feed me, and I have no strength to go further. Don't shut the door--oh, don't, for God's sake!"
"I must--the rain is driving in."
"Tell the young ladies--let me see them!"
"Indeed, I will not. You are not what you ought to be, or you wouldn't make such a noise. Move off!"
"But I must die if I am turned away."
"Not you. I'm feard you have some ill plans agatehe that bring you about folk's houses at this time o' night. If you've any followers--housebreakers, or such like--anywhere near, you may tell them we are not by ourselves in the house. We have a gentleman, and dogs, and guns." Here the honest but inflexible servant clapped the door to, and bolted it within.
This was the climax. A pang of exquisite suffering--a throe of true despair--rent and heaved my heart. Worn out, indeed, I was; not another step could I stir. I sunk on the wet door-step; I groaned--I wrung my hands--I wept in utter anguish. Oh, this spectre of death! Oh, this last hour approaching in such horror! Alas! this isolation--this banishment from my kind! Not only the anchor of hope, but the footing of fortitude, was gone--at least, for a moment; but the last I soon endeavored to regain.
"I can but die," I said, "and I believe in God. Let me try to wait His will in silence."
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"All men must die," said a voice, quite close at hand; "but all are not condemned to meet a lingering and premature doom, such as yours would be if you perished here of want."
"Who or what speaks?" I asked, terrified at the unexpected sound, and incapable now of deriving from any occurrence a hope of aid. A form was near--what form, the pitch-dark night and my enfeebled vision prevented me from distinguishing. With a loud, long knock, the new-comer appealed to the door.
"Is it you, Mr. St. John?" cried Hannah.
"Yes--yes; open quickly."
"Well, how wet and cold you must be, such a wild night as it is! Come in--your sisters are quite uneasy about you, and I believe there are bad folks about. There has been a beggar-woman. I declare--she is not gone yet--laid down there! Get up--for shame! Move off, I say!"
"Hush, Hannah! I have a word to say to the woman. You have done your duty in excluding, now let me do mine in admitting her. I was near, and listened to both you and her. I think this is a peculiar case. I must, at least, examine into it. Young woman, rise, and pass before me into the house."
With difficulty I obeyed him. Presently I stood within that clean, bright kitchen--on the very hearth--trembling, sickening; conscious of an aspect, in the last degree ghastly, wild, and weather-beaten. The two ladies, their brother, Mr. St. John, the old servant, were all gazing at me.
"St. John, who is it?" I heard one ask.
"I cannot tell; I found her at the door," was the reply.
"She does look white," said Hannah.
"As white as clay or death," was responded. "She will fall--let her sit."
And, indeed, my head swam. I dropped; but a chair received me. I still possessed my senses, though just now I could not speak.
"Perhaps a little water would restore her. Hannah, fetch some. But she is worn to nothing. How very thin, and how very bloodless!"
"A mere spectre!"
"Is she ill, or only famished?"
"Famished, I think. Hannah, is that milk? Give it me, and a piece of bread."
Diana (I knew her by the long curls which I saw drooping between me and the fire as she bent over me) broke some bread, dipped it in milk, and put it to my lips. Her face was near mine; I saw there was pity in it, and I felt sympathy in her hurried breathing. In her simple words, too, the same balm-like emotion spoke: "Try to eat."
"Yes--try," repeated Mary, gently; and Mary's hand removed my sodden bonnet and lifted my head. I tasted what they offered me; feebly, at first--eagerly, soon.
"Not too much, at first; restrain her," said the brother; "she has had enough." And he withdrew the cup of milk and the plate of bread.
"A little more, St. John; look at the avidity in her eyes."
"No more at present, sister. Try if she can speak now--ask her her name."
I felt I could speak, and I answered: "My name is Jane Elliott." Anxious as ever to avoid discovery, I had before resolved to assume an alias.
"And where do you live? Where are your friends?"
I was silent.
"Can we send for any one you know?"
I shook my head.
"What account can you give of yourself?"
Somehow, now that I had once crossed the threshold of this house, and once was brought face to face with its owners, I felt no longer outcast, vagrant, and disowned by the wide world. I dared to put off the mendicant--to resume my natural manner and character. I began once more to know myself; and when Mr. St. John demanded an account--which, at present, I was far too weak to render--I said, after a brief pause:
"Sir, I can give you no details to-night."
"But what, then," said he, "do you expect me to do for you?"
"Nothing," I replied. My strength sufficed for but short answers. Diana took the word:
"Do you mean," she asked, "that we have now given you what aid you require; and that we may dismiss you to the moor and the rainy night?"
I looked at her. She had, I thought, a remarkable countenance, instinct both with power and goodness. I took sudden courage. Answering her compassionate gaze with a smile, I said, "I will trust you. If I were a masterless and stray dog, I know that you would not turn me from your hearth to-night; as it is, I really have no fear.81 Do with me and for me as you like, but excuse me from much discourse; my breath is short--I feel a spasm when I speak." All three surveyed me, and all three were silent.
"Hannah," said Mr. St. John, at last, "let her sit there at present, and ask her no questions; in ten minutes more, give her the remainder of that milk and bread. Mary and Diana, let us go into the parlor and talk the matter over."
They withdrew. Very soon one of the ladies returned--I could not tell which. A kind of pleasant stupor was stealing over me as I sat by the genial fire. In an under tone, she gave some directions to Hannah. Ere long, with the servant's aid, I contrived to mount a stair-case--my dripping clothes were removed; soon a warm, dry bed received me. I thanked God; experienced amid unutterable exhaustion a glow of grateful joy--and slept.
Chapter XXIX
The recollection of about three days and nights succeeding this is very dim in my mind. I can recall some sensations felt in that interval; but few thoughts framed, and no actions performed. I knew I was in a small room, and in a narrow bed. To that bed I seemed to have grown. I lay on it motionless as a stone; and to have torn me from it would have been almost to kill me. I took no note of the lapse of time--of the change from morning to noon, from noon to evening. I observed when any one entered or left the apartment; I could even tell who they were; I could understand what was said when the speaker stood near me; but I could not answer. To open my lips or move my limbs was equally impossible. Hannah, the servant, was my most frequent visitor. Her coming disturbed me. I had a feeling that she wished me away; that she did not understand me or my circumstances; that she was prejudiced against me. Diana and Mary appeared in the chamber once or twice a day. They would whisper sentences of this sort at my bed-side-
"It is very well we took her in."
"Yes; she would certainly have been found dead at the door in the morning, had she been left out all night. I wonder what she has gone through?"
"Strange hardships, I imagine, poor, emaciated, pallid wanderer!"
"She is not an uneducated person, I should think, by her manner of speaking. Her accent was quite pure; and the clothes she took off, though splashed and wet, were little worn and fine."
"She has a peculiar face; fleshless and haggard as it is, I rather like it; and when in good health and animated, I can fancy her physiognomy would be agreeable."
Never once in their dialogues did I hear a syllable of regret at the hospitality they had extended to me; or of suspicion of, or aversion to, myself. I was comforted.
Mr. St. John came but once. He looked at me, and said my state of lethargy was the result of reaction from excessive and protracted fatigue. He pronounced it needless to send for a doctor; nature, he was sure, would manage best, left to herself. He said every nerve had been overstrained in some way, and the whole system must sleep torpid a while. There was no disease. He imagined my recovery would be rapid enough when once commenced. These opinions he delivered in few words, in a quiet, low voice; and added, after a pause, in the tone of a man little accustomed to expansive comment, "rather an unusual physiognomy; certainly, not indicative of vulgarity or degradation."
"Far otherwise," responded Diana. "To speak truth, St. John, my heart rather warms to the poor little soul. I wish we may be able to benefit her permanently."
"That is hardly likely," was the reply. "You will find she is some young lady who has had a misunderstanding with her friends, and has probably injudiciously left them. We may, perhaps, succeed in restoring her to them, if she is not obstinate; but I trace lines of force in her face which make me sceptical of her trac tability." He stood considering me som
"She is so ill, St. John."
"Ill or well, she would always be plain. The grace and harmony of beauty are quite wanting in those features."
On the third day, I was better; on the fourth, I could speak, move, rise in bed, and turn. Hannah had brought me some gruel and dry toast, about, as I supposed, the dinner hour. I had eaten with relish. The food was good--void of the feverish flavor which had hitherto poisoned what I had swallowed. When she left me, I felt comparatively strong and revived; ere long satiety of repose, and desire for action, stirred me. I wished to rise; but what could I put on? Only my damp and bemired apparel; in which I had slept on the ground and fallen in the marsh. I felt ashamed to appear before my benefactors so clad. I was spared the humiliation.
On a chair by the bed-side were all my own things, clean and dry. My black silk frock hung against the wall. The traces of the bog were removed from it; the creases left by the wet, smoothed out. It was quite decent. My very shoes and stockings were purified and rendered presentable. There were the means of washing in the room, and a comb and a brush to smooth my hair. After a weary process, and resting every five minutes, I succeeded in dressing myself. My clothes hung loose on me, for I was much wasted; but I covered deficiencies with a shawl, and, once more clean and respectable-looking-no speck of the dirt, no trace of the disorder I so hated, and which seemed so to degrade me, left--I crept down a stone stair-case, with the aid of the banisters, to a narrow, low passage, and found my way presently to the kitchen.
It was full of the fragrance of new bread, and the warmth of a generous fire. Hannah was baking. Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilized by education; they grow there, firm as weeds among stones. Hannah had been cold and stiff, indeed, at the first; latterly she had begun to relent a little; and when she saw me come in tidy and well-dressed, she even smiled.
"What, you have got up?" she said. "You are better, then. You may sit down in my chair on the hearthstone, if you will."
She pointed to the rocking-chair; I took it. She bustled about, examining me every now and then with the corner of her eye. Turning to me, as she took some loaves from the oven, she asked bluntly,