Music of the Heart by Katie Ashley
Angel followed him out of the dining room, but her whines echoed throughout the foyer when he slammed the front door. With an anguished sigh, I dropped my fork onto my plate, causing a noisy clatter. “Sorry.”
She gave me a sympathetic smile. “Sweetheart, you don’t need to apologize to me. Instead, you should be marching yourself right on out to the barn to sort things out with Jacob.”
My eyes widened at her suggestion. “Y-You know things are strained between us?”
“Oh honey, I know I’m dying, but seriously, I would have to be blind not to notice that.” Easing back in her chair, she eyed me for a moment. “He’s afraid to touch you, isn’t he?”
I gave a brief nod. “Since my accident, he acts like I’m some fragile piece of glass that will break at any minute. I know he loves me—he shows it in every way possible.”
“He’s conflicted about the guilt he feels for what happened to you. In his mind, Jacob thinks that by keeping you at arm’s length he’s somehow atoning for what he feels are his sins for your accident.”
“That’s so wrong!” I protested.
“I agree.”
“So what should I do?”
A mischievous gleam burned in Susan’s blue eyes. “You’re going to have to figure that one out on your own, honey. But I think your best strategy to clear the air and end all the tension is to force Jake to touch you again.”
I gasped as warmth flooded across my cheeks and down my neck. “Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”
Susan held up her hands. “I just said that you needed to go out to the barn and fight for your man.” She rose out of her chair. “If anyone needs me, I’m going to take a bath and turn in early tonight.” With a wink, she walked out of the dining room.
Chewing on my nails, I let Susan’s words sink in. I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn’t know if I had the courage to do it. After all, the cards seemed stacked against me for anything about my plan to work out right. I was twenty-one years old, in love with a womanizing rock star who was going through emotional hell because of his mother’s illness and the fact a psychotic ex-girlfriend had beaten me, and my idea of making things better between us was to give him my virginity. Surely that made me crazy.
But when it all came down to it, it wasn’t just the desire pumping through me whenever I looked at Jake or when we were close to each other. No, I was crazy in love with him. I’d been in love with him before my accident, and after the last month with him, I was even more in love with him than ever before.
So it was now or never. I loved Jake, and I wanted to be with him. Who knew what the future held for us? But deep down, I would always regret it if the first man I loved wasn’t the first I slept with.
“Alrighty then,” I muttered before rising out of my chair. I stalked down the hallway and locked myself into the bedroom. My mind was now made up. Susan had planted a tiny seed, and I was going to act on it by going to Jake in the barn and seducing him.
I knew the first thing I needed to do was arm myself with the necessary tools. I had to look like sex to him. Well, I guess that wasn’t exactly true since the last time we had almost had sex I was wearing an old t-shirt and yoga pants, not to mention the fact we’d gotten pretty frisky this afternoon when I was wearing jeans and a sweater. Regardless of what had happened before, Jake needed to know just by looking at me tonight what I wanted.
I snapped my fingers and made my way over to the closet. Digging in my suitcase, I pulled out the white baby doll nightie I’d bought when I got the white dress for Jake. I slid on the glittery thong before shimmying into the nightie. Gazing at myself in the mirror, I turned left and right, appraising my reflection. I guess I looked sexy. The pearl and sequined encrusted bodice barely held in my cleavage, and it felt like at any minute my boobs might pop out of the front, which was probably a win-win situation considering how much Jake professed to like my boobs.
Pulling my hair out of my ponytail, I then brushed it until it to where it cascaded over my shoulders in waves. I reapplied a light coating of makeup, and when I finished, I rolled some shimmering colored lip gloss across my lips.
I slid my robe over my shoulders and stepped into my boots. Cracking open the door, I poked my head out and surveyed the scene. Susan’s door was shut tight, so I tip-toed down the hallway and then closed the front door quietly behind me. The full moon overhead lit my way across the yard to the barn.
Although Jake had six horses, they weren’t housed in the barn. Instead, they were down the hill in the stables. The ‘barn’ was more of a finished house or his bachelor pad, so to speak, where he had work-out equipment, a living area to relax in, and then the loft upstairs to sleep.
With gangsta rap blaring out of the stereo speakers, Jake didn’t even hear the door close. Over and over, he pummeled the punching bag as sweat dripped off his head and onto his shoulders.
“Jake,” I shouted.
The sound of my voice caused him to still instantly. His arms reached out to steady the swaying bag before he turned around. “What are you doing out here?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“About what?”
I crossed the gap between us. I was sure he could hear the knocking of my knees as I feared my wobbly legs wouldn’t hold me up. Without taking my eyes off of his, my trembling fingers went to the sash of my robe. I untied it and then slowly slid it off. When it dropped to the floor, it felt like the sound was so deafening that it echoed around us.
Jake’s blue eyes widened as his gaze trailed over the negligee. He licked his lips several times and swayed on his feet before he finally spoke. “Angel, what are you doing?”
“Seducing you.”
The corners of his lips twitched, and I could tell he was fighting not to laugh. “You came out here in some racy get-up to seduce me?”
“I-I want to be with you. I want you to make love to me.”
Jake’s eyebrows shot up before he quickly shook his head. “I told you no earlier, and I still mean it.”
My mouth gaped open in surprise. “That’s your response to this?” I motioned to my jacked-up cleavage.
His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down a few times as he swallowed hard. “Yeah, it is.”
He then bent over and snatched my robe up off the floor. “Now put this back on and go to bed.”
“Jake, I’m not in pain anymore. I’m healed, and I can do this—I want to do this.”
“No.”
Tears stung my eyes, and I bit down on my lip. “You seriously don’t want me?”
With a grunt, Jake replied, “Oh my dick wants you more than anything in the world right now. But for once, I’m going to think with the head on my shoulders, rather than the one below my waist.” Jake gripped the edges of my robe so hard his knuckles turned white. “Trust me, Angel, I’m the last man on earth you should want to give yourself to.”
“But I do want to be with you. I bought this a month ago when Lily convinced me to wear a white dress. I realized that day I wanted to be prepared because I knew sometime soon I would want to make love to you.”
My statement caused an agonized groan from Jake, but he didn’t respond. Instead, he paced anxiously around the room. Finally, he whirled around and threw up his hands in defeat. “After everything that happened with Bree and your recovery, I’ve been doing some thinking—hell you could even call it soul searching.”
“So have I, and I—”
His blue eyes blazed with fury. “Don’t you get it, Angel? You deserve a hell of a lot better than me, both in and out of the bedroom.”
“Not that bullshit again. I’m so sick of hearing how you think you aren’t worthy,” I protested.
“It’s the truth, dammit! You’re this beautiful, pure spirit, and I’m corrupted and tainted from my past. I won’t put that on you.”
Taking a tentative step forward, I took his hand in mind. I brought it to my lips and kissed along his knuckles. “You’re not able to see yourself like
His expression darkened. “But I haven’t made love since I was eighteen years old—if I even did it then. I only know how to fuck girls, and there’s no way in hell I’ll fuck you!”
Frustration and anger swirled within me. I swept a hand to my hip. “So just because you have a past and I don’t that means we can’t have sex?”
“Yeah, that’s right.”
“Well, that’s not fair.”
Jake tossed the robe at me. “Life’s not fair, babe. Get used to it.”
I threw the robe back at him, smacking him in the face with it. “No, I won’t. I’m not taking no for an answer!”
He smirked at me. “And just what do you plan to do? Rape me?”
“No, I intend on making love with you.” Stepping forward, I slid my arms around his neck and then pressed my body flush against his. Jake instantly tensed. Before he could push me away, I said, “Even though you don’t believe it, I know you, Jake. I understand that feeling and expressing emotions off the stage is hard for you—I’ve seen you screw-up way too many times, remember? More than anything I understand that now with everything that is going on with your mom and what happened with me, that you’re gun-shy, scared, and unsure of what you’re experiencing and feeling.”
I rubbed the back of my hand across his cheek. “But I want you to listen to me. I love you, Jake. I’ve never loved another guy in my entire life. I’ve given myself over to you emotionally, and I’m more than ready to do that with my body as well. So I don’t care whether I make love with you, have sex, or even fuck.”
His eyes widened as big as saucers at my using the F word. I smiled reassuringly at him. “I just want to be with you.” I pulled his head down to where our foreheads touched. “Not only have you told me over and over again that you loved me, but you’ve managed to show me just how much you love me too. I don’t care if you’ve been with a thousand other women—that was the past. We’re the present and the future—right here and right now.”
Jake made a pained noise in the back of his throat. “Can’t you see I’m fucking drowning in all this guilt?” He smacked his hand against his bare chest. “It’s because of me that you were almost killed. I don’t want anything else on my conscience, so I won’t ruin you by taking your virginity.”
I couldn’t help rolling my eyes. “Would you stop talking like I’m some fragile flower or something? I may be fifty percent angel, but I’m fifty percent hellcat too.” I curled my fingers into his sweat slickened strands of hair. “I’ll be your holy water—I’ll purify you and wash away the past. Just don’t deny me this.”
“Angel, I don’t ever want to deny you anything. I’d give you the world if I could. It kills me inside to have to tell you no.” He wrapped his arms tight around me. “It’s just I’m so afraid that my love can never be good enough for you.”
“Don’t ever think that, Jake. It’s all I need—all I want.” I gazed up at him. “Besides, you may be with me and decide I’m not enough for you.”
He shook his head. “I fucking doubt that.”
“But I don’t know what to do…to you know, please you.”
Jake grinned down at me. “Please me?”
I felt my cheeks warming. “Get you off?”
His thumb rubbed across my cheekbone. “Babe, I doubt you’ll have any problems getting me off. You did just fine last time.”
“But you were helping me. I just want to be everything you could ever need and more both in and out of the bedroom.”
Jake then brought his lips to mine and silenced any remaining doubts. His tongue slid against my lips, and I opened my mouth, inviting him in. I wanted to taste every inch of him tonight. Our kisses deepened as our tongues danced and fought against each other.
With our mouths and arms entangled, I used my hips to nudge Jake toward the loft steps. I wasn’t going to give him another chance to talk me or himself out of this. When his butt knocked against the stairs, his lips pulled away from mine. His signature cocky smirk spread across his lips. “Ladies first.”
I giggled. “Why do I think this is less about you being chivalrous and more about getting to see my ass in this thong?”
He banged his head back against the railing. “Christ almighty, that sexy-as-hell-get-up has a thong too?”
“Mmm hmm.”
A sexy grin stretched across his face. “You’re killing me.” He then stepped aside for me to start up the stairs. With every step I took, I could feel his eyes scorching into my bare skin. It caused heat and moisture to grow between my thighs.
When we reached the landing of the loft, I started to wrap my arms around Jake, but he stopped me. “Wait, Angel, I’m all sweaty from working out, and I stink.”
I leaned in to inhale his bare chest. “You smell good to me.”
Jake chuckled as he pushed out of my arms. “If we’re doing this, we’re doing it right and when I’m not stinky.”
“If you say so,” I replied.
Tugging my hand, he pulled me to the bathroom. Just like everything in the barn, it was breathtaking with its marble tile and granite countertops. Jake turned on the shower knob, and a steady stream of water came jetting out. With his hands on the waistband of his shorts, his lips curved in a smirk. “Did you plan on joining me or just watching?”
“Um…” Did I want to shower with him? That threw me for a loop since that usually came after sex, right? Ugh, this was all happening wrong and not like I pictured it. And I sure as hell didn’t think it would be romantic to watch him shower. The sight of Jake lathering up while I stared at him sounded like something out of a bad porno. “Uh, I can just wait in the bed.” I then started inching back from the shower.
He was sliding his shorts down when I quickly turned to go. I didn’t make it far before he grabbed my arm and spun me into him. I squealed as the water drenched my hair and soaked my lingerie. “Don’t go, Angel. I want you to stay.”
At the desire and love that burned in his eyes, I found it hard to breathe. When I could finally speak, I replied, “Then I’ll stay.”
Jake glanced down at my wet nightie that was now molded to my body like a second skin. “You really bought this for me?”
“Yes,” I replied as my arms went around his neck. “Do you like it?”
“Hmm,” he murmured as his hands came up to cup my breasts within the bodice. “It’s beautiful—you’re beautiful in it.”
I smiled. “I thought you would like it because it was white, and you always say—”
“You’re an angel in white.”
“I’m your angel.”
Bending down, he gripped the hem of the nightie and pulled it over my head. Closing my eyes, I leaned my back against the shower stall as he took in my appearance. When he didn’t reach out for me, I opened my eyes.
Jake was staring right below my chest. When I glanced down, I gasped. Somehow in my nervousness and enthusiasm, I had thrown my negligee on over my chest wrap. My hand flew to cover my eyes. “Oh God, I’m such an idiot! What a way to ruin a moment,” I moaned.
With a chuckle, Jake pulled my hand from my eyes. “I assume it comes off just like the lingerie, right?”
“Yes.”
He winked at me. “Then stop worrying. I’ll just take it off.” Bringing his fingers to the clip, Jake then started unwrapping the bandage. I began to twist from side to side to help him get it off quicker. With a wicked grin, he said, “You know, this makes me think of that scene in the movie Shakespeare in Love where Will unbinds Viola’s breasts.”
I laughed. “The very fact you know that movie is very swoonworthy, Mr. Slater,” I teased.
“Hey, don’t be acting like I’m not a romantic. I was quoting Romeo and Juliet the first night we were together.”
I cocked my brows at him. “Right after I had to prove that you could get it up for a virgin.”
Jake winced. “I was such a douche to you.”
“Thanks, Angel,” Jake replied with a grin. Once he finished taking off my bandage, Jake’s expression darkened, and he sucked in a harsh breath. I knew he was surprised by how bruised I still was. Most of them had faded, but there was still a yellow and green discoloration all around my ribcage and abdomen.
I cupped his cheek and shook my head. “Please don’t do that. I promise you they don’t hurt.”
Dropping to his knees, Jake began feathering tender kisses along my ribs and across my stomach. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, his breath warming my already scorching skin.
I gripped the strands of his hair and gently pulled his head back to look at me. “Stop apologizing for something you couldn’t help. You’re not the one who did this to me, and I will never, ever blame you.”
He rested his cheek against my stomach. “I love you, Angel.”
“I love you, too, Jake.”
As his fingers grazed the waist band of my thong, he glanced up at me. I gave a short nod of my head before he tugged it down my thighs. We were both totally naked together for the first time ever, and I shivered with anticipation.
“Are you cold?”
“No, I just want you.”
A pained noise came from the back of Jake’s throat. He kissed my inner thighs before nudging my legs further apart. Staring up at me, he held my gaze as his tongue flicked out to lick across my folds. I sucked in a breath and let my head fall back against the shower wall as his warm tongue worked over me. He lapped and suckled at my clit to where I was rocking my hips against him. He took one of my feet and pulled it up to rest on his shoulder giving him better access. The moment he thrust his tongue inside me I came apart and cried out his name.
Once I came back to myself, I figured he would stand up, but instead, he remained on his knees. He pulled away momentarily to tease my opening with one finger before pushing it inside. He added two and then three to swirl and move within me. With his free hand, his fingers skimmed over my stomach before coming to cup one of my breasts.