My Ratchet Secret by Midnite Love
night. I did this for several years till I racked up the cash I needed as well as a nice nest egg.
From doing my research I decided that it was going to be cheaper to have most of my procedures done out of the country. Plus I didn’t want just any old Dr. I wanted the best plastic surgeon my money could buy. I needed to look as close to a natural woman as possible to fool Adrian and for my own satisfaction. That included my soon to be lady parts as well.
I decided that I was going to Korea. I spoke of this to no one. As far as my parents and Tasha was concerned I had moved to another state, and was working a ton of overtime. This was the excuse as to why they couldn’t visit me. In reality they thought I was still “in the streets,” little did they know I had other plans. I played right into whatever role they wanted me too when we spoke but never once disclosed my secret.
Dr Rim Yoon would not only become my sex reassignment surgeon, he would be my primary care physician for the two years I spent recovering and learning all the ins and outs of what was needed to maintain the surgery and to convince everyone who saw me that I was a woman and not a man “playing dress up.”
When I finally moved back to my home town I had a totally new outlook on life. I was a woman! I got myself an apartment and a more respectful job as fashion consultant at a prestige modeling agency. My stripping and hoeing days were over! I had yet to let my family or Tasha know I was back in town. My parents had since moved on to Tennessee. I wasn’t ready to reveal my secret just yet. I needed to see how it would play out first. Plus I had a few things that I needed to master, from my mannerisms down to my walk. I wanted to be perfect.
Niggas were already starting to hit on me as a woman and I couldn’t have been more thrilled. Dr Yoon had gone over and above the call of duty. All I needed to do now was find out when my boo was on another leave. That wouldn’t be hard because all I needed to do was call Tasha. My biggest challenge was dealing with the change in my voice since my trachea shave. That didn’t matter I would just tell her I was coming down with something. Once I found out when Adrian was coming home I planned my next move.
Tasha said that he would be staying at their parents’ home so I made it a point to survey the house day and night to track his moves. When we ran into each other in the grocery store it wasn’t by accident. I made sure that I was fine as hell, smelling good, toes done, the works.
After following him inside the store I conveniently spilled the fruit that I had bagged up when he walked by the produce section. I made sure my saline babies were greased up and sitting right up in his face when he bent down to help me. That nigga didn’t know what hit him! He was all up on my ass and I loved every minute of it! I FINALLY had Adrian lusting after ME for a change.
Another crusty muthafucka tried to roll up and start making eye contact and shit while we were exchanging numbers. He just don’t know, I would have caught a case that day if he would have cock blocked my shit!
We would run into each other several more times before he finally got up the nerve to ask me out. Little did he know that shit wasn’t a coincidence, I had planned my moves like a game of chess and I wasn’t about to lose. I wasn’t stopping till I made him mine. Oh yes Adrian Ramsey would be my husband.
Between Lovers And Friends
My plan was a success. In the three months that Adrian spent at home we had become an item. He had fallen for me pretty quickly. And as you would guess there was no need for me to fall for him. I had been in love with him since we were children. I was literally living my dream. I was now a beautiful sexy woman, I had a good job and I had landed my man.
My luck would finally run out when Adrian invited his sister Tasha over to visit without my knowledge. He had been begging me to meet his family but I kept putting it off for fear I would be recognized. Aside from talking to Tasha on the phone we hadn’t seen each other in years and she had no idea that I was back in town or that I was now a woman. I guess he got tired of waiting and decided to invite Tasha over for dinner at my place the night before he was due to go back to active duty. Luckily his parents were out of town for a funeral or they would have been there also.
Whoever said that you can’t hide shit from a good friend was exactly right. Tasha recognized me as soon as we met. I remember it like it was yesterday.
“Tasha I want you to meet my baby Pebbles, Pebbles meet my sister Tasha,” announced Adrian as he introduced us.
“Please to meet you Tasha.”
“Nice to meet you too” she responded looking me over from head to toe.
“He’s told me so much about you,” I responded nervously.
I tried to keep the conversation light hoping this heffa wouldn’t start running off at the mouth.
“Uhmm… yeah, same here.”
“You alright sis? Look like you done seen a damn ghost” asked Adrian.
“Oh naw... Pebbles just looks like somebody I know, kinda caught me off guard,” she replied, glaring at me suspiciously.
The whole time I was thinking to myself, “this hoe betta not even think about blowing my cover.”
We ended up having a nice dinner that evening and Tasha never spoke a word to Adrian about her suspicion. Who knows maybe she didn’t recognize me after all. Or just maybe she was the best friend that I remembered, who realized who I was, but was happy for me and my new life. In any case the night ended on a pleasant note with Adrian none the wiser. After my baby left the next morning I got a surprise visit from Tasha.
“We need to talk,” she announced boldly.
“Well good morning to you too” I responded sarcastically.
“I just wanted to come back and look at you again. Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“Excuse me? You just met me yesterday so I can’t even imagine what kinda of drama you think you are about to roll up in here and start.”
Tasha stormed past me and stood in the living room.
“Cut the shit Peyton, I know who you are. What kind of fucked up game are you trying to pull on my brother?”
“Peyton? Who the hell is Peyton?” I asked trying to get my bluff in.
“Did you hear what I said? I know it’s you! The only reason I didn’t bust your ass out yesterday at dinner was because my brother is all in love and shit and I didn’t want to burst his bubble,” Tasha fumed while circling me, looking me up and down. “Damn you really did it. Is that where you’ve been all this time?”
That was it, the gig was up. She had found me out. I didn’t think that I would be seeing my best friend again under these circumstances but life has a funny sense of humor.
“I did what I had to do and I don’t have any regrets. I can’t believe how you just gon’ run up in here flapping off at the mouth and not even ask how I’m doing. So do you like what you see?”
I was too out done. This was supposed to be my girl and all she was worried about is how I looked. You would think since she hadn’t seen me in years she would be glad that I’m doing good.
“Ask how you doing? You had me and your parents worried sick about yo’ ass. You know how many nights yo’ momma called me crying and shit ‘cause yo’ behind was deep in them streets and wasn’t trying to hear shit we had to say? Then you just upped and left. How the hell you think that made me feel? That shit hurt Peyton so don’t run yo’ damn pity party on me. And when yo’ ass do return you a damn woman, and done hooked up with my brother? This shit is unreal!”
“The name is Pebbles, and I ain’t asking for nobody’s fucking pity.”
At this point I was beyond upset. My damn heart was racing and I was griming her ass like she stole my favorite pair of shoes. The nerve of this hoe!
“Pebbles my ass! I’m calling you Peyton! All that shit you done had done to yourself don’t make you a woman.”
If it were an
yone else I would have slapped the taste out of their mouth behind that remark, but Tasha’s words cut me deep. I wanted so badly for my friend to be happy for me. I can’t believe she went there after all we had been through. She was one of the few people in the world that knew how conflicted I was with the body I was in. I think the reason it hurt me so bad was because this was the first real reaction from someone who really knew my true identity. Someone who I thought loved me.
My hands started to tremble and my throat tightened up. Before I knew it I had broken down in tears. I hated being this vulnerable but sometimes when your past comes back to stare you in the face it don’t always come bearing good news. It comes to drudge up painful memories. Memories of not being accepted by the man I loved with all my heart and soul. I finally had him now and I wasn’t looking back. And if it meant that my best friend would now be the one that turned on me, so be it. I was determined to have myself a happily ever after with Adrian.
As I stood with my back towards her the tears flowed freely. She ended her rant, walked over to me and touched me on the shoulder.
“I’m sorry Peyton… I mean Pebbles. I didn’t mean that.”
“It’s all good; you said what was on your mind.”
“I said what I said out of anger, shock and surprise. This shit is crazy for me. The last time I saw you, you were a man. Well at least you were in a man’s body, but that’s still no excuse for what I said.”
With that we embraced and cried like a mother and child being reunited.
“I accept your apology, I missed y’all so much. I didn’t plan on going away like I did but I was on a mission.”
When we finally let go of one another Tasha spun me around.
“For the record you do look beautiful.”
“Thank you boo.”
I wish I could have frozen that moment in time. For those few moments we were like teenagers again. I loved Tasha and I know she loved me but that wasn’t enough to stop the pink elephant in the room from being addressed. The bonding moment was short lived. Tasha would soon revert back to the original reason she stopped by; to talk about Adrian.
“I love you and I missed you but this is some foul shit right here. When do you plan on telling my brother who you really are? I know he’s gonna lose it when he finds out.”
I stood there silently rolling my eyes and twirling a lock of hair. I had no intentions of telling Adrian shit.
“Wait, so you were never gonna tell him? That’s fucked up! My brother is not gay. He needs to be told the truth so HE can make the decision whether or not he can live with it.”
“Look Tasha it’s like this. I’m not telling Adrian a damn thing. You know how he felt about me when he knew I was a man. I’m not gonna sit up here and try to pretend that I’m not wrong for what I’m doing but I love him. I have always loved him. You know how the song goes: if loving Adrian is wrong I don’t wanna be right. I know you mad but I would never do anything to hurt your brother.”
“Never do anything to hurt him? You’re living a lie Peyton! Wake up! So what if he didn’t want you as a man, hello, he’s straight. Move on, I can’t believe you went this far. I don’t even know who you are anymore, for real. Do your parents know?”
“I planned on telling them when the time is right.”
At this point tempers were flared. Tasha was livid that I had betrayed her brother and I was beside myself at the fact that she couldn’t just leave well enough alone and be happy for me. It wasn’t like I was hurting anyone. Adrian was happy and none the wiser. I wasn’t about to let her fuck our shit up. I tried once again to talk some sense into her.
“I’m not letting you go
From doing my research I decided that it was going to be cheaper to have most of my procedures done out of the country. Plus I didn’t want just any old Dr. I wanted the best plastic surgeon my money could buy. I needed to look as close to a natural woman as possible to fool Adrian and for my own satisfaction. That included my soon to be lady parts as well.
I decided that I was going to Korea. I spoke of this to no one. As far as my parents and Tasha was concerned I had moved to another state, and was working a ton of overtime. This was the excuse as to why they couldn’t visit me. In reality they thought I was still “in the streets,” little did they know I had other plans. I played right into whatever role they wanted me too when we spoke but never once disclosed my secret.
Dr Rim Yoon would not only become my sex reassignment surgeon, he would be my primary care physician for the two years I spent recovering and learning all the ins and outs of what was needed to maintain the surgery and to convince everyone who saw me that I was a woman and not a man “playing dress up.”
When I finally moved back to my home town I had a totally new outlook on life. I was a woman! I got myself an apartment and a more respectful job as fashion consultant at a prestige modeling agency. My stripping and hoeing days were over! I had yet to let my family or Tasha know I was back in town. My parents had since moved on to Tennessee. I wasn’t ready to reveal my secret just yet. I needed to see how it would play out first. Plus I had a few things that I needed to master, from my mannerisms down to my walk. I wanted to be perfect.
Niggas were already starting to hit on me as a woman and I couldn’t have been more thrilled. Dr Yoon had gone over and above the call of duty. All I needed to do now was find out when my boo was on another leave. That wouldn’t be hard because all I needed to do was call Tasha. My biggest challenge was dealing with the change in my voice since my trachea shave. That didn’t matter I would just tell her I was coming down with something. Once I found out when Adrian was coming home I planned my next move.
Tasha said that he would be staying at their parents’ home so I made it a point to survey the house day and night to track his moves. When we ran into each other in the grocery store it wasn’t by accident. I made sure that I was fine as hell, smelling good, toes done, the works.
After following him inside the store I conveniently spilled the fruit that I had bagged up when he walked by the produce section. I made sure my saline babies were greased up and sitting right up in his face when he bent down to help me. That nigga didn’t know what hit him! He was all up on my ass and I loved every minute of it! I FINALLY had Adrian lusting after ME for a change.
Another crusty muthafucka tried to roll up and start making eye contact and shit while we were exchanging numbers. He just don’t know, I would have caught a case that day if he would have cock blocked my shit!
We would run into each other several more times before he finally got up the nerve to ask me out. Little did he know that shit wasn’t a coincidence, I had planned my moves like a game of chess and I wasn’t about to lose. I wasn’t stopping till I made him mine. Oh yes Adrian Ramsey would be my husband.
Between Lovers And Friends
My plan was a success. In the three months that Adrian spent at home we had become an item. He had fallen for me pretty quickly. And as you would guess there was no need for me to fall for him. I had been in love with him since we were children. I was literally living my dream. I was now a beautiful sexy woman, I had a good job and I had landed my man.
My luck would finally run out when Adrian invited his sister Tasha over to visit without my knowledge. He had been begging me to meet his family but I kept putting it off for fear I would be recognized. Aside from talking to Tasha on the phone we hadn’t seen each other in years and she had no idea that I was back in town or that I was now a woman. I guess he got tired of waiting and decided to invite Tasha over for dinner at my place the night before he was due to go back to active duty. Luckily his parents were out of town for a funeral or they would have been there also.
Whoever said that you can’t hide shit from a good friend was exactly right. Tasha recognized me as soon as we met. I remember it like it was yesterday.
“Tasha I want you to meet my baby Pebbles, Pebbles meet my sister Tasha,” announced Adrian as he introduced us.
“Please to meet you Tasha.”
“Nice to meet you too” she responded looking me over from head to toe.
“He’s told me so much about you,” I responded nervously.
I tried to keep the conversation light hoping this heffa wouldn’t start running off at the mouth.
“Uhmm… yeah, same here.”
“You alright sis? Look like you done seen a damn ghost” asked Adrian.
“Oh naw... Pebbles just looks like somebody I know, kinda caught me off guard,” she replied, glaring at me suspiciously.
The whole time I was thinking to myself, “this hoe betta not even think about blowing my cover.”
We ended up having a nice dinner that evening and Tasha never spoke a word to Adrian about her suspicion. Who knows maybe she didn’t recognize me after all. Or just maybe she was the best friend that I remembered, who realized who I was, but was happy for me and my new life. In any case the night ended on a pleasant note with Adrian none the wiser. After my baby left the next morning I got a surprise visit from Tasha.
“We need to talk,” she announced boldly.
“Well good morning to you too” I responded sarcastically.
“I just wanted to come back and look at you again. Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“Excuse me? You just met me yesterday so I can’t even imagine what kinda of drama you think you are about to roll up in here and start.”
Tasha stormed past me and stood in the living room.
“Cut the shit Peyton, I know who you are. What kind of fucked up game are you trying to pull on my brother?”
“Peyton? Who the hell is Peyton?” I asked trying to get my bluff in.
“Did you hear what I said? I know it’s you! The only reason I didn’t bust your ass out yesterday at dinner was because my brother is all in love and shit and I didn’t want to burst his bubble,” Tasha fumed while circling me, looking me up and down. “Damn you really did it. Is that where you’ve been all this time?”
That was it, the gig was up. She had found me out. I didn’t think that I would be seeing my best friend again under these circumstances but life has a funny sense of humor.
“I did what I had to do and I don’t have any regrets. I can’t believe how you just gon’ run up in here flapping off at the mouth and not even ask how I’m doing. So do you like what you see?”
I was too out done. This was supposed to be my girl and all she was worried about is how I looked. You would think since she hadn’t seen me in years she would be glad that I’m doing good.
“Ask how you doing? You had me and your parents worried sick about yo’ ass. You know how many nights yo’ momma called me crying and shit ‘cause yo’ behind was deep in them streets and wasn’t trying to hear shit we had to say? Then you just upped and left. How the hell you think that made me feel? That shit hurt Peyton so don’t run yo’ damn pity party on me. And when yo’ ass do return you a damn woman, and done hooked up with my brother? This shit is unreal!”
“The name is Pebbles, and I ain’t asking for nobody’s fucking pity.”
At this point I was beyond upset. My damn heart was racing and I was griming her ass like she stole my favorite pair of shoes. The nerve of this hoe!
“Pebbles my ass! I’m calling you Peyton! All that shit you done had done to yourself don’t make you a woman.”
If it were an
My hands started to tremble and my throat tightened up. Before I knew it I had broken down in tears. I hated being this vulnerable but sometimes when your past comes back to stare you in the face it don’t always come bearing good news. It comes to drudge up painful memories. Memories of not being accepted by the man I loved with all my heart and soul. I finally had him now and I wasn’t looking back. And if it meant that my best friend would now be the one that turned on me, so be it. I was determined to have myself a happily ever after with Adrian.
As I stood with my back towards her the tears flowed freely. She ended her rant, walked over to me and touched me on the shoulder.
“I’m sorry Peyton… I mean Pebbles. I didn’t mean that.”
“It’s all good; you said what was on your mind.”
“I said what I said out of anger, shock and surprise. This shit is crazy for me. The last time I saw you, you were a man. Well at least you were in a man’s body, but that’s still no excuse for what I said.”
With that we embraced and cried like a mother and child being reunited.
“I accept your apology, I missed y’all so much. I didn’t plan on going away like I did but I was on a mission.”
When we finally let go of one another Tasha spun me around.
“For the record you do look beautiful.”
“Thank you boo.”
I wish I could have frozen that moment in time. For those few moments we were like teenagers again. I loved Tasha and I know she loved me but that wasn’t enough to stop the pink elephant in the room from being addressed. The bonding moment was short lived. Tasha would soon revert back to the original reason she stopped by; to talk about Adrian.
“I love you and I missed you but this is some foul shit right here. When do you plan on telling my brother who you really are? I know he’s gonna lose it when he finds out.”
I stood there silently rolling my eyes and twirling a lock of hair. I had no intentions of telling Adrian shit.
“Wait, so you were never gonna tell him? That’s fucked up! My brother is not gay. He needs to be told the truth so HE can make the decision whether or not he can live with it.”
“Look Tasha it’s like this. I’m not telling Adrian a damn thing. You know how he felt about me when he knew I was a man. I’m not gonna sit up here and try to pretend that I’m not wrong for what I’m doing but I love him. I have always loved him. You know how the song goes: if loving Adrian is wrong I don’t wanna be right. I know you mad but I would never do anything to hurt your brother.”
“Never do anything to hurt him? You’re living a lie Peyton! Wake up! So what if he didn’t want you as a man, hello, he’s straight. Move on, I can’t believe you went this far. I don’t even know who you are anymore, for real. Do your parents know?”
“I planned on telling them when the time is right.”
At this point tempers were flared. Tasha was livid that I had betrayed her brother and I was beside myself at the fact that she couldn’t just leave well enough alone and be happy for me. It wasn’t like I was hurting anyone. Adrian was happy and none the wiser. I wasn’t about to let her fuck our shit up. I tried once again to talk some sense into her.
“I’m not letting you go