Private by Kate Brian
stepping up. Ariana touched her arm and shook her head as if con-Oh, God. Oh God Oh God Oh God. So they hadn’t forgiven me for frontation was just too gauche.
the Barber thing. Or they had, but now I’d screwed it all up again.
For the first time, I saw uncertainty behind Natasha’s eyes. She
“I didn’t ask him to come over,” I blurted. “He just showed up.
glanced around at Kiran, Ariana, and Taylor. Then her eyes fell on Noelle, I swear. I didn’t even want to talk to him.”
me and she took me in as one with the others. As if I was part of
“So pathetic,” Kiran said. “She can’t stay away from him. I told whatever it was she was sizing up. Then she mustered a disgusted you.”
expression and finally—I thought, wisely—retreated.
My face burned with the knowledge that they had been dis-
When she was gone, my mind reeled with questions, but I kept
cussing me. Talking about me and picking me apart about last
my mouth shut. Soon Leanne was all packed into her car, on her way night.
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“You guys don’t understand,” I said.
Noelle narrowed her eyes into a look of sheer distaste. I was
begging for my life here and she knew it. And she didn’t like it.
“I’m bored,” Kiran said with a sigh.
“So bored,” Taylor echoed.
ALONE
“Ladies?” Noelle said.
“Noelle,” I said, overcome with desperation. My entire world
was shifting before me. “Ariana, you can’t—”
But they ignored me, looking through me like I wasn’t even
there. Noelle turned, and Ariana, Kiran, and Taylor all fell into That afternoon, each of my teachers started off with a lecture on ranks around her, moving off toward their upper-level classes. Just not allowing the recent scandal to distract us, but the classrooms like that. Without me.
were still full of whispers. The instructors spent so much time reprimanding people for gossiping, they didn’t seem to notice me staring out the window, wondering where it had all gone wrong.
Should I have thrown Thomas out of my room that morning?
Probably. But then Ariana still might have seen him leaving and assumed I had spoken to him. Maybe if I could just get one of
them—any one of them—alone, I could explain. If they just heard me out and realized that Thomas had cornered me, maybe I could
still win them back.
But then, of course, there was the little issue of Thomas himself.
I had told him I would help him. I had told him I would be there for him. I couldn’t have both him and the Billings Girls—that much had been made perfectly clear. So what was I going to do?
Just to make my solitude more complete, Thomas was MIA for
the rest of the day. Normally I would see him in the halls between
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classes or lounging in the quad before the bell, but he was nowhere I was grasping at straws.
to be found. I checked my cell for messages every five minutes, but I hit speed dial four. Noelle had preprogrammed them for me.
there was nothing. Even the sight of the blank screen depressed She was one. Ariana was two. Kiran, three. Taylor, four.
me, almost as much as the words “Glass-licker’s Phone,” which I I held my breath as the phone rang once, twice, three times.
hadn’t changed because it had started to feel like a personal joke Then the voice mail picked up. “Hi! You’ve reached Taylor’s phone!
between me and Noelle. Now it just seemed like a cruel joke.
Please leave a message!”
Back at Bradwell after dinner, I kept my phone in my front
I hung up before the beep. Emboldened, I tried Kiran. Another
pocket and listened for the ring of the hall phone, but everything voice mail. “It’s Kiran,” she said, sounding bored. “If you don’t was silent. Even the dorm was quieter than usual, with several of my know what to do at the beep, I can’t help you.”
floor-mates having gone out for dinner with their parents. Most of I hung up. A slight flicker of anger started to grow inside of me.
the families were arriving on Saturday for morning services fol-How could they ignore me like this? Had they all made some pact not lowed by brunch, but some had come early to whisk their little dar-to pick up if I called? Shaking, I tried Ariana. Her voice mail flicked lings off to one of the quaint, candlelit restaurants in town. One on instantly. I hung up before the recorded voice had finished
might think this would make me regret my decision to shut my par-uttering its first word and tossed my phone onto Constance’s bed, ents out, but it only made me feel more secure. If anything, we disgusted—with them, yes, but more so with myself.
would have been chowing down at the Denny’s on the highway while Screw this.
my mother made her coffee Irish and berated me for thinking I was I got up, grabbed the phone, and was about to dial Noelle when
better than she was.
the door flew open, shooting my heart into my throat. Constance With a sigh, I pushed myself up from my bed and sat down on
bounced in, all flushed.
the window ledge. Ariana’s room was pitch black. Most of the win-
“Hey! A bunch of us are gonna watch a DVD. Wanna come?” she
dows in Billings were. More casualties of parents’ weekend. I pulled asked.
out my phone and stared at it, feeling desperate. I needed to talk to No, I want to wallow.
someone.
“Thanks anyway,” I said. “I have some phone calls to make.”
I took a deep breath and decided to start at the bottom. I would call
“Come on, Reed. Lorna’s whipped out her entire Reese
Taylor. She was my best shot at a sympathetic ear. And maybe if she Witherspoon collection and they’re already starting to fight over was out with her parents, she would be more inclined to be nice to me.
what to watch,” Constance rambled.
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“I can’t,” I told her. I itched for her to go away. The longer she stayed, the longer she prevented me from calling Noelle. From
begging for my life.
“Come on!” Constance wheedled. “It’ll be fun! You can be the
deciding vote!”
THE PEARSONS
“I said no,” I snapped.
Instantly, I regretted it. Constance looked at me as if I’d just slapped her across the face. I may as well have. All she had done since we had arrived here was be bubbly and kind and solicitous.
And all I’d done was ignore her.
At seven a.m. on Saturday I arrived at the end of the walk that led to
“Constance—”
Ketlar House, coiffed like I had never been coiffed before. I wasn’t
“No. It’s fine,” she said, grabbing a sweater off her bed. “You sure if Kiran would still be okay with my wearing her clothes, but I call your friends.”
had decided to risk it. In order to get through this day, I needed to She turned around and, for the first time since I’d known her,
be someone other than myself. And in this outfit I felt like a different slammed the door.
person. Of course, my heart was still pounding nervously. I was And there I stood, alone in my room, clinging to my silent
about to meet Thomas’s parents, the infamous Lawrence and Trina.
phone, listening to the laughter and conversation on the other side How could a girl not be afraid?
of the wall.
It was a gorgeous, crisp, clear autumn morning. All around me
guys greeted their parents with handshakes and hugs before leading them off to morning services. I scanned the area for Thomas,
His father stood at the far side of the walk, the cuff of his pristine gray suit riding up each time he checked his Movado. He was the spitting image of Thomas with just a bit more weight and height, and a few wrinkles around the eyes. Thomas’s mother sat perched
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on a stone bench behind him, her face pinched and her dyed
“Thomas’s . . . friend,” I said finally. I want out of here. Now. “He red hair pulled back in a chignon. She wore a pinstriped suit and didn’t . . . I thought he told you I would be having brunch with you.”
perfect leather heels that matched her perfect leather bag. She His father sighed. “No, he didn’t. But then, that’s Thomas. I’m looked, in a word, bored.
not at all surprised.”
Thomas was clearly late. I could have killed him for putting me I couldn’t believe this. Thomas had told them all about me. I was in this awkward situation. I had never been good at introducing the first girlfriend he wanted them to meet. They were excited to myself to people, especially adults. For a few moments, I waited for meet me. More lies. I stared at the door of Ketlar, willing Thomas to them to spot me. After all, they knew that I was coming. Thomas emerge. If he was in there, playing sick, leaving me alone to deal must have described me to them. Wasn’t it the adult’s responsibility with these people who didn’t even know I existed, then he was the to approach the kid?
biggest coward ever to roam the earth.
But the longer I waited, the more the area emptied out and soon But he wouldn’t do that to me. He wouldn’t. Not after everything.
I felt so conspicuous I couldn’t take it anymore. Thinking of Kiran’s Not after his confession and apology. Something had to be wrong.
easy sophistication, of Noelle’s self-assuredness, I plastered a I whipped my cell phone out and speed-dialed Thomas. I smiled
smile across my face and turned to Thomas’s dad. Hey, I could still at his parents, then turned away. It went directly to voice mail and emulate them, even if they hated me.
I snapped the phone shut. For the first time, I wished I had the
“Hi! You must be Mr. Pearson,” I said, stepping toward him.
number to his other phone. Anything to get hold of him.
He looked me up and down, his brows drawing together. Behind
“Where is Thomas, dear?” his mother asked, running her eyes him, his wife rose on unsteady feet. “Yes. And you are?”
over me. I tucked my phone away.
“I’m Reed Brennan.”
“I don’t know. He must be running late,” I said. I racked my
No flicker of recognition. Not even a blink. My underarms
brain for some kind of excuse. “He . . . uh . . . has this big paper due prickled with heat.
and I know he stayed up late last night working on it.”
“Thomas’s . . .”
“Thomas? Up late studying? That’s rich,” his father said.
The word caught in my throat. I found that with the infamous
My face burned. I was no good at this. I could barely handle my Pearsons staring me down, I couldn’t choke it out.
own parents. At that moment, the chapel bells rang out, signaling
“Thomas’s what, dear?” Trina said, catching her husband’s arm
the start of morning services. I looked around. The entire quad was in her grip.
deserted.
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The tone of the bell reverberated through my bones as I looked
up to the high eaves of Ketlar House. I hadn’t talked to Thomas in almost twenty-four hours. Hadn’t even seen him since his visit yesterday morning. Somehow I knew that Thomas wasn’t inside
those walls, looking out. I knew it in my soul.
A MESSAGE
“That’s it. I’m going in there and dragging him out if I have to,”
Mr. Pearson said.
I wanted to protest. To say that I’d go. But he had already
stormed like a bull halfway up the walk. Mrs. Pearson sighed grandly and I shot her an apologetic smile, which she completely ignored.
During morning services, I sat in chilled silence with Constance The longer we stood there alone, the faster my heart pounded.
and her parents—a very large man with a very large head, and a
Something was wrong here. Something was very, very wrong.
diminutive woman whom he totally overshadowed. Constance hadn’t I half hoped Mr. Pearson would walk out holding Thomas by the
spoken to me all morning and had vacated the room to go meet her scruff of his neck, still wearing his boxers or pajama pants or what-parents before I had even showered. But when I sat down next to ever the hell a guy like him slept in. But seconds later, when Mr.
her after chapel, she had taken in my outfit and given me an
Pearson emerged, he was red with rage and completely alone.
impressed glance. I took this as a good sign. Maybe the damage I Thomas was gone.
had done last night was not irreversible.
While Mr. Talbot continuously leaned over to his daughter and
asked questions about the service—at full volume—I spent half the time craning my neck around to see if Thomas had arrived yet. His parents stood in the back of the auditorium, looking sour and grim.
Every now and then when I turned, I caught his mother staring me down. As if I was somehow responsible for her son’s slight. Each time I caught her eye I blanched and told myself not to look again.
But I couldn’t stop. I kept looking until the dean’s final address.
Thomas never arrived.
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When services were over, I dodged through the crowd, trying to
“What the . . . ?” Constance said.
catch up with Josh, but the wall of families closed in on me and I lost
“Oh, my God,” I blurted under my breath. I felt the room start to sight of him and his parents. Soon I found myself walking back to spin. “Oh, my God.”
Bradwell alone, contemplating my next move. I had already tried
“Okay, calm down,” Constance said, though she sounded any-
every one of Thomas’s phone numbers a dozen times. What else
thing but calm herself. We stared around at the bare bed, the desk could I do? Break into his room and toss it for clues? Where had he that had been swept clean, the closet with its big empty space near gone? And why hadn’t he told me he was going?
the end. It was all gone. Like I had never even been there. “There When I walked into Bradwell, I saw Constance and her parents
has to be a reasonable explanation for this.”
waiting for the elevator. The last thing I wanted was to ride up in
“Like what?” I asked.
that claustrophobic space with a larger-than-life man and his
I felt like I was having a heart attack. First Thomas, now this.
could-be-mad-at-me daughter. It might send me over the edge. I
How much could one girl handle in one morning?
turned around and shoved my way into the stairwell, taking the
Constance looked at me and bit her lip. “Your grades have been
steps two at a time. Maybe Thomas had left a note on my door. Or better, right?”
maybe he was even hanging out in my room.
For a second everything clouded over. “You think they kicked
A girl could hope.
me out?”
I arrived at our door, all sweaty and out of breath, at the same
“No! I don’t know!” Constance said desperately. “I just . . .
exact moment as C
where’s all your stuff?”
“Where are your parents?” I asked, heaving.
“I have to go,” I said, walking toward the door on shaky legs. I
“Waiting in the common room,” she said. “What’s going on? Are
felt like I was in a dream. “I have to go find . . . someone.”
you all right? We all saw Thomas’s parents at services. Did some-Naylor, maybe. The dean? Who the hell did people go to when
thing happen to him?”
all their things disappeared from their room? Had they kicked Hell if I know. But apparently my proximity to the newest gossip me out?
had erased her memory of last night’s slight.
And then it hit me. The Billings Girls. Natasha’s accusation. Her
“I’m sure he’s fine,” I lied.
insinuation that somehow Noelle had been responsible for Leanne.
I pushed open the door to our room and we both stopped in our
Had they gotten me expelled somehow? Would they really go that far tracks. My entire half of the room was bare. No books, no posters, just because I had forgiven Thomas? Could they really go that far?
no sheets, no pillows, no soccer ball. Nothing.
A huge knot formed in my stomach. I was going to be sick.
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My life at Easton was over. My hopes, my dreams, my future.
Everything. Gone.
“Do you want me to go with you?” Constance asked.
“No. Stay with your parents,” I said, somehow finding lucid
thoughts. “I’ll . . . I’ll be back.”
WELCOME TO BILLINGS
I hope.
I staggered down the hall and rushed down the stairs on weakened knees, nearly upending myself at least three times. Outside, the sun blinded me and I paused for a second, disoriented. Where was I going?
I had to talk to someone, but who? How could I possibly fix this?
The moment I stepped into Billings, my first instinct was to run.
Just then, my cell phone rang, scaring the life right out of me.
Fourteen girls stood in the foyer, forming a semicircle with Noelle My hands quaking, I fumbled the tiny phone out of my pocket and right at the center. With the curtains drawn, the room was cast in checked the caller ID. Restricted number. I hit the talk button, shadow. Candles flickered on the mantle and every other available having no clue who it was or even who I wanted it to be.