Private by Kate Brian
I had been hoping that Thomas would actually show up on time for reverbs through my chest.
morning services, wanting to see me as much as I wanted to see
I flushed. “Nothing.”
him, but he sneaked in ten minutes late as usual and hunkered
Thomas lifted one corner of his mouth, bringing out a small
down in his seat with his sunglasses on. Result? I couldn’t even dimple. “Yes, you were. You were thinking something naughty.” My catch his eye. How he got away with that stuff, I had no idea, but no skin sizzled. He brought his cheek to mine and his stubble
one seemed to bother him about it. He was just that type of guy.
scratched my skin. His breath was hot on my ear. “Tell me your
I spent the morning “studying” out on the quad in the sun with
naughty thoughts, Reed Brennan.”
Constance. I had to do something about my not-so-stellar academic Oh, God. My palms were sweating. My head swam. My whole record. When I presented my art history project earlier Friday
body throbbed.
morning—I had decided to do it on Frida Kahlo—Mrs. Treacle had
“Do I make you nervous?” he asked.
critiqued it right away as she had all the others, calling it pedestrian I shook my head.
and under-researched (unlike all the others). She gave me a C and He pulled back slightly, looked me in the eye, and smiled.
told me to do better next time. An oral report in French didn’t go
“Liar.”
much better. Although my pronunciation had improved, Miss
And then he kissed me.
Krantz said I was still too hesitant and that my lack of confidence was distracting. And finally, there was the history quiz. I didn’t even want to think about the number of blanks I had left on that page.
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I wanted to buckle down. I really did. But most of my time on the the only one of the four who always seemed genuinely pleased to quad was actually spent scanning my surroundings, hoping for a
see me.
glimpse of Thomas. All I could think about was that kiss. The way he
“Hi,” I replied.
had touched my face with his fingertips. I had never had a kiss like I glanced at Kiran. She ignored my presence as if nothing out of that before. And I wanted more. Now.
the ordinary had ever occurred between us.
“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?” Constance asked me
“How’s everything going? How are your classes?” Taylor asked.
during one of my many dazed-in-space jags.
“Did you do anything interesting yesterday?”
“No. I was just . . . trying to figure out this equation,” I said,
“Fine, fine, and no. Not really,” I said lightly. I was getting used looking down at my trig book and blushing.
to Taylor’s questions and learning how to answer them as vaguely as
“Yeah, right. You’re so in love you can’t even stop smiling,” she said.
possible.
“I’m not in love,” I said flatly.
“Yeah, right. I hear you and Thomas Pearson got nasty last
“Yes, you are!” she teased.
night,” Noelle said, amused.
“Let’s just study,” I said.
My mouth opened slightly, but nothing came out. How did she
Constance’s face fell and she went back to her work without a
always know everything?
word. I instantly felt guilty for shutting her down, but didn’t know
“Thomas Pearson?” Kiran said, raising one perfect eyebrow.
what to say. When was I going to learn?
“There’s a good idea.”
I took a deep breath and tried to concentrate. I really did. But Right. Like your Dreck boy was such a wise choice.
five seconds later, I was with Thomas again. I definitely had it bad.
“Did you know that the Pearsons donate two hundred and fifty
Lunch hour could not come fast enough. Thomas always showed
thousand dollars to the school every year? That’s on top of his up for lunch, however briefly. I was salivating at the thought of see-tuition,” Taylor offered.
ing him.
Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars? Two hundred and fifty
I approached the Billings table uncertainly as I always did, wait-thousand dollars?! How rich were these people?
ing for them to tell me it was all a joke and to go away. When I
“Taylor. Really,” Ariana scolded. As if talking about money was slipped into my chair without incident, I let out a sigh of relief.
just that wrong.
Ariana looked up briefly from her book and gave me a wan smile.
And as always, Taylor clammed up.
“Hi, Reed!” Taylor said brightly, as she always did. She was
Just then the double doors opened and Thomas walked in with
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Dash, Gage, and Josh. My heart caught and immediately began
Thomas glared at him for a second, then laughed snarkily and
racing. I was expecting to maybe catch him in the last ten minutes of kissed my cheek. What was that all about?
the meal when he usually appeared, grabbed food, and bailed. But
“What is up with the selection today?” Dash asked. “There’s no
there he was, trailed by his friends. Right on time.
hot food.”
I told myself not to expect anything. Maybe the kiss meant
“Maybe because it’s ninety-five degrees outside?” Kiran sug-
nothing. Maybe he had forgotten I existed. Maybe he—
gested, checking her reflection in her ever-present compact.
“Hey, new girl,” he said, sliding into the chair next to mine. He
“Think fast,” Josh called out.
pushed my hair back from my face with his fingertips and when I I ducked out of the way as a cellophane-wrapped baguette sand-turned to him, kissed me right on the lips. “I guess I should start wich zoomed past my face. Thomas grabbed it effortlessly.
calling you Reed now.”
“Premade? We’re so lucky to be the over privileged souls we
Now. As in, ‘Now, because everything as changed.’ ‘Now, are,” he joked.
because you are my girlfriend.’ Whoa.
My stomach shifted slightly. I wondered if he knew that I didn’t
“Yo, Josh. You going up there?” he asked, resting his arm on the fall into that category. If any of them knew. If they’d care.
back of my chair. Shivers all over.
“I cannot wait for parents’ weekend,” Gage said, tearing into his Josh hesitated in the aisle as Gage and Dash walked ahead. “Yeah.”
own sandwich.
“Get me a sandwich, all right? I’m starving,” Thomas said. Then Thomas blew out a sigh and dropped back in his chair. Instant
he brought his face to mine and kissed me again. I could feel Kiran attitude shift.
and Taylor whispering across the table.
“Why? What’s so great about parents’ weekend?” I asked. I was
“Do I look like your butler?” Josh asked.
curious as to what went on, wondering if it was even remotely
Thomas broke off and glared at him. “Yeah, actually, you do.”
possible that my parents would fit in. And if I could possibly avoid Josh colored slightly, then rolled his eyes and walked off.
them the entire time they were present.
“So, Pearson. Found yourself a new victim?” Noelle asked.
“Gage is referring to the fact that it’s the best food of the year,”
My breath caught. What did that mean?
<
“Ironic statement, coming from you,” Thomas said.
“And areas slightly further south,” Gage added, laughing with
Noelle reddened. “I’m surprised you know what ironic means.”
his mouth open so that we could all see his half-chewed food.
“Shut it, Lange,” Thomas snapped.
“I just can’t wait to see my mom,” Ariana said.
“Hey. Watch it, dude,” Dash said, returning to the table.
“Ladies and gentlemen, here she is. The only girl who thinks the
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worst part of boarding school is being away from her parents,”
Noelle announced.
Everyone laughed except Thomas. “Can we talk about something
a little less boring please?” he asked.
“Touchy, touchy,” Kiran said as she continued studying herself
FAMILIAR
from every angle.
“You just sound like a bunch of losers,” Thomas grumbled. “It’s a stupid tradition. I don’t know why they even bother anymore. If our parents want to send us shit, they can use the Internet. Why disrupt everything for an entire weekend?”
Thomas shoved through the cafeteria doors, stormed over to the
“Dude, chill. It’s not our fault your parents are assholes,”
closest tree, and slammed his fist into the bark.
Dash said.
“Thomas!” I shouted.
“Screw you, jackass,” Thomas snapped.
He didn’t even seem to hear me. He pulled back and smashed
And the last of the mirth was obliterated. I flushed, shocked.
his fist into the tree trunk again. And again and again.
Clearly Thomas had parental issues. He had grown blotchy around
“Stop it!” I shouted, grabbing his arm.
the neckline of his shirt and looked skittish, as if ready to bolt at the He resisted me at first, but then stopped when he saw how
first loud noise.
scared I looked.
“Are you all right?” I asked him.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“I’m fine,” he said, taking my hand. He looked at me with
Pointless question. But my heart was pounding and I felt almost pleading eyes. “Let’s get out of here.”
weak with fear and concern. I had to say something.
I didn’t want to go, really. Meal times with the Billings Girls Thomas blew out a breath and dropped down on a stone bench
were the best parts of my day. But he looked desperate, and his foot facing the cafeteria. He threw his bag down on the ground.
was bouncing up and down under the table, and he wanted me to
Overhead, clouds raced across the sky and a cool breeze sent chills leave with him. Me.
down my back.
“Sure,” I said.
“Sorry. Sorry,” Thomas said, stuffing his damaged hand under
He got up quickly and pulled me out of there so fast I barely had his arm.
a chance to blurt a good-bye.
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“It’s okay,” I told him. It wasn’t as if I’d never witnessed a melt-
“We won’t,” I replied.
down before. “Just take a deep breath.”
When he finally strolled off again, both Thomas and I were able He shot me a grateful glance and did as I said, looking away from to breathe.
me. Clearly he was holding back. Whatever the freak-out was about,
“God, I detest them sometimes,” Thomas said.
he hadn’t gotten it out of his system.
“Who? Teachers?” I asked.
“Dammit,” Thomas said under his breath.
“No. Them,” he said, throwing his battered hand up toward the I put my hand on his back, but he flinched away. My face felt hot.
cafeteria. “Freakin’ Noelle and Dash. Who the hell does he think Did he want me to go? Should I go? I didn’t want to leave him alone.
he is?”
Just in case. In the midst of my self-contradiction, I heard someone
“I don’t know. I . . .” What was I supposed to say here? I’d never whistling.
seen anyone other than my own mother snap like Thomas just had.
Perfect. One of the teachers strolled down the path toward us. I And there was never anything I could say to help her. “Are you
cursed under my breath.
okay?” I asked, glancing at his hand. His knuckles were bright red.
“Don’t say anything,” Thomas pleaded, sounding very much like
“Yeah. It’s fine,” he said. His breath seemed to be slowing and a little boy afraid of getting in trouble. My heart went out to him.
he leaned his elbow on the arm of the bench. “I’m sorry,” he said,
“Don’t worry.”
chagrined. “I just get so pissed sometimes.”
The elderly teacher paused and looked down at us. He wore a
I smiled slightly. “I know the feeling.”
bowtie and a tweed wool jacket with a recently plucked wildflower
“You do?” He seemed hopeful.
sticking out of the buttonhole in the lapel. His white mustache
“Yeah. I normally take it out on a pillow, but . . .”
twitched when he spoke. “Everything all right here, Mr. Pearson?”
Thomas looked at me. “What do you have to be angry about?”
“Fine. Fine, Mr. Cross,” Thomas replied.
His expression had softened.
“Shouldn’t you be in lunch now, Mr. Pearson?” he asked.
I tensed up all over. I had never told a soul about my mother. Not
“My friend here was feeling a little nauseous so I brought her
one person. Not one word. But the way he was looking at me, so outside to get some air,” Thomas said. So composed you never
sweet and concerned, almost made me want to.
would have known he’d thrown a hissy two seconds earlier. “This is
“You tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine,” I said, stalling.
Reed Brennan, Mr. Cross. She’s a sophomore.”
Thomas smiled slightly. Sadly. “Okay. If you really want to
“A pleasure to meet you, Miss Brennan,” the man said, tipping
know.” He looked across at the cafeteria wall. “Where to begin . . . ?
his head toward me. “Don’t stay out here too long.”
Dad’s a tremendous drunk and Mom is an insanely tremendous
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drunk. He gets loud and obnoxious, she gets quiet and snippy, and
“I’m sure that’s not true,” Thomas said automatically.
together they fuck up everything,” he said, warming quickly to his
“No. It is,” I said, trying to make it sound like it was no big deal.
subject, like he was relishing getting it off his chest. “We’re talking
“She hates me for being here, for having a life, for being young, for birthdays, vacations, Christmases. At my eighth grade graduation, being healthy. She was in a car accident when I was eight and her my father ended up falling asleep with the video camera in his
back is all screwed up from it. Still. That’s when it all started.
hands and fell out of his chair into the aisle, then yelled at the head-Anyway, one time, when she was on a particularly nasty bender, she master for the faulty seats. That made for a stellar little piece of film actually told me all this. How she despises me.”
nostalgia. And don’t even get me started on my mother.”
Thomas looked at me, deep into my eyes, and nodded. And that
I felt my hear
one tiny nod said everything. His eyes looked sad, but not because Sad. Disappointed. Embarrassed.
he was pitying me.
“They come up here every year and the whole school kisses their He understood.
asses because of their money. They get to act all high and mighty for After all this time of keeping it in, I’d finally told someone. My two days and order me around and act the perfect parents and it just heart flooded with relief.
makes me sick,” Thomas said, blinking back tears. He looked up
“What about your dad?”
again and took a deep breath, blowing it out. “This place is mine,
“Oh, I love my dad. Dad’s the best,” I said. “But my mom, forget you know. And they come here and they just . . . they ruin it for me.”
about it. If she comes here for parents’ weekend, she’ll humiliate He sighed and stared past me.
me just for fun. It’ll be miserable.”
I sat there for a moment, feeling for him. Feeling for me.
“So don’t ask them to come,” he said simply.
“Your turn,” he said.
I laughed. “You don’t ask your parents to come.”
Oh, God. I looked him in the eye. Hoped I could trust him. Here
“Touché.” Thomas smiled slightly. Then he reached out and
we go.
took my hand with his good one. “We’re pretty screwed up, huh?”
“For me it’s just my mom,” I said, then couldn’t believe I had
“We make a good pair,” I said.
actually said it. “Except she likes pills with her bourbon.
“Have I told you I’m glad you came here?”
Prescription ones. All kinds. So, depending on what color she’s
“No,” I replied, feeling a smile form on my face.
popped that day, she’s either psychotic or passed out and dead to
“I am. In fact, I think we should eat lunch together alone from the world. Plus she hates me.”
now on,” he said. “Just you and me.”
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My stomach twisted slightly. “But what about—”
Thomas smiled in return. “I should go get this cleaned up,” he
“The Billings Girls?” he said. “Could someone please tell me
said, raising his hand.
what’s so great about the freakin’ Billings Girls?”
“Want me to go to the infirmary with you?” I asked.
I raised my eyebrows.
“Can’t go there. The nurse will have to inform the parents about