Project Death: Resurrection by Danielle Thamasa
Chapter Thirteen
Exhaustion plagued me. When I wasn't out doing my duties as Angel of Death, I was training the Reapers. It was a lot of work and that meant I was back to my habit of not getting much sleep. The Reapers were improving and that was nice but none of it was moving fast enough. So far I didn't feel that they were ready for field work, which was ridiculous because they were doing so well in all of the exercises and the simulations. I couldn’t continue doing this job on my own, and the longer I spent training the Reapers, the harder everything else was for me. Every day I also continually thought about the fact that Thanos was not here with us, with me. It had been two weeks and still we were no closer to getting Thanos back.
I stopped, frozen in place as I headed towards a retirement home. Even thinking of him now distracted me from the job. At the moment I didn't know what was more important, the job or Thanos. I knew he wanted me to focus on the job; he had always stressed how important it was to keep the Balance. But without him here I felt alone, even when surrounded by the Reapers. I had no idea what was happening to him but I was sure it wasn't good. Rage swept through me as I thought of what the Leaders were doing to him. This was an unpleasant feeling and I wished it would end. Of course the only way I would start to feel better was after figuring out a way to rescue him. Then I could work out what to do to the Resurrectors. Somehow the Leaders would pay for whatever they did; I would make sure of it. Thanos had gotten into this mess because of me, because he had…feelings for me.
"Tamesis?" asked a voice from behind me.
I turned around and found Adrienne standing a few feet away from me. She was really good at all of this; I couldn't even hear her as she walked up. There was an unnatural grace about the way she moved and it was rather unsettling. It was as if she was made for this life, to be something more than human. Sometimes I thought that maybe Thanos had been wrong to pick me. Adrienne understood the job really well. She had accepted all of this so easily and had adjusted to the lifestyle far quicker than I had imagined possible. "What are you doing here? You should be studying or something." I didn’t want to admit how surprised I was to have her there.
"You've had us reading and studying for almost two weeks now. We know what we're doing. Let us start working." There was no frills, no questioning, no tip-toeing around the point most of the time when it came to Adrienne. She spoke in certain statements and sometimes with an authority that I envied. Being in charge of the Reapers had never been in my plans; I had never really planned to lead anyone. All these years I had been completely content with just doing my job and leaving the plotting and rules to other people, but now it was something I had to think about. Honestly though, I think I avoided it as much as possible. And with the workload growing each day, I didn’t even spend a lot of time with the Reapers, instead leaving them with a number of books to learn.
I shook my head. "No, it's too soon. None of you are ready yet. I don't want to risk this going badly." Okay, it was a slight exaggeration. Adrienne probably was ready but I didn't want to let the Reapers go yet. I guess part of me was concerned about my ability to train them properly. What if they did fail? I had never tried to teach the skills of our job to anyone. Honestly I was still new at this and definitely not confident in my abilities. Ask me to heal a broken body, no problem. Steal a Reaped soul back from the Angel of Death, easy. Work double shifts and forsake any sort of free time or life, of course. But become a teacher and show others how to do my job, and suddenly I feel like someone who forgot to study for a huge exam.
"What you want is for Thanos to be back here," she interrupted. "We know you miss him but it's compromising your ability to work effectively. Tam, you can't even see that we have reached a level of training that is good enough. Sure we aren't the best and we may struggle a little at first but we can handle this. Give us a chance. The Reapers can help you."
"What if you encounter a Resurrector? You haven't been training long enough for that. And they have been preparing their new graduates for how to handle running into the Angel of Death. The Balance could be destroyed if we lose too many souls."
"So you'd rather wear yourself down to the point of exhaustion to try and maintain the Balance? Is that what you think Thanos would want you to do? Tamesis, you are going to kill yourself this way. What would happen to the Balance then? Also, need I point out that the Resurrectors know nothing about the Reapers? Plus, I seem to recall you telling me that the Resurrectors actually thought that having Death as their prisoner meant that they had won. If anything they are feeling far too cocky about themselves and they won’t be expecting this."
I sighed. She had many valid points, ones I could no longer ignore. I would die if I kept this up. I had grown accustomed to my life here and the lighter work load. I could handle the long hours months ago, but now it was too much. Even now I was ready to collapse into a heap of worthless flesh. I looked over at Adrienne and nodded. I didn’t want to fight against her anymore, and it didn’t matter anyway because she always seemed to win. "All right," I said. "There is a man in that retirement home and it's his time. I think you're ready for this. His name is Thomas Wilkins."
"Go back to the facility, Tam. You need to rest before you collapse." Adrienne would have made an excellent mother; she had that whole bossy mom tone down perfectly.
Unfortunately for her I could be incredibly stubborn when I wanted to. "No. I have strength enough to watch this. Think of it as a test. Maybe you can prove that the Reapers are ready." I didn’t think it really mattered one way or another. It was time for the Reapers to be out in the field so I could focus on everything else on my list.
She said nothing to me as she turned and walked into the retirement home. I followed her, mainly to watch but also as backup if needed. These jobs were always the easiest, mainly because it could be seen that they had lived full lives so we knew the Resurrectors wouldn't be around. This would be an easy task for Adrienne, and maybe it would prove that I needed to let the Reapers to go out to work. Perhaps I needed to relax and have faith in the training they had. I had taught them the best I could in the limited time I had with them. Every one of them had been working really hard and I had to admit that they had enough theoretical knowledge. Now it was all about going out in the world and putting knowledge to practical use.
Adrienne walked into the retirement home as if she had done this before. It was slightly unnerving seeing her this confident. All in all it was a strange experience seeing someone I had trained heading in for her first Reap. I had watched many Resurrectors go out and do their job but this wasn't a regular occurrence while working with Death. In fact I had only watched Thanos drain life one time. It was almost something he seemed wary of showing me. Or perhaps that was because he had been slightly nervous during the early training stages, which seemed ridiculous considering how many times he had done it before. For the second time in only a few short minutes I froze where I was. Why would he be wary of showing me? What secret was he keeping? Was he keeping secrets?
My stomach churned around inside me causing a queasy feeling to rise, almost like I was going to be sick. I swallowed and glanced around. As usual nobody was even looking at me, which was a good thing considering how I probably looked. My hair was slightly stringy and pulled back in a ponytail and I don’t think I’d changed clothes in a few days. I probably looked like some homeless wreck of a person, or even someone who was wasting away, soon to die. It was still an intriguing concept to think of, that Resurrectors and myself were alive and could affect everything around us, even act normal if we had to. When it came to our jobs though, it was like we didn't exist. Only those we healed or came to preside over their death saw us. Some would remember certain details while most only saw the whole incident as a blur. The Reapers were dead and so they had to choose to be visible and to interact with everything. If the need arose, we had learned that the Reapers could even simply walk through walls. Who knew if that would come in handy or not. I wondered if Thanos had known abo
Still no matter what topic I tried to think on or what task I needed to focus on my thoughts continually traveled back to Thanos. The longer this took, the worse I felt and a few times I found myself wondering how much longer I could do this. Physically I knew I could continue out of necessity but mentally and emotionally I was nearing the end of my strength. Could I stop thinking and just act intuitively and using muscle memory? Chances were I could but the question really was if I actually wanted to.
My emotions had always been so varied from everyone else's that I found ways to cope most of the time but lately I had lost almost all control. I went from focused to scatterbrained in only a couple short moments. One wrong thought and I went to being upset or sad or pissed off. Just the slightest thing seemed to set me off. I knew my control was basically nonexistent. If I lost any more I was sure I would be curled up on my bed in my room.
"Tamesis?"
I looked up to find Adrienne standing in front of me and she was looking at me strangely, making me feel even more like I did not look well. Obviously my thoughts had distracted me to the point that I had lost another several minutes of the day. "What?"
"The job is done." Her gaze remained on me. "When was the last time you slept?"
I shook my head, just wanting to brush aside her question and move on. "I'm fine, really. I just…spaced out for a moment."
"You've been doing that a lot lately and I'm sorry but this needs to stop. You won't be able to help anyone if you keep trying to live like this. Look, I'll keep an eye on the others and you go get some sleep. Things will be better when you wake up." How could she be so calm and so rational all the time? It was actually just a little frustrating, and further proof to me that Thanos had made the wrong decision. I wondered if I would get the chance to ask him why I had been ahead of her on the list.
"No they won't," I said, feeling as if I were about to snap. Nothing was getting better. The Balance was barely being maintained, Thanos was the Leaders’ prisoner, and I was unraveling. "If anything it will all be worse. Just let me be. I'll be fine."
"I'm sorry but I won't stay silent anymore. You need to stop trying to act as if nothing is wrong and you can handle all of this on your own. That was the whole reason for bringing the Reapers into existence, to help. The guise you’re wearing, it isn't fooling anyone, except for maybe you. Things will happen as they are meant to. Trust that Fate knows what she is doing when she sets all of these plans in motion. Pushing yourself to your breaking point will just allow everything to fall apart and we can’t handle that right now."
She paused for a moment and just looked at me. "It's obvious why you're acting this way and that's probably why the Leaders did all of this. They captured you in order to get to Thanos because they knew he had feelings for you. It was only natural that he would trade his freedom in order to free you, and because he did that you were thrown off balance. You had gotten too used to it being the Thanos and Tam show. Without him you are basically lost. Now you're trying to handle far too much and that means your focus is spread too thin and they now have the advantage."
"What are you saying?" I asked. It seemed as if she was blaming me for what happened to Thanos by allowing the Leaders to take advantage of my emotions. All of a sudden I felt my gut drop to where I thought it was in my feet. To counter that it seemed my heart had moved up into my throat. I shifted from one foot to the other while waiting for her answer.
"You are in love with Thanos," she said simply. "It makes sense and frankly I'm not surprised by it. What you need to do now is to get your emotions in check so you can stand a chance against whatever it is the Leaders have planned."
In love with Thanos? How could that be? We'd never spent any time with each other like that, as a couple might. We were co-workers, maybe even friends, but…in love? It offered an explanation for all my reactions towards his presence or touch. Still though, I had my doubts as to the validity of that because I thought people in love kissed and other things like that.
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"Yes, I do. I'm older than you, unless being the Angel of Death means you're immortal and a lot older than you look. While you've spent your time healing people or killing them, I have gone through many different ordeals revolving around love and relationships. When I say that you are in love with Thanos, trust that I know what I am saying. I've seen enough to figure it out, especially since you don't hide it well at all. If you could learn to control what you feel then no one would take advantage of that weakness."
I couldn't do it, not even if I wanted to. I had never been able to control my emotions and now I saw that they were destroying everything, giving the Leaders a huge opening into beating us. Death could lose and it was my fault. Thanos had picked the wrong person to be the Angel of Death and now he was paying for it.